Closing in on girl with BF

[Santos]

Be careful, I went after a girl with a BF recently. She kept telling me how she was going to break up with him, etc. She cheats on him with me and then tells me she wants to be friends and she never said anything about leaving her BF. Then she goes and lies to all her friends about how she did nothing and made it clear to me she didn't want anything other than FRIENDSHIP.

This girl (the one I made out with) is an attention *****. She lead me on for the fun of it. So if this girl does start showing interest in you, watch out for the signs that she's an attention *****.

I don't think there's anything wrong dating a girl with a BF. If she wants to date you, then she can. It's just that you must be aware it might not work and that the girl will do everything in her power to come out as the "innocent one" if she cheats on her BF. She will use her BF as an excuse if she loses interest in you.

 

[becker]

Santos, you seem to have good insight. This girl is not exactly the attention ***** type, but rather she's the other way around. She's not looking to draw attention to herself much, and if you don't pay any attention to her, it doesn't make her seek it from you.

The difficult part is just getting more time with this girl when the only way to do it is to set up times to get together. If the girl has a BF, it's hard because if time is free, she'll probably have to spend it with him whether she likes it or not, especially if her BF is AFC, which this guy sort of seems to be. When the BF is jealous and/or AFC, the girl is not going to have an easy time saying that she doesn't want to spend time with him so she can spend time with one of her guy "friends"...

 

[BGMan]

I don't think this girl is like Chantal (the girl that Santos dealt with). It sounds like Chantal was always bringing up her boyfriend, and seems screwed up anyway. The girl in my case NEVER brings up her boyfriend, and I have a sneaky suspicion that she doesn't think him relevant (heh heh).

Becker, if this girl really wants to see you, she WILL make time for you, boyfriend or not. I don't think that she will reserve ALL her free time for her boyfriend if she really isn't all that into him.

BGMan

 

[becker]

BGMan, thanks for the tip. I remember once asking this girl whether she just spends all her time with her BF and nobody else. She said that normally they don't have a lot of time to spend (since school was largely a factor) so when she does have time, she tends to spend it with him. That's understandable.

This is one of those situations where you look at the guy and look at the girl and say "how the heck did this guy score a girl like that?" It's amazing to me sometimes, and in this case, it seems like this guy was in the right place at the right time. He's very lucky, because this girl is an unbelievable catch and total LTR material.

Let's hope after the vacation I can fit in some time with her. I'll kick myself for not trying, even with the BF in the picture.

 

[Albion2]

If she's going to breakup with her current for you, who's going to get her to break up with you.

Whether it's cheating or breaking up. If a girl leaves her current for you then she's going to do it again. Move on man, find a woman who's self-confident enough to know what she has and not let some slick talking ******* make her feel any other way then she wants to feel.

-al

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Albion2
If she's going to breakup with her current for you, who's going to get her to break up with you.

Whether it's cheating or breaking up. If a girl leaves her current for you then she's going to do it again. Move on man, find a woman who's self-confident enough to know what she has and not let some slick talking ******* make her feel any other way then she wants to feel.

-al

Again, a good point that is often brought up. However, leveryone has their breaking point, so you'd be hard pressed to find someone who would not go for the better deal if it came along and presented itself, with the only possible exception being that if the couple is happily married. However, even then there are exceptions.

For this reason, there will always be the chance that a girl you're with will run off with another guy if she's not happy, and why shouldn't she? I feel it's justified if she meets a guy who gives her more of what she's looking for than I'm giving. You can't keep her caged up and you certainly can't expect her to not fall for something better if the opportunity presents itself. It's just one of those things we all have to live with, unfortunately. It's also the reason why I look for a girl who has the most qualities that I'm looking for in a girl, and if she comes along, even if she has a BF, I'm going to at least give it a shot and if it doesn't work out, c'est la vie.

 

[digitalrat]

becker,

I recently got a girl to break up with her boyfriend.

I called her up and said "I don't want to get involved with somebody that has a boyfriend" and we ended on the friends tip. Don't get down if they say that, their just saying that now. BUT, dont turn into a friend. Keep the kino up.

I left for a week and came back and found out she broke up with her boyfriends 2 days after I talked to her.

 

[Santos]

I'm also pretty sure that this girl isn't an attention *****, just wanted to make you aware of the possibility so you don't get ****ed around like I did.

With this girl it was pretty easy for me to date her cos' she doesn't see her BF that often (lives quite far away). Also she was prepared to lie to him about where she was just to be with me.

I can see if the girl you're talking about is seeing her BF often it could be a problem. But try ask her out anyway, just not too many days in advance. If she's interested, she should be able to make time to see you. She might offer an alternative. If she turns you down on the first try, don't be discouraged. Try a few more times, and if she's flakey then just next her.

