Cold-Approaching at Gym

[B80]

I'm trying recreate the scene from midnight express in the showers.

 

[SW15]

What were your good and bad experiences like, could you share some of your experiences?

Good ones: The ones where I have gotten dates from the approach. I had usually started a conversation with some indirect question, then kept seeing how long I could keep her talking, then saw if I could get her to agree to a date, then collect her number.

Worst Gym Approach: One gym approach, not in a fitness class, was this fit woman who had amazing legs. Muscular yet feminine. I asked her out. She claimed to be traumatized from a recent breakup and not seeing anyone. She had been in my city 6 months when I asked her out, so it was complete nonsense. About 6-8 weeks after that incident, I saw her in a grocery store with some big, muscular dude. So clearly, she was lying. I had to see her in the gym for a while after that. I was seeing her in the gym up until the pandemic started, even after I was having sex with better looking women than her. I was pisssed she didn't churn to a different gym.

Other bad ones include getting one girl's number after a fitness class on 2 separate occasions and having her flake both times. I've had a few other rejections and flakes from gym and fitness class approaches.

Because of instances like my bad gym approach at my regular gym, I was for a while advocating for a secondary gym/fitness membership to avoid such unpleasantries. ClassPass was one way to do it and probably the best way in a large city because you could go to multiple fitness studios/gyms for classes, hit on women attendees and never stick around long enough to be a regular. If there was one place you really liked, you could be a semi-regular there and supplement with your own primary gym. I tried both strategies at times in the 2010s.

 

[sangheilios]

Good ones: The ones where I have gotten dates from the approach. I had usually started a conversation with some indirect question, then kept seeing how long I could keep her talking, then saw if I could get her to agree to a date, then collect her number.

Worst Gym Approach: One gym approach, not in a fitness class, was this fit woman who had amazing legs. Muscular yet feminine. I asked her out. She claimed to be traumatized from a recent breakup and not seeing anyone. She had been in my city 6 months when I asked her out, so it was complete nonsense. About 6-8 weeks after that incident, I saw her in a grocery store with some big, muscular dude. So clearly, she was lying. I had to see her in the gym for a while after that. I was seeing her in the gym up until the pandemic started, even after I was having sex with better looking women than her. I was pisssed she didn't churn to a different gym.

Other bad ones include getting one girl's number after a fitness class on 2 separate occasions and having her flake both times. I've had a few other rejections and flakes from gym and fitness class approaches.

Because of instances like my bad gym approach at my regular gym, I was for a while advocating for a secondary gym/fitness membership to avoid such unpleasantries. ClassPass was one way to do it and probably the best way in a large city because you could go to multiple fitness studios/gyms for classes, hit on women attendees and never stick around long enough to be a regular. If there was one place you really liked, you could be a semi-regular there and supplement with your own primary gym. I tried both strategies at times in the 2010s.

Not sure if you read my post on this thread about my experiences, but from what I've dealt with and heard from other men it honestly seems like most of these situations are made unnecessarily awkward by women. I think approaching at the gym is totally fine but it's one of those things where you want to be very selective with it. As I mentioned to another poster on here, I also feel it is important to be able to early on be able to pick up on if they aren't interested or possibly leading you and just cutting it right off then and there to avoid it turning into an uncomfortable situation.

For instance, if you read my post on here with girl #4 she kept approaching me after asking her out and her telling me she "had a boyfriend" and then wondered why she was being asked out again months later. She never should have been encouraging interactions after that but she took it upon herself to create a scenario that would eventually become uncomfortable and awkward for literally no reason. Now that I've had experiences like that, I'd probably say something like "why are you talking to me, I thought you said you were seeing someone?" and then just cut it off right then and there. Once you know what to look for this is no longer an issue and just requires a bit of assertion.

It's kind of a shame because I see a ton of hotties at the gym, easily half or more of the women I see there I'd consider attractive. However, whenever I've gone out pre pandemic I'm talking like maybe 1 out of 5 or 1 out of 10 lol.

