Cold spell - Got to get out of the rut

[synergy1]

Does anyone ever have periods of time where they have a cold spell with getting women? The irony of life is this: I was getting laid way more when I was couch surfing and unemployed. Now that I am employed, I am finding closing the deal with the ladies more difficult. Actually, I have not gotten sex since I started work. Per another thread, most of the plates I had met and wanted to try and go out with didn't work out. This has also been discouraging to some degree.

One reason I suspect mounting frustration are via actions on weekends. Lately, I have avoided text messaging more than a few months prior in an attempt to change it up. However, on nights I go out, I am a complete douchebag to women who I am trying to get but blow me off. For example, one chick I was trying to see is not responsive, even after already meeting up a few times. Last night, told her that it won't take a rocket scientist to could figure out jack/**** was going to happen. She seemed a little let down, but not too much. Another chick I told was dumb and to **** off - she was too inept to meet up at the same bar. Yes, its setting bridges ablaze, and yes I know its not a healthy way to look at ****.

How do people get out of ruts/ cold streaks? Life overall isn't bad. New job, new pad, staying in shape, you name it. It makes no sense. Also why the anger and backlash? This is new to me. some insight might prove useful here.

Not sure how familiar people are with str8up the SS poster from a few years ago. During the earlier years, he would post generally optimistic threads about how to talk to girls in clubs. Everything had an upbeat inflection. In time, these things changed. eventually he took a slightly negative tone in regards to accumulating wealth and women. I see myself traversing the same path right now, but don't want to be a curmudgeon... Is this what its like to start seeing the world as it is?

 

[gaspipe]

Does anyone ever have periods of time where they have a cold spell with getting women? The irony of life is this: I was getting laid way more when I was couch surfing and unemployed. Now that I am employed, I am finding closing the deal with the ladies more difficult. Actually, I have not gotten sex since I started work. Per another thread, most of the plates I had met and wanted to try and go out with didn't work out. This has also been discouraging to some degree.

One reason I suspect mounting frustration are via actions on weekends. Lately, I have avoided text messaging more than a few months prior in an attempt to change it up. However, on nights I go out, I am a complete douchebag to women who I am trying to get but blow me off. For example, one chick I was trying to see is not responsive, even after already meeting up a few times. Last night, told her that it won't take a rocket scientist to could figure out jack/**** was going to happen. She seemed a little let down, but not too much. Another chick I told was dumb and to **** off - she was too inept to meet up at the same bar. Yes, its setting bridges ablaze, and yes I know its not a healthy way to look at ****.

How do people get out of ruts/ cold streaks? Life overall isn't bad. New job, new pad, staying in shape, you name it. It makes no sense. Also why the anger and backlash? This is new to me. some insight might prove useful here.

Not sure how familiar people are with str8up the SS poster from a few years ago. During the earlier years, he would post generally optimistic threads about how to talk to girls in clubs. Everything had an upbeat inflection. In time, these things changed. eventually he took a slightly negative tone in regards to accumulating wealth and women. I see myself traversing the same path right now, but don't want to be a curmudgeon... Is this what its like to start seeing the world as it is?

Actually im experiencing a dryspell at the moment. And the irony is Im in the best shape and look better than I have in years, money is not bad,etc. Girls constantly check me out. Just the other day at the body shop the owners wife (older lady in her 50s) told me she thought I was gorgeous and wanted to take a picture of me. I blushed of course and the owner took it in stride and thought it was funny. And not to sound gay but some old wealthy fart came on to me at a restaurant and said he thought I was very attractive. Yet with all of these compliments I havent been able to get a date let alone a lay in months.

Ive noticed that the more stressed out I become about women or the harder I try to meet them, the longer the dryspell continues. So now I dont think about women that much because Im really busy trying to build my business, focus on my career. It is during these times on not focusing so much on women that they start to come out of the word work.

Im pretty philosophical about it because I know things tend to move in cycles and sooner or later I will get out of the slump; And suspect you will too.

About Str8up. Yea I remember his posts back in the early days, circa 2002-2003 and used to enjoy reading them. Remember back then we were experiencing an historical real estate boom and suspect his current negativity and pessism is a reflection of our current economic doldrums.

 

[synergy1]

one thing that needs to be mentioned is that I usually drink when I go out. We aren't talking blackout or anything like that. Failing to address or question alcohol as part of the issue would be foolish. Looks like I am canceling next weeks drinking plans and getting **** on lock down. If alcohol is a real cause for this, that does not speak well for my personal character at all.

