Cleaning Out My Closet.

[Mizer]

Warning: This post is long! War and Peace long but I believe a good read. It is filled with semi-field reports and personal reflections. I mainly wrote it just to clear my mind before I move on to a different route in my life.

The post is sort of every where but has one over-arcing theme…

About a year and a half ago, I got out of a LTR with a woman that loved the hell out of me. She would sacrifice almost any thing in order to make me happy. She was pretty, very out-going, and fun. Although this girl did have her faults ( I won’t go into them), she gave me more love than I had ever known from any other woman I had ever dated and she wanted me to marry her.

The problem was that I did not love her. Matter-of-fact, I have never been in love. I still care for her very much but I just wasn’t attracted to her any longer and I just knew in my heart that I could never love her enough to want to spend the rest of my life with her. My heart just wouldn’t reciprocate the feelings she had for me and I began to lose sexual attraction to her and often thought about DJing once again. Even though I didn’t love her, I remained faithful to her. I considered her a good friend and didn’t want to hurt her.

I told her that I didn’t want to get married but she wanted to hold on. I think she eventually began to see that I would probably never marry her so she pulled a crazy stunt that many women pull in order to make men jealous (use another man). The stunt almost resulted in a catastrophe, which is another story. Anyway, we broke up for good and I began to dust off my Djing skills. With my ex now out of my life, I began to reminisce of my earlier days of dating freely.

Now, I come from a family of macho men who take pride in their ability to gather women. We pressure our young male family members to develop their Djing skills as young as possible. This pressure got on my nerve as a youth. The moment you wasn’t dating anyone in my family, you was teased endlessly in my family and was patted on the back endlessly if you had more than one girl. Matter-of-fact, one of my earliest life memories is when a couple of my youngest uncles locked me up in a dark wooden shack with a girl, stuck my hands down her underwear and left us to explore our non-existent sexuality. I know this sounds strange but we were all kids but I do believe that events like this occurred much more often within my family than many others.

Although I was bred under this system, I had a couple of cousins and a few uncles who were better at it than I was. With my competitive spirit, I always sought to be better than them. Basically, I always wanted to be the one who left the party, club, or bar with the most phone numbers or the most beautiful woman. I wanted to consistently date women in the 9-10 range and be better at it than many others. So I felt this was the time to perfect my skills in order to reach that goal before I got too old. At last, I was free!

So here I was, back in the field. At first, I often wondered what it would be like to be back after a few years. Would I look like a fool since I am now at an age that many guys are married and possibly with children? Would the pool of women be much shallower since the younger chics will stick with the younger guys and the older ones will mostly likely be married?

Well, I discovered that the younger women were actually even more attracted to me than they were when I was in my early twenties. First, many of them initially think that I am in my early twenties. Also, they seemed to be turned on by the fact that an older man is coming on to them. It wasn’t like I was targeting them. I would just see a beautiful lady and approach her. It would not be until we exchanged ages that I realized that I once again approached a younger lady. I tend to approach any woman that I am attracted to that is up to 10 years older than I but I seem to approach women in who are in their early or mid twenties a bit more often than the 30s or 40s. Anyway, If they looked sexy and I was attracted, I approached them.

So I had been keeping this up since my last LTR and for a while, I was having fun.

I began to hang out with a couple of other DJs, Paul and Craig. They are both very successful with women but Paul is much more aggressive with women and they seem too flock to him. Craig is close behind but his clubbing success isn’t as strong. He seems to do better than us in a setting where the women already know all three of us. They are both very fun to hang out with and we always have a good time together but like my two cousins, I began to wonder why Paul could take home women more often than I could.

He took a woman home almost every single night we went out while mine was more sporadic. I couldn’t figure it out and I dare not ask what the hell was he doing that I wasn’t doing. I know he buys women drinks, which is something I refuse to do but I figured that it had to be something more than that.

 

[Mizer]

We both work out. We both are involved in the same profession. We both are the same height. We both probably sit in the same area on the looks scale. He admits that I am a better dresser. So what was it? Paul obviously had better skills and I wanted to not only be at his level. I am thoroughly impressed with him. I wanted my skills to be sharper than his so my ambitions sent me searching the net for some DJs I could feel comfortable with asking them to expose every secret they had in order to find out what I was missing..