 

[SW15]

Not sure if you read my post on this thread about my experiences, but from what I've dealt with and heard from other men it honestly seems like most of these situations are made unnecessarily awkward by women.

I agree. In that worst approaching at gym story I told, she made it awkward. She was a rude biatch. I hope when I go back to the gym in 3-6 months that she is no longer at that gym.

I think approaching at the gym is totally fine but it's one of those things where you want to be very selective with it. As I mentioned to another poster on here, I also feel it is important to be able to early on be able to pick up on if they aren't interested or possibly leading you and just cutting it right off then and there to avoid it turning into an uncomfortable situation.

If it is your primary gym and you're doing the approach on the main floor, then yes, you're going to want to be selective. The fitness class audience at gyms often isn't in the main gym area in my experience.

This is the justification for having a 2nd gym membership or using ClassPass to circulate yourself around the city.

For instance, if you read my post on here with girl #4 she kept approaching me after asking her out and her telling me she "had a boyfriend" and then wondered why she was being asked out again months later. She never should have been encouraging interactions after that but she took it upon herself to create a scenario that would eventually become uncomfortable and awkward for literally no reason. Now that I've had experiences like that, I'd probably say something like "why are you talking to me, I thought you said you were seeing someone?" and then just cut it off right then and there. Once you know what to look for this is no longer an issue and just requires a bit of assertion.

It's kind of a shame because I see a ton of hotties at the gym, easily half or more of the women I see there I'd consider attractive. However, whenever I've gone out pre pandemic I'm talking like maybe 1 out of 5 or 1 out of 10 lol.

I would keep approaching at the gym. Always go to where the hotties are.

 

[sangheilios]

I agree. In that worst approaching at gym story I told, she made it awkward. She was a rude biatch. I hope when I go back to the gym in 3-6 months that she is no longer at that gym.



If it is your primary gym and you're doing the approach on the main floor, then yes, you're going to want to be selective. The fitness class audience at gyms often isn't in the main gym area in my experience.

This is the justification for having a 2nd gym membership or using ClassPass to circulate yourself around the city.



I would keep approaching at the gym. Always go to where the hotties are.

I haven't approached a woman at the gym in about 2 years but I see some that I'd definitely be interested in. Now that I've had these experiences I feel like I'd know how to avoid something like what happened before. One of the issues though is that everyone wears a mask while at the gym, so combine that with many wearing earphones it isn't an environment that encourages socializing, though it can be done.

 

[SW15]

I haven't approached a woman at the gym in about 2 years but I see some that I'd definitely be interested in. Now that I've had these experiences I feel like I'd know how to avoid something like what happened before. One of the issues though is that everyone wears a mask while at the gym, so combine that with many wearing earphones it isn't an environment that encourages socializing, though it can be done.

Like grocery stores and likely the mall, masks have ruined the gym as a pickup venue. Earbuds were already a major issue before the pandemic.

 

[corrector]

I agree. In that worst approaching at gym story I told, she made it awkward. She was a rude biatch. I hope when I go back to the gym in 3-6 months that she is no longer at that gym.



If it is your primary gym and you're doing the approach on the main floor, then yes, you're going to want to be selective. The fitness class audience at gyms often isn't in the main gym area in my experience.

This is the justification for having a 2nd gym membership or using ClassPass to circulate yourself around the city.



I would keep approaching at the gym. Always go to where the hotties are.

What a downside. Having a 2nd gym membership or spending more money to go to more gym, or waiting 3-6 months with the hopes a particular woman simply will not show up to manage social gym fails is insane. I guess I'll be reading your posts differently since you obviously don't have a 'Chad-pass' and whatever you are saying may be what the average guy is going through. If you can accept these types of downside risks going in, then it may not be so bad to make approaches even if they fail.

The worst fails I have is simply the woman just walks away from me, but I won't avoid going to the Gym or care about it enough to avoid her. It's just not at that level of fail. Wow.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Been working out at gyms since 2005, and I'm now convinced that most women go to gyms for the same reason they go to bars: they want to be entertained and/or ego-boosted.

Several years back I started focusing on working out with 100% effort, and since then I haven't made much of an effort at picking up women in gyms.

