Chick's note response ... don't judge.

[casanova_goat]

I know my method may make some of you guys cringe but I've done the conventional stuff plenty a time; variety is the spice of life, eh?

There's a cashier at my local grocery store whom I have fancied for some time. Asking out women while they're working is typically a futile proposition so I conceived of the idea of writing her a short note with my number on it. I can barely remember what I wrote since so much time elapsed between my writing it and my giving it to her. I had just stuffed it in my work backpack as I typically hit the grocery store on the way home from work.

Well, yesterday I finally saw her. She rung me up and I handed her the note. Today she texted me:

Hey ryan, it's angela! I loved your note, it was cute and definitely put a smile on my face. Unfortunately I do have a boyfriend, but if I was available I would definitely accept your invite to coffee

Now don't hate me for doing this but I couldn't resist. I punched her number into Facebook and found her profile. There was no sign of a boyfriend whom she has allegedly dated for 3 years. No relationship status was listed and all her pictures were of herself or with her girlfriends. She could still be telling the truth but if I had to guess she was fibbing.

Obviously -- it's not a good sign either way. Do you think she may be single and ambivalent about me? She and I have been chatting a bit.

Thanks in advance. I suspect some of you guys will rip me a new one.

 

[icantgetlaid]

She's not interested in you. Next.

 

[El Payaso]

Now don't hate me for doing this but I couldn't resist. I punched her number into Facebook and found her profile. There was no sign of a boyfriend whom she has allegedly dated for 3 years. No relationship status was listed and all her pictures were of herself or with her girlfriends. She could still be telling the truth but if I had to guess she was fibbing.

It's possible. I dated a girl for three years and we never posted any pictures or anything about ourselves on social media. I don't like putting my business on social media and she didn't either.

Either way, just move on.

 

[casanova_goat]

Thanks for the responses.

I still find it hard believe a chick in her early-20s would not chronicle her life via social media. My money is on her being single and entirely not interested or barely so.

 

[casanova_goat]

I will say if she is in fact in a relationship and feels no need to let the world know -- she's a lot more appealing than I thought.

 

[Urbanyst]

Why does it matter if she has a boyfriend or not? The point is she rejected you.

 

[casanova_goat]

Why does it matter if she has a boyfriend or not? The point is she rejected you.

Yes I know but you never know what could come of anything. She could either be in a relationship and thirsting for something new or single but too ambivalent to commit to anything. She and I chatted tonight and see seems to like my sense of humor.

Notwithstanding what I said, I'm not really under any illusion anything will come of this.

But what's to be lost by playing along? After all, she did bother to text me and give me her number. If the Patriots can overcome a 25-point deficit in the third quarter, there's always the slim chance the most unlikely of outcomes will occur.

 

[icantgetlaid]

Yes I know but you never know what could come of anything. She could either be in a relationship and thirsting for something new or single but too ambivalent to commit to anything. She and I chatted tonight and see seems to like my sense of humor.

Notwithstanding what I said, I'm not really under any illusion anything will come of this.

But what's to be lost by playing along? After all, she did bother to text me and give me her number. If the Patriots can overcome a 25-point deficit in the third quarter, there's always the slim chance the most unlikely of outcomes will occur.

You still don't get it bra. Anything other than a "yes" is a no. She rejected you. The low hanging fruit in this situation for you is to next her, approach more girls, and work on yourself. Wasting your time playing patty cake with this chick who is going to ultimately let you down (or make you work super hard for the chance to fvck) is futile. Find something better to do. Placating a chick who has low interest in you is only going to leave you more confused and frustrated in the end.

 

[casanova_goat]

No — I get it. I have no intention of texting her and when, on occasion, she bags my groceries I’ll shoot the **** with her. That’s all. Should she down the line have a change of heart, the ball is in her court. I’m not exactly erecting a shrine of her hair fibers with votive candles in my closet.

Frankly, I’ve never understood the concept of “nexting.” One should only next on his own terms (ie: woman is bat **** crazy), not from the absence of potential with a particular woman. Unless I’m in a committed relationship, my plan is to not rest on my laurels with any chick, even if she were manifesting high levels of interest. And I’m always seeking to better myself. This makes nexting all the more foolish. Should you succeed, woman who erstwhile spurned you will come around again.

Last year I was friendzoned by a chick and the cries here were to “next” her and nothing could possibly come of it. Well, a month later she was talking about having sex again and we did. I didn’t play that one particularly well; I was a little too preoccupied with her and many here were right on other accounts but this is besides the point.

