Coffee shop owner kicked me out for "2-3 employees complaining over last several months, making them uncomfortable"

[gravityeyelids]

Bro you need to slow your roll. You're probably coming off extremely uncalibrated. I don't get why you need to ask out multiple employees, esp after you got shot down and especially since these girls have kind of a crap attitude and seem like they like drama. Sorry, but you seem just kind of socially unaware, and it seems like you're treating these approaches more like cold approaches rather than social circle game. When we're talking about a place you go frequently or people you see all the time, you need to approach differently, and honestly a bit more carefully. People talk and if you come off as needy or a creep, you're basically "banned" from dating anyone at that location. Girls talk.

I'm sure these girls are kinda dramatic and b!tchy, but you're also kind of asking for it by acting like that. And another point - WHY would you even want to date passive aggressive drama girls like that anyway?? You should have just trusted your gut from the beginning.

Why did you not just get on amazing, more friendly terms with all the people that work there? Don't be creepy and ask out everyone in sight, just be cool and fun, and then you now have a cool venue that you can chat up with girls/customers that come in. You would have had social proof from these girl servers who like you and used that to game some of the customers, and you would have been able to get away with a lot more. You're probably coming off as the horny pickup guy to the people that work there.

 

[GeeMale]

Personally, I'd just never go back there. It's funny how if a woman feels "uncomfortable" it's considered a big deal whilst nobody gives a **** how uncomfortable a man feels. Anyway, I think what happened is that you pissed off the manger by insisting too much and getting butthurt about the restroom issue and this led to them gossiping about you and the women complaining/bragging about the attention you gave them. Then the guy, Supervisor Saveaho, got on his white horse and decided to save the poor innocent virgins behind the counter from the evil man that would surely have his way with them if he wasn't there in his apron to defend their virtue. Anyway, the solution is to go to Starbucks and start hitting on the waitresses there.

Actually I find out what really happened. When I entered the place I looked at the owner/whatever and he mirrored me by telling me to come to him in a commanding way sort of. Im the one who suggested that if someone complained about me and held up fingers without realizing it....he counted 1,2,etc and went with my sarcasm/devil's advocate about what I'm doing wrong and somehow got convinced that it's enough for him to get a customer he doesn't like anyway to tell to find somewhere else. Nobody complained about me to him I can guarantee you that. If anything it was my fault for not calling him for his bs on the spot and getting mad and expecting the embarassingly worse that could've happened by telling people and even posting on here...since than I no longer give guesses to what I could have done in arguments/etc in general so I could hear it come from their mouths....lost of the time they're 'problem' is something literally between us and mirroring each other's attitude....

 

[MrWood]

Actually I find out what really happened.

no, you havent.
You didn't include any "facts" in "what really happened", only a self-justifying excuse.

your justification is just that, a self justification.

you need to learn to take responsibility, Sir.

you are incredibly good at creating excuses, and blaming others.

 

[Suave88]

There's a coffee shop that closes late at 2am that I've been going to on and off over last several months since June. Its called AGORA in Houston,TX and I thought it was cool as it looks like a 2 story house inside and great study and first date place from what I've observed from other peopoe. It's a coffee/wine bar. I go there to finish stuff on laptop and couldn't complain much. I 've met women who agreed to go out, including my sister's childhood friend who works there.

My gut always knew something was off when talking to a couple of chicks behind bar who have bad attitudes.I'm not the type to complain but I did observe lack of customer service/disrespect for me and others I've seen from them.

One of these chicks whistled at me and I came up to them to do what they just did as I was curious since she sounded like a bird and remember her saying I was making her uncomfortable in a giggle voice. This chick below average by the way and actually scares me with her passive/aggressive attitude. Shes always made me 'uncomfortable' and Google reviews will say how's she's rude. The other chick at another time is cute and I asked her out and she's my sister's childhood friend who I hadn't seen since 2000-2001 but somehow recognized her. She's chill and gets along with everyone. There's a 2nd employee chick who I did ask out and said she was busy. Other times I'd talk to her and ask if she had a bf after an employee next to her was talking about hers...mentioning to her "he's just teasing" while the one that turned me down once said NO. However it wasn't like I was making fun of her more like "why did you turn me down I know you think I'm cute and I think your ok we should go out".

This past Tuesday I was trying to use the only stall available for mens as I had to go #2. I went outside the restroom to make small talk with owner. I basically sarcastically (but mostly to wonder why there's only 1 stall) asked him if I could use women's restroom and lock it since men's is being used. He got pretty mad said absolutely not I would never allow that's not a real question bla bla. After getting out of restroom I saw him talking to employee guy about it who is chill and came into conversation stating that's its not serious and not a big deal. Owner said he doesn't care and that he's not having the conversation. I labeled him a douchebag but really it's kind of my fault for at least not smiling while delivering the conversation earlier to let him know I was joking and explaining it...matter of fact I shouldn't even have brought it up really. But I thought he'd get the hint because let's be real who the hell would actually do that? And even if he said yes I would never done it. In other words I was expecting him to say no but it turned it to something else I guess altogether.

