Childless older guys (late 20s and up), how to get over kids?

[Jaylan]

For the gents 27 and over, how do you deal with the fact that as you get older, more women start to have kids? I cant help but be mega turned off my single moms. However, I know as I get older, they will flood my dating pool more. I gotta be realistic and know I wont be young forever (im 27) and that if Im still single into my 30s, a good portion of my dating pool will have kids.

Hell, even if the girl is 25 and attractive, seeing her profile say she has a kid, or having a girl mention it to me turns me off. I have a few reasons;

1. I have no kids, and because she already has a kid, I know if there were any kind of slip ups, shed likely make me a father. Clearly she didnt opt for abortion or morning after pills before.

2. I cant get over thinking what the kid might have done to her body, especially her lady parts. Shallow sure, but in my mind it screams that shes less elite physically than other women. Doesnt matter if she still looks good as a mom in her 20s, it just bugs me.

3. Lord knows kids will get top priority and this zaps a lot of spontaneity out of dating.

4. I feel less prideful if I pull a single mom, cus tbh...they have to lower their standards because of how a lot of men generally feel about them. It feels like itd be too easy, and who doesnt want a girl thats well sought after?

So for the childless older gents, how did you deal with the reality that many women eventually will have kids. Sure some people will say "well just always date younger". But the reality is that generally much younger women want men near their age. And plus, I see women under 22 as kids already. The maturity level aint there...and I prefer someone within a few years of my age. We click more and its less headaches.

Thoughts?

 

[noheroes]

THROW YOUR HOT DOG DOWN THAT HALLWAY SON

Seriously, if you're not planning on a relationship, the only challenge I've found with single moms is logistics. Those kids can c*ckblock you like crazy.

Young girls don't necessarily want guys their age. That's a limiting belief. If you don't like younger girls, that's cool, but I think you'd be surprised at what they want. Listen to the Art of Charm podcast Adam Gilad did for some ideas:
http://pickuppodcast.com/2013/11/10/episode-217-adam-gilad-dating-younger-women/

 

[Jaylan]

I like younger women to a point, but I wont pretend that its not reality that most people date folks around their own age. If Im still single and closing in on 40, I wont pretend Im a top pick for the ladies the same way a young fit 25 yr old dude may be.

A lot of dudes forget just how looks driven women in their 20s are. Going to the gym and growing my hair out has shown me this.

 

[Mike32ct]

I like younger women to a point, but I wont pretend that its not reality that most people date folks around their own age. If Im still single and closing in on 40, I wont pretend Im a top pick for the ladies the same way a young fit 25 yr old dude may be.

A lot of dudes forget just how looks driven women in their 20s are. Going to the gym and growing my hair out has shown me this.

^Very true and realistic.

As for the kids thing, this is how I rank it in terms of desirability:

1. Lady with no kids
2. Lady with an older kid
3. Lady with a young child

Since I'm pushing 40, the woman with a kid thing is a strong possibility. But, at least, by that age, her kid will be older. I mean if she's 42 and the kid is 16, at least the kid might be headed to college in a year or two.

If she's say 27 with a three year old, I just couldn't do it, no matter how hot she might be.

 

[TheException]

I like younger women to a point, but I wont pretend that its not reality that most people date folks around their own age. If Im still single and closing in on 40, I wont pretend Im a top pick for the ladies the same way a young fit 25 yr old dude may be.

A lot of dudes forget just how looks driven women in their 20s are. Going to the gym and growing my hair out has shown me this.

I disagree with Mike....I think this is a limiting belief especially the bolded.

Game > Looks. Period. No matter what age. Men like to blame things like "women prefer looks" for their failures instead of themselves....its easier on the ego.

That being said...I agree with everything in your OP. I would never marry or even get into a LTR with a woman who has a kid. Its in our biology to want to provide for only OUR KIDS. So sure maybe the majority of women in their 30s will have a kid and be divorced, but there are women who wont be. There is certainly an argument for these women being low quality and I would tend to agree. So my advice? Date younger like the previous member suggested. Dont have the limiting belief above or else that will be reality for you.

 

[Jaylan]

^If you still buy into the idea that looks dont play a huge portion in how women size up and choose men, then youre starting behind the 8 ball. Any man with enough experience and enough friends, will tell you what men do well with women. Sure charisma helps, but by and large my good looking friends do the best with women. Even the dudes with bumbling skills do alright because the gals throw themselves at the guy and make it easy.

And by and large, getting my body in great shape and growing my hair out got more women to respond positively towards me. And guess, what...a couple years ago when I got my hair, and slimmed down from not going to the gym....I got less female attention. Explain that...because I still spoke to them the same way and approached them the same.