Treat every woman as a latent prospect but get hung up on none. Though many will never come around, interest is not a static thing.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I will say if she is in fact in a relationship and feels no need to let the world know -- she's a lot more appealing than I thought.

It's better if they show it. There's nothing to hide plus it will keep down some of the unaffiliated attention. Normally relationships were you are a secret is a bad thing.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Do you think she may be single and ambivalent about me? She and I have been chatting a bit.

She may have felt that she had to respond, otherwise seeing you again might be uncomfortable. So she likely made up the boyfriend to politely reject you. I'd accept it and move on. Keep on chatting to her like it's no big deal.

 

[icantgetlaid]

When i say "next her" it doesn't mean to never keep her in your back pocket as a prospect down the line ... it just means to not invest anymore time in pursuing her. Not putting yourself out there again for her ... just moving on and letting her do any chasing going forward. Or at least waiting several weeks before going to the well one more time and seeing if something comes of it.

 

[JJMcLure]

She may or may not have a boyfriend, after all it's the stock rejection excuse. In any case, it doesn't really matter as she rejected you - in other words has low to no interest.

She is a cashier and it's her job to be friendly to customers, in fact it almost certainly makes her day more interesting to chat to them.

This note approach comes across a bit high school (and she may have viewed it that way). You want a girl to view you as having confidence and this approach worked against that. Given her job it's not unreasonable to suspect she gets hit on by other customers, who ask her in person. That doesn't mean she accepts, but it sets a contrast.

On the plus side, you made the attempt and now you can focus on other girls without thinking about her further.

 

[sazc]

She has a boyfriend, and you have good taste because you picked a girl who apparently is a very nice person, and not a branch swinger.

By shooting you that text she made sure that, if her boyfriend doesn't work, out she can call you

I don't have my relationship status on Facebook either, and I am in an LTR. My reason is that, if it doesn't work out I don't want to have to explain to my family and friends what happened.....and I am not a teenager anymore, if I get a ring I would change my status.

If she was single she would pay attention to you, but she is not, so move on and look for another, you played this well

 

[sazc]

If she didn't have a boyfriend AND she wasn't interested AND she wasn't flattered you would have heard NOTHING from her.

You would have gotten silence.

 

[Glassguy]

Simple response to her text:

"Hey no problem. If things unfortunately don't work out with that, hit me up sometime"

Don't close it down completely because she DID take the time to respond to you........it could also be a sh1t test to see how you handle it.

 

[AlphaNate]

But if in the future you hear from her, maybe.

He won't.

Have you read the DJ bible, OP?

 

[oOh Nasty]

I'd next her.

Not because of the low 1% chance of something actually happening between you and her, but because you're completely approaching this with the wrong mindset. In the off-chance that you start dating her, you'll most likely be playing into her frame.

My advice is to stop wondering about her and trying to think up reasons as to why she rejected you. She rejected you and that's it. Walk and do that note thing to 50 other cute cashiers. That's definitely a lot better than continually putting her on the pedestal by thinking things like "she's a lot more appealing than I thought."

 

[casanova_goat]

Thank you all for the responses.

For all intents and purposes, I have "nexted" her. She and I haven't spoken since Thursday. In the interim, I have pulled a number and I have another prospect.

As one poster pointed out earlier, I think she felt obligated to message me as she and I would later see one another at the store. My gut tells me she is single but genuinely liked my gesture. She played it as I advise disinterested women to play it. Be flattered and use the stock "I have a boyfriend" card. I can't stand women who are nasty to those men who harmlessly approach them. I've had women whom I was not attracted to come on to me and I was respectful to them and felt worse for them than for myself. But beautiful women often play victim to unwanted interest. Believe me, sister, getting interest from guys who don't appeal to you is a lot better fate than the alternative: being too repulsive to be approached.

I didn't mean to go off on a tangent.

I have issues with putting beautiful women on pedestals. I think most men innately know what do but get overrun by emotions. If I really like a chick and see requites my interest, I tend to wind up in her frame. I'm essentially a window: stuck in another's frame and all my actions are entirely transparent.

 

[casanova_goat]

I'd next her.

Not because of the low 1% chance of something actually happening between you and her, but because you're completely approaching this with the wrong mindset. In the off-chance that you start dating her, you'll most likely be playing into her frame.

My advice is to stop wondering about her and trying to think up reasons as to why she rejected you. She rejected you and that's it. Walk and do that note thing to 50 other cute cashiers. That's definitely a lot better than continually putting her on the pedestal by thinking things like "she's a lot more appealing than I thought."

That is a good point.

As for my comment you quote, I was only speaking in hypotheticals. I don't actually think she is more appealing than I originally thought. She seems to have a sense of decency though.