So I arrived at sosuave.com only to quickly realize that the site contained a lot more aspiring DJs seeking help than experienced one that are around my age. But actually it is a good release from the daily pressures of my profession to sit down at a computer and to read about men’s personal experiences with women from the entire globe. Call it “escapism.”

Anyway, now I must go on to why I plan to give up Djing and not give a damn about those with better Djing skills than I.


So a few weeks ago I get a call from this chic that I met at a conference a while back.
They manufacture 10s in the city where this conference was held but I had trouble getting them back to my hotel room as often as I wanted. My cousin, Ben (one of the two cousins discussed above) called me and I told him about the situation. He said that I better not be in that city disgracing the family name. He told me that I better start stuffing the women in the hotel room or he was going to send my other cousin (the other of the two) and father to assist me (Pop is a big DJ who, of course, is no longer with my mother). I laughed. My cousin gave me the juice that I needed to make the trip one of the best of my life although I had managed to get only one HB into my hotel bed but… that is another story.

BTW, Ben was the one to first demonstrate to me as a teen that many women could be taken to the sack on the first night of meeting them. In Ben’s case, it took only a matter of a few hours in many cases but those are other stories. I could write a novel on Ben…

Anyway, the chic tells me that she has this hot friend of hers that is arriving in my town for an internship program and she will be staying for a couple of weeks. She recommended me to her friend in hopes that some sparks will fly. She tells me that she thinks the friend and me could make beautiful children and one day marry and all that other cheesy romantic stuff women says when they set you up with one of their friends.

The friend (Debbie) called me that night. We talked for a few minutes. I realized that she was a talker and made a mental note of it. I also found during the conversation that she went to undergrad with Paul and Craig (small world). We set up a meeting to take place a couple of days after she arrives to town.

I called both Paul and Craig to give me a heads-up on the Debbie. Paul claimed that he couldn’t remember her due to so many women he knew from undergrad. Craig, who has photographic memory, recalled her and began to mentally compute a summary her dating behavior. He told me that she isn’t the type you can easily sleep with and she is the type that tells you "I just date" and “let just be friends.” I thanked him and immediately began to think of a strategy to get around the potential obstacle. The heart of my plan was to, of course, show her a damn good time mixed with some strategic kino.

Well, now comes the enlightening part. Well, it was at least enlightening for me.

Debbie and I had a lot of fun. It was like we had known each other for a long time and we both were enjoying ourselves. She was indeed a talker. Boy could she talk. She wasn’t as gorgeous as her friend described (she was about a 7) but her personality more than compensated. By time we got around to eating dinner at a cool restaurant on the lake, I realized that Craig had given a damn good run-down of Debbie. I sensed that she had placed me in the LJBF zone but I didn’t mind since and I enjoyed her company and it seems as if she would make a good friend anyway. Usually I would pay for my date’s dinner on the first date but since I was obviously in the LJBF zone, I made her pay for her own (My mother would later criticize me about it).

Since Debbie seemed like a decent woman with a good head on her shoulders and I was caught in the LJBF zone, I decided to start a conversation with her to gain more insight on a topic that only me and a few other of my buddies have engaged in. I asked her why does a lot of women in our profession date men who are of much lower status than they are. “Why do they do this and they are surrounded by successful bachelors who are in their own profession while the men usually find good women who tend to be good mothers?” I wanted to know what was their purpose of dating men of much lower status with seemingly nothing to offer in return.

 

[Mizer]

The conversation that followed after I had this conversation with Debbie caused me to reflect a lot on life and myself. It was juicy and deep. To avoid gory details, I would just say that Debbie gave a convincing argument that many men like myself are afraid of commitment and are always searching for “someone better.” She said many of the women in our profession tend to think that the man of lower status would be satisfied with them instead of thinking that they deserved someone better. She also stated that she found out that many of the women had been through so much that they just wanted someone who would just be around for them rather than someone who was just as busy as them. She used Craig and Paul as examples of us always running through women. I heard it many times before but no one had ever broken it down the way she had...all while we watched the waves splash on the lake sure from inside the restaurant.


Yes, I have been afraid to fall in love, afraid to commit, and I always looked to upgrade my women and my experience with them. This realization along with several conversations I have had with my cousin Ben over the past several weeks helped me to decide to give up Djing. Ben and I both have grown tired of the drama involved in it. Maybe it is because we both have grown older and a bit wiser but we figure that starting a family will be much more fulfilling that running around town with different women on our arms all of the time and searching for the one that would be better than the present one.

