Chick said "never enjoyed sex with me"

[casanova_goat]

Thanks everyone for the responses.

I am positive she is not “butthurt”. I think she feared I thought she and I were an item. She has been hot and cold ever since I met her. She friendzoned me in early-March then, by month's end, changed her tune about having sex. She may change her tune yet.

She told me she laid off texting me because she didn't want me to "miss her".

Unfortunately — just cutting her off is not an option. You see, I have been stressing about this art show I have upcoming at the end of August. I have other distractions in my life, like work, and I have feared I won’t be able to fill the coffeeshop where the art will be exhibited with stuff that’ll meet my standards. The art coordinator just so happened to be there last night when I was with this chick and I popped the question to her about going in half on my art show. She assented and then signed a contract (the contract I had previously signed) with the art coordinator. She wants to get a studio with me.

After this — the “revelations” came to light. I kind of feel she didn’t mean for me interpret what she said as I was lousy in bed. Rather, she lacked certain feelings for me and perhaps felt guilty about engaging in such an act with the absence of such feelings. She may have lacked the tact to articulate this.

I could understand in the midst of an argument her assailing me with “you suck in bed” kind of stuff but our conversation last night was entirely amicable. It’s seemingly too malicious of her to say something of that nature.

 

[casanova_goat]

Hate to be blunt but if you have had sex only a dozen times or so ever and with only 2 women you do not yet know how to drive the car. So while hurtful to your ego, you might consider that actually you are inexperienced. It's going to show, whether you like it or not.

If a man is a horrid kisser many women lose all interest no matter how many other great things a guy has going.

Women's erogenous zones are far less straightforward than a man's. Just because you fingered her or penetrated her does not mean it was a good experience.

The best means to becoming a good lover is to find a woman with experience and learn from her, or date a woman with some regularity (even if she's more a placeholder), and learn together.

The key is you need a consistent partner with whom you can gain a comfort level and degree of intimacy in order for you to be able to explore and be vulnerable enough to set aside your ego and really learn what to do, how to do it, and how to build tension.

You need a partner you can both listen to and learn from as you build experience together. You MUST be willing to listen in spite of your ego.

You can't feel physically what is going on in her body any more than she can internally experience your arousal or your climax so you have to learn through feedback from your partner.

So many people suck in bed because they never slow down & realize they need better sexual skills, and they won't accept feedback.

Men who learn to build tension & are good lovers never lack for sexual options.

Well — I’ve had sex a total of 8 times in my life (if you want the exact figure). It’s terrible I could count on two hands. A gap of five and a half years separating my two partners. Invariably, my inexperience in bed may show and her lack of familiarity with her erogenous zones (she has never orgasmed with anyone and finds it weird to touch herself) makes it a recipe for uninspiring sex.

She (like my first partner) likes rough sex. Hair pulling, asphyxiation, etc. I find it is hard (as an inexperienced guy) to learn from such women. As they are less wont to communicate what they want and built into their fantasies is a man taking control, never appealing to their counsel.

We had sex on Valentine’s Day for the first time, then not again until the first of May after which we had sex a handful of times. Ostensibly she was down to have sex in April but away at school.

What’s strange is this ever ambiguous, never-quite-a-relationship thing we had seemed to be predicated on sex. More for her than for me. Last night she made it like she was obliged to have sex with me whenever she came over my place — yet why did she? At times, I suggested sexual-neutral places for meet-up and then she would suggest my place. Then she’d come over sans panties or brassiere. If the sex was so bad — why would she encourage it with dirty texts, at times commending my “abilities”? After one round, she’d always want to go another. Back in February, when she wrote me a note I was coming on too strong and feared she wouldn’t be able to give me what I wanted in the long run, she said “the sex was good” as an addendum to the largely hard-hitting letter.

It’s almost like this chick is a revisionist historian. How she feels now represents how she always felt and will always feel.

Who knows.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Damn, she got in your head man. Sorry to hear that. You need to be quicker with the comebacks next time. "Oh thank Christ you said something. I thought it was just me who wasn't digging it. Anyway, later!". THAT stuff does their heads in too. Some will even want a do-over to prove you wrong (don't, or if you do, smash the everloving **** out of her and cut her loose).

