Cheating, and why I'll do it next time around

[edger]

Before I get started, don't misinterpret this post for a ONEitis post, that I'm still thinking about my ex and want her back. Not the case at all.

My last girlfriend, I truly loved with all my heart, body, mind, and soul. Marriage was on the way, until one day she turned on me and bailed. While I was with her, I passed up a few opportunities with hot women I could've f*cked silly. I look back now and say, F*CK, I should've nailed those damn b*tches. But no, I had an obligation to my girlfriend, she was my heart, a part of me, everything I'd wished for from the divine. I cared so much for her not to cheat, eventhough, I wanted to f*ck these b*tches so badly. But my girlfriend who claimed was my soulmate, the ONLY one she had ever felt so strong about, the one she had always been searching for, in the end could care less about me...could care less if I jumped off a f*cking bridge that day, the day she broke up with me.

My point is that, whenever the opportunity arises for a guy in a relationship to nail a woman he's attracted to while the opportunity presents itself, he SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT! No matter how strong you feel about your chick, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT! Because your chick can turn on you and leave you at anytime. Because of the nature of women, it is too risky not to cheat. And while I do realize how risky cheating itself is, I still believe it's worth it. Just be good at it and not get caught(if you can manage to). Be a smart cheater. And MOST girls who find out their men have cheated, will let it go and stay with him. Even more reason to cheat. Fool around with as many as you can, while you can.

 

[Last Man Standing]

You were loyal to a hor!!! Only be loyal to your wife and mommy!!!

No such thing as "cheating" on a hor!!!

 

[ElChoclo]

Edger, you will find that a woman will leave you when you are least able to deal with it, financially down, out of work or something like that. Fairweather friends. On the contrary, when you were getting those offers you were probably riding high.

I don't think a man can effectively manage any woman when she is "everything I'd wished for from the divine." Chances are, that any given time, you have attracted to you whatever is the equivalent in value to you from the female world. You generally get nothing more than what you are worth, so its no gift. I would suggest that with the next woman you get you should adopt a more useful frame of reference. The proper frame for a girlfriend is regard her as a possession, that is, your property. A man does as he wishes with his property.

 

[resilient]

Edger, you will find that a woman will leave you when you are least able to deal with it, financially down, out of work or something like that. Fairweather friends. On the contrary, when you were getting those offers you were probably riding high.

Man... that's so true about women. They hang around when it benefits them, but when you go through a drought with life, work, body, spiritual what have you they always jump ship and bail. Looking back at my past relationships I find that's true as well. When I'm confused with myself or career path or cry once they jump ship for the next guy.

To Edger, I would judge her interest level. If she truly had high interest level and was assuring you with future goal paths, etc. she wouldn't have left you when you hit a low level. I think the mark of a true women who's in love with you is when she goes through the bright and dark times together. Through sickness and health, for richer or poor as the vows say right? ...Or is that old fashioned in this day and age?

If you're going to cheat on your girl next time that has low interest level, I would open to her that you want an open relationship and see what she says. Most girls won't accept it because they want all their open options with other men and you remaining loyal to them for her intimacy needs and not the intimacy needs of another woman.

In summary, don't agree to exclusivity unless you truly feel right about it and make the decision to do so.

 

[DJDamage]

My point is that, whenever the opportunity arises for a guy in a relationship to nail a woman he's attracted to while the opportunity presents itself, he SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT! No matter how strong you feel about your chick, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT! Because your chick can turn on you and leave you at anytime.

It sounds to me as if you are still not ready for LTR. Why don't you just go and spin more plates and not worry about sneaking around. Why commit to one woman if you want to play the field?

 

[Vulpine]

But my girlfriend who claimed was my soulmate, the ONLY one she had ever felt so strong about, the one she had always been searching for, in the end could care less about me...

At least you understand the "actions v. words" bait-and-switch now.

Your posts seems like a by-product of you kicking yourself for falling for it. Don't let one chick change who you are. And, don't let the next one hustle you into monogomy when she herself is not.

IL, actions v. words, plates theory... it is all clicking for you now, isn't it? Careful not to get all bitter, buddy.

 

[Wyldfire]

Man... that's so true about women. They hang around when it benefits them, but when you go through a drought with life, work, body, spiritual what have you they always jump ship and bail. Looking back at my past relationships I find that's true as well. When I'm confused with myself or career path or cry once they jump ship for the next guy.

To Edger, I would judge her interest level. If she truly had high interest level and was assuring you with future goal paths, etc. she wouldn't have left you when you hit a low level. I think the mark of a true women who's in love with you is when she goes through the bright and dark times together. Through sickness and health, for richer or poor as the vows say right? ...Or is that old fashioned in this day and age?

