closer to the red pill

[Nn877]

Back to sosuave, I thought I had a grasp of the game and things I learned from the forums. I was wrong.

The last 2 years have been an emotional rollercoaster for me, some extreme highs and very low lows.

Decided to share my story....

I dated a BPD single mother for 3 years on and off, the fallout was devasting to me once the dust settled. That relationship is a post all by itself, either way I got out for good and thought I was healing myself, esp once I found my current ex.


I went into the relationship somewhat hesitant , but she was everything I wanted, attractive, sexual, down for anything, just fun to be around. Ignored the red flags, no father in her life, left at a very young age, Mom into drugs, raised by her grandparents, list goes on. What'd I expect, the fvcked up thing is I knew this and was waiting for her to show her true colors but she never did, so I thought maybe it all didn't affect her.

I fell and then she moved across state, and we started long distance. I would see her once a month sometimes more, for about 8 months and then we found a place together and I moved, packed up and went with it. I wanted to have a future with her.

She was very loving, literally perfect girlfriend in the beginning. Then once we starting living together I noticed the change. Subtle distancing between us. Then she dropped the bomb on me....."I don't want to live together."

Fvcking crushed me! I couldn't believe it. All the talks about living together, the plans, so much went through my head and now it's gone. Now this is where things got extremely hard for me.

Her gf lives in the same city, well she got kicked out of her place and my ex moves her into our 1 bedroom apartment, so here I am sharing an apt with not only my ex but her bff, who I later find out is an escort.

I tried to stay out the house as much as possible and used headphones when I was there so I couldn't hear their convos, it was horrible.

I loved her a lot at one point and thiught she loved me too, this was our place, the whole experience didn't even seem real to me. Btw she's 22 and I'm 31, yet she came off as a 27 year old, at least she fooled me.

It gets better, I also work with her. Which is something I can't avoid at the moment due to rent at my new place.

I'm sure I have ptsd and trying to get a hold of myself. Having no friends nor family around isn't easy. But I am in LA, so that's a plus.

I just can't wrap my head around, the abrupt change of heart on her part. It was weird too because there wasn't even a negotiation like she made the decision and that was it. All the good memories wasted BS in my head. She kept saying she wanted to be together but just not live together, that we weren't ready, fvck that!

We got into a very heated argument that left me thinking she went full blown cluster b, some of things she said were extremely disrespectful and shocked me, but hurt mostly. I've gone NC now for about 3 weeks, aside from texts about money or rent topics. I still owe her first month rent that she fronted, but after all of this and how she's acted post breakup, I'm thinking of not even paying her. Thoughts?

 

[derricklerrick]

Well that's what happens when you stay in the building even after the fire alarm goes off.

You knew the drill, run out of the building that's on fire but you decided to stay inside and burn yourself to death.

You were desperate for her.

 

[Infern0]

Im about to kick your ass so get ready.

Bro, you are 31 years old, its time to grab your nuts and start being a man.

Yeah what you went through with these bpd girls was bad.

But heres the thing, no amount of talking about it, thinking about it, blaming them etc. Its not going to help you at all.

Thats victim stuff. You be the victim = you be a little *****.

So what do you do?

You take the focus OFF them, forget them, they are what they are, theres things to admite about bpd sluts and experienced DJ's can get value out of them but you are far from that and you need to avoid them like the plague. Ive got a bpd friend/fwb and i know exactly what she is and she knows that i know. I call her a slut all the time and tell her shes not gf material etc. I care about her but shes dangerous and i treat her as such. If she turns on me ill drop her in a second, and ill never get in a position where i need her for anything.

Work on you, fix YOU. Why did you let these dumb little girls **** over a big grown ass man like you?

Get it yet?

Its all about YOU. Work out your weaknesses and fix them. On this board we can help you with that vut you need to sit down and put the time in. You need to think about it, come up with a list of your weaknesses and post them in this threaf wnd we will help you fix them.

 

[Reykhel]

This is a perfect example of why spinning plates is an essential precursor to getting into a LTR.

Everyman has the right to choose whatever sexual strategy he so pleases (ons, ltr, plate spinning etc) , but I feel the very
idea, especially the verbalizing of that idea (even if it's the man's desire) should be kept on the long arm and seen as something
that could possibly happen in the future. Not now. Not right now, in any case.

You can manage your plates with the possibility that one of them could be a potential for a ltr in the future (in other words, you're
open to the idea, but not now. Not right now, in any case. Assess them, screen them as you see fit, have fun but keep a bloody healthy distance
emotionally. Stay grounded with your own life and your own pursuits.

The op sounds like he was too keen to jump into something with this girl. Did he learn anything after been in a relationship with a single mother for three years or was he just too keen to heal the wounds by shacking up with the next willing female.

Ain't it funny when your too fvcking keen they tend to lose interest. Is he saying that he picked up and moved to be with her? So he gave
up his life where he was to shack up with this girl. It sounds like it was his idea too.

The only way out of a situation where you're not getting your needs met (be it a job or a relationship) is through assertiveness. Assertive action one step at a time. How do I get what I want? Then take assertive action on a daily basis to make that happen. No bitching no moaning, keep taking assertive action to move you in the direction you want to go.

Maybe it will take one week. Maybe one month. Maybe 3 months. Maybe 6 months etc Keep moving in the right direction.

