Cold approaches suck

[becker]

Just thought I'd post that.

I've found that out of all the ways you can try to meet a girl, the cold approach has to be the most difficult and unnecessary one and I'd rather meet a girl at a party or by introduction.

Today, I went to the store to find this girl I was planning on asking out. Turns out she wasn't working today, and I saw another girl who was also hot but not my type. I introduced myself to her last week and she remembered my name despite the fact we didn't really say much to each other besides the intro. I think she's about an 8.5-9 in looks easily, but her personality and mine are a little too different for my tastes.

Anyways, I find it difficult many times to just randomly go up to women you find attractive because you never know if you'll end up with anything to talk about, and it's just stupid if you introduce yourself and just stand there without much to say because you end up having little in common. I think that's worse than any rejection because of the sheer awkwardness of it all.

What tips do you guys have on cold approaches to sort of break the ice better? I know we've talked about this before, but I think there wasn't that big a response.

 

[DJmonster]

confidence is the root of the problem

Even if you aren't clicking with the gal, if you're portraying absolute confidence, then it won't be as awkward.

Also, being more straight forward could help. Less chit chat and more of getting right to it. Introduction - a little rapport - number close - bail out. Break the ice with your boldness!

 

[CoOLBanana]

JUST DO IT ANYWAY..
Who cares if you fail as long as you DO it

 

[wolfie]

yes, cold approaches are the hardest. But unless you get introduced to hot girls every day and go 6 parties a week filled with HBs, you ain't going to be able to get much practise without cold approaching.

 

[DJmonster]

If your first few attempts at rapport fail cuz you've got nothing in common then your confidence is really put to the test. Either keep prodding her until you find some way to connect or bail or number close anyway, but don't stop to think too much or awkwardness will set in.

Have more of a plan too. Get a routine planned out. Know what questions you're going to ask her to try to build report and what order you're going to ask them. Don't worry about breaking the ice with anything but your straight forward approach. If you've got the outline of your approach nailed down, then your confidence will automatically go up which will lead to you spontaneously throwing in the ****y funny, kino, and that good stuff that never happens when things get awkward.


my 2 cents

Monster

 

[squirrels]

What exactly is a "cold approach," as opposed to a "warm approach"?

I mean, seriously, what IS the difference? Until you KNOW a girl, ALL approaches are "cold approaches." There is NO difference between a cold approach and a warm approach beyond your OWN level of comfort with it. If you think, "OMG Cold Approach!!", you're going to get weak in the knees and start sweating and seem like a bumbling idiot.

You need to get it into your head that she's JUST A GIRL, and that you shouldn't have any "routine" planned for cold-approaches, unless you plan on running some speed-seduction schema. If you just want to get to know this girl and possibly set up an opportunity to get to know her better, then DO IT.

DON'T "approach." DON'T "cold approach." Just go TALK to her. Be your natural charming self.

 

[DJmonster]

Ok, so if you're naturally charming then don't listen to me.

If his natural self was always charming then he wouldn't be having awkward moments, hence the need for more confidence, and I think having a plan would help. Maybe "routine" isn't the best word to use since it sounds like memorized pick up lines. What I'm talking about is a regular straight forward approach that he can always fall back on.

I like pimpology 101's posts in the bible:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16646

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16382

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16383

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16766

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by DJmonster
Ok, so if you're naturally charming then don't listen to me.

I thought the topic was how to break the ice and prevent awkward moments when approaching. If his natural self was always charming then he wouldn't be having awkward moments, hence the need for more confidence, and I think having a plan would help. Maybe "routine" isn't the best word to use since it sounds like memorized pick up lines. What I'm talking about is a regular straight forward approach that he can always fall back on.

I like pimpology 101's posts in the bible:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16646

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16382

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16383

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16766

If you're not naturally charming, then you need to BECOME so. If not, you will be posting threads like this for a long time.

That's the last thing I have to say on the matter.

 

[Señor Fingers]

I am on a personal mission against negative generalizations!

Cold approaches dont suck. Stop placing the blame on external forces and own up to the fact that you suck at cold approaches!

Having said that, I feel you on a certain level. To be honest, most of the girls I hook up with are from my social circle, which is always expanding as I constantly meet new people.

The difference is that I cold approach anyone I find interesting. Guy or girl. I just enjoy starting random conversations with strangers and getting them to open up.