I just want Suzy Homemaker now. Of course, I would have to love her but she doesn’t have to be to be drop dead gorgeous and all of that other stuff any longer. I am moving away from the thought that I am missing something if I don’t date many women.

After my date with Debbie, I began to pack for a vacation to a sunny locale with my mother and some other family members. During the vacation, I told my mother whom I have a great relationship with that I was giving up playing the field. I had three different dates over the past three days before my departure plus a woman trying to set up one the night before I left. More on her later (she would call me with strange questions later on in this story). I gave her all my reasons why. Mainly, I was tired of the scheming involved, the uncertainties, and the void I still felt after my dates. Strangely, it was the same void I felt when I was in the relationship with my ex.

I told her about the date I had with Debbie and our conversation. She criticized me for not paying for Debbie’s dinner and asked me how many women have I dated since I broke up with my ex. After a few minutes of trying to count, I gave up and gave her a rough estimate. Her eyes popped open wide so. I had to assure her that I didn’t have sex with most of them. I always used protection when I did (I work in the health care profession so I see a lot of the results from mistakes DJs make and learn from them). She told me I was just like my father. I disagreed.

If the conversation with Debbie wasn’t enough…

On the way to meet up with my family so we could fly out to our vacation destination, my cell phone kept ringing. The number kept coming up as “restricted.” I would answer the phone but no one would answer and then the person would hang up. It happened about ten times while I was on the way to meet my family. I immediately thought it was some woman I had decided to “next” or ignore but I began to discount that theory for a couple of reasons. I then began to suspect that it was some guy who probably found my number in his girlfriend’s cell phone and was calling back to find out who was Mizer. It continued to happen throughout the day. When I it happened for the last time, I told my sister to answer my phone in hopes that the suspect would be thrown off by a woman answering the phone and reveal himself. The person hung up on my sister.

About a half of an hour later, my phone began to ring again. I looked at the caller ID and it was a woman whom I was dating. I asked about her day. She said that it hasn’t been going too well. I asked her why but she didn’t go into details. She immediately began to ask me strange questions like “When we met, what made you think that we would be any thing more than friends?” I began to look at my phone as if it was talking to me with craze. I reminded her that I don’t pick my friends up at clubs.

After not knowing why she was asking so many of these crazy questions that I didn’t know how to answer, I just asked her to stop with all of the crazy questions and say what was on her mind. She said she thought that we would just be friends. Now she really sounded strange… Read on.

I looked at my crazy phone again and said, “okay, so you want to be friends. I am cool with that. Is that all?” I asked, although I had no intentions of maintaining a friendship with her. I approached her inside of a club with sex on my mind and that is how I planned to leave the relationship. Anyway, the chic continued to drill me until she asked this question:

Her: “Was there any thing that made you believe that we would be any thing more than just friends?’

Me: “Well, we had sex a few times but besides that…no.”

Her: “We had sex!?”

Her last response made every thing clear to me. I immediately began to understand every thing… It was her boyfriend who had found my number. It was her boyfriend who had being calling me all day and hanging up. And it was her boyfriend who was now silently listening on the other line like he was awaiting the results of an AIDS test.

Me: “Look, you have your boyfriend on the other line trying to convince him that you have not been cheating on him and…”

Her: “Yes. He found out I was calling you and he got hold of some of our emails. How can you tell that he is on the line? Can you hear him?”

Me: “No. But I hear you and I think, at this point, you should just be straight up with him.”

Her: “Yes… you are right.” [short pause] “Good bye, Mizer.”

Me: “Bye.”

I hung up and have not heard from her since. I didn’t want her to get into trouble with her man but how stupid can you be to actually call up someone that you cheated on your boyfriend with while the BF is on the other line?

This will always be a stupid move.

Either be straight up with the person and convince him/her that it will never happen again or deny your unfaithfulness to the end of time. Never get in contact with the third party while your partner is around. And ladies please stop using other guys to make your men jealous so that they will marry you quicker or commit. That tactic will always blow up in your face

So now I am really convinced that I am ready to give up Djing. So in a few hours I board a plane destined for my sunny vacation spot. My mother checked us in at a very nice resort.

I subconsciously slipped into DJ mode.