Originally posted by BGMan

Becker, if this girl really wants to see you, she WILL make time for you, boyfriend or not. I don't think that she will reserve ALL her free time for her boyfriend if she really isn't all that into him.

I agree 100% with BGMan. If she's interested, she'll make time for you.

Chantal was curious about me, she was attracted to me and wanted to know if I was better than her BF. She wanted to know (or so she says) if he was really "the one". This girl might feel the same way about you, especially if you play the mystery card.

Just my 2 cents
Santos

 

[becker]

digitalrat and Santos, you guys are definitely my heros

I am going to certainly pursue this girl, but it's not going to seem like it since I won't get too attached or needy. I just like being around her, and I definitely need to do it more often.

I think it might be easier during the weekdays since her BF works right now and she doesn't. As long as I see her maybe once a week or so, it should be enough. I don't have to be around her 24/7, but just so that I'm around enough for her not to totally forget about me, and little enough for her to wonder what I'm up to.

The problem with this strategy is always that she won't wonder what I'm up to if I'm not around her enough to make her curious in the first place, right?

digitalrat, so you're saying that you LJBF'd this girl but you still flirted with her and stuff like that, and she ended up breaking up with her BF? I can actually picture that scenario, especially if she was not that happy with the relationship she was in. I get this feeling from this girl like if I'm around a little more, she will be able to gauge whether I'm better than her current BF easier.

 

[becker]

I can't believe it, but this girl just returned my call. I never expected it since she didn't seem to be one to do that. I wasn't planning on talking long, but we ended up talking for like at least half an hour or so. Good conversation, very easy, since we have so much in common. I said I'd go up to visit her tomorrow for a while since I was actually going to be in her area. I think I can pull this one off. This is the only girl I'll ever need if I can do it. Cross your fingers for me.

 

[Santos]

Originally posted by becker
IGood conversation, very easy, since we have so much in common.

Good sign, Chantal used to have long convo's with me on the phone early on. I just didn't let it become "friendly". Good luck!

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Santos
Good sign, Chantal used to have long convo's with me on the phone early on. I just didn't let it become "friendly". Good luck!

Santos, what do you mean by "friendly"? I talked with this girl about all sorts of stuff, but nothing about her relationship, and she seemed to keep me on the phone whenever I was about to cut off the conversation. I figure it starts getting friendly when you become her emotional tampon.

I'm meeting up with this girl today, possibly for lunch, but I'm going over to her house later.

 

[BGMan]

Originally posted by becker
I can't believe it, but this girl just returned my call. I never expected it since she didn't seem to be one to do that.

What did I tell you?! Huh?! Huh?!!! (elbows Becker in the ribs)

Just don't spend so much time yakking on the phone. Chicks do that with each other.

BGMan

 

[becker]

Originally posted by BGMan
What did I tell you?! Huh?! Huh?!!! (elbows Becker in the ribs)

Just don't spend so much time yakking on the phone. Chicks do that with each other.

BGMan

BGMan, you're the man. I spent a few hours with this girl today, and she has a sister who is very cute too. Overall, a very good impression I left. I got along well with her dad and he seemed to like me. Got the mother some Godiva chocolates which won me some major points. I may see her again tomorrow.

Found out the trip she's taking she'll be gone for 2 weeks. She didn't seem super enthusiastic about it, and I let her borrow a CD I made that had songs that she liked on it, so she could listen to it while on the trip. I think I can pull this one off. The sister seemed to be very interested in me as well.

 

[Santos]

Originally posted by becker
Santos, what do you mean by "friendly"? I talked with this girl about all sorts of stuff, but nothing about her relationship, and she seemed to keep me on the phone whenever I was about to cut off the conversation. I figure it starts getting friendly when you become her emotional tampon.

I'm meeting up with this girl today, possibly for lunch, but I'm going over to her house later.

Don't ask about her relationship, and try not to talk too long on the phone. Keep using C & F and, if you're comfortable doing it, joke sexually with her (to be done with caution, don't go overboard).This is what I mean when I say avoid it getting "friendly", she should be aware that you are attracted to her (don't come straight out and say it ). Show confidence, and sexuality.

Chantal has admitted she was sexually attracted to me. It's not really my looks, but the confident vibe I gave off. The C & F, the sexual innuendo.

Santos

 

[becker]

I don't know if all this fun will be coming to an end soon, unfortunately. This girl is going on that vacation today for 2 weeks, a cross-country road trip with her BF, and when she gets back, we both will be looking for jobs and when we both find one, it will be a rare time when we will be able to see each other.

The advantage now is that her BF works full time and we both don't work, so we can hang out during the day. After we both get jobs, the only time when we will be able to see each other is in the evenings or weekends, both times when the BF will likely be available too, so I'm thinking she's going to hang with him more than me.

I like how she doesn't talk about relationship problems around me, because that's normally a kiss of death. I need to come up with a good plan to see her more often so I can at least avoid being out of sight and out of mind.