Chronicle of my becoming a man

[Man_O'War]

I am not a man.

Let's get that straight right now. At 48 years of age, I am aware that I am woefully ill-equipped and underdeveloped as a man.

The purpose of this thread is to chronicle my attempt to grow into true manhood. This will not be a thread about picking up women...that's really not my main problem. This will be a thread about my striving to take responsibility for my life and picking myself up by the bootstraps, for the first time in my life. My hope is that others will benefit from this chronicle of my journey.

Trying to make this initial post brief, here is why I state that I am not a functional man:

I have let myself become overweight (220 lbs. - should be about 180-190)
I am intrinsically lazy
I have absolutely no self-confidence.
I truly believe to my very core that I am a loser
I am in debt (In the low thousands)
I cannot handle money properly
I am not building my business the way I should
I tend toward depression
I consider myself fairly ugly
I suffer from a severe chronic inflamed intestine, but cannot afford health insurance
I have a missing side tooth that I am very embarassed about but cannot afford to fix
I struggle greatly to keep my apartment neat

My background:
Unstable, rageful mother, absentee father.
Painfully shy as a boy.
Chronic diarrhea all my life.
Always felt stupid and hated as a child.

That's it in a nutshell, guys. I listed all these things not because I want to wallow in my misery. On the contrary, I made this accurate self-assessment so that you, the reader, and I will know where I'm starting from.

I'm going to ask for help and advice from the community. I will be chronicling my journey every day. I fervently hope that this thread will be a path to enlightenment not only for myself but for others who assess themselves as "losers". I hope that some of you masters will pop in from time to time and input your observations and suggestions. I promise to do the very best I can to address all of these issues and to become the man I want to be.

I hereby declare war on my self-imposed limitations and beliefs.

Man O' War

 

[Man_O'War]

My First Step

So, Man O' War, what will be your first volley?

I hereby declare that I will work out with weights today and will walk the treadmill.

I will report back later tonight whether I have met with success or not.

M

 

[superchristx]

Good luck, MOW! I got yer back.

by the way, read Psycho Cybernetics

 

[Ebach]

Are you still listening to the TV commercials? Who the hell said that you need to run a business or have money to be a man? In fact, working your ass off your whole life takes away from learning about yourself and others you're just another tool for the corporate world. If you really wanna run your business, run your business and don't look up to anyone. Find out what it is you really desire and do your own thing. Basically, don't be greedy and don't be jealous but in order to stop that cycle you shouldn't look up to anyone but instead do what YOU desire.

Desire is the main thing that should lead you. Forget about jealousy and greed.

 

[Man_O'War]

Originally posted by superchristx
Good luck, MOW! I got yer back.

by the way, read Psycho Cybernetics

Thanks, superchristx. I appreciate the encouragement. I read that book a long time ago, but obviously it didn't stick. I'll check it out again.
M

 

[Man_O'War]

Ebach,
I don't think jealousey or greed have anything to do with what I stated.

In my view, being a man means living up to your responsibilities and paying your bills. This is what I want to accomplish.

M

 

[Man_O'War]

Ok, O had some success today. Although my schedule went haywire and I ended up getting home at 10:30 pm, I immediately changed and worked out with the weights. That gave me a sense of control that I haven't felt in a long time.

I couldn't do the treadmill as I have people living below me, but I did spend several hours in a huge mall (Christmas shopping) but then I walked the full length of the mall several times to make up for the fact that I wouldn't be able to use the treadmill tonight.

Tomorrow, it will be the treadmill and I will start to attend to my diet.

Thanks to those who encouraged me both publically and privately. It is very much appreciated.

Man O' War

 

[General Septem]

I applaud your determination. Some advice, though. Manliness doesn't depend on things that happen, it depends on what's in your mind. Just say to yourself: I am a man. Once you can truely believe that, everything else will fall into place. A lot of people go through life saying "I'll be happy when ____". Even if ____ does happen, you still won't be happy. It all comes down to this: just be happy. No person or thing can control your emotions. Obviously if your child dies you will grieve. But even in grief you can still have that same happiness. Never say "I'll never be happy again". I feel like I'm rambling, but think about it.

 

[Man_O'War]

All good points, General.

I fully realize that my real problem is self-perception. Unfortunately somewhere is my past I decided deep down inside that I was a loser, and I have been unable to rise above that ever since.