Don't let them walk out and then fill out a customer satisfaction survey on the way out. If you're not doing business, she deserves zero of your headspace.

 

[BeExcellent]

Your willingness to look at yourself is going to help you in the long run.

I agree completely the chick was rude, hurtful and disrespectful and meant to hit a gut shot to your ego. That much is patently obvious. Sorry that happened to you.

My intent is to give you some strategies to learn & improve. When you gain confidence in your own sexuality women pick up that vibe and are drawn to you. A good outcome giving you choices & options.

Start simple. Have a 'no give a sh1t' attitude and initiate conversation with any woman who you think is cute. Ask for the date with disregard for the outcome. When you get on dates escalate and concentrate on sensuality, touching, kissing, subtlety.

Be frank that you are inexperienced but do not apologize for it. Be sexy and masculine & straight up about it. Learn to kiss in a teasing sensual way. You'll find a woman willing to show you the ropes sexually and when you do pay attention and listen & explore. Such a woman can teach you about a woman's body and also help you learn your own.

 

[casanova_goat]

Your willingness to look at yourself is going to help you in the long run.

I agree completely the chick was rude, hurtful and disrespectful and meant to hit a gut shot to your ego. That much is patently obvious. Sorry that happened to you.

My intent is to give you some strategies to learn & improve. When you gain confidence in your own sexuality women pick up that vibe and are drawn to you. A good outcome giving you choices & options.

Start simple. Have a 'no give a sh1t' attitude and initiate conversation with any woman who you think is cute. Ask for the date with disregard for the outcome. When you get on dates escalate and concentrate on sensuality, touching, kissing, subtlety.

Be frank that you are inexperienced but do not apologize for it. Be sexy and masculine & straight up about it. Learn to kiss in a teasing sensual way. You'll find a woman willing to show you the ropes sexually and when you do pay attention and listen & explore. Such a woman can teach you about a woman's body and also help you learn your own.

To tell you the truth -- I wonder if, for me, it is really worth it. In my life, I have approached upwards of a thousand women, the chick who is the subject of this thread is among them (went up to her at a coffeeshop). I can't help but think the pursuit of these women has been the worst possible endeavor. Such an egregious waste of time and nothing meaningful has come of it. Moreover, this innate impulse to find companionship (which most people have) has kept me from more fruitful undertakings.

I have come to the conclusion I would have been better off never meeting the girl here. Until the other night (notwithstanding the time I spent stressing over her) I at least could have hung my hat on gaining invaluable sexual experience. For this I would have viewed this experience as a net positive. Now, in light of her remarks, I have less confidence in my sexual abilities than before she and I did it.

Of course this does not apply to everyone. Many men have found meaningful relationships with wonderful women.

I wish I could hone my "craft" in the manners you suggest but there is such large breadths of time separating willing partners.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Well that's quite the pedastal you have on this fair lady. Keep her around some more she can continue to verbally assault you.

A thousand approaches you say huh. Sounds like Casanova goat it turning into pinocchio. Have fun with your damsel in distress, bang it out while you can just kill any feels you have.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Understand This: Women do not Feel sex (orgasm) the way we do. Our orgasm is much more pleasurable, quality over quantity. Sex for women (why they are sociopaths) is like if you were to be on a powerful drug or morphine and saw your leg off with a chainsaw, you wouldn't feel it. A woman has that capability of not feeling for the male, but having sex with him for some other gain, to get her to the path she wants to be on, USING the male.

