Coaching in RL

[TheMonkeyKing]

Has anyone coached other guys in real life?

A guy I have met recently needs some serious coaching. Probably the worst blue pill case I've seen IRL for a while...

-Borderline, no, actually stalking a female acquaintance of mine (they were previously lovers).
-Turning up to her house uninvited.
-Refusing to give her keys back.
-Excessive calling and texting.
-Turning up to the pub where I'm drinking with her and her new lover.
-Phoning me about her late in the evening (no idea how he even got my number - though probably by going through her phone).
-Previous nice guy/provider behavior with ex-GF.

She's by no means completely innocent in this scenario (surprise surprise). I have offered to meet the guy next week to talk things through, give him some pearls of wisdom, maybe even do a few approaches by way of demonstration and take his mind off things. He seems open to suggestion - i.e. he's reached the bottom of the deepest trough and knows he needs to change his ways. I've told him as much.

Has anyone ever done this and if so, any tips?

 

[Bingo-Player]

i wouldn't do it , sounds like he has an obsessive nature

you could find yourself having a lot more phone-calls late at night and end up with a latcher

you can usually spot the guys who take advice well and are prepared to go away and work on themselves

this guy sounds like he would want his hand held all the way through

its up to you if you have that sort of spare time to donate , i dont

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

i wouldn't do it , sounds like he has an obsessive nature

you could find yourself having a lot more phone-calls late at night and end up with a latcher

you can usually spot the guys who take advice well and are prepared to go away and work on themselves

this guy sounds like he would want his hand held all the way through

its up to you if you have that sort of spare time to donate , i dont

Yeah. I appreciate it's a stretch. There would of course be benefits for myself....

-He is very wealthy. Like, I think 6 figure salary wealthy, so I could at least expect a free beer. [Quelle surprise, he thinks money is going to buy him love]
-At my age, pretty much all my old wings are settled and I need to start recruiting newbies and I see it as a good test of my own learning, to impart to others. I regularly go out solo anyway, so if some rich guy wants to tag along and buy drinks, great.

But I mean where to even begin.... he does seem to be demanding and socially awkward (to say the least, turning up and hanging around where he's not wanted). We've been doing this stuff for years. Maybe I'll just meet him, give him the talk, get a free beer and leave

 

[resilient]

It's hard to un-blue pill, someone until they've run through many breakups, red flags, sh!t tests, and branch swinging scenarios.

Set him up with a woman or a few women who have NPD/BPD/AW-like behaviors and just MAYBE that may help shed some of the Disney feels in him that needs cleansing.

 

[Dr. Reed]

Has anyone coached other guys in real life?

A guy I have met recently needs some serious coaching. Probably the worst blue pill case I've seen IRL for a while...

-Borderline, no, actually stalking a female acquaintance of mine (they were previously lovers).
-Turning up to her house uninvited.
-Refusing to give her keys back.
-Excessive calling and texting.
-Turning up to the pub where I'm drinking with her and her new lover.
-Phoning me about her late in the evening (no idea how he even got my number - though probably by going through her phone).
-Previous nice guy/provider behavior with ex-GF.

She's by no means completely innocent in this scenario (surprise surprise). I have offered to meet the guy next week to talk things through, give him some pearls of wisdom, maybe even do a few approaches by way of demonstration and take his mind off things. He seems open to suggestion - i.e. he's reached the bottom of the deepest trough and knows he needs to change his ways. I've told him as much.

Has anyone ever done this and if so, any tips?

I coach, $275 is my base fee (one month, 3 phone convo's a week, 2 emails a day). However, I do not recruit business from Sosuave. If your friend is OK with me coaching him and documenting the process here on Sosuave, I will do it for free. Just have him create a fictitious name.

I am in the process of writing my book.

I will post up a couple of pages so that you can get an idea of what I do.

 

[Dr. Reed]

It's been years, but I've done it before. These guys are extremely tough nuts to crack in the beginning. You can talk to them until you're blue in the face, but everything they'll hear will be filtered and processed by their scarce mentality, low self-esteem and underestimation on what they can do. When I asked them to do something, approach, talk, whatever, it was like pulling teeth, and even when they did it, it naturally went poorly. This just ended up building taller walls for me to tear down.

The best initial approach, I had found, was to let a guy like this bask in some of the spoils of your own success, without expecting him to achieve/make anything happen on his own at that point. He needs to know simply what abundance looks like and feels like before anything else.

What I did was get in touch with a plate I knew was cool and had been wanting to get together. I pretty much explained the situation to her and told her to invite a friend or two (or three) to come hang with us. I wasn't aiming to get the guy laid and didn't expect him to score a number or anything (I literally told him I expect nothing from him and that he should just enjoy the night...have fun), and I told the girls just as much. I told them to just come hang, have fun and treat this guy with the same amount of respect they would treat me with. To just make sure he felt included.

