Cheating, and why I'll do it next time around

[Vince]

first of all you are taking the wrong attitude to this.

being loyal is never a bad thing. who knows, perhaps you would have caught herpes from one of those women you wanted to bang and saved your kawk!

second, everyone in life goes through sh*t. going through the sh*t is only half the battle. the other half is getting back up and not being an *sshole in life because you feel like you got f*cked over.

if you let getting kicked in the balls get to you, you'll end up sabotaging your life. the one thing that truly successful people seem to have is that they GET that the key is to accept that getting screwed over in life is part of the deal - so when it happens it's no big deal. when i say successful, im not necessarily talking about the richest person, im talking about the happiest self assured folks. they all let betrayal, jealousy, etc. just roll off their backs. even if someone they love screws them over, they mgiht be sad for a bit, but they jump right back in to life, KNOWING that they did nothing wrong and that it was actually the other person who just screwed up their own life (they were unfortunately standing in the tracks when the train crashed). hehe.

as for women leaving you when you are at your worst. i agree, this is an unbelievably common occurence.

but i have a theory. See, women judge their own value (usually) by the man they have. So when you're mister "i've got the world by the balls" every chic wants you to f*ck her because they connect the value they are seeing in you to their own. Hey, if he's got it all going on and wants me then i must be damn valuable!

but when you crash and burn (as we all do in life at various times), and if its just you crashing (ie. her life is going ok), then the reverse phenomena happens. She sees you at your worst, see that as low value, and then assumes that means she has little value.

hard to grasp i know, but i believe this is what happens - she ties her value to you. not just what you think of her, but YOU. when you get a promotion she feels like HER value just went up. i know, makes no sense, but im convinced thats how a lot of them think.

so when you crash, she feels as though her value has gone down. The more you crash, the more she feels her value sinking. then at some point she leaves you when you are at your lowest and goes out and finds a guy whose life is going well and gets that feeling of value back. odds are he crashes at some point down the road and she does the same thing to him.

im pretty convinced this is exactly what is going on. but that being said, i believe (in fact i KNOW) that not all women are like this. There are some AWESOME women in the world who, all things being equal (ie. you don't treat them like sh*t all the time) will stick with you through thick and thin.

and i urge you to remember that - all guys on here to remember that. because as much as 90% of the women you meet in life are shallow and will leave you high and dry at hte first sign of trouble, you DO NOT want to miss spotting any of those 10% who are quality awesome women!

If you let the *ssholes of this blind you to the good things, then you've truly let them ruin your life.

This chic screwed you over - thats fine, she damaged your PAST.
but if you let what she did mess up your outlook on life then you are letting her ruin your FUTURE!

and just for perspective she didn't screw you over either. she showed her true colors. you should be thanking God you got to see them now instead of 15 years down the road!!! screwing you over was the biggest favor she could have done for you.

Great post!!!

 

[Wyldfire]

Yeah ok conceded, though I still don't totally agree, my point is more that leading is bad for the woman because she wants to be led, at least in my experience. I've had older women be fairly explicit about this. But ok.

Guys on here don't really usually understand exactly what leading a relationship means. Most think "wearing the pants" or "being the boss"...but that's NOT what leading is...not at all. Leading is understanding the way your partner reacts to your actions and knowing how to act in order to get your partner to react in the way you want them to. When one person consciously controls their own reactions and behavior and implements this very simple method of relationship management it makes for a very good and healthy relationship. It doesn't matter who leads...it has the same beneficial result if done properly. For most women it's a bit trickier to lead men by acting instead of reacting because women are naturally reactive. I can do it because I think like a man and am far more logical than I am emotional. I'm also extremely calm and level tempered even in a crisis and have tremendous self-control...so it's really easy for me to lead.

