Cold approach lets talk about it.

[lookyoung]

I have kept a journal of the last 42 girls that I have dated. I have noticed that the majority of my dates have come through Clubs and friends. Others have come through school, work, internet.

I would really like to get dates through cold approaches. The clubbing game is not really healthy. Too much smoke and I tend to drink too much. My clubbing game is very strong and I would like to try a different way of approaching. Via the cold approach. Cold approaching is something I would like to do because of the fact that I am trying to live a healthier life style.

My definiton of a cold approach would be sarging a girl on the street, at a coffee shop, at the mall, at the video store.... ETC... You get the picture. The last time I got any azz or a date from a cold approach was about 12 years ago when I was 18. Cold approaching seems like the hardest part of being a DJ.

I have not had success with cold approaches, and Have not done many cold approaches. I would like to get dates through this avenue.

To the mature DJ who have had success through cold approaches share your experiences.

I would like to achieve some success with cold approaches... Does anyone have any tips?

And please if you have any real life experiences than post it on this thread. Thanks guys.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

...I would really like to get dates through cold approaches...
...The last time I got any azz or a date from a cold approach was about 12 years ago when I was 18...
...I have not had success with cold approaches, and Have not done many cold approaches...
... Does anyone have any tips?

Here's a tip, if you are a halfway intelligent, perceptive, open minded individual, you will learn as much or more from real life experience as you will from this board. There is no one formula, method, right way, etc., to achieve success, just play each attempt by ear, and adapt your method to the situation as it evolves. Don't worry about rejection, it happens to everyone, just go for it.

 

[Sinistar]

Back when I was dating, I learned one thing about cold approaches (for me anyways). The longer I spent thinking/strategizing in the moments before, the worse it went. Literally, spend more than 30seconds and the return on investment would be zilch. Then again, this overthinking will screw you in a club environent too. Yet it seemed more pronounced for the cold approach.

For example, on one of my first trips into a BB&B, without even thinking I asked a HB8 her opinion of something (probably dishes, etc). Instant conversation, rapport was built and a # close. It worked because opening hadn't even crossed my mind (yet!). On a second trip there to exchange something (and now realizing the potential of a place like this) I made the mistake of *sniping* and trying to plan something - bad vibe from the get-go so I moved on.

This AFC had never had any success at a video store (mainly because I had never tried). Anyway, I walk in the store one day in a great mood. I'm talking to a buddy of mine on the cell phone while perusing the flicks. I end up walking in front of a HB8+ (single mom with kid in tow). I turn, smile and say excuse me as I walk by. She responds with something like "that's okay...". So with out thinking, I stop in my tracks, back up a step or two putting myself right between her and the movies, pause for about 2 seconds and then produce a big shyte eatin' grin. She smiles back, says something about "you guys are all the same...". Instant connection. I've tried that same thing again at a video store, baseball game, etc. I've never had a bad vide - rather exactly the opposite every time!!! Maybe it's because no other guy would do that (ie confidence). Maybe it's just because it's so out of place c0cky (yet not at all rude). Maybe it's because it puts you directly in their space (in a ****y versus creepy manner). And there really wasn't any pick up line (ie words) to botch. And from that point, if you're there for a specific reason (ie shopping, renting a movie, etc) you've something in common and something to start busting them with once you start talking.

My advice then would be: Be in the venue for own reasons. Don't think too long (think seconds here, not minutes). Bring them into your frame right away using more action and less words (if possible). Having a good smile won't hurt your odds either. And the best part about cold approaches - even the rejections are entertaining because she's caught off guard and/or we've opened so dorkely that all we can do is laugh at ourselves.

 

[grinder]

Very simply: do it a lot and pay attention to what works.

Don’t get sidetracked by technique or method.

You will find your own method and it will be the right one.

 

[Phyzzle]

My last experience: girl was eating food on a train, which isn't allowed. "Hey! You're not allowed to eat on here. What's wrong with you!? You're not from around here are you?" We're still dating.

My tip: Don't be afraid of awkward silences. Since you're not at a night club, she won't instantly whirl around to hug some person ("I love youuu!") when you stop to inhale. Just stare into the distance if you run out of things to say.

 

[lookyoung]

Thanks for the tips guys, and I am glad to see that you guys have had success via the cold approach. I hope to do the same. I am going to try to step up my cold approach game starting this week. Will approach at the mall, starbucks, bookstore, target, You name it I will approach. Clubs will not count as a cold approach. Everytime I go clubbing I probably average 3-10 approaches depending on crowd and night. ( Club approach game is easier I feel than the cold approach.


It seems to me that the success rate with cold approaches as far as getting dates is pretty low. So I will not expect to date 50/100 cold approaches. Hey maybe I could do 15/100 we will see.

Hell maybe I will even start a cold approach journal.

