Of course friends are important but mainly only to be seen with with you're not working the club. You should be approaching women on your own anyway whether they've seen you with people or not. And when you're friends come along they should also be on the prowl on their own. This is how me and my buddies assemble such large groups of women together. We each pickup on different groups of women and introduce eachother to eachother and so on.
Clubbing failure?
- Thread starter Nicholas Hill
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pulp_fiction
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- Sep 10, 2005
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Wow.
This thread is like the embodiment of what i've been going through the past couple days, and some of you guys' frustrations mirror my own to a T.
Oh yeah, i'm new here. Hi everyone.
Seems like a cool place. Bit of a rant coming here. Anyone who takes the time to read, much less respond, just know i appreciate having somewhere to vent to lol.
Anyway, I just started at a new school this week and i was pretty hyped for my first weekend out partying at the bars and whatnot. I spent the summer working so never really got out too much. And after two days of going out, i'm pretty much already almost completely demoralized.
My main problem is that I expect everything to be handed to me on a silver platter. And when its not, I get depressed and start questioning myself. What I mean by this, is that for most of my life, I never had to be the aggressor, and I never had to do cold approaches. Girls always came up to me, so I guess you could say I got really spoiled. While this was good back in high school, as I got older and girls developed a more 'princess' type attitude to them, I started getting more and more frustrated because the approaches were happening less and less. By the time i got to college, I would just go to the cafeteria, sit down, and wait for women to come sit down next to me and start talking. :crackup: Lame, i know. Needless to say, i was sorely dissapointed.
Since then, i've gotten better with being assertive as i've HAD to get better with it, or I wouldnt have gotten anything! However, one thing i've never been the type to do is the cold approach thing. I wont lie, i'm just scared to death. If a girl doesn't smile, or wink, or wave, i aint goin over - and a lot of times I wont do it even if she does. Like I said, i was really, really spoiled in that aspect earlier in my life and it kinda shaped me that way. The funny thing about it is, every cold approach I *have* done without any signals - which i count at about 3 - has been successful, and yet, i continue to have this fear of it. When a girl walks past me and or sees me and doesnt show any interest, naturally I assume she has none, and think whats the point of approaching - if she was interested, she'd let me know.
So anyway. I've been out to the bars the past couple nights, and with limited success. I'm actually pretty good at making myself an attractive prospect at bars. I'm good looking, which puts my foot in the door, plus i'm a really good dancer (and not afraid to dance by myself at all), i'm very sociable, etc.
The first night, I was too drunk and blacked out but woke up with a couple #'s in my phone. Second night was very interesting. A few chicks would come up and dance with me and make comments on my looks, but when i tried to close the deal I couldn't even get past "what's your na--?". A few chicks spent the whole night staring at me but nothing panned out. One of them walked past and grabbed my ass, and when i turned around and tried to grab her she brushed me off. Another one motioned me over with her finger after spending 30 minutes checking me out, to which I responded by motioning HER over, after which she shook her head and left with her girlfriend.
All in all, a very confusing and frustrating night. I did a cold approach on this really hot girl dancing with her friend. She did the thing where they turn around to see what the guy looks like to judge whether they want to dance with him or not, and her face actually lit up when she saw me so I assumed she was attracted. We danced for a bit, and afterward I tried to talk to her and ask for a # and she just brushed me off. The one mild success I did have was a chick coming up to me and saying we met the last night, telling me i was really hot, and starting to kiss me after we danced and talked for about 15 mins., but she went to the bathroom and i never saw her again.
Its just really frustrating when you get all the signals that a chick is into you, and then you approach her and get shot down. Thats one of the reasons i'm so deathly scared of the CA - if i get shot down by these girls when they act like they ARE interested, how do i hope to have a chance when they act like they ARENT? Its crazy because i'm the most outgoing guy you'll ever meet, and all my friends/platonic friends think i'm ****y and vain, but they'd be surprised at how little confidence I can have in myself sometimes. I think someone hit the nail on the head when they said that attractive guys cant be C/F as much because it comes off as making them look like conceited *******s. I'm actually not that ****y or vain, its just my personality mixed with my looks gives people that impression, when for the past couple years its been almost the opposite thats been true.
*shrugs*
4 days a week i'll have all the confidence in the world. 3 days a week i'll feel like the most unwanted guy in america. 2 days into the club/bar scene, and I already feel like a loser, even when it hasnt been THAT bad lol.
I think the first step is for me to stop expecting every chick who might be interested/attracted to me, to SHOW it, and stop expecting things to come easy. Lord knows I dont let every chick I think is hot know it. Sometimes i go out of my way to avoid it. Even in the bars recently I found myself in stretches where i'd just stand in the middle of the dance floor and expect every girl to throw herself at me, and of course be dissapointed when they didnt.
Just sucks. This seems like a real good place to help with this stuff though. Just reading through this thread made me feel better lol. Thanks for listening anyone who did.
This thread is like the embodiment of what i've been going through the past couple days, and some of you guys' frustrations mirror my own to a T.