 

[joekerr31]

Guys on here don't really usually understand exactly what leading a relationship means. Most think "wearing the pants" or "being the boss"...but that's NOT what leading is...not at all. Leading is understanding the way your partner reacts to your actions and knowing how to act in order to get your partner to react in the way you want them to. When one person consciously controls their own reactions and behavior and implements this very simple method of relationship management it makes for a very good and healthy relationship. It doesn't matter who leads...it has the same beneficial result if done properly. For most women it's a bit trickier to lead men by acting instead of reacting because women are naturally reactive. I can do it because I think like a man and am far more logical than I am emotional. I'm also extremely calm and level tempered even in a crisis and have tremendous self-control...so it's really easy for me to lead.

hehe. its called behavior conditioning. aka manipulation.

a lot of DJ principles are based on it.

personally i dont think any of that is necessary. it implies a conscious manipulation of your behavior and other persons behavior.

i think its much easier simply to know who you are, know what you want and keep looking until you find it. which means not putting up with sh*t.

when you become the prize, not on a conscious level, but on a subconscious level, then it becomes effortless to maintain a functional relationship (provided you have a quality woman at your side).

but wylde's advice is good for 90% of the peopel out there who will never really know who they are, what they want, understand human nature in others, become truly admirable human beings or see themselves as the prize.

most people need conscious strategies of control to get control. the only problem with that is deep down you know its all 'a game' and as a result its never fully satisfying.

i think its better to work on yourself as a human being, get to a point where you truly respect the person you and then it becomes easy to weed out high quality versus low quality women from your life - then you've got a shot at the type of relationship others only fantasize about.

 

[Wyldfire]

joekerr...it's only manipulation if one person uses it selfishly and to either hurt the other person, take advantage of someone or in a self-serving way. If the person uses it to benefit the other person just as much as it benefits them and to make the relationship better it's not really manipulation.

 

[Luthor Rex]

joekerr...it's only manipulation if one person uses it selfishly and to either hurt the other person, take advantage of someone or in a self-serving way. If the person uses it to benefit the other person just as much as it benefits them and to make the relationship better it's not really manipulation.

A few years back I would have agreed with Wyldfire. But I don't any longer.

If a woman isn't developed enough that she needs to be led, if she can't take responcibility for her own life, if she can't make decisions based on cold-calculus instead of some stupid feeling then she needs to stay the hell out of my life.

Adult-children are numerous and pathetic. I'd like to have kids in my future and having a wife/child isn't what I had in mind.

Too many women (yes men too but I'm not gay so I don't care) are growing old instead of growing up.

 

[STR8UP]

Yeah ok conceded, though I still don't totally agree, my point is more that leading is bad for the woman because she wants to be led, at least in my experience. I've had older women be fairly explicit about this. But ok.

I don't see how a relationship that is led by the woman could be a good one. I suppose some guys are simply weak, and require the other party to take the active role, but it's not in the nature of a woman to assume that role. I just don't see that kind of situation lasting for any period of time.

 

[STR8UP]

If a woman isn't developed enough that she needs to be led, if she can't take responcibility for her own life, if she can't make decisions based on cold-calculus instead of some stupid feeling then she needs to stay the hell out of my life.

I think to an extent ALL women need to be led. The one common denominator I see in highly successful relationships is that the man is much more evolved as a man, which compensates for the de-evolution of most of today's women. You almost HAVE to man up and take the reigns if you want to have a successful relationship. Of course, the better the woman is, the easier it is on the man, but I still believe that one of the parties will always have to assume a position of leadership. And if it's the man, things tend to work out better.

 

[edger]

women are weak. man haven't you figured this out yet?

a woman CANNOT screw you over unless you let her. unless you put a blind fold on, hand the axe and go stand in front of a big target with an apple on your head she can't hurt you. personally i can see a woman going down the wrong path LONG LONG LONG before she expects me to, or before she even knows shes going down it.

but if you put her up on a pedastle, become addicted to her p*ssy, addicted to her stroking your ego, etc. - YOU ARE F*CKED!

ever notice how women are the bomb and then suddenly, one day, they pull a d*ck out of their pants and suddenly they own you? they b*tch about whatever they want. blame you for every little feeling they have. etc. when that moment happens, if you don't stand up for yourself it's over.

its over because in that moment she will always think that you are an AFC and that with enough manipulationa nd pressure applied you can be controlled to do what she wants.

the good news, is that if kick the pedastle out from under her at that moment, you can act like an AFC in the future and she will always be careful because she knows deep down you aren't an AFC. that any kindness you are showing is because you like her not becuase you NEED her.

this sh*t is so bloody simple.

I know. Bloody simple indeed.