From there I just did my thing. Later on in the evening when we all got together, we were all smashed up pretty good on shots. I ended up convincing two of the girls to go topless in a "who has the best breasts competition". The guy was wide-eyed half the night.

The guy never got laid. Never got a number. But we had fun. Afterwards I told him I that used to be kind of like him at one point; socially awkward to some extent and such.

He was definitely much more willing to listen after that.

I believe we discussed this earlier, but I integrated your texting advice into my program. Good stuff.

 

[Dr. Reed]

Here is the first page of my book.

Introduction

Do you want to date beautiful high quality women? Do you want to find a woman you love who loves you back? Do you want to become physically, mentally, and emotionally strong? Would you like to overcome fear and anxiety?

Are you tired of flaky women, getting dates canceled? Are you frustrated by women who give you conflicting signals? Are most of your "relationships" a discouraging series of text messages and unanswered phone calls that end in disappointment?

I will teach you how to put an end to this frustrating process. Using my system (called The Toolbox) you will date high quality women who rarely cancel, who don't frustrate you. You will date women who really like you, who don't play games, who make it easy for you. You will become a high value man.

The Toolbox is built upon the science of the mind and a seduction system that taps into that science. It will teach you how to continuously increase a woman's desire for you, how to weed out women who waste your time and break your heart. If you are willing to work hard and discipline yourself you will get tremendous results. It is a nine month program, but you will reap immediate benefits. Women will be competing for your affections. You will have more phone numbers, more dates than you can imagine.

The Toolbox is rooted in self improvement. It will strengthen your mind and teach you how to manage your emotions. Finally, we will strengthen your body. A strong and fit body not only attracts women, it builds health and confidence.

 

[Dr. Reed]

As a former college professor, champion athlete, and coach, I have been counseling men for more than 25 years. I have been bodybuilding for 42 years and training in martial arts for 17 years. But don't be too impressed, I have also made a great deal of mistakes in my own life. I spent more time in jail than Yale. In fact, if there was a prize for “Loser of the Year” I would have won it many times. I spent many, many years of my life as gutter trash. Actually, that is an insult to gutter trash.

I did not have relationships, I took hostages.

But that is the beauty of my system. If a bottom of the barrel type guy like me can turn it around, so can you! I have been blessed to have excellent mentors and people that have helped me in many ways. Today, it is incumbent upon me to give back that which was so freely given to me. My conclusions are based upon experience, decades of mentoring, and thousands of hours researching the academic literature for solutions. This search took me to some unexpected places.

 

[Dr. Reed]

Love is an Evolutionary Adaptation

My program for powerful love and living is logically consistent and designed upon the fact that human beings have more than 100 thousand years of evolutionary hard-wiring. These evolutionary processes have sculpted not merely the body, but also the brain, the psychological mechanisms it houses, and the behavior it produces.1 Once you understand these evolutionary adaptations you have the key to unlocking the female mind.

To understand love we have to place it in the broader context of the evolutionary function of emotions. The major function of our emotions is motivation. For 98% of human existence your emotions kept you alive. Fear is a good example: “400 lb Lion run!” Emotions respond quickly and powerfully.

Our powerful sexual desire exists to make sure we are highly motivated to Pair-bond, to engage in sexual intercourse and produce children. Survival and reproduction are too important to be entirely dependent on people's conscious decisions.2 According to evolutionary biologist Dario Maestripieri, the evolutionary history of human romantic love progressed along the following lines.

As human brains grew and infants became more vulnerable for a longer period of time, the father's involvement became necessary. Big brains are what made us the top of the food chain, but big brains come with a price: They need much longer to develop. Natural selection had to come up with a way to motivate men and women to stay together for as long as it took to raise a child successfully. 3 That way was love.

Love is the catalyst, the glue that holds everything together. Love is part of a rich theory of the emotions that naturally emerges out of the core principles of evolutionary psychology.4 There is a very large body of empirical findings in psychology, biology, and neuroscience that buttress the view that the human mental architecture is very highly evolved.5
Footnotes

1 Buss, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2005, 2006, 2009, See also Frank, 1988
2Dario Maestripieri. Games Primates Play: An Undercover Investigation of the Evolution and Economics of Human Relationships 2012.
3Ibid.
4Tooby and Cosmides, 2008
5Ibid.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

He was definitely much more willing to listen after that.

That's a great story!

Though, I've decided this guy isn't worth my time. This guy and girl both start calling and texting me last night, and are hounding me about what I'd said to the other, you said this he said that blablabla, twisting my own words back on me! Fcking school playground sh!t. Told them both where to go. Done.

Here is the first page of my book.

Looks good so far. Reminds me of the biopsychosocial stuff we did in college. More guys need to understand about evolutionary psychology; it might encourage them not to get their panties in such a bunch about 'the entire species of women' so often.

 

[dustmuffin]

I coach several guys here on sosuave. It's just phone calls from time to time.

 

[Dr. Reed]

That's a great story!

