Cheating question....

[PTC]

This may be a dumb question but if a girl cheats on her husband because she thinks he is cheating on her and then a year later cheats on him with YOU,...can she ever be trusted?? Or will she do it again TO you?

I think I already know the answer to this question but I'd like to hear from you all to verify my beliefs.

I've been with this girl for about a year and everything went down just like i explained. She is in the process of getting a divorce.

I just don't think I could ever trust her and it started eating at me so I finally broke it off 3 days ago and now I'm frickin depressed and sick from it but I know in the long run it was probably the safe thing to do.

Thanks in advance

 

[Phyzzle]

I would go all logical on her before giving up. Ask her why she "thinks" that her husband was cheating on her. Does her answer make any sense? That is, did she find damming phone records or did her friends catch him? Or did she take some random details that could be called vaguely suspicious, and then assume he was cheating (to justify what she wanted to do)? She could have had some gut feeling that he was cheating, but for all she knows, that gut feeling could have come directly from her own guilt, and a subconscious attempt to justify things in her head.


You could do a little digging before calling it off for good. If her husband was certainly cheating on her first, I don't think it makes her untrustworthy to want a little revenge before the divorce (somewhat immature, but not untrustworthy).

 

[KontrollerX]

PTC you are used to being in extremely sick relationships buddy.

What you did recently by breaking it off with the borderline and now this cheating chick is liken to an addict being pulled back to an old drug that harms them but then midway getting back into the addiction again cuts himself off and says no I will not go down this road anymore!

Anyway to break it down for you a woman who cheats on her husband out of revenge is using an extremely immature and self destructive way to deal with her feelings of anger and hurt at her husband's perceived cheating.

A woman of self respect and confidence would instead make a mature decision and immediately begin divorce proceedings as an answer to a man cheating on her.

So in short you did the right thing for yourself breaking it off with this chick but like an addict who has once again given up a harmful drug you feel sick about it because the effects of the addiction still have a powerful hold over your body.

 

[decades]

yes. to some people cheating doesn't mean a damn thing.

 

[PTC]

PTC you are used to being in extremely sick relationships buddy.

I KNOW!! I dont understand.

I sure can pick em


Thanks for your reply tho

 

[iqqi]

Anyway to break it down for you a woman who cheats on her husband out of revenge is using an extremely immature and self destructive way to deal with her feelings of anger and hurt at her husband's perceived cheating.

A woman of self respect and confidence would instead make a mature decision and immediately begin divorce proceedings as an answer to a man cheating on her.

I agree one billion percent.

 

[PTC]

Another deal with this chick was that she lied all the time. And she did it laughingly. We would be together and she would call her parents and just flat out lie to them. She would lie to her friends and me about little things that were probably no big deal but after she told me about the cheating things i started thinking about red flags. I even told her how scary it was that she lied so well.

The whole thing sucks! We became really good friends and I really liked her but the (gut) was talking to me!!

 

[NewMan]

Cheating - Once you have crossed the line, it get's easier and easier.

 

[PTC]

Have you ever cheated? If so... why did you cheat? Did you cheat on someone you loved? Someone you wouldn't want knowing you cheated on? Did you cheat to get even with them?
If you answer yes to the first question alone then think about how you would feel if someone said they wouldn't be with you because they knew you cheated on someone from before.
Cheating is stupid to begin with, but think about what I said.

No I have never cheated,..ever. I know it's hard to believe but I never cheated on my wife or any of my girlfriends. And I think if you did than why bother to try and stay in the relationship.

It's just the way she told me,...like it was no big deal to her. And plus have you ever heard of the statement, If they do it with you, they'll do it to you?

I don't know maybe she's grown up since then,...maybe not.

I tried to hold up my "love avoidant" defenses with this one but she really got to me. The last few days have been tough. I even wussed out and called her yesterday and told her that I think it was the best thing to do. She was very cold towards me and told me if I was calling her to be friends with her that it was not going to happen. I was just calling to make sure she was alright. She acted like a completely different person.