Women are totally incompatible with the male. They are going one direction, you are going another like 2 arrows never parallel OR criss-crossing. This is why you never take anything personal a woman says. SHE doesn't even know why she is the way she is. I mean they only really care about themselves, BUT ALL women don't give a sh!t whatsoever about male Nature. They don't step back and look at themselves in the mirror EVER. They see themselves as guiltless always. They are incapable of looking at their true selves (the filthy dirty disgusting selves) in the mirror. And if you point ANY of their faults out to them, they do NOT want to HEAR it. They'll just close their ears to you and not want to talk about it. They do not want you to "Judge" them, but you SHOULD. All men should. We need to hold these women on a mass scale accountable, and that's the problem with women today. NO ONE judges them, Publicly. #1 FEAR for women is Public Shaming. They avoid it at all costs. This is why they will Never admit Guilt. They are incapable of love, guilt, giving (without reciprocation) or emotion (that involves YOU -- they can cry for themselves and they use this like children not as true emotions -- as males do, WE are capable of Love or unconditional sacrifice). They do not care about your intelligence, looks, talent (unless you're the Best at it and making serious money from it), how much you love them. They Only care about your Usefulness to getting them to where they want to be, the path they want to be on. Talking about most Normal Healthy relationships with a female, not deviant behavior.

 

[Bingo-Player]

who cares whether she got what she wanted what's important is you got what you wanted

don't know why theres 2 pages of comments on this thread because this guy hit the nail straight on the head

as i repeatedly keep preaching here

DO NOT GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO A WOMAN

even if you have to date / fvck chicks who have a slightly lower SMV than you do its a whole lot better than having to endure mental torture

 

[Huffman]

All that may or may not be true, your being good or bad in bed, but two things stick out:
1) She is manipulative - otherwise she wouldn't have first praised and then crushed you
2) Therefore she is lying - there is literally no way to tell!

Get your information elsewhere. Have more sex. It is really hard to get honest feedback about your performance, this requires a degree of trust that you can't get easily.
So if that makes you insecure, spend some time finding out. But never waste a single thought about this woman ever again!

 

[Huffman]

I would have been better off never meeting the girl

What the hell, man. You better be thankful that life is teaching you a lesson, instead of rejecting it like a baby.

 

[ubercat]

This chick was always bad news. Imagine an ltr with someone who is always chipping at your confidence. U got it wet and ducked a bullet. Walk on tall and proud and don't look back.

 

[casanova_goat]

What the hell, man. You better be thankful that life is teaching you a lesson, instead of rejecting it like a baby.

That is true but I can't say it was a positive one. My experience with this chick has made me more cynical. Perhaps the next chick won't be deserving of such cynicism and suspicion.

 

[casanova_goat]

"you got what you wanted."

Unfortunately -- no.

What I want is a woman I can respect and trust. I think pvssy in a vacuum is overrated. Most men carve an existence out of 5 seconds of euphoria (which can no less be self-administered). All those PUA imbeciles and their inexorable pursuit of it. To tell you the truth, I rather have pvssy in moderation and be regarded as a good lay rather than pvssy by the bushel and be a terrible lay.

I really want to rail on this chick but it would be ill-advised to be on bad terms for our joint art show. I wouldn't have asked if she wanted to be a part of the show if she said the stuff earlier.

Maybe I shouldn't rail on her, lest her interest in me grows. Why would I want it. She seems to be the type who takes her attraction with a measure of abuse. Her ex used to fvck her when she didn't want him to and without a condom which she told me she "hated every second of." Yet she still loves him.

 

[ubercat]

I lost 10 years of my life to arts chicks. Don't do it!!!!!!!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

"you got what you wanted."

Unfortunately -- no.

What I want is a woman I can respect and trust. I think pvssy in a vacuum is overrated. Most men carve an existence out of 5 seconds of euphoria (which can no less be self-administered). All those PUA imbeciles and their inexorable pursuit of it. To tell you the truth, I rather have pvssy in moderation and be regarded as a good lay rather than pvssy by the bushel and be a terrible lay.

I really want to rail on this chick but it would be ill-advised to be on bad terms for our joint art show. I wouldn't have asked if she wanted to be a part of the show if she said the stuff earlier.

Maybe I shouldn't rail on her, lest her interest in me grows. Why would I want it. She seems to be the type who takes her attraction with a measure of abuse. Her ex used to fvck her when she didn't want him to and without a condom which she told me she "hated every second of." Yet she still loves him.