I fear that I will be stuck in that mind-set forever, simply because I made that decision so long ago, and it is therefore hard to get a handle on today.

The sad truth is that right now I can't say & believe "I am a man". The fact is that I'm not, because my behavior proves it.

As long as I hold that belief about myself, I will always revert back to "loser" behaviors, even if I achieve moderate success from time-to-time.

But that's why I came here. I'm hoping that some of you will check in on me from time-to-time to check on my progress and offer advice and correction.

I am determined to work as hard as I possibly can to turn my belief system around. I hope and pray that some of the guys here who have turned their lives around can help me navigate through these rough waters.
Thanks for taking an interest, General.
Man O' War

 

[DJHoolahoop]

The better point is to say that if you don't start now, you never will. Habits and safety zones get set up for a reason, because our brain depends on the predictability as its easier to recognize patterns. Our brain interacts with daily life based on the amount of times it analyzes things.

The interesting thing about this guys post is that its not too far off from the kind of guy I was. I commend the fact that anyone "gets it" in that they finally break free from the grip that life has on us. We become so trapped in our daily lives, that we never get to those things we wanted to do.

We sacrifice our lives for the sake of hoping it will get better. We don't ever take action because we feel too drained, when the funny thing though is that once you have direction and create purpose and a vision, that it seems even the hardest parts of the day are easier to deal with. That at the end of the day you can say to yourself "I'm one day closer" and before you know it, that day has arrived and that is what gives me the will to succeed.

 

[medaille]

I noticed that your initial assessment of yourself included only flaws.

What are you good at? or at the very least what are you not as bad at or unhappy about?

 

[j8snx1]

Not many of us come from the same background as you, and I can only imagine what pain you went through, but hey I know this sounds veryyyyy cheesy and hollywood, but

We, including AFCs, DJs, PUAs, Master DJs, and Moderators pledge our support to ya Man O' War, and I think I spoke for everyone on their behalf.

48 years old? So what! Better to start now than never! You only live once brother! WIsh you luck

 

[Heretolearn]

If you truly want it, it will happen!

all the best!

 

[epicurean]

isn't psycho cybernetics the scientology book? if it is, trust me, its retarded. Look at Tom Cruise before, and now after.

 

[Maverick001]

Man_O'War,

Welcome to the board.

You`re not a loser. You`re that one in millions of your father`s seed that made it to fertilize an egg from your mother to conceive the child that was you. You`re a born winner.

Everything negative that has happened in the past should be relegated to remain there. You are bigger, better and stronger than anything that has ever happened or been said to you. The future beckons and it`s yours for the taking.

You can overcome and make things better for yourself. Kudos to you for commencing this journey...

Cheers,
Mav

 

[Man_O'War]

That describes my predicament fairly well, DJHoolahoop. It seems that my "issues" are so massive in scope that it will be impossible to straighten out. But I am willing to try to the very best of my ability.

It has always seemed so hopeless SPECIFICALLY because I have noticed a remarkable decrease in ambition take hold. I'm sure this stems from my long-held conviction that I was inherently a loser. I've always known that as long as I believed that, I would never straighten out. And I have simply found no way to be able to believe anything different.
M

 

[Man_O'War]

Originally posted by medaille
I noticed that your initial assessment of yourself included only flaws.

What are you good at? or at the very least what are you not as bad at or unhappy about?

With all the things I think I'm good at, I always think, "So What? Have you capitalized on what you're good at? No!".

Everybody thinks I play really good guitar. I think it's all just smoke & mirrors, just some tricks I learned to make people think I play well. Right now, I find it impossible to say that I'm good at anything at all. I know that this is because all this is coming to a head now, and all my "garbage" is rising to the surface.

I appreciate your response, and I know you're making an excellent point. Maybe when the mud settles I'll be able to sit down and accurately identify some thigs I'm good at.
M

 

[Man_O'War]

Originally posted by j8snx1

We, including AFCs, DJs, PUAs, Master DJs, and Moderators pledge our support to ya Man O' War, and I think I spoke for everyone on their behalf.
48 years old? So what! Better to start now than never! You only live once brother! WIsh you luck

j8snx1,
Thanks, man. That means an aweful lot to me. I in turn will try my very beat to turn this life around.
Man O' War

 

[Man_O'War]

yendor28,
Thanks for the encouragement. I hope I want it bad enough.

epicurean,
I think you're thinking of "Dianetics".

