De La Soul
Master Don Juan
Freedom. What is real freedom? Is it being free to choose your religion? Is it being free to choose your profession? Maybe it's being able to choose whether you want peas or carrots, or being able to choose your sexual partner.
It's all of these things.
The essence of being free is the ability to CHOOSE. Everything about being free comes back to being able to make choices.
Now, here's a few fictional stories. None of them are very exciting or thrilling. In fact it's a stretch to even call them "stories", but here goes...
***
Ted, Bruce, and Jake are three men. They're all friends and they're all walking down the street together. Suddenly, a drunken man comes out of nowhere and screams at them: "Give me 30 bucks! I need 30 bucks right now!" Ted is shaken, he quickly reaches into his pocket and pulls out $15; apologising nervously, he tells the man (truthfully) that it's all he's got. The drunk snarls abuse at him and Ted apologises more and more, quivering, but unable to do anything more.
The drunken man moves on to Jake. Now, Jake's got $80 and a cell phone in his pockets, but he's not about to give it away. "I'm not going to give you anything," he declares, "move on."
Struck by Jake's conviction, the drunk scurries over to Bruce (who's also got a reasonable amount of cash and valuables in his pockets): "Get the f*ck away from me you chump, or I'll step on your face!" Enraged, the drunk cracks Bruce in the face with a left hook and, after emptying Bruce's pockets, runs off with $75, a cell phone and BMW car keys.
Ted has lost his dignity and his money.
Bruce has lost his consciousness and his dignity.
Jake has lost nothing. He's gained face.
A couple of weeks later, the 3 men are again walking down the street. A hot blonde is coming in the other direction, and all three men notice her. Ted sees her, makes an obscene comment about her to the other two men, but when she comes near he quickly looks away and stiffens up.
Bruce, on the other hand, decides that he's feeling lucky. And, trying to impress the other two men, he runs over to the woman and says "Hey baby. How YOU doin'? Gimme a chance and you KNOW I'll treat you right!" The woman laughs. What a pathetic chump, is what she's thinking, and walks off.
"Did you see that!?" Bruce gloats to his friends, "Why'll you guys stood there like rabbits in the spotlight, I had the BALLS to approach her!" Secretly he's hoping that she didn't think he was a pathetic chump.
After walking a couple of blocks, the men run into the same woman again. Ted again avoids her glance and clams up. But this time, just before Bruce has time to call out something equally pathetic to the woman again, Jake strides over to her: "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that the strap on your shoe is broken." He says, warmly.
"Uh, yeah I know, I need to get it fixed." The woman says, a little surprised at Jake's unexpected comment.
"Look, I can show you a really good shoe repair store around here, let me give you directions...."
"Thanks!"
"No problem. Hey, why don't you give me your number, I'll take you out some time. We'll have fun."
"Hmmm. Ok....." The woman gives Jake her number with a smile. Jake smiles and strides off back to his friends. They are left in awe.
***
Now, in case you have noticed, these stories aren't little fables that I've crafted over many years, hoping to win a Pulitzer Prize for. But they do have a strong subtext under them.
To make things clearer, Ted is the Nice Guy of the group. He quickly gives all his money to the drunken man, apologising for not having more. Then, when he sees the hot lady, he stiffens up and looks away. He lets his nervous and confrontation-avoiding emotions take control of him.
Bruce, is very different. He is a Jerk. He is unnecessarily aggressive towards the drunken man, and ends up getting his nose punched in. When he sees the woman, he tries to appear confident but ends up making a fool of himself. In front of young, inexperienced guys, he would be seen as brave and cavalier. To those who know better, he's ineffective and nervous. But instead of letting his nerves take control of him, he makes the complete opposite happen: he TRIES to make himself appear confident, but he fails. The drunk knocks him out and the woman brushes him off quickly - he's about as effective as the Nice Guy, the only difference being that the Jerk will occassionally succeed with women who have very low self esteem. In the end, however, Bruce is so intent not to let his nerves take control of him, that he effectively DOES let them take control.
Finally, there's Jake. Jake is the Great Guy (warm, firm, intelligent, charming, confident, calm). In the first situation, he tells the drunk that it's just not gonna happen - he's holding onto his money. But instead of being aggressive or hot-headed, he keeps his calm and firmly states his choice. When he sees the hot blonde, he's not reclusive, but he's not overly eager. He simply gives some friendly advice and calmly collects the number. No special tricks needed.
So now that that's all clear, let's take a look at the root of their problems. Why is Ted a Nice Guy? Why is Bruce a Jerk? Why is Jake a Great Guy?
Well, without going into their pasts and asking them about profound life-changing experiences, allow me to identify what separates the rest from the best. It seems that the select few who rise above the others in almost all facets of life share a common characteristic. Somehow they seem more free than the rest of us. They are free to choose - the essence of freedom!
In other words, they are governed by their choices, nothing else.