One of the chicks I told was stupid and needs to get lost is still talking to me. I don't get it. i treat her like crap and its actually working better than being nice to any of the other chicks I talked to before. ha ha, even at 31 I have much to learn it would seem!

 

[gaspipe]

one thing that needs to be mentioned is that I usually drink when I go out. We aren't talking blackout or anything like that. Failing to address or question alcohol as part of the issue would be foolish. Looks like I am canceling next weeks drinking plans and getting **** on lock down. If alcohol is a real cause for this, that does not speak well for my personal character at all.

One of the chicks I told was stupid and needs to get lost is still talking to me. I don't get it. i treat her like crap and its actually working better than being nice to any of the other chicks I talked to before. ha ha, even at 31 I have much to learn it would seem!

Hahaha funny dude. Yea, there are plenty of low self esteem chicks out there. The minute you start treating them nice, they bolt to the nearest jerk they can find.

 

[Jitterbug]

Well when you're unemployed and surfing, you have more time for women and can easily ignore their BS. When you're busy working, you don't have patience for them. I'm similar. During the periods when I go upwards in my career (promotion etc.), I always experience poor spells with women, primarily because I have no time for gaming them.

Another factor in your case could be that when you're a surfing bum, you pull the Lover trigger, whereas when you have a job and a decent place to live, you pull the Provider trigger. The latter tends to make them keep their panties on till you commit.

One of the chicks I told was stupid and needs to get lost is still talking to me. I don't get it. i treat her like crap and its actually working better than being nice to any of the other chicks I talked to before. ha ha, even at 31 I have much to learn it would seem!

I promised a chick I'd take her out to this nice place for her birthday, then I flaked on her a few hours prior just for kicks. Her friends probably are all thinking I'm such a jerk now, but she is still talking to me and her IL is getting red hot.

Women....

 

[synergy1]

the patience bit is a good observation. I have less time to myself now, and am expecting even less time in the near future. Dealing with flakes and unresponsive behavior is a waste of time, which is more irritating now than when I was a surf bum.

I kept that chick on the hook for a few hours just hurling insults. its more of something I am experimenting with as I have no intentions of trying to hook up with her. its sad women are like this, but fvck..when in rome.

 

[synergy1]

I want to bump this thread mostly to try and figure out if my course of action is on track or not. I am still on a cold streak, but a horrible cold streak. It could be worse but should be better.

Here is where I am at: Life is going well with my career going in a positive direction. I have a good social life and I am staying in decent shape. Per last time, I was concerned with alcohol, but lately have not been burning bridges and have generally been in a good mood. I saw it as a problem, stopped for a little but, and am back on even keel. (FWIW I only drink on weekends, never week days). As for women, I can usually get one or two numbers per weekend.

The issue is still the followup. In short, I am usually unable to follow up after getting a number. Most never pick up their phones or respond. I try to text less, and call more but the result is still the same. Example: one chick I met last weekend I know is into me, but today was too lazy ( aka doing nothing) to even hang out. Granted she lives a bit of a drive, getting shot down on a day where nothing is going on is not a good sign. Last chick I was with was back in september, and last successful meet up was early October thereabouts.

Plan for the future. Cutting back and picking up overtime at work. This will take the emphasis off meeting women and more on something important. Aside from that, I'll keep talking to girls I meet and getting their numbers and trying to get them out. I also am on a dating site, but thats working horribly so far. (got one number that went no where)

Here are some examples:

Chick #1: Walked up to me and asked if I was someone she knew. Kept it short and sweet and tried something new and gave her my # and left the venue. That didn't work out. She lives in town so i'll bump into her again..

Chick #2: Cute dark haired chick. Her friends introduced me, I got her # and have been trying to get her to meet up. No luck so far. She responds to my calls though

Chick #3: Not a potential target, but interesting none the less. Got her number a while ago, but decided she was a branch swinger so I ripped on her mercilessly. We both deleted the numbers, but she keeps bumping into me and must get real hot near jerks, so I kept ignoring her. Got her number again and hooked up ( minus the sex) on friday night.

Chick #4: chick who I knew through sports @ college. Just got her # last night. Shes short/ cute. I have not done anything here yet.

any advice on how to get a better success rate would be appreciated. Failure doesn't bother me, but lack of progress does. I have something to work with. Am looking for ideas to get success.