The actual thing that was the last straw for me was when we went to florida 2 weeks ago. There's this guy friend of hers that I have always questioned her about and she always swore to me they were just friends which was cool to me cause i dont mind chicks having guy friends. But this guy's intentions seemed to me to be more than just friends,...haha aren't we all. Anyhow we planned kinda a romantic weekend trip to florida. Everything was great,..first nite there i had her a massage set up and dinner at a nice restaurant. Well she comes back from her massage acting kinda weird and she gets in the shower. Well I became the person that I hate and did something i swore i would never do but i looked in her phone. And sure enough she had just called that dude while she was getting her massage! I was like WTF!! She got out of the shower and i asked her,.."So how is ____"? She flipped out and we ended up getting in a fight.

Something in my gut just made me not trust this girl. And I know it would've eating at me till it drove me nuts!

 

[jophil28]

I have a different POV on this situation and perhaps I risk inflaming the humanists, the pragmatists , the relativists and the other assorted opportunists on this board by saying the following-
THis woman has no moral code.
She cheats on her husband and justifies it on the basis that her husband did so first( this is what she claims )
Secondly, she is a compulsive and persuasive liar who readily deceives all those who are close to her.
THis woman has no ethical code.

THis makes her unfit to associate with - much less consider for an LTR.

 

[decades]

some guys need new "pickers", or at least get the one's they have "fixed". Sounds like you need a new one. yours keeps leading you to the trash heap! It's funny how we rationalize things. She lied "all the time" yet somehow you didn't think she would lie about the "friend". They lie about everything.

 

[Jeffst1980]

You did the right thing by breaking up with her. You are saving yourself A LOT of pain down the road.

"Thinking that your spouse is cheating" is NOT a justification for cheating. In fact, there IS no justification of cheating. She is immature for sure, and more concerned with protecting her insecure ego than with maintaining a relationship. She will probably tell you some sob story to explain her actions, don't let it faze you because it's just for show.

You have no obligation to be with someone that has such a flawed moral code. You're not doing her any favors by staying with her, so don't feel guilty about it. Chances are, she'll cheat on the next guy she's with.

 

[PTC]

I appreciate all your replies.

I just getting to old for this sh!t. It seems like i always pick the fvcked up ones or I try and be captain save-a-ho. I did the plate spinning deal a couple of years ago and I was happy. But I know I dont want to be spinning plates when I'm 50!

I just wanna get out of this hole again and get "ME" back and chill for a few months. I know there's not alot of guys on here that are in their 40's but I know I don't wanna be single the rest of my life and after you turn 40 you start realizing how fast life is creeping up on you.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear PTC,
Trust the guardian angel that sits on your shoulder....She is totally unreliable and you will never be able to trust her...having said that it's any Port in a storm,her track record gives you every justification for finding another plate and when the right one comes along giving her the flick....In finding a job,having one helps a great deal,it's just the same with lovers....

 

[thedeparted]

It's real simple. The crooks and liars and thieves and cheaters ALWAYS claim they were the victim first. They are just getting back at the man what they're owed. Hell, even the Nazi's convinced themselves the Jews were the real criminals. That made it easy to kill them and take their property. So I wonder how many cheating women DON'T claim they were victimized first. Maybe he cheated. Maybe he neglected. Maybe whatever. There is always a justification. When I hear the justification and the victimhood I don't even need to be told the rest of the story. I know how it's gonna end.

As for you, you are being weak, and these predators sense that and seek you out. They never mess with the alpha males and the DJ's b/c they wouldn't dare. That's the whole story. You are not picking them. They are picking you.

 

[jophil28]

. But I know I dont want to be spinning plates when I'm 50!

AWW, IT ISN'T SO BAD . Matter of fact is is a lot of fun.
Get your a$$ on a jumbo seat... come down here and we will do some prospecting . I find little gold nuggets quite often.

 

[decades]

I appreciate all your replies.

I just getting to old for this sh!t. It seems like i always pick the fvcked up ones or I try and be captain save-a-ho. I did the plate spinning deal a couple of years ago and I was happy. But I know I dont want to be spinning plates when I'm 50!

I just wanna get out of this hole again and get "ME" back and chill for a few months. I know there's not alot of guys on here that are in their 40's but I know I don't wanna be single the rest of my life and after you turn 40 you start realizing how fast life is creeping up on you.

I see one of your issues as your "need" for female companionship and validation. You don't think it's OK to be alone. You think you're deficient somehow if there isn't some woman around to "complete" you. That's the root of your desperate search for the "one" who will save you from the plight of being a single male.