If you're going to cheat on your girl next time that has low interest level, I would open to her that you want an open relationship and see what she says. Most girls won't accept it because they want all their open options with other men and you remaining loyal to them for her intimacy needs and not the intimacy needs of another woman.

In summary, don't agree to exclusivity unless you truly feel right about it and make the decision to do so.

If a woman leaves you when you're down then she never loved you in the first place. If a woman truly loves someone they won't ever leave them when they are down. If they want to leave they will wait until you are able to handle it and will have a good reason to leave...and will still love you even after leaving.

A person should NEVER get married to someone unless they have faced at least one very difficult time for each person. It's not how good the good times are that makes a LTR last. It's how well you cope together during the bad times that determines whether or not the LTR will last.

 

[Jariel]

It sounds to me as if you are still not ready for LTR. Why don't you just go and spin more plates and not worry about sneaking around. Why commit to one woman if you want to play the field?

I agree. Playing the field is perfectly acceptable and you can be a man about it and maintain your integrity. Leading a woman to think you're exclusive then deceiving her is sly and pitiful.

You will know you are ready for a relationship when you no longer have the urge to be with anyone else and you feel secure enough to believe she doesn't either.

 

[joekerr31]

first of all you are taking the wrong attitude to this.

being loyal is never a bad thing. who knows, perhaps you would have caught herpes from one of those women you wanted to bang and saved your kawk!

second, everyone in life goes through sh*t. going through the sh*t is only half the battle. the other half is getting back up and not being an *sshole in life because you feel like you got f*cked over.

if you let getting kicked in the balls get to you, you'll end up sabotaging your life. the one thing that truly successful people seem to have is that they GET that the key is to accept that getting screwed over in life is part of the deal - so when it happens it's no big deal. when i say successful, im not necessarily talking about the richest person, im talking about the happiest self assured folks. they all let betrayal, jealousy, etc. just roll off their backs. even if someone they love screws them over, they mgiht be sad for a bit, but they jump right back in to life, KNOWING that they did nothing wrong and that it was actually the other person who just screwed up their own life (they were unfortunately standing in the tracks when the train crashed). hehe.

as for women leaving you when you are at your worst. i agree, this is an unbelievably common occurence.

but i have a theory. See, women judge their own value (usually) by the man they have. So when you're mister "i've got the world by the balls" every chic wants you to f*ck her because they connect the value they are seeing in you to their own. Hey, if he's got it all going on and wants me then i must be damn valuable!

but when you crash and burn (as we all do in life at various times), and if its just you crashing (ie. her life is going ok), then the reverse phenomena happens. She sees you at your worst, see that as low value, and then assumes that means she has little value.

hard to grasp i know, but i believe this is what happens - she ties her value to you. not just what you think of her, but YOU. when you get a promotion she feels like HER value just went up. i know, makes no sense, but im convinced thats how a lot of them think.

so when you crash, she feels as though her value has gone down. The more you crash, the more she feels her value sinking. then at some point she leaves you when you are at your lowest and goes out and finds a guy whose life is going well and gets that feeling of value back. odds are he crashes at some point down the road and she does the same thing to him.

im pretty convinced this is exactly what is going on. but that being said, i believe (in fact i KNOW) that not all women are like this. There are some AWESOME women in the world who, all things being equal (ie. you don't treat them like sh*t all the time) will stick with you through thick and thin.

and i urge you to remember that - all guys on here to remember that. because as much as 90% of the women you meet in life are shallow and will leave you high and dry at hte first sign of trouble, you DO NOT want to miss spotting any of those 10% who are quality awesome women!

If you let the *ssholes of this blind you to the good things, then you've truly let them ruin your life.

This chic screwed you over - thats fine, she damaged your PAST.
but if you let what she did mess up your outlook on life then you are letting her ruin your FUTURE!

and just for perspective she didn't screw you over either. she showed her true colors. you should be thanking God you got to see them now instead of 15 years down the road!!! screwing you over was the biggest favor she could have done for you.

 

[STR8UP]

I can definitely, DEFINITELY relate to the subject at hand.

It really sucks a big fat one when you pass up opportunities while you are in a relationship, for it to end with HER screwing someone behind your back. There aren't too many things that can make you feel worse than that.

I'm still conflicted as to how I would handle this situation in the future. The thing is, at this point in my life I am going to try my best not to let myself fall into an exclusive situation with a woman who I'm not very serious about. And if I'm VERY serious about her I really have no business fukking around on her. Hell, I'll probably be single forever, who knows.