My mother told us that we would have a very nice representative, Teresa, who would be helping us to have a great stay during our week of vacation. I asked mom how she looked. To my delight, mom told me she was very attractive. I got Teresa’s extension number from my mother and found a reason to call her.

During the call I planned to pull her down from any pedestal some well-tanned surfboarder may have placed her own. I asked for directions to a couple of places but gave her a hard time by asking for specific detail and chuckling and verbally shaking my head when she couldn’t provide me with them. We eventually hung up. I slapped myself on the wrist for slipping into my old habits and reminded myself of my vows.

 

[Mizer]

After a while, the doorbell rang. It was Teresa. She was not only very nice looking in the face but she was voluptuous. She came to offer me better directions. She immediately began to tell my mother how attractive she thought I was as if I wasn’t standing there. I am sure she had me blushing. I didn’t know how to handle this. I was in the other seat and it felt good but I decided not to follow up on the compliments. She offered my family and me some tickets to certain attractions. We turned them down initially.

The next morning, we decided to take them. I called Teresa up in order to accept the tickets. She told me to come over to her office to pick them up. I said I would as soon as I got dress. She told me to just come over naked and giggled. I was feeling mixed up so I couldn’t come back with a witty comment. She kept jokingly telling me to come naked. In order to avoid freaking out the neighboring vacationers, I decided to go dressed…dressed in my finest vacation gear of course with good cologne…


Anyway, the trip was filled with me rinsing out my old Djing habits and resisting coming on to women but somehow still walking away with phone numbers in some cases. My mother kept saying that I wasn’t ready to give up my lifestyle. I assured her that nothing would be done with the numbers.
I would just sit and talk to women just for general conversation and they would show a lot of interest so I felt that I had to ask for the number by time I ended the conversation. Not aiming to “get” the woman actually made the whole pull that much easier. One older lady approached my mother while I sat and talked to a female bartender and some other female patrons at a bar. The bar was located by a pool at the resort. The lady jokingly told my mother that it seemed like I was a flirt but she still wanted to stick around and wait for me.

I was just talking and having fun but somehow I walked away with the bartender’s phone number. My brother tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I recognized any of the other women around the pool area. I scanned the pool area and my eyes fell upon another woman that I was supposed to have called the previous night but never did because I felt guilty that she was 20 years old and I am much older and well above drinking age. She looked older before I approached her. Anyway, I said good bye to her before we left to return home.


Hopefully I can meet someone without going through all the exhaustion of DJing. I have been dating this one female who seems to be pretty cool. I will continue to give her a try but if it doesn’t go anywhere, I do not plan to return to the field. I plan to just lay back and see what happens in the romance department.

Good luck to you all and remember to have fun out there more than any thing! When it is no longer fun, it is probably time to try something different.



Mizer

 

[krd]

Wow, you've become so much of a true DJ that you actually have to stop and think how not to be one. How many of us aspiring DJ's would love to be able to say that? For many of us, it takes every ounce of our energy just to get up the nerve to talk to a girl. (Although your early family experiences were very traumatic and unnecessary for a kid to have to deal with, you have to admit, it was good training for your later successes with women.)

I think in your case, you've been there, done that, and realized there's something more. However I believe you couldn't have come to this realization without going through your DJ phase. For most of us who desire a woman, we need to experiment with this part of ourselves before we can really decide if this is what we want. For some, it may be everything they hoped for, while for others, it might be disappointing. But you were able to make it all the way to the other side to find this out for yourself. Experience is the best teacher.

I don't think being a DJ is meaningless. It just pushes you to your limits and helps you to see what you are capable of, so you will one day be able to move on with your life and focus on other things. DJing is definitely not fun for me; I'd even say it's quite painful. But I feel that if I can't at least prove to myself that I can do it, I'll always be unhappy. I hope I'll one day be able to make it to the point you're at. But right now I feel like I haven't even made it through the starting gate, after nearly seven years of trying. If I ever figure out how to break through all these barriers that are holding me back, then I can get on with my life, perhaps gain a new outlook as well. But I've still got a long way to go.

 

[hacx]

goot post but to long.....

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by hacx
goot post but to long.....

I'm waiting for the movie....

 

[Sir Space]

cliffs notes pls.

 

[MindOverMatter]

I enjoyed reading your post, your family sounds hilarious/

Good luck man