Cold Approaches getting Pointless

[h2o]

I’m starting to think, “What is the point of cold approaches?”

I haven’t completely lost hope yet. School has been in session for three days now, and I’ve approached / met about 12-13 girls. I have a few friends, but only one lives on campus, and our schedules conflict, so we don’t hang out much. I have a meal plan, so I have to eat on campus, and I try to meet new people at the dining hall (and since I don't have my friends around to eat with). My goal has mainly been to expand my social circle and become friends with more girls.

Maybe I’m not meeting the right girls…or maybe I don’t have enough “value” to offer. I’m not sure what it is, but I haven’t been received too well. The last few approaches have been okay, but nothing pans out from it really. Mostly I’ve run into freshman girls…and in a group of 2-3 girls, the cute one I find attractive always has a boyfriend. The best approach so far, I thought went well…and the chicks were both laughing and we were having a great time…later I found that the cute girl has a boyfriend, and the other one is barely ever around. The one with the boyfriend has hesitated to answer her boyfriend's calls when I'm talking to her or during that first approach, but I think she only feels held down by him...not interested in me.

I’m almost reluctant to do any more cold approaches on campus because I’ll probably run into another stupid freshman girl with a boyfriend. There was another freshman girl the other day that was clearly checking me out and giving me eye contact, but when I approached her she was so damn shy and nervous. Not only would I not mind, but also I would like to find friends that are girls. Is it impossible to be friends with girls without any sexual tension? It’s like the shy girls find me intimidating, the ugly girls aren’t friendly, and the hot girls have boyfriends.

In my classes, there are barely any girls. I’m taking 6 classes this semester, and there are only approximately 20 girls amidst the hundreds of guys, total. And, of those 20, very few are worth even talking to. That’s far from an exaggeration...that's engineering for ya.

I’m going to continue doing approaches, but it’s like there is no freaking point. I’m going to go to clubs and bars more often this semester, but if I’m not successful there, I’m not sure what options I have left.

To be honest, I find that I get along better with older girls, but I have not had any luck meeting older girls…and it is hard to tell before approaching. It’s as if some of these freshman girls cannot hold a ****ing conversation …and I can’t stand that. I can’t be getting into “deep” rapport because they are too shallow. I feel like, what the heck would I even talk to her about…I’m not afraid of rejection, but rather, I’m afraid I’ll get bored and just leave because she’s ****ing boring, and I don’t want to be rude like that.

I’m not exactly in a rut, and I’m still confident…don’t have fear or **** like that…I just feel like I’m going no where lately…I’ve been dateless for a month or so now. Well, the last month I wasn't really meeting women, so it was justified, but I should be getting numbers left and right now, and I'm not.

Basically, here's what my whole post can be cut down to:

I'm not saying I know what I want in a woman or anything like that really, but I just get extremely turned off when a girl can't hold a conversation or has a piss-poor personality. I don't care if she's a beauty queen, if I can't have some fun talking with her, I just don't feel stimulated. And I'm having trouble finding girls that fit that criteria through cold approaches (which seems to be my only choice at the moment).

I'd appreciate any advice.

 

[BiggestVaginaOnEarth]

Man, I wish you were at my college. You'd be a great person for me to bring me up, or just a good model to follow.

I respect all the effort you have done so far, I don't think half of the board has done as much as you.


Vagina

 

[everywomanshero]

My Advice

I have to admit I just skimmed your post, so hopefully I caught the gist of it.

You seem very apprehensive about the girl's attitude. You are worrying about something that has never even happened yet (her pulling a bad attitude). She probably detects your apprehesion and this puts her on the defensive leading to the percieved bad attitude.

Aside from that, you may be getting too worried about implementing techniques and coming across as cold or distant. This has happened to me before. I decided to get a massage, take a hot bath, and call over a girl who's easy in order to recharge my inner self.

I may be talking out my ass here, I wasn't there. I do 12-13 cold approaches a day, not 12-13 and call i quits if that doesn't work. Dating is a numbers game. You need to email a few hundred women and approach a 1000 before you can really guage if what you're doing is successful.

Continue talking to anyone you can. Continue searching for reasons to start a conversation whenever you can. Start doing goodbye approaches. Ask at least 50 women a week for their numbers. Email at least 100 women per week.

If that doesn't work, please ssee the "International DJ Experiment" post under the Wingman forum, because you're going to need first hand assessment and correction. Sorry, had to throw in a little SPAM

 

[quest]

i only read the first couple of paragraphs. but you seem very confused.

you're looking for a social circle, but rejecting girls because they have boyfriends?

that doesn't make sense.

keep chilling with the girl (any girl) with the boyfriend, and you're probably better medium - long term, to become better friends with him then her.

this way, you can go from nigel no friends, to nigel i've got a few friends who will lead me to other friends, that i might click better with or even begin dating.