Thanks in advance!

 

[Burroughs]

The landscape is just how you described.

Any chick above a hard 7 who does yoga etc..the type of girl that initially sparks our attention likely has a much larger number of options that your typical 9 male. I see it all around me.

A friend of mine, NFL practice team squad member has girls WHO FLAKE ON HIM!...now I wonder if that would change if he had a big contract with signing bonus....hmmmm?

Women have largely become drug addicts to their emotions, if you're not pressing exactly the right buttons in her engorged entitlement brain you're out....just like that...even the f close, not enough.

Women simply believe they must be catered to AT ALL TIMES...and the truth is, there are MANY MANY 8-10 looks guys who are HAPPY to do this.

 

[synergy1]

The landscape is just how you described.

Any chick above a hard 7 who does yoga etc..the type of girl that initially sparks our attention likely has a much larger number of options that your typical 9 male. I see it all around me.

A friend of mine, NFL practice team squad member has girls WHO FLAKE ON HIM!...now I wonder if that would change if he had a big contract with signing bonus....hmmmm?

Women have largely become drug addicts to their emotions, if you're not pressing exactly the right buttons in her engorged entitlement brain you're out....just like that...even the f close, not enough.

Women simply believe they must be catered to AT ALL TIMES...and the truth is, there are MANY MANY 8-10 looks guys who are HAPPY to do this.

this is refreshing in the sense that its not necessarily me, but also the way the game is being played. I notice that many of my friends get the same sort of treatment from women they just met. heck now that I think of it, even chick friends in our group behave like this. Me and friends get ditched by chick friends , and these are girls we have known for years and obviously never tried to get with.

and you are also correct in saying there are a dozen guys ready to do whatever. It seems there is more competition amongst guys than the other way around. how has it gotten to the point where there are so many dudes for every moderately eligible chick?

aside from getting a much higher status, is there anything a normal guy like me can to do boost the odds? Seems like the best avenue is to be banging a ton of chicks so at least you have that image.

 

[highSpeed]

I have a hard time believing there would be many 8-10 look guys wanting circle their universe. I think it depends on environment. The more opportunities that you have, the less you are willing to put up with flakes

 

[Burroughs]

and you are also correct in saying there are a dozen guys ready to do whatever. It seems there is more competition amongst guys than the other way around. how has it gotten to the point where there are so many dudes for every moderately eligible chick?

aside from getting a much higher status, is there anything a normal guy like me can to do boost the odds? Seems like the best avenue is to be banging a ton of chicks so at least you have that image.

Because women...aside from the chickenhead groupie types have in the main, much higher standards for men than men have for women.

BUT MORE IMPORTANT

WOMAN'S STANDARDS FLUCTUATE ALL THE TIME IN THEIR HAMSTER BRAINS SO THERE IS NO CONSISTENCY TO THEIR EMOTIONAL STATE...A FACT THAT MOST WOMEN NEVER GRASP. (because they don't have to)

99% of the time women are riding an emotional merry go round that they have no understanding of.

The key to getting ahead (or head) is to TIME THE MERRY GO ROUND to fit your agenda. This is your best bet, aside from being famous for getting women to do what you want.

 

[Jitterbug]

You're not competing directly with other quality 8-10 men. Usually you're competing with other chick cracks in her life, some of which may include top men in fictional form. It's hard for her to get excited for mere mortal men when she's getting her fix from the variety of sources like Don Draper and male vampires.

I've personally noticed a huge increase in flakes and generally high reluctance in going out with relative strangers from young women in my city in the last few years. I attribute a big part of this to vastly declining social skills of young people, from the observations of my acquaintances in education (teachers & researchers). Putting the dating stuff aside, observe young people and see how many are comfortable with initiating and holding a conversation with strangers.

Your best bet to reduce flakes is to start gaming via social circles. Say, hobbies where you meet the same girls week in week out. They get less flakey then.

The only other alternative is to go for it on the same night, forget the number close. Stick around, have a thick skin & get drunk with her. I'm not into this though, as late night partying wears me out.

 

[synergy1]

My social circles and hobbies aren't terribly conducive to meeting the kind of women I want to get with. Its a no brainer to look at hockey since no women play this sport, especially at the level I do. My social circles have provided some possibilities as well, but those are few and far between and the chicks aren't that good looking. none of my women friends make good wing women anyway. A chick has no issue trying to hook you up with one of their beached whale of a friend. I learned a while ago not to count on any of them for much of anything except drama and complaining.