Most people fail because they are not governed by their choices, but by everything else. Fear, lust, anger, nervousness, love, hate, laziness, the list goes on. All these emotions swish around in their heads and what do they lose sight of? Their choices. What they want. Successful people, on the other hand, put WHAT THE WANT as their number one priority. Everything else is just window dressing.
The Nice Guy doesn't really know what he wants - therefore he finds it difficult to make choices. He'll agree with the woman on everything, he'll never approach the hot babe on the street, and he'll never stand up for himself. As a result, he'll live a quiet life, and he'll never have the "pick of the crop" of anything - jobs, cars, women etc.
The Jerk is too eager to PROVE that he is in control. He might approach a lot of women, but he'll do it ineffectively, occassionally succeeding but never learning.
The Great Guy KNOWS he is great. He knows he is cool, calm, charming, warm, firm, confident - he doesn't need to consciously try to prove it. As a result, he'll be firmly set on what he wants. Nothing else matters to him. His emotions take a back seat to what he wants. He is free in all the ways that 99% of us are not because he takes what he wants. It doesn't seem heroic to him, it's just common sense.
Everyone has the potential to get the hot babe, to make the tackle, to get the job. The problem is, most of us are caught up in the things that don't matter.
The Great Guy is warm because he has a genuine interest in other people, he wants to know more about them. He is firm because he doesn't let other people drag him down, or away from his plans. He is confident because he doesn't worry what other people might or might not think about him, he lives his life on his own terms. He is charming because he has made the choice to be happy and to accept other people openly. He is cool because he isn't trying to impress other people, but at the same time he is displaying his other positive characteristics.
Let's break this down:
- interested in others = warm
- standing up for yourself calmly = firm
- trusting in yourself = confident
- not caring what others think of you = confident
- being happy = charming and fun
- accepting others openly = charming
These things alone will be MUCH MORE THAN ENOUGH to get you a date. Once you've got the date, the only thing you need to add into the mix is shots of sexuality. No problem!
If you can be this man, you can be truly free. All you're doing is accepting your nature as a man and ignoring your petty emotions.
The greatest sin you can commit in the world of women, is to be afraid to be a man. To be too careful is criminal. To have no aspirations is disgusting. To have no opinions is sick-making. To be concerned about what others think is just plain pityable. To be afraid to fail is punishable by 25 years without sex.
On the other hand, to have attainable dreams is exciting. Being a problem solver is desirable. Being passionate for something is a turn on. Being passionate for life is wet-making. To be sexual is uniquely brilliant. To attempt to take what you want with conviction is rewardable with flocks of babes suddenly becoming available to you.
CHOOSE life. TAKE what you want.
De La Soul
It's all of these things.
The essence of being free is the ability to CHOOSE. Everything about being free comes back to being able to make choices.
Now, here's a few fictional stories. None of them are very exciting or thrilling. In fact it's a stretch to even call them "stories", but here goes...
***
Ted, Bruce, and Jake are three men. They're all friends and they're all walking down the street together. Suddenly, a drunken man comes out of nowhere and screams at them: "Give me 30 bucks! I need 30 bucks right now!" Ted is shaken, he quickly reaches into his pocket and pulls out $15; apologising nervously, he tells the man (truthfully) that it's all he's got. The drunk snarls abuse at him and Ted apologises more and more, quivering, but unable to do anything more.
The drunken man moves on to Jake. Now, Jake's got $80 and a cell phone in his pockets, but he's not about to give it away. "I'm not going to give you anything," he declares, "move on."
Struck by Jake's conviction, the drunk scurries over to Bruce (who's also got a reasonable amount of cash and valuables in his pockets): "Get the f*ck away from me you chump, or I'll step on your face!" Enraged, the drunk cracks Bruce in the face with a left hook and, after emptying Bruce's pockets, runs off with $75, a cell phone and BMW car keys.
Ted has lost his dignity and his money.
Bruce has lost his consciousness and his dignity.
Jake has lost nothing. He's gained face.
A couple of weeks later, the 3 men are again walking down the street. A hot blonde is coming in the other direction, and all three men notice her. Ted sees her, makes an obscene comment about her to the other two men, but when she comes near he quickly looks away and stiffens up.
Bruce, on the other hand, decides that he's feeling lucky. And, trying to impress the other two men, he runs over to the woman and says "Hey baby. How YOU doin'? Gimme a chance and you KNOW I'll treat you right!" The woman laughs. What a pathetic chump, is what she's thinking, and walks off.
"Did you see that!?" Bruce gloats to his friends, "Why'll you guys stood there like rabbits in the spotlight, I had the BALLS to approach her!" Secretly he's hoping that she didn't think he was a pathetic chump.
After walking a couple of blocks, the men run into the same woman again. Ted again avoids her glance and clams up. But this time, just before Bruce has time to call out something equally pathetic to the woman again, Jake strides over to her: "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that the strap on your shoe is broken." He says, warmly.
"Uh, yeah I know, I need to get it fixed." The woman says, a little surprised at Jake's unexpected comment.