You and I have paid the price for having integrity. Now we feel as if we want our dues paid back to us. The problem is, what if the next one was actually going to be the one in 1293827473748 who would have made all your dreams come true AND remained faithful till the end? Not too many of them out there but it would suck to actually find and attract one just to fukk it up trying to get revenge for what has happened to you in the past.

As for the women jumping ship issue, I got a heapin' dose of that recently. Kind of.

It was only a casual thing, but coincidentally (I don't think she actually moved on because of MY situation) it came to an end right as I was going through one of the worst times of my life.

I can't even describe the feelings that were dragging me into the abyss while I was going through hell and watching her ride off in the distance at the same time. And the bad part is, it was a couple of months between when she first started moving on and when ties were actually cut.

For the first time in my life I actually felt like I NEEDED someone to lean on, and at that precise moment in time she was pushing away.

 

[edger]

It really sucks a big fat one when you pass up opportunities while you are in a relationship, for it to end with HER screwing someone behind your back. There aren't too many things that can make you feel worse than that.

She didn't screw around on me behind my back, I don't know where you got that one.

 

[edger]

When she broke off the relationship, I wasn't in a financial turmoil of any kind, or having a mid-life crisis or anything like that. My life was going great in fact; I was about to graduate and get my B.A. and pursue a career in my field of study. I had been looking for an internship. And I was also planning on taking this one job(not related to my field of study) if they were to call me. It was a good paying job. I was waiting to hear back from them at the time to see if they wanted to take me on board. So, my life was going great, and she knew that.

 

[STR8UP]

She didn't screw around on me behind my back, I don't know where you got that one.

Oops...don't know where I got that.

HOWEVER......I wouldn't doubt if she WAS screwing around behind your back, if she dropped you without remorse the way you explained.

See, it's very, very easy for a woman to turn into a 120lb (or whatever) block of cold, hard ICE when she is grabbing another branch. It's very, very HARD for her to turn into an ice cube if she doesn't have a safety net.

I've been there before, man. I broke up with my last LTR and she was an emotional basketcase for a couple of months, chasing me around like a little puppy dog, like I was the sun, the moon, and the stars in her universe.

The second she started seeing this other guy, all of a sudden I was the biggest piece of sh!t on earth. Her last words were "I hope no other woman ever has to be treated the way you treated me" or something to that effect. I went from practically GOD to a worthless piece of dog sh!t in a matter of a few days. Wow.

Your chick didn't "turn on you and bail" in one day. It was coming for awhile, you just didn't see it.

 

[ElChoclo]

When you are at a low point is one favourite time. The other is when some phase of general life has come to an end. Eg you just had your birthday, finished a course, no longer both going to university etc.

In your case Edger, she was planning this for some time, and it coincided with the conclusion of your studies. Probably figured that she didn't want to interfere with you successfully finishing your course. Finishing undergraduate degree at age 27 (and a BA at that) success was just a heartbeat away?

 

[Wyldfire]

When you are at a low point is one favourite time. The other is when some phase of general life has come to an end. Eg you just had your birthday, finished a course, no longer both going to university etc.

In your case Edger, she was planning this for some time, and it coincided with the conclusion of your studies. Probably figured that she didn't want to interfere with you successfully finishing your course. Finishing undergraduate degree at age 27 (and a BA at that) success was just a heartbeat away?

It almost seems like she waited for him to be about to start a new chapter in his life to end the relationship. You're right...she was probably planning to do this for awhile but wanted to wait until he finished school but before he started his post college life to end it so as to avoid causing severe damage to something important in his life.

edger...she seems to have at least tried to show a certain level of compassion in her timing of breaking it off. Even though she hurt you...you should at least try to appreciate that she didn't do this right before final exams or right after you started a new career/job. A lot of women would not have been that considerate or respectful in the timing.

Regarding your claim that in the future you will cheat...

Would it be right if the next woman you get involved with punished you for the pain/hurt her last boyfriend inflicted upon her? No...it wouldn't be...and we would all advise you not to get involved with someone with that kind of emotional baggage. Is that the kind of man you want to become...one burdened with emotional baggage from a previous relationship? If you cheat on other women just because some other woman hurt you that will be exactly what you will be doing...and it lowers your quality as a man.