Maverick001,
Thanks so much for the encouragement. I never thought of that whole "conception" angle. I truly hope I can get to the point where I can relegate all that to the past. I know your support and encouragement will be a huge help.

Man O' War

 

[Captain Popular]

I have let myself become overweight ====Ok run early in the morning before you shower burns more calories because yu have no food in your systems so it burns direct fat not what you ate that day 15 min everyday for a week...then 25..and so on. It takes 21 days to build a habit. I like to shower in the mornings too, wakes me up and makes me feel good.

I am intrinsically lazy====don’t watch as much TV. put a limit until you can successfully manage your life....get more sleep, you will feel allot better and have more time for yourself and with that time you can make personal life changes that will have long lasting results.

I have absolutely no self-confidence. ====you must start small...don’t just jump into the self-confidence game, ease on in...try some confidence building tech, I dunno maybe search the net for that topic...be friendly to people, make convo and be a nice guy right now, people will admire that a will be like regardless on your physical appearance. Once you can build your confidence you will be twice the man you were and you appearance will slowly follow

I truly believe to my very core that I am a loser====shut the **** up.....you like that, no, well to bad get that damn idea out your head..... Only a loser would say that ****, so don’t think it anymore and walllla believing in yourself will guess what build your confidence!!!!That is very important if I might say.....but for real you’re not a loser. Not today...you might have been the biggest loser in the world but that was the past and this is now. If you’re working on your self right now, doing a few push ups and working to become better person, you’re not a loser in my book.

I am in debt ===get rid of your credit cards, they will ****ing kill you, don’t eat out as much, don’t subscribe to playboy and make simple sacrifices, save some money up to pay off your debt....this might take a min or two but once this is gone I guarantee you that a big load of stress will be lifted and walllla you wont feel so depressed b/c stress sucks ****....sacrifice.....your a smart man, you know what you can do without, just remember, it's only temporary, once you get your life straight you can have some fun.

I cannot handle money properly====grow up, open a savings account put a little in when you can and leave it alone. it will build and you will benefit from it down the road....again be smart like I know you are,,, i can read you post and tell your an intelligent man...no body can make you want to change and I think you coming here for help makes me proud of you, really, just don’t give up I know it's hard to follow through sometimes but I swear the outcome is so much greater than what it took to get there.

I am not building my business the way I should===im not to sure about this situation? So won’t say too much about that...Be smart man.
I tend toward depression===**** depression...ive been depressed before but just think about all the people who have it ten times worse than you,,,,,,can you honestly imagine to be born in a third world country and have to starve and suffer every single day? I think you have it great so just make some simple changes and this will go away.

I consider myself fairly ugly===you’re not the only one who says that about themselves, there are many hot people who think there ugly. Is all about how you present yourself that matters. there is someone for you who is gunna want you for who you are, I swear....you can change you appearance later with some simple clothing, hair, cologne, concepts that will help you look more desirable but all that does is make you feel good and confident and that is what attracts a female not looks alone.


I suffer from a severe chronic inflamed intestine, but cannot afford health insurance===im sorry about that, maybe like I said before those sacrifices can help you with you true priorities, make a list of the most important priorities in your life and take care of those 1st...Maybe someone else will have better advice for this topic im not to experience with insurance and gov help with financial aid and what???Sorry

I have a missing side tooth that I am very embarrassed about but cannot afford to fix===all I can say is make sure your breath is good brush that tongue and if you don’t need to smile then don’t, at least till you can get it fixed......this entire process may takes some time but it has to be done! I hate being embarrassed but you forget about it later so who cares....it will get fixed and you'll be ok, just work on getting it fixed.

I struggle greatly to keep my apartment neat===wash your damn dishes...dont let em pile...when your done eating rinse the leftover food off that way when you have time to wash them it wont be such a chore. use your damn trash can, if you don’t have one, get one, really cheap at wal-mart or a near-by dollar store......take initiative man, it's all on you and all we can do is offer advise, like I said we cant make you want it, we can just encourage and root for you.
Good luck man and ill be checking in on you thread,
Im Out
Mr. Larry aka Captain Popular