 

[realsmoothie]

This AFC had never had any success at a video store (mainly because I had never tried). Anyway, I walk in the store one day in a great mood. I'm talking to a buddy of mine on the cell phone while perusing the flicks. I end up walking in front of a HB8+ (single mom with kid in tow). I turn, smile and say excuse me as I walk by. She responds with something like "that's okay...". So with out thinking, I stop in my tracks, back up a step or two putting myself right between her and the movies, pause for about 2 seconds and then produce a big shyte eatin' grin. She smiles back, says something about "you guys are all the same...". Instant connection.

LOL, I work at a video store and I do that all the time when putting stuff back on the shelf.

I also do it when I'm crossing the street and a car with a girl in it is stopped waiting for me to cross. I'll stop, look around for a second, fake scratching my ass...

 

[Boschy]

I agree with Sinistar. I'm still learning etc, but I now always keep my eyes open for opportunities, and when you get used to being aware, they happen all the time.

For instance, I'm walking to a bar with a friend and it starts raining lightly. I see a HB8 standing at the traffic lights with her HB7 friend talking while they wait to walk across. HB8 is holding an umbrella, so I duck under and smile sheepishly.

"Oh don't mind me. Continue with your gossip." They giggle. "Although I think if you're pregnant from that cute bar tender, you should keep the baby. Call it PaperClip or one of those names that are trendy with celebrities." More giggles.

Then we walk across. I say, "It's OK. I'll try to keep step with you. Actually, I look a bit wimpy standing under here don't I?" I step out. "So how do you know each other?" Etc. E-mail close.

When I'm in public I pretend it's all a bizarre TV show where you can interact humourously with anyone. And like Sinister said, I just walked up and said the frist thing that entered my head. No planning at all.

 

[lookyoung]

I agree with Sinistar. I'm still learning etc, but I now always keep my eyes open for opportunities, and when you get used to being aware, they happen all the time.

For instance, I'm walking to a bar with a friend and it starts raining lightly. I see a HB8 standing at the traffic lights with her HB7 friend talking while they wait to walk across. HB8 is holding an umbrella, so I duck under and smile sheepishly.

"Oh don't mind me. Continue with your gossip." They giggle. "Although I think if you're pregnant from that cute bar tender, you should keep the baby. Call it PaperClip or one of those names that are trendy with celebrities." More giggles.

Then we walk across. I say, "It's OK. I'll try to keep step with you. Actually, I look a bit wimpy standing under here don't I?" I step out. "So how do you know each other?" Etc. E-mail close.

When I'm in public I pretend it's all a bizarre TV show where you can interact humourously with anyone. And like Sinister said, I just walked up and said the frist thing that entered my head. No planning at all.

This is great! I myself have done two cold approaches over the last week. One was a girl at the car wash HB7 which led to a descent conversation but no # close.

The other one was an HB9 that looked just like cameron diaz with black hair, beautiful eyes, with huge tits (silicone). Me and her conversated for 20 min. I # closed but I think there is a 50% chance that she will flake, even though we talked on the phone a few times.

One thing about cold approaches after you do them its a great feeling. Its like a high for me. But my purpose in a cold approach is to get a date and get laid. Not get a number or an email address. It is fairly easy to get numbers but to get a date and a fvck close from a cold approach that may be a different story.

It seems like most people here on sosuave never get laid off of cold approaches me included. I have not done that many cold approaches. That is why I would like to try them they seem like fun.

MY DEFINITION OF A COLD APPROACH- Approaching at bars, clubs, internet, your job, a girl in your class, through friends.... Those do not count. I have had success in all those areas. I am talking about approaching woman you have never seen before. This is where I have no success= At store, street, starbucks, bookstore.

 

[grinder]

MY DEFINITION OF A COLD APPROACH- Approaching at bars, clubs, internet, your job, a girl in your class, through friends.... Those do not count. I have had success in all those areas. I am talking about approaching woman you have never seen before. This is where I have no success= At store, street, starbucks, bookstore.

The true beauty of the cold approach is no fallout after it ends. No friends to ask ‘what happened”, don’t have to bump into her on the job or any place you go to frequently.

You appreciate it more after you go through a few women at places you frequent and you begin to realize you are polluting your own environment with ex’s who have varying degrees of dislike for you.

I’m beginning to realize breaking it off with them still wanting you is just as important as picking them up.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

All my women over the last 10 years have come from COLD APPROACHES only. As has been said, all it takes is to strike up a conversation about something happening around you, then guage her "interest", then ask for the number.

Cold Approaches are only a problem because we MAKE it one. It's time to jettison the advice that our parents gave us so many years ago:

"Don't talk to strangers, son."