Sometimes relationships just don't work out and after awhile one person realizes that it's just not what they want. It happens. You've got to try to not take it personally. Would you rather her stay with you when she really didn't want to be with you anymore only to have your relationship deteriorate after getting married and having kids? Isn't it better for her to be honest with herself and you and not waste more of your time once she realized it wasn't what she wanted? I would certainly hope not. I'm sure she never set out to hurt you...I think it's very rare for a person to ever set out and plan to hurt someone. If it's not premeditated and intentional then just forgive (for yourself), let it go and move on with your life.

 

[edger]

Regarding your claim that in the future you will cheat...

Would it be right if the next woman you get involved with punished you for the pain/hurt her last boyfriend inflicted upon her? No...it wouldn't be...and we would all advise you not to get involved with someone with that kind of emotional baggage. Is that the kind of man you want to become...one burdened with emotional baggage from a previous relationship? If you cheat on other women just because some other woman hurt you that will be exactly what you will be doing...and it lowers your quality as a man.

Sometimes relationships just don't work out and after awhile one person realizes that it's just not what they want. It happens. You've got to try to not take it personally. Would you rather her stay with you when she really didn't want to be with you anymore only to have your relationship deteriorate after getting married and having kids? Isn't it better for her to be honest with herself and you and not waste more of your time once she realized it wasn't what she wanted? I would certainly hope not. I'm sure she never set out to hurt you...I think it's very rare for a person to ever set out and plan to hurt someone. If it's not premeditated and intentional then just forgive (for yourself), let it go and move on with your life.

Wyld, I've lost FAITH in women's sincerity, that's why I'm in the frame of mind I'm in regarding cheating on my next girlfriend. I can't help it. I refuse to take any chances and pass up good opportunities, only to have the next girl do the same. Hey, women act out of their own self-interests, they're NOTORIOUS for this, so ya know what, I'm gonna do the same. After having a girlfriend CONSTANTLY hardwiring into your brain how you're "destined" to be together, pushing marriage, etc. and then bailing on ya, well of course that's bound to f*ck with ya and give you trust issues. And to add on to that, 2 weeks before breaking up with me(that's right 2 weeks), she tells me "marry me" for the hundreth time.

You can't blame men for why they are the way they are, because they're that way for a REASON. And that's because women, being selfish and the opportunists that they are, leave them no choice.

 

[edger]

And chances are, the next chick I do get into a relationship with, will probably more than likely have already done the same crap to some other dude.

 

[Wyldfire]

So only two weeks before she broke up with you she was telling you that she wanted to get married? That means you weren't engaged. Did you either tell her you weren't ready to get married or avoided the subject? If so, then it's entirely possible that she just got fed up waiting for you to propose and decided to move on.

Whatever the case...if you now have trust issues and aren't willing to be faithful to someone else then you should not enter into a serious relationship. You have the option of just dating instead...and that is what you should do.

Yes, a lot of women are selfish...and so are a lot of men. Our society as a whole is selfish and has a sense of entitlement.

As you get older you will hopefully realize that making the choice to betray others because someone hurt you will only lead you to hurt yourself in the long run. If you become a cheater and then end up involved with someone you love who genuinely loves you and you cheat then another woman you love will end up leaving you. Do you really want to self-sabotage in that way? Setting yourself up to have failed relationships is not a wise choice...and in the end it will be you who ends up getting hurt the most.

 

[WaterTiger]

I do have a problem with cheating. I don't have a problem with "open" relationships if you tell the girl up front.

"This is going to be an OPEN relationship. Period. I'm going to see other women."

That's all you have to tell anyone you date with any frequency. She understands your rules, and her limits. You will not be exclusive. If she doesn't like it, then she can go. If she gets visions of long white dresses and starts hearing wedding bells, then it's HER tough luck because you TOLD her that you wouldn't be exclusive. Don't say you'll be exclusive and then cheat to get back at a girl who is gone. Don't punish the innocent for the crimes of the guilty.

Who knows! Maybe you can find some nice "Poly" girl and settle down with her and her 4 hot friends?

 

[grinder]

I’m an advocate of living it rather than spewing it in words. I’ll explain.

If you want to really open your eyes then I suggest that as you begin to spin your plates you do not rule them out if they have a ring or bf.

You will be shocked at how easily they justify and rationalized their behavior.

Here’s the really funny part of what I’m going through right now: One I’m seeing, who is cheating on her husband, gets really angry, jealous, when I tell her about other women I’m seeing. She wants ME to be monogamous with her while she is still with her husband!! She totally fails to see the irony.

I don’t advocate this as a standard as, honestly, if you’ve got good game, you don’t have to go after “taken” ones.

But you’ll soon find out very few are actually “taken”. As I’ve said before, many are just treading water waiting on the next best guy: YOU!