Got a female friend who is kind, that returns the bills, she has a sweet heart and it's growing on me. A little heavier than I like but "my body type" has been killing me for years, literally killing me and fvcking my life up. I'm over it. On to the chicks who treat men well. They aren't all demons.

 

[dude99]

I met up with the 21-year old chick I have (on and off) “dated” (or whatever you want to call it) since January. We hadn’t seen each other in a month and I never believed she was that into me. I was invested in her months ago but my feelings for her have really faded.


Well, tonight she popped the question, “do you think we’re dating?” I didn’t know what to say and I said “not really…” She said “good” I don’t want to be. Her answer didn’t surprise me but what she said next shattered my ego: “I never enjoyed having sex with you.”


She and I have fornicated several times and I always thought, while she may not have wanted a relationship with me, she at least enjoyed the sex, as she was a returning customer. She said the times she came over my place, she felt an obligation to have sex with me. The funny thing is, I thought I had an obligation to give it to her and she seemed to initiate quite a bit.


Do you guys think this is a classic case where I should trust a woman’s actions and not her words? She said sex never felt right with me, and she was speaking in the context of it not feeling right as she was void of wanting a relationship with me.


How I hope to interpret it is she enjoyed the sex, from a biological standpoint, but not an emotional one. There was only so much I could have said to her without coming across as insecure.


I don’t want anything to do with this girl at this point but I’d be lying if I said my pride was wounded.


Back in March, she said similar stuff. She “never had romantic feelings for me” and when I tried to kiss her one time “she was not emotionally available” then in April and May we were having sex again and I was fingering on a park bench donated by her friend’s family. On two occasions she praised my sex but that doesn’t mean anything.


She told me she hasn’t been texting me lately because she didn’t want me “miss her”. She used to text all the time so I picked up that her interest had faded.


Do you guys think I was lousy in bed or not? Or lousy and a combination of other things?

When she said she didn't enjoy sex with you then you should have shrugged your shoulders and said "alright. Im glad it wasn't just me. Now i don't have to feel obligated to do that anymore."

You're not going to be compatible with everyone. The point now is too next her and move on.

If she is trying to crush your ego then next her and move on. If she is just telling the truth then you weren't comparable. It happens. Move on

 

[Huffman]

It doesn't have to be THAT cynical, but unless you've known your partner for months and years, just take it easy on the trust.

Instead I'd recommend making a couple of real friends, guys or girls alike. I even have some female friends (not romantic) that are loyal and trustworthy. That's going to beef up you life in that department, so you don't feel weak when it comes to dating.

 

[Poonani Maker]

What I want is a woman I can respect and trust.