 

[gimmeyofonenumba]

well, your putting in the effort but not seeing the results. I've had the same thing recently, you get this alpha male attitude, like your some slick sh!t but when your out in the field things are a bit different, what you thought was bound to work is having no effect at all. Out in the field girls are gonna wanna do things at their pace/terms. I think you may be a lil too forward, (it might be the way u worderd ur post) I think what could help you, and I'm gonna try the same, cause im havin the same problem. Is make each approach seem like an exclusive. Like its something your not afraid to do, but only do to the HIGHLY attractive women. Maybe when you cold approach her say something like " I normally dont do this, cause it seems really intrusive, especially since your studying but I wanna see what your like" something like that, make it seem like you 2 were meant to be. I think what happens is the approaches become so often that they start to seem artificial, or your just trying to be their buddy.

 

[JonJack]

I believe you're approaching things the wrong way here. You mention that you're exteremely turned off when the girl you've cold approached can't hold a decent stimulating conversation. This tells me that what you're actually looking for is a person who you can have a stimulating conversation with. This person can be anyone.

If you want to have it with a hot chick, then I say you're putting too much expectations into it. A guy should approach a girl because he wants to know if this girl is worth his time for whatever reasons he may desire her for. So the outcome could either be that the girl lives up to that standard or she doesn't. If she does, then the question of whether she is able to give you what you want comes into play. If you have actually come to terms with this reality of picking up chicks, you would feel that the process of doing it is the most important thing. The outcome is secondary because there will never be a 100% effective method in attracting all types of woman.

Although you're definitely going to have the goal or objective of 'getting' the girl, it will always be unpredictable. You will never know for sure whether you're gonna get a particular girl or not. But what you can be sure of is that you're still going at it.

I understand that it's disappointing to meet people that you find uninteresting. Especially when it's some hot chick that you've hit on. But that's the beauty of human beings. There's no use dwelling on it unless you feel that you need to constantly change who you are in order to attract each and every girl you approach.

I do hope that you understand what I'm trying to say here. I sometimes can be quite incoherent.

 

[HereToImprove]

The best possible time you will ever have in your entire life to do cold approaches is the first two weeks of a new college year. Everyone is off on their own, many people are newly single, and its like fish in a barrel to succeed.

Do not give up.

 

[ketostix]

Originally posted by HereToImprove
The best possible time you will ever have in your entire life to do cold approaches is the first two weeks of a new college year. Everyone is off on their own, many people are newly single, and its like fish in a barrel to succeed.

Do not give up.

This is good and true advice.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

I think another problem you have is you are out there with no goals.

You should take a time out and think about what you want in a girl and what you want to do with said girl, whether its a relationship or just a few dates or whatever.

And you should also work out some interesting routines, like things to talk bout that are different than most people usually say.

Don't ever ask someone on campus what their major is because they hear that question all the time. Hell, I'm a guy and I get asked that by guys, girls, and professors all the time, so imagine what it must be like for a girl on campus (since most people think thats such a clever way of keeping a convo going).

What I will actually do in the next few days or weeks is work out several scripts in my head about various topics so I can call them in and be different and entertaining and most importantly PREPARED to take convos where no convos have gone before...

I've already decided that when school starts my goal will be to find new girls to date a few times just to see what is out there, nothing serious, and if I do like one a lot maybe take it further. I am currently "seeing" 2 girls as it is so my goal will be to find maybe another 2 or 3 that I can reliably go on dates with just to relax and take a break from work and school.

 

[animal crackers]

Just keep going and think about how you can get better. Pretend you have a really great life and people will be curious about you.

 

[JonJack]

Originally posted by animal crackers
Just keep going and think about how you can get better. Pretend you have a really great life and people will be curious about you.

Pretend? I wouldn't condone pretending. It's better to be and have than it is to pretend to be and pretend to have. If you don't have anything to show, then I suggest you start off by getting something to show. You've got to build that foundation first. Once you do, no one can take it away from you. No one can come along and expose your pretend life and make you look like a loser.

 

[h2o]

thanks for your responses/advice

BiggestVaginaOnEarth: nah, not quite...i'm not even close to such an accomplishment. good luck with your endevours though.

everywomanshero: I don't use techniques or anything like that, I'm just being myself. The best thing I got from your post is that it's a numbers game and I should keep trying tons of approaches, etc.

quest: Yeah, I'm looking for a social circle. Last semester, I had a social circle, but they were so immature that I grew tired of them and ditched them, and the girls in that circle were all attracted to me, but they were not pretty at all. Yeah, I guess you're right...I should keep talking to them. I don't know her boyfriend yet, but I guess if I hang out with them enough, I will. Good idea.

gimmeyofonenumba: I get your drift. I'm only forward with the the girls I see by themselves. If she's in a group, I just get to know them and see if they can hang out later, nothing forward...much, at least I don't think. Except, I guess since I talk to a bunch of people maybe I could come off as someone who does this a lot...true. Although I am sort of trying to be their buddy.