Yesterday I was there talking to a friend but noticed him looking over me kind of awkward and I was feeling they way too so maybe he was mirroring it. But I was nervous from before.

Tonight when I came in around 1am he said he needed to talk to me and pulled me over. Explained that I made 2-3 employees uncomfortable over last few months. I told him he can ask me to leave for good and he proceeded to say he was going to get to that. I asked if I could speak to him outside and wanted to stay there. No matter how much I asked what happened he said it's confidential and only said I'm making them feel 'uncomfortable'. It irritated me because my gut knew something was off and the only suggestions I can come up with as an explanation are the chicks I explained above and the combination of the restroom "joke". OR him just kicking me out for that joke alone. Because he did mention that the last complaint was 2-3 weeks ago which is weird cause I was gone for a month straight at that time. I can see a small business owner kicking someone out just cause they can. I can also see passive aggressive employees trying to get me out because they think I'll complain about them first just like the other Google reviews I've seen lol

I will admit I can come off "short" sometime when talking to people if I don't feel like making eye contact and not feeling like being all big vibrant due to a down mood from something else. I'm well aware of it and think it's okay to let it go as long as I'm not hurting anyone else or insulting them...it's just adrenaline /negative feeling as it's just me letting them go/letting it run its course so it doesn't stay.

All I know is I don't have bad intentions. however I do get irrate when I'm accused of something I feel like I'm more than half innocent about. I've encountered misunderstood/mistated situations like this all my life a lot and I think it's cause my ADHD(I'm 26 got diagnosed at 21 but think I had it my whole life ) but I don't want to point to that cause I'm not the the type to blame mental illness bla bla. I try to take insign into them so I don't repeat the mistake. But when this idiot owner doesn't tell me what the real problem is that's kind of hard to do.

This is just a rant and I'm probably going to get over it soon but just wanted to put it on here someone can let me know if theyve e encountered situations like this where they're gut told them they're not at 100% to blame or what they're being accused of doesn't really match their actions.....

Without any intention to come across as 1 or even be a bully, I advice you do not go back there. Use your intuition. They don't want you and the owner kicked you out. Do not let the bitches have you arrested. Don't fvcking go back.

 

[bat soup]

Yes, I agree. Just go somewhere else and try to avoid getting into arguments with the boss at the next place. If you want to hit on the waitresses, do it discreetly and don't insist if they're not interested.

 

[GeeMale]

no, you havent.
You didn't include any "facts" in "what really happened", only a self-justifying excuse.

your justification is just that, a self justification.

you need to learn to take responsibility, Sir.

you are incredibly good at creating excuses, and blaming others.

Well it's from going over it in my head for a while after and looking at some behaviors from a distance socially up to that point. I can tell you one thing, I created that conflict and made it much bigger than it should've been...because he came off like a prick to me.. and that's alright that was back than..I don't care anymore and haven't went back. I just be more aware that im the one that tries not to be the initiator in social communication conflict when I go places now and make sure it's just their personality...if it does happen. And if me than try to correct them.

 

[GeeMale]

Without any intention to come across as 1 or even be a bully, I advice you do not go back there. Use your intuition. They don't want you and the owner kicked you out. Do not let the bitches have you arrested. Don't fvcking go back.

And if it is them..I have a hard time not holding a grudge next time I see them around... until I forget about it soon enough by conversations with them or ignoring them completely. Because most people believe their right and that's including me at times. Their not self aware in these situations that they're mirroring the same exact bs or created from their own...and that ticks me off. The audacity of people to not look at their behaviors and believing it's only the other person when they're at equal or worse

 

[Lookatu]

Well it's from going over it in my head for a while after and looking at some behaviors from a distance socially up to that point. I can tell you one thing, I created that conflict and made it much bigger than it should've been...because he came off like a prick to me.. and that's alright that was back than..I don't care anymore and haven't went back. I just be more aware that im the one that tries not to be the initiator in social communication conflict when I go places now and make sure it's just their personality...if it does happen. And if me than try to correct them.

Start a protest like everyone else these days and get a few friends together to picket in front of his shop.

 

[GeeMale]

Start a protest like everyone else these days and get a few friends together to picket in front of his shop.

Lol shut up bro. I don't like SJW don't insult me like that...I don't go out my way to make other people's life worse

 

[Lookatu]

Lol shut up bro. I don't like SJW don't insult me like that...I don't go out my way to make other people's life worse

Just taking a friendly jab at you. No harm meant.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Post a google review about the offensiveness of their archaic cis gender bathroom policy.

 

[GeeMale]

Post a google review about the offensiveness of their archaic cis gender bathroom policy.

Post a google review about the offensiveness of their archaic cis gender bathroom policy.

Plus he's racist to colored people and foreigners