 

[Wyldfire]

I don't see how a relationship that is led by the woman could be a good one. I suppose some guys are simply weak, and require the other party to take the active role, but it's not in the nature of a woman to assume that role. I just don't see that kind of situation lasting for any period of time.

That's because you aren't viewing leading in the proper context. Leading is NOT about telling anyone what to do or what not to do. It's not about bossing, controlling or manipulating. It IS about retaining self control when the other person acts in a way that would normally elicit a negative reaction from the other person. It IS about knowing how to act towards a person to elicit a positive reaction. It IS about knowing how to respond to negative behavior in a way that makes that negative behavior stop without it escalating into an argument or fight.

 

[STR8UP]

That's because you aren't viewing leading in the proper context. Leading is NOT about telling anyone what to do or what not to do. It's not about bossing, controlling or manipulating. It IS about retaining self control when the other person acts in a way that would normally elicit a negative reaction from the other person. It IS about knowing how to act towards a person to elicit a positive reaction. It IS about knowing how to respond to negative behavior in a way that makes that negative behavior stop without it escalating into an argument or fight.

Not sure I agree with you.

You use the words "bossing, controlling, and manipulating", which are strong words with lots of negative connotation.

I believe that most women (and most men for that matter) are clueless when it comes to knowing what it takes to maintain a relationship. The more clueless, the more "bossing, controlling, and manipulating" the other party will have to do in order to bring them in line to keep the relationship from falling apart.

That's why so few relationships succeed. If the woman is clueless and the man is equally clueless, it ain't gonna work. She doesn't know her role and he doesn't know his. Game over.

I have recently concluded that pretty much the ONLY relationships that survive and thrive are the ones where the MAN is VERY clued up as to what makes women tick, and the woman knows and accepts (for the most part, but this is where the man taking charge is important) her feminine role.

For the average guy finding that needle in a haystack is a noble goal, but it just isn't practical for a man to sit around and hope he runs across a woman who doesn't require much of a push in the right direction. He is better off accepting the fact that the world is the way it is, and compensate by becoming a better man and learning how to lead the relationship to keep it on track. And some of the time this is going to entail a certain amount of controlling and manipulating, for lack of better terms.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Momma Wyld is pretty much saying she can keep the relationship in a healthy balance consciously, and not emotionally. She understands the game and knows how most men think. She knows what motivates them and will go to lenghts to please. Some of you keeping thinking she's pulling the guy around. No. Wyld knows how to let a man be a man.

Wlyld, if you haven't already, you should tell these guys that you don't date wimps or men who don't know how to be men.

 

[Wyldfire]

Leading a relationship has nothing at all to do with whether a person is feminine or masculine. It has everything to do with wisdom, paying attention and having control over YOUR behavior and reactions. You don't control the other person. You control yourself and your partner naturally reacts to your actions. That's what leadership is all about. You DO have to be very tuned into what different behavior really means to be an exceptional leader whether it be in the workplace or a relationship, etc. The key is Emotional Intelligence...or EQ.

 

[Wyldfire]

Momma Wyld is pretty much saying she can keep the relationship in a healthy balance consciously, and not emotionally. She understands the game and knows how most men think. She knows what motivates them and will go to lenghts to please. Some of you keeping thinking she's pulling the guy around. No. Wyld knows how to let a man be a man.

Wlyld, if you haven't already, you should tell these guys that you don't date wimps or men who don't know how to be men.

Absolutely...I don't ever use these skills to hurt the man or emasculate him. That's not what leading is about. There is such a huge misconception here about what true leadership is. I use the skills to make the man believe in himself, be comfortable in his own skin, work out any issues he has, feel safe and comfortable trusting me, and not ever feel like he should be questioning himself as a man. For instance...if the man were to have a bad day and was pissed at someone else and snap at me for no reason: I would not snap back and react to his bad mood. Instead, I would stop for a moment, think about what just happened, make a quick intuitive assessment of the situation and then ACT instead of react. I would guess it was work related if that had been where he spent the day. I would say something like..."You must be tired...you work so hard and I know they don't appreciate you at work as much as they should...you're a wonderful man and I appreciate all you do. Can I get you some Iced Tea or something?"