JonJack: Good point. Nah, you're not incoherent, I get what you're saying. But it's not like I only approach hot girls, I do try to talk to all girls, but yes, more to attractive girls, so yeah, it could be my own fault.

I do enjoy the interactions actually, but it's like it gets repetitive...and I'm thinking this is my fault because I talk about pretty much the same things with everyone I talk to. I think maybe I need to talk about different things with different people rather than the same things. I know, I actually reminded myself that "not every one has to like you" tip from I forgot who it was. True, but maybe I'm getting a bit bored too, and I need to keep having more fun with it.

HereToImprove: Thanks, I'll keep at it.

I'm Joe Dirt: Yeah, same thing I mentioned in my second paragraph to JonJack...you're right, I get repetitive. Hehe, yeah pretty clever. Well, I don''t want to exactly prepare it to detail, but I think you have a good idea to keep my mind off school and on more interesting topics, rather than the same old boring stuff that everyone talks about. I'll have to see what I can think of...this got me thinking. Thanks. In terms of goals, I think I'm just going to go for finding a clique or find some friends.

The reason I don't approach guys as much because it's actually awkward somewhat, and I find approaching girls easier. I think befriending girls that I'll eventually meet guys through them anyway. I can talk to guys, but trying to befriend them is more difficult. Besides, I've been meeting plenty of guys in my classes, that there's no need to really 'approach' them.

animal crackers: fake it 'til you make it? Well, I do think I have a great life actually. I mean, soon I'll be getting great grades, I have a cushy job, I have a great family, I'm outgoing, I have plenty of acquaintances on campus, I do have a few friends I hang out with off campus...but I guess no one knows that when they first meet me. I sometimes am a bit serious, and I need to be more light and fun. I just need a social circle for the most part, that's what I'm really lacking...

---------------------------

Because without a social circle, that would mean that the only way I could meet girls would be through cold approaches for the rest of the semester, and not that I hate cold approaches or anything, but that would just suck. The reason I want a social circle is because it's nice having one, and because it would make meeting new girls a lot easier...and imo, that's the way it should be

Like, has anyone read Jariel's or MindOverMatter's opinions of cold approaches? They always reply saying they already meet enough girls through friends and their social circles that they need not do any approaches...and that's how I think it should be...but I need that social circle so that I can reach that point. And besides, it's just nice having a group you can hang with more often.

I think I'll just keep at it for these next 2 weeks, and if I still don't get anywhere then I'm an idiot...and life could start to suck. This is one of the reasons a few of my friends and some upperclassmen I meet don't live on campus...because they can't find out a group of people to hang out with regularly. Well, they're not as outgoing, but still...

 

[redshift]

In my classes, there are barely any girls. I’m taking 6 classes this semester, and there are only approximately 20 girls amidst the hundreds of guys, total. And, of those 20, very few are worth even talking to. That’s far from an exaggeration...that's engineering for ya.

Its almost the same in every engineering school i guess...atleast its the same here in UMich. ALL..and i mean ALL the hot ones usually are in humanities and other majors..there are hardly any "decent" (even a 6/6.5) gals in engg., And to top it off the campus is almost divided ..you have diff groupies..and diff buildings..you might as well be in diff schools.

well...as they say we try our best!

 

[GodsGiftToFatBirds]

Does your college/university have social clubs or sports clubs?
I reckon these are the best way to meet a whole host of new people and expand your social circle.
If your college has got these, i'd recommend going to as many 'taster sessions' as you can early on in the year, see which you enjoy best and which has got the most fit women in it!

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by h2o
Mostly I’ve run into freshman girls…and in a group of 2-3 girls, the cute one I find attractive always has a boyfriend

Wait a few weeks. The freshman girls have boyfriends from high school at home that they'll quickly lose interest in when they see all the man meat on campus and start drinking... and when their bfs are away at college now too and boinkin other freshmen girls.

 

[h2o]

redshift: Yeah, I was hoping I wasn't the only one. Good luck to you too.

GodsGiftToFatBirds: We have tons, but I thought it would be better not join any this semester, to focus on my studies more. However, that is how I found a social circle last semester, so I might just have to join one or two and get involved in order to find some people to hang around with. This is something I've known, but I just have put it off as a last resort.

mrRuckus: Good point. I'll be patient.

 

[Ricky]

I think the point of cold approaches is to get good at talking.

And it is numbers. **** you approach the same girl on different days and one day you'll get a good response the next not.