Chuck FVCKING Norris!

[reyalp]

Chuck Norris craps cinder blocks and farts mortar. Rumor has it he once ate his weight in burritos and built a gymnasium. Scientists theorize that he's linked to the pyramids and the Great Wall of China.

Chuck Norris made Linda Lovelace gag. Seven times.

The Titanic didn't scrape an iceberg. It scraped Chuck Norris and he gave it a roundhouse kick to the side.

Chuck Norris tore down the Berlin Wall. With one roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris' boots are made from the skin of midget Chuck Norris clones. It's the only way to get boots tough enough for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' wang will give your woman a roundhouse kick to the G-spot, and she'll like it.

Chuck Norris and Jackie Chan were originally slated to star in the Matrix, with Chuck as Agent Smith and Chan as Neo. The filming came to a screeching halt when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Jackie Chan into another state. The film was then recast.

Chuck Norris urinates pure absinth.

 

[Brian20o2]

bump. Lets keep this going cause its just that awesome. You dont want Chuck Norris to RHK you in the face do you?

Chuck Norris doesn't take showers, he runs until the sweat cleans him up.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself, and fear itself fears Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once appeared in a Trix Cereal commercial, when the rabbit tried to be bad-ass and steal the Trix cereal. Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face and said, “Silly rabbit, Don’t **** with Chuck.”

God was created in the image of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once hit a baseball so hard that it traveled around the world five times and landed in the pitcher's glove. When the umpire called Chuck Norris out, he roundhouse kicked the umpire in the face, as well as a small child in the crowd just for fun.

Chuck Norris recently bought Pandora's box on eBay.

Chuck Norris sweats actual bullets. He never uses them, he doesn't have to.

Chuck Norris can make Communism work.

NASA's origional saying at a space launch was, "3, 2, 1, CHUCK NORRIS!"

Chuck Norris' shoes, most notably the one that roundhouse kicked the Berlin wall down are kept in a secret government closet in Langley, Virgina. This may be the only government secret that Clinton did not sell to the Chinese.

Unlike most of the civilized world, Chuck Norris will actually recieve 73 green-eyed virgins when he dies.

Many people have believed that Superman is the only person strong enough to move buildings. Chuck Norris proved this statement wrong with a Round House Kick to the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

When Chuck Norris flexes, woman become immaculately pregnant.

Every time someone takes God's name in vain, Chuck Norris gets royalties.

Only Chuck Norris knows if a tree that has fallen in the forest with no one there to hear it makes a noise... and he won't tell.

Chuck Norris once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Chuck Norris owns world records for the most roundhouse kicks in a minute and for the most sexual partners in a minute. Amazingly, both of these feats were accomplished during the same minute.

Chuck Norris doesn't use a knife to shave. He uses his beard to sharpen knives.

 

[DJ_in_making]

Originally posted by Gonzalo
Dinosaurs tried to mess with Chuck Norris once...

Once.

lol! OMG, I never laughed so hard at online jokes in my life!:crackup:

The hardest substance on earth used to be diamonds. That was before Chuck Norris had his first erection.

 

[reyalp]

Chuck Norris' sonogram was a picture of a roundhouse kick.

When Chuck Norris was born, the doc went to slap him on the ass, but Chuck roundhouse kicked the guy in the head.

Yoda tried to mess with Chuck Norris, but Chuck kicked him so hard that the little dude wound up in that swamp.

When Chuck Norris jisms, it causes a meteor shower.

Chuck Norris was the inspiration for the movie "Unbreakable."

 

[cubed]

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
Ah, this thread is GREAT!

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research

Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls

Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.

 

[reyalp]

Chuck Norris fathered mutant frogs, see for yourself:

 

[AC/DC]

Chuck Norris chops down trees with his large penis.

Bump.

 

[DrMetallica]

Originally posted by Keeper
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

I found that amusing.