In reality I feel men love to think "game" is this magic that will make them so great with women. Maybe with certain women, but not all women. Ladies are highly visual too...and clothing, and a good body shape work wonders on who you attract. Lets stop denying this.

^Very true and realistic.

As for the kids thing, this is how I rank it in terms of desirability:

1. Lady with no kids
2. Lady with an older kid
3. Lady with a young child

Since I'm pushing 40, the woman with a kid thing is a strong possibility. But, at least, by that age, her kid will be older. I mean if she's 42 and the kid is 16, at least the kid might be headed to college in a year or two.

If she's say 27 with a three year old, I just couldn't do it, no matter how hot she might be.

Thats the problem for me. Any gal around my age with kids, will have young kids. Ive seen my best friend try to date such a woman, and it was hell. I couldnt ever do it. Im a selfish man and want to have time with my woman.

The only other little person that should be stealing my time from a woman I fancy is my own kid. In which case I wont mind too much.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

^If you still buy into the idea that looks dont play a huge portion in how women size up and choose men, then youre starting behind the 8 ball. Any man with enough experience and enough friends, will tell you what men do well with women. Sure charisma helps, but by and large my good looking friends do the best with women.

And by and large, getting my body in great shape and growing my hair out got more women to respond positively towards me. And guess, what...a couple years ago when I got my hair, and slimmed down from not going to the gym....I got less female attention. Explain that...because I still spoke to them the same way and approached them the same.

Yep, and I understood that after bodybuilding and acne riddance... If you go for 5-8 years younger, you should only worry about this in your mid thirties.. Women are always immature anyway, so while you see a big difference now you won´t see any difference in a few years. But I would only go for women with kids for flings, nothing more than that.

In this day and age, most marriages will be failures, and you will probably see the first generation in history that can date like teens till they are dead. I´m seeing this right now, for instance people in their twenties get over clubs for a while, but then come back. I see clubs filled with 40+s both men and women (not only the creepy guys).

If I just date them, I don´t care about children, for a girlfriend or wife, they most be childless, and although I dont want a virgin, I will avoid as a plague, girls who have slept with more than 5 guys (that´s my limit) although it might be difficult to know in the first place.

 

[Jaylan]

^Youll never EVER settle down if you think its a big deal that a woman has been with 5 guys. Grow a thicker skin and get with the times.

Say a girl lost her virginity at 16 and you meet her when shes 26. You expect her to only had been with 5 guys and almost all of that being inside a relationship? Come on now. Im ok with a girl average about a partner a year since the time she lost her virginity.

Its really no big deal. For a chick to have sex with one guy a year is really tame to begin with. If youre dating around and having flings yourself, you cannot expect a lady to be much different in todays world. Girls enjoy sex and fun too. And as long as a girl wasnt a super slut, I dont mind that shes had some casual fun in her lifetime.

Unrealistic standards is why many women choose to lie to certain men about their sexual history. I have a sexual past thats not too tame, so I have no issue with a woman of a similar past as mine.

 

[GS750]

Looks are your best investment. Period. This includes your overall physical fitness level, posture, etc. This looks vs game B.S. can be debated forever. On to the single mothers. I dont date them. I'm 33 now but have no problem getting interest from ladies in their 20's. If you are in your late 20's, 30's and beyond you should have no trouble finding a girl 10+ years younger than you provided that you're in reasonably good shape and have a nice lifestyle. Let the single fathers date the single mothers. I've seen plenty of guys hook up with and date/marry single mothers. Its a disaster waiting to happen, IMO, 95% of the time. The only excpeption would be a widow. Can't look down on a widow for obvious reasons...unless she killed him haha.

 

[noheroes]

Couple points regarding looks:

1) Grooming and fitness matter, to a point. You should put effort into your appearance, and not being obese helps tremendously. This also depends on your demographic (businessman vs. hipster will be very different). But it's not the primary thing women look for, and if you think it is, you've probably not been with enough women. Body language matters FAR more than either of those things.

2) Women will backwards rationalize why they were attracted to you and say it was based on looks, because that's what we've been socialized to think. A girl will pick up on your body language, inner game, and charisma initially. Then, because she is clueless as to what actually attracts her, she will tell you "it was because you're cute!" after you've f*cked. Your cuteness in a woman's eyes is directly influenced by game.

 

[Jaylan]

^Having had a few girls screw me on my looks and physique alone, I can tell you that some of you guys really need to stop denying reality. Yes game can help, but as I said, women can be very looks driven. And when it comes to casual hook ups, Id say looks is prolly the one of the main things chicks go on.