That's where I'm at. I'd rather focus my effort on the workout to push myself and look good OUTSIDE of the gym to attempt game in other settings. I also find it tough to approach girls in the gym. I feel like most of them don't want to be bothered as they are probably just as into their workout as I am. But as you mentioned, a lot of them could also be seeking attention just like at a bar too. How else can you explain tight yoga pants and skimpy tank tops? haha.

 

[SW15]

What a downside. Having a 2nd gym membership or spending more money to go to more gym, or waiting 3-6 months with the hopes a particular woman simply will not show up to manage social gym fails is insane. I guess I'll be reading your posts differently since you obviously don't have a 'Chad-pass' and whatever you are saying may be what the average guy is going through. If you can accept these types of downside risks going in, then it may not be so bad to make approaches even if they fail.

The worst fails I have is simply the woman just walks away from me, but I won't avoid going to the Gym or care about it enough to avoid her. It's just not at that level of fail. Wow.

I had to see that one woman who was rude to me at the gym even after I was having sex with more attractive women than she is. Right after the rejection, I did alter my gym schedule for a bit so I wouldn't see her. Once I started seeing her again, I generally didn't acknowledge her presence unless I absolutely had to do so. It's never pleasant to see someone who rejects you in a gym. If you get rejected in the grocery store, the mall, on the street, on a walking/hiking path, or at a bar, you generally don't see the same person ever again if you live in a metro area of 200,000+. I've spent my post college years living in 2 of the 15 biggest U.S. metro areas.

The biggest risk of hitting on women at your primary gym is seeing them again after a rejection, a failed date, or a failed relationship. Inevitably, all interactions go south at some point. You might want to change gyms when that happens. That's why if you really like your primary gym, it's better to supplement with a 2nd facility or ClassPass just specifically for hitting on women there. You can easily disppear from the secondary location.

The other option is to focus on grocery stores and other locations where you have next to no chance of running into someone again.

I'm not a "Chad". I dislike that term anyway. For most women, I'm probably in the 6-7 range. Attractive but not elite.

 

[Georgepithyou]

It's a high stakes game especially if it's a smaller gym, but it can definitely work. What I've found in life is the higher the risk the higher the possible reward. Nothing good comes easy. Cliche as frick but I swear it's true. Anyone saying otherwise clearly hasn't tried it. I'd also advise going for girls at work, despite what others say.

The rules here are don't go up to her completely cold hitting on her and talking about how pretty she is, and grabbing her backside, but rather making small talk with someone at these places can lead to a phone number, which can lead to a hang out, which can lead to a bedroom. Save the blunt stuff for a place where everyone is drunk. People say don't sh*t where you eat but I can't always agree. I used to be hoeing my arse off at my old bullsh*t jobs when I was younger. One things leads to another.

You can tell from a minute of talking to a person if they're interested. Try going to the gym at night and talking to a girl after she is about finished with her sets. That's how I did it. Wasn't awkward at all, as a matter of fact, then like three dudes approached the same girl after they saw me do it. Many people want to do it but don't want to be the first to try.

 

[SW15]

It's a high stakes game especially if it's a smaller gym, but it can definitely work. What I've found in life is the higher the risk the higher the possible reward.

My primary gym is a smaller, non-chain, independent gym. At times over the years, this is why I have gone to some other places. I'm not likely to change my primary gym, even though I am on hiatus from it at the moment and doing home workouts on YouTube. I'm looking forward to returning to the gym.

Most gyms have some really sexy women who attend. Since I have been a regular exerciser for the past decade, it has made sense for me to do approaches in gyms and fitness classes, since the type of woman I'd be attracted to is likely to be found there. Among U.S. grocery chains, Whole Foods and Sprouts are two of the most likely places I'd find the woman that I'd find most appealing. However, I've gotten the most dates from Kroger. I have also had an extended relationship with a woman who I bumped into at Kroger.

 

[coyote_astro]

But what is the men/women ratio in the gyms you guys go to?

Maybe skewed by the whole COVID situation, but in my gym these days it's mostly dudes. It's not that there are no women there ever, just not as many. And most of the good ones go there with their boyfriends.

