eyedogg said:
Francisco,
Do you think you can expand on this topic, or where you last post/musing was going? I have seen this many times myself. Older (over 30) women in a LTR, have child and the relationship with the child father is soon over? How much do you think natural feelings of "provide and protect" goes on in a women?
I am thinking that the feeling I described above (P&P) play a huge role? Why that is and how many of these bounce from one relationship to another is a way to read for a women to avoid. All in all, I believe it is a challenging prospect no matter what.
Eyedogg
I believe it ties to the premise of the underlying need of most if not all women; the need of being appreciated. If you think about your example of P&P, what intrinsic feeling would be felt from a woman providing it? I've also seen that many equate that with having a child (or possibly child-like) in order to feel needed and if their lucky, appreciated.
Consider the tons of women who date the "wrong guy" in hopes of changing him for the better, that somehow his need of a girlfriend (any girlfriend) would be fodder for her to change him into her ideal Prince Charming. Well, he's a grown man and what are the chances of him allowing her to do that? Unless he's "whipped" it's not going to happen.
However, she
could have a child with him. A child which is completely dependent on her and shows its appreciation via gurglely, spittle filled, toothless grins. After having the child and kicking Prince Charmless to the curb she is free to find a "good guy" to marry and to take care of the family's needs and live happily ever after. It sounds cynical but it's what many available guys without any family responsibilities find as you can attest to.
There's always women around who are childless who are being chased by their biological clock who are looking for the "right guy" in order to have a wedding, a house in the suburbs, 2.5 children and a Labrador. Many times that goal (dream) is their purpose in life (the same can be said for some men too). The scary thing is that some are willing to settle for a "good enough" partner in order to fulfill the dream with just hoping for the best in their relationship.
We've seen these relationships before. Many start off great until they start having children, then thing seem to change. The woman is no longer the guys sexy partner wearing size 2 Levi's but now she's the sweatpants wearing mother to their twins.
He's no longer the c/f DJ she married but the 10 hour a day working, stressed out guy worrying whether he will be able to pay next month's mortgage since having to pay for the hospital bill for the emergency room visit when one of the twins had an ear infection.
Pretty picture huh? Should we talk about the change in their sex life? Nah, I don't think that's necessary, you can imagine how well that's going.
What I'm getting at is not that marriage itself is bad, it's only that when the goal or emphasis for the relationship
isn't focus on your partner. When it's focused on the things you can get
from your partner is when the trouble starts. So many people don't realize this unfortunately and that is why we tend to come across so many single mothers out there.
Long, round about explanation but hopefully it has given you a little insight to how I see the issue. I'm a huge proponent in ones self interest but not when the involvement of other people isn't necessarily for the same (as opposed to individually intrinsic) goals.