"Look, I can show you a really good shoe repair store around here, let me give you directions...."
"Thanks!"
"No problem. Hey, why don't you give me your number, I'll take you out some time. We'll have fun."
"Hmmm. Ok....." The woman gives Jake her number with a smile. Jake smiles and strides off back to his friends. They are left in awe.
***
Now, in case you have noticed, these stories aren't little fables that I've crafted over many years, hoping to win a Pulitzer Prize for. But they do have a strong subtext under them.
To make things clearer, Ted is the Nice Guy of the group. He quickly gives all his money to the drunken man, apologising for not having more. Then, when he sees the hot lady, he stiffens up and looks away. He lets his nervous and confrontation-avoiding emotions take control of him.
Bruce, is very different. He is a Jerk. He is unnecessarily aggressive towards the drunken man, and ends up getting his nose punched in. When he sees the woman, he tries to appear confident but ends up making a fool of himself. In front of young, inexperienced guys, he would be seen as brave and cavalier. To those who know better, he's ineffective and nervous. But instead of letting his nerves take control of him, he makes the complete opposite happen: he TRIES to make himself appear confident, but he fails. The drunk knocks him out and the woman brushes him off quickly - he's about as effective as the Nice Guy, the only difference being that the Jerk will occassionally succeed with women who have very low self esteem. In the end, however, Bruce is so intent not to let his nerves take control of him, that he effectively DOES let them take control.
Finally, there's Jake. Jake is the Great Guy (warm, firm, intelligent, charming, confident, calm). In the first situation, he tells the drunk that it's just not gonna happen - he's holding onto his money. But instead of being aggressive or hot-headed, he keeps his calm and firmly states his choice. When he sees the hot blonde, he's not reclusive, but he's not overly eager. He simply gives some friendly advice and calmly collects the number. No special tricks needed.
So now that that's all clear, let's take a look at the root of their problems. Why is Ted a Nice Guy? Why is Bruce a Jerk? Why is Jake a Great Guy?
Well, without going into their pasts and asking them about profound life-changing experiences, allow me to identify what separates the rest from the best. It seems that the select few who rise above the others in almost all facets of life share a common characteristic. Somehow they seem more free than the rest of us. They are free to choose - the essence of freedom!
In other words, they are governed by their choices, nothing else.
Most people fail because they are not governed by their choices, but by everything else. Fear, lust, anger, nervousness, love, hate, laziness, the list goes on. All these emotions swish around in their heads and what do they lose sight of? Their choices. What they want. Successful people, on the other hand, put WHAT THE WANT as their number one priority. Everything else is just window dressing.
The Nice Guy doesn't really know what he wants - therefore he finds it difficult to make choices. He'll agree with the woman on everything, he'll never approach the hot babe on the street, and he'll never stand up for himself. As a result, he'll live a quiet life, and he'll never have the "pick of the crop" of anything - jobs, cars, women etc.
The Jerk is too eager to PROVE that he is in control. He might approach a lot of women, but he'll do it ineffectively, occassionally succeeding but never learning.
The Great Guy KNOWS he is great. He knows he is cool, calm, charming, warm, firm, confident - he doesn't need to consciously try to prove it. As a result, he'll be firmly set on what he wants. Nothing else matters to him. His emotions take a back seat to what he wants. He is free in all the ways that 99% of us are not because he takes what he wants. It doesn't seem heroic to him, it's just common sense.
Everyone has the potential to get the hot babe, to make the tackle, to get the job. The problem is, most of us are caught up in the things that don't matter.
The Great Guy is warm because he has a genuine interest in other people, he wants to know more about them. He is firm because he doesn't let other people drag him down, or away from his plans. He is confident because he doesn't worry what other people might or might not think about him, he lives his life on his own terms. He is charming because he has made the choice to be happy and to accept other people openly. He is cool because he isn't trying to impress other people, but at the same time he is displaying his other positive characteristics.
Let's break this down:
- interested in others = warm
- standing up for yourself calmly = firm
- trusting in yourself = confident
- not caring what others think of you = confident
- being happy = charming and fun
- accepting others openly = charming
These things alone will be MUCH MORE THAN ENOUGH to get you a date. Once you've got the date, the only thing you need to add into the mix is shots of sexuality. No problem!
If you can be this man, you can be truly free. All you're doing is accepting your nature as a man and ignoring your petty emotions.
The greatest sin you can commit in the world of women, is to be afraid to be a man. To be too careful is criminal. To have no aspirations is disgusting. To have no opinions is sick-making. To be concerned about what others think is just plain pityable. To be afraid to fail is punishable by 25 years without sex.
On the other hand, to have attainable dreams is exciting. Being a problem solver is desirable. Being passionate for something is a turn on. Being passionate for life is wet-making. To be sexual is uniquely brilliant. To attempt to take what you want with conviction is rewardable with flocks of babes suddenly becoming available to you.
CHOOSE life. TAKE what you want.
De La Soul