Most "Men" Don't want or NEED a woman they can "respect." You are a very rare bird. WOMEN NEED to respect the male they are with. Men don't. Women Need security, commitment, concession from the male for the relationship to take place or continue. Men don't. Men ONLY need Validation from any female. Sex is the quickest way or most direct way for the male to obtain the validation he is seeking, and Validation is the male's Nutrition...ALL throughout his life, a healthy normal male Needs this nutrition. When a female stops giving this nutrition, the male will most likely want a termination of the relationship i.e. divorce (our 20% initiation in the courts). We can put up with not getting the nutrition (mostly sex) from the female LONGER than the female (today's female with a hundred incentives $$ from the gov't, courts, not to mention, friends egging her only that YOU are "treating her bad" so go on and divorce that evil man! stick it to him! which she listens to cause she's weak naturally/mentally). It doesn't take long for a female to start feeling a lack of security, commitment, concession from YOU, the male, and she'll more quickly ACT on it, thereby, terminating the relationship, and when a Female terminates a relationship, You Are Done... She cuts you off forever in her mind and proceeds to start a NEW serial monogamous relationship (with another male she can USE to get to the path she wants to be on). Religion in the past use to say, "Naw, naw, naw...nu uh, all (YOU) these females are Not gonna go around beginning and terminating relationships as their female NATURE would dictate they do (since the beginning of time), but our Religion, predominantly Christian historically, (except in the Muslim world), is basically no more, so women are Back to their original impulsive Natural ways, with No restraint on their nature. We, as males, still have restraint on our natures via the STATE, or the courts. We can't go around knocking up women without consequences the way they can go around beginning and terminating relationships without consequences. So NOW it's double-stacked against us males, and a NO-WIN genocidal, suicidal, predicament for most us males (especially if you are Awake). Also, women VOTED for all this because they need security at all costs (even to the downfall of society). The "Great Society," "New Deal" from Roosevelt, the Prohibition on Alcohol all came after Women's Suffrage. Men's need for validation, thus, went out the window, progressively more and more, over the years, and therefore, men are not appreciated anymore cause women have, now, solidified their "Security" from the MAN, the STATE, which allots them bennies for a lifetime. Courts are only a Judge, not a Jury (which is how most courts operate, i.e. our Constitutional rights, as men, are thrown out the window here as well). We, as a sex, are Losing BADLY, legally or at gunpoint, and sure Jailtime if you do not comply (pay her the money either via taxes or child support or alimony to keep her standard of living that you two used to share -- YOUR standard of living be damned, "suck it up! your a man!" they say). So, I imagine, THEY'd say, well, this is allllll RETRIBUTION for the way YOU males treated us women ALL those years, centuries, millenniums. A female should not be free to vote. A genocide of the genes that made this country great will ensue, and then I assure you, FEMALES will Never get to "Vote" for a LONG time thereafter. This nation will be Dirt poor.

 

[The Duke]

I met up with the 21-year old chick I have (on and off) “dated” (or whatever you want to call it) since January. We hadn’t seen each other in a month and I never believed she was that into me. I was invested in her months ago but my feelings for her have really faded.

Well, tonight she popped the question, “do you think we’re dating?” I didn’t know what to say and I said “not really…” She said “good” I don’t want to be. Her answer didn’t surprise me but what she said next shattered my ego: “I never enjoyed having sex with you.”

She and I have fornicated several times and I always thought, while she may not have wanted a relationship with me, she at least enjoyed the sex, as she was a returning customer. She said the times she came over my place, she felt an obligation to have sex with me. The funny thing is, I thought I had an obligation to give it to her and she seemed to initiate quite a bit.

Do you guys think this is a classic case where I should trust a woman’s actions and not her words? She said sex never felt right with me, and she was speaking in the context of it not feeling right as she was void of wanting a relationship with me.

How I hope to interpret it is she enjoyed the sex, from a biological standpoint, but not an emotional one. There was only so much I could have said to her without coming across as insecure.


I don’t want anything to do with this girl at this point but I’d be lying if I said my pride was wounded.


Back in March, she said similar stuff. She “never had romantic feelings for me” and when I tried to kiss her one time “she was not emotionally available” then in April and May we were having sex again and I was fingering on a park bench donated by her friend’s family. On two occasions she praised my sex but that doesn’t mean anything.

She told me she hasn’t been texting me lately because she didn’t want me “miss her”. She used to text all the time so I picked up that her interest had faded.

Do you guys think I was lousy in bed or not? Or lousy and a combination of other things?

A person with some class and care for others doesn't say what this one did. She has some issues in her head that she needs to resolve. She's got some pain inside that is making her say what she does. Don't take it personal.

Here's something else to contemplate...girls need an emotional connection to feel like they just had amazing sechs. A girl that has some emotional issues(and this one definitely does) isn't going to feel a deep/intimate connection with the guy she is having sechs with. Half of a woman's orgasm takes place in her brain so when you are with a girl that is emotionally unavailable she isn't going to be satisfied. But thats her own problem. Women always like to blame everybody else for their problems. I bet the next girl you get with that has an emotional connection to you won't complain.

 

[SmooveMooves]

She was lying to hurt you and it succeded. You have to be confident in yourself.

Even if she wasn't lying (which I'm 97% sure she was) you have to be confident in yourself almost to the point of delusion.

You see her during sex, there's no way she didn't enjoy it. Oh well, her loss. NEXT