cheating in a long distance LTR, is it more common?

[Solarium]

What do you guys think of this? I've been talking this girl in Miami since last september, but haven't been with her more than 2 occasions, where I stayed for a total of 6 days. Of course we had wild and crazy sex, and she tells me that she loves me. We decided to be GF/BF's on the 2nd trip. Last day I was there when I was dropping her off to her house her mom saw me and brought me inside of the house to talk. She also talked to my mom on the phone after I came back home. So sounds pretty safe right?

The thing is, in the beginning of the relationship, I was ready to make her as my part time GF, meaning that she will be my GF in Miami while I have other ones in other cities. In the beginning I was pretty casual whether she cheated on me or not, since it was a casual relationship and I had a few MLTR on the side as well, but lately I've been paranoid about her cheating on me. I'm not sure whether I'm just projecting my own cheating on to her, thinking that everyone thinks the way like I do, or if she is really cheating. But here are some evidence that hints at her cheating. Tell me what you guys think of this, whether I'm being overly paranoid or whether she's really doing it.

1. I'm thinking of temporarily moving to Miami in mid march for a class and she didn't think it was a good idea because her "mom will get in the way"
2. She confessed of kissing a guy before I went for the first time, when we were still talking on the phone. She could be lying and that actually happened recently, and instead of kissing she might be fvcking some other guy
3. She didn't want me to take pictures of us while we were together saying that will only make her "sad"
4. She removed me from her facebook after I temporarily deactivated my account and didn't add me back afterwards
5. She's pretty flirtatious with guys when we go out
6. She's going to college soon in another city, so she might not want a LTR and wants to have fun in college

Just for kicks, I'm also providing some evidence that she's not cheating:
1. She spends a lot of time with her younger cousins and doesn't go out much
2. She constantly asks if I'm staying faithful to her
3. She listens to her mom's advice a lot, hopefully that includes dating a guy without cheating
4. She was the first one to say the L word, and I didn't say it for 2 months until I went back again
5. She wants a LOT of sex with me when I'm there, like 8 times in 3 days. Maybe that means she's not fvcking someone else?
6. She keeps telling me that she needs me and wants me to go back

I getting the idea that I'm actually getting played by her, because she uses tactics that guys use to get girls on ME, like writing me poems and sending me cards, which actually worked. Anyway, tell me what you guys think, am I becomming a puzzy or should just care less whether she's cheating or not since I myself is just maintaining her part of my MLTR? Keep in mind that the more free time I have, the more paranoid I become, and right now I have a LOT of free time after a huge test.

 

[Raikojo17]

that sounds more like the chick has problems, not the LDR

from my own experience, LDR's are no more cheating prone than normal ones

Infact, most of my friends in LDR (includng myself) have had a pretty good time with LDR's

we ended them on normal reasons. had nothing(atleast not much) to do with distance at all

 

[horaholic]

LDR's dont work, and its pretty much a given that one or both parties will cheat. If she has sex with you 8 times in three days, it means she likes a lot of sex. If you're not around... You just need to accept it. Look at it this way, its not really cheating. People need sex, and if you hardly ever see each other, you need to get it somewhere. It's unrealistic to think that when you're not around, she isnt gonna get attention from other guys.

Dont ask, dont tell, and enjoy the times when you see each other, and dont expect anymore than that. Dont wait for her. How would you feel if you waited for her, to have her tell you that she found someone else. Its gonna happen eventually.

Everyone I know that has been through a successful LDR, has openly admitted to each other that they've had some ONS's. People have needs.

BTW, the evidence against her not cheating on you doesn't mean shyt. You know that, right?

 

[sodbuster]

Yes, she cheats. Do you really think she's like a ferrari in the garage just waiting for you to come over and stick your key in to start the engine? But just sits there the rest of the time? In fact, I'd be willing to bet you are the one she is cheating WITH[on her real BF]. All the sex in 3 days,but you can't move down there? Any bets there's someone she doesn't want you to meet?

 

[Solarium]

Should I end it, or should I just keep my mind open and fvck her when I get the chance and not take the relationship seriously?

I'm moving to NY and trying to convince her to come with me. It might not happen, but if she does I can at least get a fvck buddy.

It's wierd, most guys would love to be the guy who the girl chose to cheat WITH, a nice fvck on the side without any emotional attachments, but somehow this one hurts. I've gone too soft...

 

[jophil28]

" The greatest truth is in her behavior".

 

[Solarium]

Man, is it even possible to find a faithful girl these days? How the fvck can you maintain a career while maintaining a girl at the same time? Is it better to blindfold yourself and tell yourself that you are the prize and they won't cheat on you, or is it better to be paranoid 24/7 worrying about who's going to cheat you next?

I know what people do matters more than what they say. But sometimes it's even hard to judge whether what they do hints at one way or the other.

I somehow feel the need to confront her about this. Is this a good idea, to allow her to admit that she's seeing someone else and that I am as well, and starting from now we can change our relationship to something more casual?

 

[strong like bull]

unless i misread your post,

originally you were ok to keep her as your "part time gf" and have other girls on the side, but now that you think she may be thinking the same of you, a "part time bf" youre worried and want to be more exclusive?

the problem is that it just doesnt work that way.

its very possible that she shared the same casual, fun-loving attitude you did in regards to your connection. when youre in town, cool. when youre away... oh well.

the reality of the situation is this:
if you want to keep her around, stay casual. do not become emotionally attached to her. she probably has a bf (or several) where she lives. at least youll know when youre in town, youve got some fun booty lined up.

if you want something exclusive, stick with girls near you. at least in the case of this girl, i highly doubt shes ready or willing to be exclusive with you. also any displays of insecurity or fear on your part will only make you look weak to her, and probably chase her away.

stop letting your emotions take control. your guts telling you somethings off with her and the situation. embrace reality and get on with it.

-slb

 

[Solarium]

I know, I realized that I was sounding way too serious myself, and I NEVER do. I'll keep it cool and play the same game we did at first, knowing neither of us will stay committed. I read some posts about LDR's, not worth your time, so I'm going to limit our phone calls to max 20 min a day 3 times a week. I'm going to take advantage of my free time and hit up some local booties. Haven't been out for awhile, it feels good to have girls look at me again This will be a good test to see how attached I get to girls, and while I was away with my local LTR girl today I see myself forgetting about her pretty fast. Guess this is what staying at home studying for a test for 4 months do to you, making you soft.

 

[Solarium]

Just talked to her, cut down the talk time to 20 min. Played cool, she was her usual self, saying Love you and **** and how she wants to go where I'm going. We'll see...

Going to go out at least 3 times a week to brush up my game and hit some local azz. If she does decide to go NY with me that's something in the future and we can decide that later. It's hard to NOT fall for her again tho, since she fvcking sweet talks and always asking if I've been faithful to her and sh1t. But I think as long as I'm getting puzzy here (new ones at least) I can try to take my emotions out of this relationship and let the actions do the talk, and stop letting her calls break or make my day.

Going to the gym now and I'll try to hit up somebody there I'll keep you guys posted and thanks for the advice!