Some of you need to hang around and talk to more women. Women definitely appreciate and fawn over hot bodies the same way men do. Looks arent the end all be all, but some of you really underestimate the value women place on appearance of their mate, especially if shes fit herself.

And the girls I slept with didnt backwards rationalize a dang thing. They were able to say with detail what they liked about me. Its always typically my hair, shoulders, chest, ass, etc. None of that vague "youre cute" crap either. When women like a guy for his looks, many will outright say so, the same way other women will say how great a guys personality is if thats what drew her to him.

My one buddy at the gym, whos in almost fitness stage-competition shape...if you see the way girls look at him and talk about him, youd change youre whole tune. The dude even says that he changed nothing about his personality or game since he started working out, yet girls throw themselves at him in the club or chat him up on the beach.

You guys here dont give women enough credit and dont realize how much their sex drive can be driven by raw animistic desire thats based on what they see. Again, Im not saying looks are the end all be all...but to try and make it as if game entirely trumps a great physique? My experience has not shown me that.

 

[GS750]

Couple points regarding looks:

1) Grooming and fitness matter, to a point. You should put effort into your appearance, and not being obese helps tremendously. This also depends on your demographic (businessman vs. hipster will be very different). But it's not the primary thing women look for, and if you think it is, you've probably not been with enough women. Body language matters FAR more than either of those things.

2) Women will backwards rationalize why they were attracted to you and say it was based on looks, because that's what we've been socialized to think. A girl will pick up on your body language, inner game, and charisma initially. Then, because she is clueless as to what actually attracts her, she will tell you "it was because you're cute!" after you've f*cked. Your cuteness in a woman's eyes is directly influenced by game.

I don't agree with you. I think if you're good looking she will "backwards rationalize", as you put it, your behavior...even if its downright bad. But hey, we can agree to disagree. Yes confidence level, body language, etc. matter. But looks and overall fitness level are still most important.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

Cool you have no problems. I actually happen to have lots of close girl friends, and most of them haven´t slept with more than 5 guys by the age of 25. Why? First, not everyone lives in US or UK, some countries are more conservative on these issues, some had the same boyfriend for more than 5 years, busy with college etc. One close friend of my sister, happen to kiss the first guy at the age of 23, and she is cute. Although very religious..

So, remember things differ from country to country. Also it´s no a matter of "manning" up or growing a thicker skin, if I want to get married it wont be with a girl that is a slut in my standards. In addition many people seem to think that the more one "lives" while is young, the more cool with an exclusive relationship will be, which is wrong. A girl who had 5 ****s inside her anus (at least) will be never able to bond completely with a new guy "There is no love like the first. Neither girls who already made out with hundreds of guys. Women will also have many problems falling in love as they age, and I heard from several of them. The reason is simple, if you let many people enter into your intimate life, love will become undervalued since is cheap and easy for most girls, you begin to see guys like one more, lke numbers. Many friends also told men tend to love them much more then they do, women coolness and relaxation in datings shows all of the above.... And I could go on forever... 90% of divorces are started by women...too many desperate guys..

^Youll never EVER settle down if you think its a big deal that a woman has been with 5 guys. Grow a thicker skin and get with the times.

Say a girl lost her virginity at 16 and you meet her when shes 26. You expect her to only had been with 5 guys and almost all of that being inside a relationship? Come on now. Im ok with a girl average about a partner a year since the time she lost her virginity.

Its really no big deal. For a chick to have sex with one guy a year is really tame to begin with. If youre dating around and having flings yourself, you cannot expect a lady to be much different in todays world. Girls enjoy sex and fun too. And as long as a girl wasnt a super slut, I dont mind that shes had some casual fun in her lifetime.

Unrealistic standards is why many women choose to lie to certain men about their sexual history. I have a sexual past thats not too tame, so I have no issue with a woman of a similar past as mine.

 

[Bokanovsky]

So for the childless older gents, how did you deal with the reality that many women eventually will have kids. Sure some people will say "well just always date younger". But the reality is that generally much younger women want men near their age.

If you're in your 30's, in good shape and have your sh!t together career-wise, you should have no problem dating childless 20-somethings.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

If you're in your 30's, in good shape and have your sh!t together career-wise, you should have no problem dating childless 20-somethings.

Exactly, although he bonds more with girls around his age, everyone has their own taste. I also like girls over 25 to know, they are not the sh*t anymore.. when they realize they are human, and that their looks will fade, many unacceptable behaviors are erased..