Do I screw even half of the girls I approach? Course not!

But it keeps my skills sharp and I actually enjoy doing it.

To me it sounds like you are putting to much pressure on yourself with these approaches. My advice would be to find ways to open conversations with ANYONE, not just hot chicks and work your way up from there.

Take a sincere interest in knowing people, ask their opinions, comment on something interesting/funny/bizarre that you notice. Get comfortable invading the social boundaries people create around themselves and you will be closer to your goal.

Best of luck to ya bro.

 

[Chemistry]

I think cold approach is being used for situations where girls are off guard in not expectin to be picked up...

Girls go out at night knowin what's really good... they know what is gonna happen, so they're prepared

However during the day, sure the girl might know she's gonna be looked at, but she ain't expectin Mr. X or numerous Mr. Xs to approach her and run a line or two on her in order to pick her up..

 

[JJMcLure]

Sure, cold aproaches are tougher and require some guts, but if you can do them then handling a warm intro is easier still.

Cold approaches have some great advantages such as:

- You can choose ANY chick, ANY place, ANY time
- You can say anything you want
- She sees you as very confident right away and that itself has a positive effect in the attraction stakes
- You'll never see her again if you offend her or get blown off!

Plus theyre actually fun once you get used to doing it. I wouldn't live without 'em.

 

[Pro]

Originally posted by becker
Just thought I'd post that.

you never know if you'll end up with anything to talk about, and it's just stupid if you introduce yourself and just stand there without much to say because you end up having little in common.

You need to build your confidence a bunch. If your more confident in your approach there will always be stuff to talk about by asking her a question and then going off her answer to form another question.

Remember, when you are first talking to a woman you are trying to find more about her personally (you already know shes hot ) and this is her few minute interview to see if YOU want to still take her out and then you can kindly tell her she can give you her number and you'll call her to get together sometime.

It's as easy as that.

Practice makes perfect and once in a while when your in a situation that makes you a little uncomfortable then you build some confidence by conquering it.

We only have one life and of course you want to make the best of it and always be moving forward.

That's DJ.

 

[DJ_Dork]

I disagree on the "confidence" issue. When you approach a girl, just stay neutral. When a girl likes you she will do so regardless if you're one of those shy types or macho types. Confidence plays NO ROLE in her selection of mate.

 

[Slickster]

Hey Becker,

While I'm no master I've done my fair share of cold approaches.

I've tried every different opener I could think of and tried all kinds of things I found here and on mASF.

I definately saw major improvement from the time I started till now. However in the end the success rates aren't that great if you are looking to get laid.

That is precisely why I think most guys find cold approaches so difficult. They set their expectations way too high. They think they are going to get to a point where they can just go up and cold approach 100 different chicks and sleep with "X" number of them. They gauge their success on how many times they get laid from a cold approach.

If you just look at it as a way to meet new people I think you'll find the success rate very high. I might not get laid, I might not even get her number but eventually I bump into them again and if I made a good impression then its not a cold approach anymore.
Eventually they become aquaintances and the more you get to know them the better your chances are for getting the tang.

Its all about expanding your social circle. Eg. Today I went for lunch with some co-workers and both the waitresses at the pub knew me by name. My friends said to me, "Geez do you know everyone in this town?" I can't even remember meeting them.

Anyway the point I'm trying to make is keep doing cold approaches. Just alter your expectations.

 

[Pro]

Originally posted by DJ_Dork
I disagree on the "confidence" issue. When you approach a girl, just stay neutral. When a girl likes you she will do so regardless if you're one of those shy types or macho types. Confidence plays NO ROLE in her selection of mate.

I think you missed most of my thread or something or you would realize its not about her selection, it's about yours.

 

[becker]

Interesting posts, thanks for all the replies.

It's so funny how for me I feel WAY more comfortable and am generally a totally different person when I know someone as opposed to when I don't know them.

I guess this may be true for others too, but I'm not sure. I think the reason is that some people I've known will get offended by my behavior since I can be sort of offensive with my humor sometimes. This creates unnecessary conflict if the person doesn't have the same sense of humor as I do. I see the same thing with girls. I know some girls with whom I totally click with humorwise, and some who have been extremely offended. I guess I can test this, but at the same time, I don't like being restricted to people I know just because I can't tone it down a notch once in a while.

Anyways, that to me is the difficult part of all this. Otherwise, cold approaches would not be that difficult for me.