There is one decent girl that seems receptive though. I just think she's away for the holidays.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

@Barrister This is long but probably something useful to you

I've been into the gym and around it's culture for over a decade now. I've approached women at the gym a total of 4 times, plus some spontaneous interactions that I wouldn't count as approaches. I'll give you some advice by sharing the stories of the 4 I did approach.

1.First ever real approach was almost 4 years ago, there was this hispanic woman that I started seeing regularly and she had the most amazing ass I've ever seen in my life. I really wanted to approach her but hesitated because it wasn't something I had done before but I ended up doing so when by chance we were both in the warmup area by ourselves. I walked over to her and just asked her what her name was and we spoke for like 10 minutes and I let her go back to her workout. I saw her a few days later and she positioned herself near me and when I approached she was really open and said how she had no plans later and asked what I was up to. I asked for her number and she then said that she had to tell me she was seeing someone, which I wasn't expecting. I just told her if she found herself single I'd be interested in going out and left. After that she'd approach me at the gym, touching me, etc. This went on for like 3 months and she ended up asking me out but reminded me of the boyfriend. I didn't follow through with it and after that we stopped talking and by chance she no longer went at the same time.

2. The other one I approached was around the same time as the story above in a similar manner, just walking up and asking her name. She was another hispanic girl from CA who was really short but had a great ass as well. This one was a little more awkward and not as open but would go out of her way to engage with me. However, something about her felt off to me on an intuitive level and I decided not to pursue.

3. This was from summer of 2018. There was another super hot latina that started going to the gym at my time and I decided to approach her, she was in between one of her sets on the leg raise station. I just walked over to her and waved, she took her headphones off and I asked her what her name was and we spoke for like 10 minutes before letting her get back to her workout. I saw her a few days later, she waves and comes over to talk to me and we discussed things we liked to do and hiking came up. She said she was free later and wanted to go, we lived in a similar part of town, and we exchanged numbers. She ended up ghosting me for a couple weeks and long story short it just ended up with her leading me on and being an attention *****. Months later I found out she did this to literally dozens of men regularly and bounced from boyfriend to boyfriend like a ping pong ball.

4. Fall of 2018. There was this light skinned black girl I had seen there for a while who always stared at me and would make extended eye contact, so I decided to approach when we were in the yoga/aerobics room by ourselves. She was a bit awkward but I asked for her number and told me she had a boyfriend, to which I replied saying it was nice to meet her and walked away. She literally would go out of her way to say bye or hi to me, approach me, etc. This went on for a few months and I asked her out again and she reminded me of this supposed bf, she never had one, and she literally didn't understand why this was happening. At the time I'm thinking why this woman has been going out of her way to talk to me just for attention when I've clearly already asked her out and expressed interest. After that she stopped approaching me and we just went about our lives, though I could tell with her body language she felt awkward whenever I was there despite it being entirely her fault lol.

To sum it up, it's best to try to get them when the gym isn't super busy and when they are doing something like stretching, warming up, in between sets, etc. I think it's also important to be able to pick up on when they aren't interested or if they are just leading you on/attention whoring, as it can rather easily turn into a very awkward situation if you go at the same time.

Wow, thanks for going into depth. Great post.

I've done a few gym approaches too. The mistake I made was similar to yours. I always had a "shyt or get off the pot" mentality. If a girl is in her prime, she has way too many options to go for guys that are too direct. You really need to catch her in a perfect spot for that degree of direct game to work. The way to do it is to patiently work on these girls over time and give little opportunities for something to happen without being too overt. You never want to go so direct that things become awkward after.

 

[SW15]

But what is the men/women ratio in the gyms you guys go to?

Maybe skewed by the whole COVID situation, but in my gym these days it's mostly dudes. It's not that there are no women there ever, just not as many. And most of the good ones go there with their boyfriends.

I haven't been going to the gym during COVID but I can share ~15 years of gym going experience prior to COVID.