Oh yeah, i'm new here. Hi everyone.
Seems like a cool place. Bit of a rant coming here. Anyone who takes the time to read, much less respond, just know i appreciate having somewhere to vent to lol. Anyway, I just started at a new school this week and i was pretty hyped for my first weekend out partying at the bars and whatnot. I spent the summer working so never really got out too much. And after two days of going out, i'm pretty much already almost completely demoralized.
My main problem is that I expect everything to be handed to me on a silver platter. And when its not, I get depressed and start questioning myself. What I mean by this, is that for most of my life, I never had to be the aggressor, and I never had to do cold approaches. Girls always came up to me, so I guess you could say I got really spoiled. While this was good back in high school, as I got older and girls developed a more 'princess' type attitude to them, I started getting more and more frustrated because the approaches were happening less and less. By the time i got to college, I would just go to the cafeteria, sit down, and wait for women to come sit down next to me and start talking. :crackup: Lame, i know. Needless to say, i was sorely dissapointed.
Since then, i've gotten better with being assertive as i've HAD to get better with it, or I wouldnt have gotten anything! However, one thing i've never been the type to do is the cold approach thing. I wont lie, i'm just scared to death. If a girl doesn't smile, or wink, or wave, i aint goin over - and a lot of times I wont do it even if she does. Like I said, i was really, really spoiled in that aspect earlier in my life and it kinda shaped me that way. The funny thing about it is, every cold approach I *have* done without any signals - which i count at about 3 - has been successful, and yet, i continue to have this fear of it. When a girl walks past me and or sees me and doesnt show any interest, naturally I assume she has none, and think whats the point of approaching - if she was interested, she'd let me know.
So anyway. I've been out to the bars the past couple nights, and with limited success. I'm actually pretty good at making myself an attractive prospect at bars. I'm good looking, which puts my foot in the door, plus i'm a really good dancer (and not afraid to dance by myself at all), i'm very sociable, etc.
The first night, I was too drunk and blacked out but woke up with a couple #'s in my phone. Second night was very interesting. A few chicks would come up and dance with me and make comments on my looks, but when i tried to close the deal I couldn't even get past "what's your na--?". A few chicks spent the whole night staring at me but nothing panned out. One of them walked past and grabbed my ass, and when i turned around and tried to grab her she brushed me off. Another one motioned me over with her finger after spending 30 minutes checking me out, to which I responded by motioning HER over, after which she shook her head and left with her girlfriend.
All in all, a very confusing and frustrating night. I did a cold approach on this really hot girl dancing with her friend. She did the thing where they turn around to see what the guy looks like to judge whether they want to dance with him or not, and her face actually lit up when she saw me so I assumed she was attracted. We danced for a bit, and afterward I tried to talk to her and ask for a # and she just brushed me off. The one mild success I did have was a chick coming up to me and saying we met the last night, telling me i was really hot, and starting to kiss me after we danced and talked for about 15 mins., but she went to the bathroom and i never saw her again.
Its just really frustrating when you get all the signals that a chick is into you, and then you approach her and get shot down. Thats one of the reasons i'm so deathly scared of the CA - if i get shot down by these girls when they act like they ARE interested, how do i hope to have a chance when they act like they ARENT? Its crazy because i'm the most outgoing guy you'll ever meet, and all my friends/platonic friends think i'm ****y and vain, but they'd be surprised at how little confidence I can have in myself sometimes. I think someone hit the nail on the head when they said that attractive guys cant be C/F as much because it comes off as making them look like conceited *******s. I'm actually not that ****y or vain, its just my personality mixed with my looks gives people that impression, when for the past couple years its been almost the opposite thats been true.
*shrugs*
4 days a week i'll have all the confidence in the world. 3 days a week i'll feel like the most unwanted guy in america. 2 days into the club/bar scene, and I already feel like a loser, even when it hasnt been THAT bad lol.
I think the first step is for me to stop expecting every chick who might be interested/attracted to me, to SHOW it, and stop expecting things to come easy. Lord knows I dont let every chick I think is hot know it. Sometimes i go out of my way to avoid it. Even in the bars recently I found myself in stretches where i'd just stand in the middle of the dance floor and expect every girl to throw herself at me, and of course be dissapointed when they didnt.
Just sucks. This seems like a real good place to help with this stuff though. Just reading through this thread made me feel better lol. Thanks for listening anyone who did.
dyce
Don Juan
bumping this great thread, props to de la soul for his info
yea the major problem is hitting on girls with guys
im an asian born australian and i go to asian clubs (obviously coz i want the asian women) and u kno how these asian dudes be all gangsta and all protective of their women
my friend got bashed by a bunch of dudes last year for hitting on the wrong girl
yea the major problem is hitting on girls with guys
im an asian born australian and i go to asian clubs (obviously coz i want the asian women) and u kno how these asian dudes be all gangsta and all protective of their women
my friend got bashed by a bunch of dudes last year for hitting on the wrong girl