Me, I´m just attracted to 19-24 range (I´m 25), many girls are fascinated by older guys, and one should take advantage from it

 

[LiveFreeX]

So for the childless older gents, how did you deal with the reality that many women eventually will have kids.

Make sure they're yours.

Sure some people will say "well just always date younger". But the reality is that generally much younger AMERICAN women want men near their age.

Fixed it for you. Go abroad.

 

[Jaylan]

Cool you have no problems. I actually happen to have lots of close girl friends, and most of them haven´t slept with more than 5 guys by the age of 25. Why? First, not everyone lives in US or UK, some countries are more conservative on these issues, some had the same boyfriend for more than 5 years, busy with college etc. One close friend of my sister, happen to kiss the first guy at the age of 23, and she is cute. Although very religious..

So, remember things differ from country to country. Also it´s no a matter of "manning" up or growing a thicker skin, if I want to get married it wont be with a girl that is a slut in my standards. In addition many people seem to think that the more one "lives" while is young, the more cool with an exclusive relationship will be, which is wrong. A girl who had 5 ****s inside her anus (at least) will be never able to bond completely with a new guy "There is no love like the first. Neither girls who already made out with hundreds of guys. Women will also have many problems falling in love as they age, and I heard from several of them. The reason is simple, if you let many people enter into your intimate life, love will become undervalued since is cheap and easy for most girls, you begin to see guys like one more, lke numbers. Many friends also told men tend to love them much more then they do, women coolness and relaxation in datings shows all of the above.... And I could go on forever... 90% of divorces are started by women...too many desperate guys..

I guess your nation really puts sex on a big pedestal. I wouldnt be surprised if your chick friends were actually lying to you about their dating history, considering the shaming theyd receive for decided to enjoy a regular and healthy sex life.

That said, you should realize this board is mostly frequented by US and UK men, which is why we would find the idea of demanding a woman with less than 5 partners laughably unrealistic. And most girls dont enjoy anal sex...so I dont know why you assume a girl with 5 partners means she had anal with all of them.

My main thing is this...if you expect to find a woman with less than 5 partners...you better have less than 5 partners too. Because female sex drive is real...and if a guy like you is out enjoying sex...do you really believe decent women are not doing the same thing? Do you only have sex with low quality sluts? If not, then realize that the kind of girls youre having sex with are the kind of girls youll likely end up dating long term.

PS - Stop trying to define love for other people. Its really naive and arrogant too. Ive known sluts and man-wh0res who were as capable of loving someone as the more conservative people I know. Ive also known conservative people who are very hard to become intimate with because of bad past experiences.

 

[thelastmanonearth]

It's a trump card for the most part. The older they get the less that between the legs makes a difference, so she will have to step it up intellectually. Plus these days they are taking so many jobs from able bodied men you can practically be a stay at home dad and play xbox all day while she works her equal rights job to support her family including you while slinging the trouser snake at her. I've got a friend that put his girl through college selling cars as a hustler and now she makes 80k a year with her degree that she probably ****ed and sucked her way too but he doesn't give a **** because he can sit on ass all day babysitting raising the daughter while she's out being a pro ho. They retire at 40 and she probably will divorce him but he didn't have to do jack **** besides raise her kid and cowboy up the whole time. He was a loser from the get but it's a sweet plan, just like most women that aren't intelligent really. Equal opportunity is pretty funny in that case.

 

[LiveFreeX]

My main thing is this...if you expect to find a woman with less than 5 partners...you better have less than 5 partners too.

I found one with 0 partners, whats your excuse Jaylan? They don't exist in the entitlement culture though.

 

[Jaylan]

I found one with 0 partners, whats your excuse Jaylan? They don't exist in the entitlement culture though.

Dude, you ran half way across the world for some poon that would put a Western man on a pedestal. Tbh, itd be easy for ANY Western guy with a little cash to travel to certain foreign nations and marry virgins. Im sure I could save several thousand and go to certain Asian or Latin American countries and do that...but I actually like American women.

So lets stop with the BS, and let the OP stay on topic. This is about men in the US (and maybe UK) trying to date the women in their area. I dont want this thread to turn into whining from foreigners putting down Western women and advocating moving thousands of miles for puzzy.

Lets not go there. So let me say it again...for the men who are not willing to jump on a plane and go thousands of miles for foreign poon, its unrealistic to expect a great deal of women to have less than 5 partners. And tbh, I find virgins to be a turn off. Been there, done that...and I dont enjoy having to ease someone into sex and show them the ropes. I like a girl with some experience and who knows how to please a man and already be open with her body. My experience with virgins, as well as the experience of other guys I know, is that it aint worth it.

I dont do sex education.