coffee dates to friendzone?

[TheTraveller]

Hey,

So I'm back in the online game. I've gotten at least 75% response rate from my initial emails. Of those, I've been on first dates with about 6 of them so far. Some duds, some interesting and around 6-8 looks-wise.

This is a huge improvement from my past game. I'm starting with Francisco's tried and true coffee date idea.

Most ladies appear to be willing to meet for coffee, esp. from online, and feel rather comfortable. But I feel that the environment - sitting across from each other at a table - is very limiting for kino. I'm not a kino expert all - I usually hold back and make 1-2 attempts at kino during an hour+ coffee date. The ladies don't initiate the kino, either. They do give me good eye contact, laugh at my jokes and seem genuinely interested and happy to be there.

What would any of you recommend here? Re-arrange chairs to get closer (not always possible), shift the date to another locale (I've gone from coffee to new locale for apps and drinks twice) for more kino? The date usually ends in a nice hug, but I guess that's the best I can expect when not kino'ing. 3 of the 6 girls have verbally stated at the end of the date they want to see me again, and I'm in the process of following up.

I'm just at a loss of what to do. Timid with the kino + coffee shop = disaster. Convo's nice. A bit of c&f. But just hard to muster up the kino there. Any tips?

Thanks guys.
-T.

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

I HATE coffee dates. I will not do them any more. I don't think I've ever had a good one.

My specialty is getting her to meet me in a booth @ a bar or restaurant. By the 2nd drink I'll have her sitting on my side of the booth and I'll be kissing her.

I've done this several times with meeting girls online... and I get them to come back to my place for a "movie" most of the time too.

This method worked last month.... I went from meeting her online, to booth, to bed in one date.

 

[TheTraveller]

I once shared that view - the lounge/bar with couches works great. But if you're having 7 first dates in two weeks, taking all of them to a lounge is ridiculous. Expensive, and just too much drinking (and I do love a good beer). So, I suggest coffee. Cheap, quick if needed. Of those 7, we venue changed from coffee to walk/dinner afterwards.

It's a double-edged sword. Do the coffee date, have it go "well" and then potentially work even harder the second time around at a bar/action date for day 2 rather than start out at a bar.

Perhaps we're over-analyzing here or incongruent on the end goal. If it is to qualify and spin plates from online dating girls in the 22-30 age bracket, does it really matter if you start out on date #1 at a bar or for coffee?

-T

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Coffee dates are great as long as you don't go to one of those boring chain places. They are way too sterile and have way too much patron traffic.

If you want to make an impression, find a cool independent shop that has character. I enjoy the ones that have tons of plush chairs, couches, board/video games, booths and other fun stuff that you'd find in a comfortable family room.

If you want kino, head to a booth or plush loveseat. If you want to bring her in close, whisper something important to her where she has to come in close, women enjoy secrets. Put your hand on her hand or leg when you do it to emote chemistry and to make her a confidant.

This stuff isn't really difficult as long as you make an effort and don't rely on the simple cliche venues that most guys rely on. For me doing something completely different and comfortable the first time out makes them more at ease and receptive to escalations.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Dp.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Coffee dates are great for you to decide if you want to pursue her further. It's a relaxed atmosphere. No pressure, you are just hanging out to get to know her better. Plus, it's not expensive like drinks in a lounge/bar.

Pick a coffee shop next to a park, or a nice downtown area...if you like her, get another cup of coffee to go, and then go for a walk. A walk through a nice park is perfect. That will give you plenty of opportunity to escalate if you want to.

The coffee shop is a safe bet for you too. If you don't like her, it's easy to cut and run.

 

[TheTraveller]

Francisco, I envy your Twin City approach I guess with all that wintry cold, you have a plethora of coffee shops at your beckon.

I don't see anything really wrong with re-arranging the environment of the chairs at a table to "make it feel less like an interview/table in-between" type of setup. But obviously a more chill environment is always nice. I find the independent shops, but really can't find any with couches. Most have the hard-backed chairs. Don't get me wrong, these are cool coffee houses that allow for some nice convo.

Unfortunately (or fortunately? , I'm not in Minneapolis. Anybody out there from Boston willing to chime in for some suggestions of comfortable/kino-friendly first date spots? Preferably revolving around the coffee variety.

-T.

 

[Colossus]

Traveller,

I PMed you on this, but I am going to look into some specific places and get back to you.

As others have said, there are pros and cons with coffee shops. The pros are it's cheap, fairly neutral if you end up no liking her, and it's a quick easy exit if necessary. Pretty vanilla, but ok for a daytime date. Not really fertile ground for kino.

I think you'll find better results overall with a lounge or unique pub. Or maybe better, and action date. The Arboretum (and Im giving away a favorite here) is CLUTCH for a little stroll n' makeout. Check it out, its off the Forest Hills T stop.

Kino is all about atmosphere.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
I don't see anything really wrong with re-arranging the environment of the chairs at a table to "make it feel less like an interview/table in-between" type of setup. But obviously a more chill environment is always nice. I find the independent shops, but really can't find any with couches. Most have the hard-backed chairs. Don't get me wrong, these are cool coffee houses that allow for some nice convo.

Unfortunately (or fortunately? , I'm not in Minneapolis. Anybody out there from Boston willing to chime in for some suggestions of comfortable/kino-friendly first date spots? Preferably revolving around the coffee variety.

-T.

Ever been to Espresso Royale on the Green Line? That's where I go when I'm visiting BU. Very comfortable and big with a jukebox. I've been caught dancing there. There's also one across the street from the Conservatory which is very impressive in a "sophisticated" kind of way. Yeah, it's a little stuffy. You can always go there if you just want to impress your date by striking up conversations with the musicians which are in and out of there all of the time.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Coffee date initially. It is a low risk location, and you get to qualify her. As stated above, pro's, you get to exit if you don't like her, if there is no connection, if it looks good, you get to move onto a different location. The more locations/venue changes, the better your chances at escalating.

If she's not into you initially, doesn't matter where you suggest you go, she won't want to go with you anywhere else, so no chance of kino at a pub, bar, etc.

 

[window]

I think you'r expecting too much from a first meet. It isn't even a date. It is the first time the two of you are meeting for 20min or so to check each other out and whether or not you'd like to see them again. But to expect major kino, kissing and what not is just plain ridiculous and probably why you are not progressing further with these women.

 

[#41]

The other benefit that coffee dates have, IMO, is that you can escalate the 2nd date to a bar and not seem like you're just out drinking all the time.

When I was in law school, there was this cool coffee shop / cafe that was open late and had a bunch of huge comfy couches with a fireplace in the middle. It was a GREAT chill place to hang out -- plus there was an upstairs loft that was usually fairly vacant that was good for a little kissing.

Bonus points also involved if you go to a local place frequently and are known when you walk in. Instant social proof.