In about one minute I would have showed him that I understood what he was feeling, countered the negative feelings he was having with something positive, defused the frustration, offered emotional support, built trust, made him feel better about himself and gained his appreciation. He would most likely apologize for snapping at me and his mood would improve, thereby avoiding negative energy. I wouldn't have to ask him what happened, either, because he would volunteer that because I had set the supportive tone and he would want to confide in and trust me. He would also probably make an effort to return the favor by doing something nice for me to show his appreciation.

That is an example of leadership...being able to turn a situation around completely with a few words or gestures rather than react in a way that makes matters worse. It doesn't hurt anyone and helps the relationship. If more people learned how to effectively lead there would be a significantly lower divorce rate.

 

[Interceptor]

Absolutely...I don't ever use these skills to hurt the man or emasculate him. That's not what leading is about. There is such a huge misconception here about what true leadership is. I use the skills to make the man believe in himself, be comfortable in his own skin, work out any issues he has, feel safe and comfortable trusting me, and not ever feel like he should be questioning himself as a man. For instance...if the man were to have a bad day and was pissed at someone else and snap at me for no reason: I would not snap back and react to his bad mood. Instead, I would stop for a moment, think about what just happened, make a quick intuitive assessment of the situation and then ACT instead of react. I would guess it was work related if that had been where he spent the day. I would say something like..."You must be tired...you work so hard and I know they don't appreciate you at work as much as they should...you're a wonderful man and I appreciate all you do. Can I get you some Iced Tea or something?"

In about one minute I would have showed him that I understood what he was feeling, countered the negative feelings he was having with something positive, defused the frustration, offered emotional support, built trust, made him feel better about himself and gained his appreciation. He would most likely apologize for snapping at me and his mood would improve, thereby avoiding negative energy. I wouldn't have to ask him what happened, either, because he would volunteer that because I had set the supportive tone and he would want to confide in and trust me. He would also probably make an effort to return the favor by doing something nice for me to show his appreciation.

That is an example of leadership...being able to turn a situation around completely with a few words or gestures rather than react in a way that makes matters worse. It doesn't hurt anyone and helps the relationship. If more people learned how to effectively lead there would be a significantly lower divorce rate.

That's a great post, Wyld. that's an excellent and helpful attitude to take, IMHO.
Thanks for your insight.

 

[Wyldfire]

That's a great post, Wyld. that's an excellent and helpful attitude to take, IMHO.
Thanks for your insight.

Thanks...it might even illustrate that I'm really not the evil feminist man hating biotch that a few on here believe me to be, lol. I try to offer advice that uses these kinds of methods to help people get positive resolutions to problems, but because most people have no clue what real leadership is, some criticize my advice very strongly. This stuff WORKS, and if more people employed it they would have great relationships where both people would value themselves and each other. It's really a shame more people don't pay attention.

 

[In2theGame]

Before I get started, don't misinterpret this post for a ONEitis post, that I'm still thinking about my ex and want her back. Not the case at all.

My last girlfriend, I truly loved with all my heart, body, mind, and soul. Marriage was on the way, until one day she turned on me and bailed. While I was with her, I passed up a few opportunities with hot women I could've f*cked silly. I look back now and say, F*CK, I should've nailed those damn b*tches. But no, I had an obligation to my girlfriend, she was my heart, a part of me, everything I'd wished for from the divine. I cared so much for her not to cheat, eventhough, I wanted to f*ck these b*tches so badly. But my girlfriend who claimed was my soulmate, the ONLY one she had ever felt so strong about, the one she had always been searching for, in the end could care less about me...could care less if I jumped off a f*cking bridge that day, the day she broke up with me.

My point is that, whenever the opportunity arises for a guy in a relationship to nail a woman he's attracted to while the opportunity presents itself, he SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT! No matter how strong you feel about your chick, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT! Because your chick can turn on you and leave you at anytime. Because of the nature of women, it is too risky not to cheat. And while I do realize how risky cheating itself is, I still believe it's worth it. Just be good at it and not get caught(if you can manage to). Be a smart cheater. And MOST girls who find out their men have cheated, will let it go and stay with him. Even more reason to cheat. Fool around with as many as you can, while you can.

::Tear falls down face:: Dude, I know exactly how that feels. Omg does it hurt when you think of all the hotties you passed up. Till this day, i regret so much that if i told you the stories, you would want to take a shotgun and blast my balls into oblivion.