I'd be inclined to agree with the 'timing' aspect. Sometimes I enjoy success, but it seems randomly as I really have not changed much in the past few years. An example of this idea can be observed in my success last year when compared to this year. Last year I had more success and nothing much ( I have a job now) has changed.

On socializing: I don't know if I see much of a difference. Smartphones gives women more outlets to ***** out attention and that is it. A phone number seems useless today as most chicks give them out just to make you go away.

I am open to new hobbies. Any suggestions from your guys' experience that might be successful?

 

[Burroughs]

I've personally noticed a huge increase in flakes and generally high reluctance in going out with relative strangers from young women in my city in the last few years. I attribute a big part of this to vastly declining social skills of young people, from the observations of my acquaintances in education (teachers & researchers). Putting the dating stuff aside, observe young people and see how many are comfortable with initiating and holding a conversation with strangers.

.

This is a very good point. Most people of my generations and a few years younger have ZERO ability to initiate or sustain relationships.

Its pathetic actually.

I rarely see anyone make new friends passed age 23...the funny thing is everyone says they want to but everyone is so entangled with their facebook community that no one sees the need. Thing is, facebook friends are not real friends...most people have to find this out the hard way...likewise most chicks date exclusively in their social circle until about 28-30...after that though they are so depressed and frenzied you may not want them.

synergy its definitely getting harder to 'meet' girls in the field that are REALLY AWESOME...at least from my group. The ones who are really attractive, hot with something else going on artists, musicians, funny get snatched up quick and when they break up with their BF they get snatched up by someone else in the circle before they ever make it outside of it...Its like a classic car that gets passed in the family and never reaches the open market.

 

[synergy1]

This is a very good point. Most people of my generations and a few years younger have ZERO ability to initiate or sustain relationships.

Its pathetic actually.

I rarely see anyone make new friends passed age 23...the funny thing is everyone says they want to but everyone is so entangled with their facebook community that no one sees the need. Thing is, facebook friends are not real friends...most people have to find this out the hard way...likewise most chicks date exclusively in their social circle until about 28-30...after that though they are so depressed and frenzied you may not want them.

totally agree here, especially in new England where I am located. People here form their cliques and stay in them. I moved up here in middle school and it took up to 4-5 years before friends in certain social circles wanted to invite me to hang out. Generally people are not interested in making new friends here. They are interested in getting married and having kids before 30.

I personally make friends easily and run in at least 3 social circles. I am the type of person who would grab drinks with a stranger ( if they were cool) and than go try and talk to girls with. I've made random friends while out and approached women with them.

 

[Burroughs]

Are you in Maine. Vermont or Boston, Amherst..I've found the UMass area amazing for meeting people. Maine and Vermont can be tough though...nice people but reserved.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Synergy,
We all have a few dry Creek beds to cross....nothing like a bout of under Employment to knock your ego around....And that's what it is all about.....The Women you describe are typical when you bottom feed,but being between jobs doesn't make it easy to meet the right sorts...so do yourself a favour take up Dancing Classes....not expensive and the easiest way to hold a few nice Ladies...within six Months you will have loads of contacts.

 

[synergy1]

Dear Synergy,
We all have a few dry Creek beds to cross....nothing like a bout of under Employment to knock your ego around....And that's what it is all about.....The Women you describe are typical when you bottom feed,but being between jobs doesn't make it easy to meet the right sorts...so do yourself a favour take up Dancing Classes....not expensive and the easiest way to hold a few nice Ladies...within six Months you will have loads of contacts.

I went to one of those beginner salsa classes , and you are 100% right on that. While I was a beginner and figuring it out, it was by far the easiest way to get approached. spot on.

as for the rest, the quality varies. Obviously if I was in boston, the quality would likely be higher in terms of profession. I try and not to focus too much on that here, but should probably branch out into other hobbies as well. Thats gonna be difficult in my profession especially once I am fully qualified. Hello overtime, good bye life!

 

[PokerStar]

i just have a similar expereince...

when I was unemployed 2 and half years ago. i was seeing chicks almost 4 times a week sometimes 6. going out all the time staying up late at my place or hers.

it was one of the best times in my life, so far.

but when i got back on the horse of employment the dates statred to diminish cause i dont go out and party late or have the available time to put in the effort.

Its ok tho. why? cause im working on improving myself which i find more satifying than dating 3 chicks a week.