Cognitive dissonance?

[Pantytech]

does anyone know what that means?

I'm experiancing it, big time. I KNOW I should be running 3-5 miles a day, lifting, have a spotless place, get a better car, loose some pounds, better self maintanace, read my ass off, pass some necessary tests I need to for my career, etc, etc.

Well I KNOW I should have all this done by now, and at my age (32), this is kid's stuff. But it's affecting my self esteem big time. I don't have it in me to approach strangers. It's like a 1000% percent out of my comfort zone. I feel like my little dgnitive dissonance problem is destroying me, or maybe it's just a front or excuse for me to hide behind.

By nature, i'm shy and a quite person. But I also ache dearly coming home from.... hell the book store, let alone the clubs, when I see total chodes with seriously sexy girls like all the time.

Help.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

You need to reframe your way of thinking.

Get your hands on the David Deangelo video series. The first few videos deal with the way you think, and how to reframe your mindset from a negative to a positive.

This guy has some valuable insight, and I'd also recomend reading alot of the books he mentions.

I was never interested in this guy's stuff, but recently got my hands on his videos and i gotta say that it really changed my outlook on the whole game. It's like I finally REALLY "get it" on a biological and psychological level.

I'm not talking about the tricks and the pickup tactics.... I'm all about the deeper stuff... the stuff that is way beneath the surface. The why's and how's governing female behaviour and my own behaviour.

It might be just what you need to reframe your thought process.... it's just a rut so don't let it get to you.

 

[Pantytech]

ok, done. thanks, i'll check it out

 

[Jariel]

I know the feeling and sometimes I go through a low motivation period where I let a lot of things slide. It does affect confidence in a big way, because if you're not meeting your own standards and fulfilling your duties, you are failing yourself. This is obviously very damaging to your self esteem.

Some confidence training will advise lowering your standards and learning to accept yourself in spite of falling short of your goals. Personally, I see this as false pride.

Alternatively, you can force yourself to make a start on these goals, even if you just make a slight effort you should find it soon becomes a habit. As long as you're doing something towards these goals, your motivation should grow and so should your confidence.

A lot of people have a big problem achieving their goals because they stay focused on the final result. High standards and long term goals can seem so far out of reach sometimes it doesn't seem worth trying.

But if you break them down into "sub-targets", it won't seem like such a large chore and you will see your progress more easily (good for motivation).

For example, aim to run half a mile for a few weeks, then go for 1 mile, then 2. Read 1 chapter of a book per day, then go for 2, then try reading a book per week. As for diet, start out by reducing sugar and fat, then try reducing alcohol, and so on.

Forming any habit is like learning to walk. You have to persist with the baby steps until you're comfortable going further. Eventually, it becomes a habit you barely even think about.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

 

[Pantytech]

thats great advice, J. thanks G.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

Pantytech....like that handle...LOL

Anyway, sounds to me like you're all about improving yourself, which is what this site is also about.

Shyness is very difficult. I was very shy in high school, and recall with horror how this blonde hottie in my english class was flirting with me bigtime, but I was wayyy too shy (read AFC there as well) to do anything about it. Of course I should have asked her out, but I pretended like she was annoying me because I didn't want to attract attention.
That was years ago, and things have changed. I no longer have a problem walking up to anyone and striking up a conversation, but it took me time to get to this point. It may be easier or harder....depends on you; but the way I metaporphisized myself was by initially making positive comments. Starting small, really small, just saying the types of things that fit the situation. I'm sure that you can think of times where you could have said something to someone but didn't (for whatever reason). The person isn't going to bite your head off, odds are they'll appreciate whatever it is you have to say, so long as you're polite. The more baby steps you take out of your comfort zone, the easier it will become. I believe a lot of other DJ's on this board can attest to that. It's a self-fufilling prophecy - the more you tell yourself you can do it (after all, look at all of those successful DJ's), the more you probably will, and in turn learn from those experiences...........

 

[Pantytech]

I agree.

So what should I read for a DJ 101 kind of course kind of thing?

Do you believe in any type of affirmations? they seem to work for me..

 

[SmoothTalker]

Hey man, welcome to the site.. As for a DJ 101, read the bible (top right cornor of the page). Stuff in there is amazing, and I believe there's a few entries that deal with pretty much your issue.

 

[Pantytech]

those links seem to be kinda broken up. Is there one that's complete that you suggest?

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

Yeah, the DJB is the place to go. Read. Practice. Read again. Practice some more. There's a lot of powerfull stuff there...I know lightbulbs go on all the time still when reading it and thinking about past experiences with women.

I don't really believe in affirmations per se, but instead try to remember only the positive interactions I've had. Most importantly, I try to analyze WHY they went the way they did in the terms of the DJB.....it has a great clarifying effect......as for the bad ones, forget them....

 

[Smooth Player 056]

You have to start SLOW then slowly progress. I would advise you to read the Bible and become familiar with the techniques. I would first work out and take your tests and get your life in order before you progress to picking up women. Get your life in order first. You could also try the DJ Boot Camp wich would slowly take you out of your comfort zone and help you become more sociable.


- Smooth Player 056 -
Founder and Creator of the HSDJBC/ Contest
Creator of "The Smooth Player 056 HS Technique"