Though, I've decided this guy isn't worth my time. This guy and girl both start calling and texting me last night, and are hounding me about what I'd said to the other, you said this he said that blablabla, twisting my own words back on me! Fcking school playground sh!t. Told them both where to go. Done.


Looks good so far. Reminds me of the biopsychosocial stuff we did in college. More guys need to understand about evolutionary psychology; it might encourage them not to get their panties in such a bunch about 'the entire species of women' so often.

Correct, sir. If we view from the framework of Evolutionary Psychology (EP) and rational choice modeling we will see that women are doing exactly what we would predict they are doing, given our laws, customs, and values.

30 years ago, there was no EP, just Sociobiology. That field proved problematic. EP is logically sound, top to bottom, especially combined with modern technology. We can put someone in an MRI and directly view love activating in the brain.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Being coached and coaching is corny.

Do it but don't take it seriously. Just take advantage of the drinks and other expenses he can afford.

Anytime a guy needs to be coached he is too far gone and isn't worth the trouble.

 

[resilient]

We, as men, coach ourselves when we step out of the comfort zone. All of which leads to experience, the master teacher.

The best thing I did when my ex-wife walked out after nine years LTR was to start and explore life. I picked many different hobbies that were completely random. I became curious about everything. I got out of the fog I had been living in for all those depressed years.

It's like my eyes opened for the first time. I found and connected with new social circles that provided further opportunities to network and game.

Thing is, OP.... as the cliche goes.... you can lead a horse to water (but you can't make him drink). He has to want to unplug for himself.

The best thing you can do is encourage him and set an example of the Don Juan life.

 

[Dr. Reed]

We, as men, coach ourselves when we step out of the comfort zone. All of which leads to experience, the master teacher.

The best thing I did when my ex-wife walked out after nine years LTR was to start and explore life. I picked many different hobbies that were completely random. I became curious about everything. I got out of the fog I had been living in for all those depressed years.

It's like my eyes opened for the first time. I found and connected with new social circles that provided further opportunities to network and game.

Thing is, OP.... as the cliche goes.... you can lead a horse to water (but you can't make him drink). He has to want to unplug for himself.

The best thing you can do is encourage him and set an example of the Don Juan life.

Following your logic, we should abolish all schools, all education. Abolish the military and let soldiers figure out how to us guns. Abolish medicine, science, technology since they also require education and mentoring. Essentially, we should return to the stone age.

Waitaminute, survival in the stone age was contingent upon mentoring, communication, and education. Get rid of that as well, yes? We should get rid of language and let other people figure out what I want or they want on their own.

The inability to do these things selected out Neanderthal man.

We most certainly should not be giving advice teaching men how to operate with women.

In fact, your argument that men should figure out things for themselves should also be abolished, men should figure out that they need to figure things out on their own.

It was homo sapiens ability to learn, to teach, to innovate that lead to our survival.

We are much, much weaker than other animals. It was the ability to organize, build knowledge and communicate that made us the planets Apex predator.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Following your logic, we should abolish all schools, all education.

That wouldn't be a bad idea. Schools are mostly indoctrination centers anyhow.

 

[resilient]

Following your logic, we should abolish all...

Sarcasm? I believe in mentoring and apprenticeships. We wouldn't have skillful artisans without all those things you mentioned. Social constructs help us use that knowledge to further advance our skills and mastery.

What I was getting at is if an individual like OP's friend wants to seek out, question existential realities and improve himself, especially dating experiences, it's up to him. Hence the idiom, leading a horse to water...

 

[Dr. Reed]

I have a boatload of data that proves that when it comes to women men need all the help they can get. It is the second chapter of my book. The chapter title is "The marginalization of modern men."

Men operate from what I call The "Problem Solution Paradigm." That Paradigm is what built civilizations.

Unfortunately, today our system favors the "Process Oriented Paradigm," which is the female paradigm.

 

[switch7]

That wouldn't be a bad idea. Schools are mostly indoctrination centers anyhow.

Schools don't just teach core subjects like maths and English and IT, that are vital to be able to Survive in today's society, they also teach life skills like social etiquette, social interaction, routine and discipline. Society would be a mess without education.

Yea, some subjects are questionable, and you have to read between the lines with things like politics and history, but overall, we would be fvcked without the schooling system. I mean how could anyone ever become a doctor or engineer without a formal eductation? Where would we be without doctors and engineers and other crucial roles in society?

 

[marmel75]

What's with all the "coaching" posts on her lately? The best coach is experience and putting into practice what you read. There is plenty of free advice on here that people can utilize to make a huge difference. The problem as I see it? Laziness and unwillingness to put in the amount of work needed to succeed. They don't want to go through the number of dates to improve enough...whether that means 30, 40, 80, 100...whatever...

It took me a long time too, but I became so good on dates that I was routinely turning down second date offers because I only had so much time on my hands. Once you get to that point it's hard to screw things up because you have so many prospects, who cares if one or two don't respond the way you want them to.