That advice may be fine for children, but now that we are mature men, we need to realize a LARGER truth:

To take carry this advice into adulthood is the same as handicapping ourselves. Why? Because if we NEVER talked to "strangers" we'd never meet ANYBODY! lol



Peace...one day.

 

[Boschy]

One tip I like from Tony Clink's The Layguide is to elicit her values and acknowledge them so that she knows why you are interested in her.

For example, the typical one is, "So what do you look for in your ideal man?" She tells you, but you must convert the features into 'end values'. So if she says, "A tall strong man" you echo that back to her as "In other words, you want to feel protected and safe."

It was explained better in the book, but the idea is that if you get her values on relationships, life, etc., and you relate to them and genuinely agree and make her understand that you vibe with them, then there is more common ground than just you both being single and she has a great rack. A lot of these methods can help to minimise flaking, etc. But the trick for me is to remember to do them along with all the other stuff.

 

[lookyoung]

The true beauty of the cold approach is no fallout after it ends. No friends to ask ‘what happened”, don’t have to bump into her on the job or any place you go to frequently.

You appreciate it more after you go through a few women at places you frequent and you begin to realize you are polluting your own environment with ex’s who have varying degrees of dislike for you.

I’m beginning to realize breaking it off with them still wanting you is just as important as picking them up.

So true that is why many of my x bangs have come from the club scene. When you bang girls through through cold approaches and the club scene it is so much easier to pull the HIT AND RUN.

VICTORY UNLIMITED- Thanks for the motivation. Your advice makes me want to coldapproach every chance I get!

 

[Phyzzle]

"So what do you look for in your ideal man?"

I don't like this.

It's tough to ask this without sounding like you're asking for her approval, or asking what you have to do to be attractive to her.

It's better to already know - or pretend that you already know - than to ask.

 

[DoubleA]

lookyoung,

My advice is to go out and try and get as many numbers as possible.

Back in high school I'd hit the mall and do cold approaches there. I was young. Of course I got rejections but WTF. I got used to it.

When I got to college I wasn't scared of rejection. One of my homies would say, "DoubleA takes chances I wouldn't take." Well some were probably hopeless but it had to do with confidence.

Go out and strike up conversations wherever. Keep it to a 3 minute conversation. She He's and Haw's...move on.

"BOOK'EM DAN-O":yes:

 

[lookyoung]

One tip I like from Tony Clink's The Layguide is to elicit her values and acknowledge them so that she knows why you are interested in her.For example, the typical one is, "So what do you look for in your ideal man

I personally would never use this in a cold approach. It makes you sound pretty insecure. Maybe after a few dates or after banging her. But on a cold approach NOWAY.

I already did 2 cold approaches and number closed one. It seems to me the most important thing in the cold approach is to:

1. Always assume attraction
2. Have fun with it
3. Know that you are the prize.

 

[edger]

I still usually try to rely on vibes first before I make a move, but we all know many times we don't get those "vibes", "cues", "signals", whatever you wanna call 'em. And when I don't get the vibes, I get pissed(lol), and say "f*ck it, I'm talking to one of these b*tches!" When I'm not getting vibes from chick I'm interested in, I'll place myself near her without her noticing my motive for doing so. I won't acknowledge her or will pretend not to see her. Once I'm near her, I'll chill for about 1-2 minutes(to be extra sure that I'm not making my intentions obvious) before I strike up a conversation. I will ALWAYS try to strike up a conversation based on something around us or that is happening at that moment, but if there's nothing I can base my opener on, then I'll just resort to my last option and open with a "what's up"

BUT to do all this though, she CANNOT catch me looking at her before I put myself in her presence, or else my opportunity is kicked and it's game over. That's why when I first set eyes on my target, I make it a strict point to NOT have my head turned in her direction or have her catch me looking at her. If I look, it's always minimal(to ensure she won't notice) and out of the corner of my eye.

But all this stuff of course I won't apply if I'm already getting vibes from a chick.

 

[Infraction]

The best tip i can give you is to allways smile and be happy.
I met my current GF at an ice-cream shop, she was with 6 of her girl friends.
I approached the set, talked for a bit, asked my GF for her #. She said "Uhh, no" so i said "Ok" and kept walking (smiling because i have the balls to cold approach).
After 3 min's she was after me and asked if i had a "messenger".

 

[Boschy]

The best tip i can give you is to allways smile and be happy.
I met my current GF at an ice-cream shop, she was with 6 of her girl friends.
I approached the set, talked for a bit, asked my GF for her #. She said "Uhh, no" so i said "Ok" and kept walking (smiling because i have the balls to cold approach).
After 3 min's she was after me and asked if i had a "messenger".

This a good example for newbies. Women can have an automatic response to being asked out or getting a phone number. Therefore the initial "no" may not mean "no". So the way you react could either turn it into a "yes", or reinforce her past experiences and confirm the automatic "no" as a definite "no".