 

[Infern0]

Its got nothing to do with "spinning plates" posters on here perscribe that **** like doctors handing out antibiotics like tic-tacs

I think people need to realize there's levels to this ****. Im talking about being a DJ (this is the DJ forum)

A guy who is getting run through by cluster B's multiple times isn't even a novice DJ.

"Spinning Plates" isnt something that every man is able to do, you need high SMV to do it effectively, codependent cluster B victims do NOT have high smv.

I know we have loads of dudes on here who claim 10 plates at a time but never have any proof. Let me tell you ive been in this **** for years now, i have very advanced knowledge of game and my smv is fairly high but more than 2, 3 at a push "decent" plates is the limit of my reach, i wish more dudes would be this honest.

We need to get OP past the beginning stages of DJ so he can actually learn to say no to a pretty face when shes got a million red flags sticking out of her.

"Spinning plates", thats down the road, forget about that for now until OP can actually handle ONE female succesfully.

 

[Reykhel]

@Infern0

Read the post again. The first three paragraphs I'm speaking in general terms. The use of the "general you", in place of using the more traditional and formal "one" (one should spin plates.....etc). Nowhere in these paragraphs am I advising the op to spin plates. It's an observation on the importance of having options before jumping into a ltr.

After paragraph three, I address the op's situation. The advice I give directly to the op is to take assertive action to remove himself step by step from this situation. I've stated that the assertive action could take months before he sees himself in a healthy position where he's getting his needs met.

Can you see the actual advice that I direct at the op now?

 

[Infern0]

I disagree, I am the person described having dated two of them and I can do it...The only times I can't are when I don't have time to because of work.

Also, it's less the literal sleeping with a lot of women and more having a lot of options or even constantly talking to new women so you keep a sense of perspective.

Can you explain your attraction to BPD's then if its not coming from scarcity

 

[Nn877]

Thanks for the replies guys....

@Infern0 i appreciate the support bro.

I needed the ass kicking, to be honest I thought I had a grasp on the relationship when it began, she was literally butter in my hands. But slowly, bit by bit my insecurities started to creep in my head.

It's weird cause in the beginning of LTRs I'm a walking bada$$ and confident but then once the affection gets pulled from the girl I lose my sh*t every time!

I ignore red flags that I know for sure now...maybe I'm just wanting sex with a good looking girl and she's cool to hang with on top! Why not date her? At least that was my thinking but now look where that got me.

Ive wanted to move to Los Angeles for years now and in a fvcked up way, she was the catalyst for that move, she found the place and I used the same landlord to find me my own spot.

Way I look at it now, is I'm on my own in LA, I'm 31, I need to turn this around before I lose out on these prime years.

How do you maintain emotional distance? I find it really hard for me to not get attached, esp when the sex is amazing and they are cool to be around.

She even said I'm codependent in a heated argument, maybe she's right. I do somewhat lose sight once I'm fully entrenched into a LTR. She prob would be a perfect fwb, but I wanted more out of it. In a way narcs are lucky they don't feel remorse or attachment, cause being a non and gettin the rug pulled under you is a kick in the a$$

 

[devilkingx2]

How do you maintain emotional distance? I find it really hard for me to not get attached, esp when the sex is amazing and they are cool to be around.

just think back to your previous relationships and how they started with the girl having great sex and being cool be around, it'll help you keep your expectations grounded

 

[Nn877]

I think being grounded is huge, once your grounding isn't solidified you become dependent and come off as a man without a mission which I feel girls find unattractive.

I'm a decent looking guy, prob a solid 6 maybe could pull off a 7-8 if I got into the gym and dressed better. But I keep getting wrapped up into these relationships that leave me feeling broken at the end of them and self worth is very low.

My ex before this one was def bpd....but this one I'm not sure, she came off as very sweet, yet had a strong personality and didn't mind being alone at times... it wasn't until we moved in together things took a turn. And it wasn't my idea it was actually hers to begin with. She literally pulled the rug out under me and became very hostile towards me, it was horrible experience. Does this mean she is a narc?

 

[AttackFormation]

Here's what I learned this new year's eve when I too fvcked up big in a similar way:

Never put yourself in a situation where a woman can control any aspect or outcome of your life.

Never put yourself in a situation where a woman can control any aspect or outcome of your life.

Never put yourself in a situation where a woman can control any aspect or outcome of your life.

 

[SuckItUp]

There are things you need to fix and I am saying this as someone who was in a 2 year "relationship" with a cluster B woman.

Any guy who gets involved with a cluster B woman has issues that need to be resolved. That's what you need to gleam from this experience.

She's broken and you need to figure out why you ignored red flags and kept on tolerating her behavior.

 

[Nn877]

@SuckItUp I agree, but how do you change something inside your head that prob has been there since early childhood, I'm 31 now and I've fell victim to two cluster b women.

I'm at the point now where i don't even trust my own judgement for entering a LTR, and am going to stay away from one for some time.

 

[fastlife]

@SuckItUp I agree, but how do you change something inside your head that prob has been there since early childhood, I'm 31 now and I've fell victim to two cluster b women.

I'm at the point now where i don't even trust my own judgement for entering a LTR, and am going to stay away from one for some time.

Rewriting your internal beliefs is a long process, but easier than you'd think. The only real challenge is consistency.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/create-your-own-confidence-how-to-be-you.233590/