Most big box gyms (24 Hour Fitness, Lifetime, LA Fitness, Planet Fitness, etc) are more men than women, especially on the main gym floor. At a big box that offers classes, the classes will be more women.

Most specialty or boutique facilities will be more female than male, especially if it some trendy fitness thing. Yoga and pilates studios are almost all women. Orange Theory is a bigger brand name studio that falls in between specialty and big box. That tends to be more women as well. Anything that is more class based is typically more women.

It is a much better use of time to do approaches at fitness classes than on the main gym floor.

Few guys do fitness class approaching. However, just because you have a ratio advantage at fitness class doesn't mean it is easy. A lot of women are anti-social at fitness classes. Additionally, you have a very narrow window to go approaches. The typical format is that you have 5 mins before class and 5 mins after class to do approaches. You've got to move fast. Classes are often 45-60 minutes, so the fitness class equation boils down to giving 60 minutes as a loss leader for 10 mins of face time. It's worth the loss of 60 minutes, because you get some exercise in a class and your face time advantage beats swiping. Doing a grocery store or a mall pickup session often has long bouts of nothing as well, nearly equal to what would happen at a fitness class.

 

[sangheilios]

Wow, thanks for going into depth. Great post.

I've done a few gym approaches too. The mistake I made was similar to yours. I always had a "shyt or get off the pot" mentality. If a girl is in her prime, she has way too many options to go for guys that are too direct. You really need to catch her in a perfect spot for that degree of direct game to work. The way to do it is to patiently work on these girls over time and give little opportunities for something to happen without being too overt. You never want to go so direct that things become awkward after.

In my opinion, the mistakes that I made were simply not cutting the women out early on when they were showing signs of leading me on/wasting my time.

An approach at the gym can result in of these 3 .

1. She is not interested in any form, this is a simple one in that she rejects you and does not encourage any interaction from there on. It might suck, but you know where you stand right then and there and both parties can just go about their business, no big deal.

2. She is interested and you guys end up exchanging numbers and spending time outside of the gym environment. Again, simple, in that you know pretty early on that she isn't wasting your time.

3. Now this is where you can get into trouble. She behaves in a manner which is leading you on, either intentionally or unintentionally, and it unnecessarily leads to awkward situations like those I mentioned on my post. These can be pretty easy to spot early on if you make a move and aren't taking your time. I feel being direct is the best with women like this, as you know right then and there if she is actually interested. If she isn't, the response should be to completely cut contact, don't engage with her, etc.

Side note to #3 above- One of the attention *****s, #3, I mentioned on my original post on this thread I had to be very direct with cutting out. She kept asking me out on dates and it got to the point where I to her face asked her what her problem was, as it was starting to piss me off. That ended it there but as I mentioned this was something that she did with tons of men, which was what I found out months down the road after no longer speaking to her. A few months later this same girl tried to approach me again and I literally had to turn my body and walk away from her. After this she would constantly try to make eye contact with me and watch me, to encourage me to approach her, but I just ignored it.

Confronting a woman about attention whoring is in my opinion ok but it needs to be done in a very calm and to the point manner, not argumentative. Many of these women I personally question if they are even aware of their behavior or not, I'm kind of up in the air about it because I feel there is no way that someone is that oblivious but at the time same time it suggests that may be the case. You also need to have the ability to pick up on this early and detract yourself from the situation as soon as possible, this can be hard for men who are inexperienced and/or because you feel intense physical attraction/lust for her, which was something that was an issue for me at the time.

 

[coyote_astro]

I haven't been going to the gym during COVID but I can share ~15 years of gym going experience prior to COVID.

Most big box gyms (24 Hour Fitness, Lifetime, LA Fitness, Planet Fitness, etc) are more men than women, especially on the main gym floor. At a big box that offers classes, the classes will be more women.

Most specialty or boutique facilities will be more female than male, especially if it some trendy fitness thing. Yoga and pilates studios are almost all women. Orange Theory is a bigger brand name studio that falls in between specialty and big box. That tends to be more women as well. Anything that is more class based is typically more women.

It is a much better use of time to do approaches at fitness classes than on the main gym floor.

Few guys do fitness class approaching. However, just because you have a ratio advantage at fitness class doesn't mean it is easy. A lot of women are anti-social at fitness classes. Additionally, you have a very narrow window to go approaches. The typical format is that you have 5 mins before class and 5 mins after class to do approaches. You've got to move fast. Classes are often 45-60 minutes, so the fitness class equation boils down to giving 60 minutes as a loss leader for 10 mins of face time. It's worth the loss of 60 minutes, because you get some exercise in a class and your face time advantage beats swiping. Doing a grocery store or a mall pickup session often has long bouts of nothing as well, nearly equal to what would happen at a fitness class.

Thanks, that's the impression I've had as well.
Maybe it'll be a good idea for me to consider signing up for one these classes. They have actually re-started in my gym, but probably with reduced capacity due to COVID. I expect this spring to be an ideal time for me to give it a shot.

 

[SW15]

Thanks, that's the impression I've had as well.
Maybe it'll be a good idea for me to consider signing up for one these classes. They have actually re-started in my gym, but probably with reduced capacity due to COVID. I expect this spring to be an ideal time for me to give it a shot.

Outdoor classes are ideal right now. There are some places offering them.

I've gotten dates from fitness classes, but I've also gotten numbers that have gone nowhere/flakes.

An approach at the gym can result in of these 3 .

1. She is not interested in any form, this is a simple one in that she rejects you and does not encourage any interaction from there on. It might suck, but you know where you stand right then and there and both parties can just go about their business, no big deal.

2. She is interested and you guys end up exchanging numbers and spending time outside of the gym environment. Again, simple, in that you know pretty early on that she isn't wasting your time.

3. Now this is where you can get into trouble. She behaves in a manner which is leading you on, either intentionally or unintentionally, and it unnecessarily leads to awkward situations like those I mentioned on my post. These can be pretty easy to spot early on if you make a move and aren't taking your time. I feel being direct is the best with women like this, as you know right then and there if she is actually interested. If she isn't, the response should be to completely cut contact, don't engage with her, etc.

My worst gym approach that I highlighted was a #1, though an argument can be made she exhibited signs of #3. Seeing someone who outright rejected you in unpleasant, even though in my case the joke was on her because I ended up banging someone better looking than she is, though she didn't know that. The women I've exchanged numbers with and they ended up flaking are #3s.

 

[coyote_astro]

Outdoor classes are ideal right now. There are some places offering them.

I've gotten dates from fitness classes, but I've also gotten numbers that have gone nowhere/flakes.

I'm sure they are, and I'm honestly jealous of people in Southern states with warmer weather that probably have this opportunity right now.
Where I live the winter's cold so I'll have to wait for that.

But no worries, I could have been in California where everything F*cked up

 

[Rocnavy]

I am sure it can be done but I haven't really ever attempted it. I feel it is fairly difficult given most everyone has headphones/earbuds on and are in the zone while they exercise. I know I typically don't like to be bothered while I lift because I am in my own space away from work and all of the other trials and tribulations of daily life. I imagine a lot of people feel this way. Generally when I have had success cold-approaching it is in a social setting or at the grocery store, etc. This is a bit different in my mind.

What are some tactics DJs have used with success for cold-approach at the gym? There is a woman in particular, a HB 8.5 or so, at my gym that typically is there in the morning when I am. She always has ear buds in and usually is just going through her routine and not speaking to anyone. Wouldn't mind breaking the ice but just walking up to her to strike up a conversation in this setting seems a bit tricky.

Thanks, fellas.

Approach her before she start working out or finishing and tell her excuse me I don't mean to interrupt. Next introduce yourself and vice versa then tell her the reason why you approach her. Its just that simple.

 

[SW15]

I'm sure they are, and I'm honestly jealous of people in Southern states with warmer weather that probably have this opportunity right now.
Where I live the winter's cold so I'll have to wait for that.

But no worries, I could have been in California where everything F*cked up

California guys in Los Angeles and San Diego can do beach approaches. Beach approaching is an upside but California is a mess.

I'm in a warmer state so I can do outdoor stuff now.