Chasing the love of my life

[LuckyStrike88]

After 2 years of on and off, her having other boyfriends and dates. Me having other girlfriends and dates. Countless loveletters i've sent her that got us together again for a short while, i never gave up. Alot of drama and probably the biggest ups and down emotionally for me in my life.

We have always found each other again somehow for it to then shortly fall apart again.

What i have come to realize is that at the start of it all i was alpha and she liked that version of me a lot. But because of overworking myself at work having a burnout in the process combined with dealing with our drama my frame towards her had slipped into beta, i was in a burnout and needed her. But she wants an alpha, and she deserves one. My frame never really got turned around because i didn't know how. I realize her coming back to me multiple times even after the biggest fights and no contacts was to see if the old me was there again, but i have kept disappointing her with my beta behavior.

Now after a long time, i have worked out my issues. And found my alpha self again and i am positive i can make it last for us if we had the chance.

But we are in a place of no contact right now with her having another guy, that is living with her. He is an ******* that has cheated on her multiple times and she still took him back. Deciding to just let it be and for us to never be together again kills me i just feel lifeless, though believing in us meeting again and having another chance gives me strength and joy, i am even at peace with the fact that it might take a while for that to happen.

She has punished my beta behavior relentlessly multiple times. I know she is a *****, but she's my kinda *****. And i never really knew how to put her in her place when needed until now. I have this forum to thank for that.

I do have other options, but it's never that feeling where you can beyond a doubt say "This is the love of my life" even though i know it might sound to some people a wussy thing to say i say it without feeling like one, i don't care who knows. She is, and if i get another chance i will seize it and get my girl back and do it right.

Has anyone been there? Or has any advice?

 

[VladPatton]

Let it die, man. A few key words you're using states you're still in a beta mindset:

- Using the phrase "she's the love of my life" towards a girls that isn't your wife for at least a decade
- At the first sight of overworking yourself you slipped and you admit that your frame was lost forever. This will most likely happen again if she's back in your life
- You don't see that the other guy is alpha as fück and is giving her a massive dose of 110% drama that all women love
- Your dependent fully on her giving you happiness; feeling strength at the mere thought of meeting her, and depression at the thought of never seeing her. The complete polar opposite of alpha.
- You still have false hope with zero options. This girl is your life.
- If you spend 30 days with her, she will control you like a master of puppetry.

Leave it alone, man, delete her from all platforms and move on, immediately. Trust me, there is a replacement out there.

-

 

[Zapp Brannigan]

It doesn't sound like it's meant to be by the way things keep stacking against you, you got a lot from the experience, and should really let this one go.

You can't keep living in the past, and that is part of the reason why you feel that emptiness. You can't fully enjoy things with other women because there's a voice in the back of your head nagging about whether or not you should do anything about this girl. You also feel no one is right for you besides her. You then think "I should persue whatsername again" and feel excited like when you originally chased her. I understand completely you can't get over someone in a flash especially when you feel it's meant to be, but can't continue to hold out false hope.

I just came out of a situation very similar to yours, and pined over the same girl for seven and a half years. Like in your situation I was dogged around by her, and was willing to deal with her bit**yness. She's also with a jerk boyfriend. I finally accepted that it's never meant to be, still care but don't have any false hope, and am finally starting to feel that excitement from chasing women that I only used to feel from her.

You have so much life ahead of you, and deserve a good women. Weep not for roads untraveled http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFiNlLt8sJw

 

[LuckyStrike88]

Good advice bro's, i do know better then chasing around this kind of drama. I know i should just be thankful for what iv'e learned from it and move on. I have actually already deleted her number and Facebook, we are completely no contact(tho this has happened at least 5 times before). Except for my friend Jennifer, she still hangs out with her and her bf. And when i hang out with Jennifer i still get to hear about her.

Logically i know i probably can't turn the frame around, once a girl has seen you beta it will stick with her. She just got her roots so deep in me and i can't seem to untangle. With all other girls this usually took me 1to3 weeks to completely be over it.

I do know better, but the feels take over logic with this one. How do you let go of someone like that? I have tried a few times but it's killing.

 

[tripod23]

how do you get over it.........maybe you wont get over it....but time will make it better my friend , you need to concentrate on improving your life......get new hobbies , build dreams , make more money , but do not contact this chick ever again , if she contacts you ignore her......shes had her chance.....she will be back mark my words......they all do......iv had one that's tried putting me in backup mode while she plays her silly little games.........DO NOT FALL FOR IT .......carry on as if she is dead..........you go ghost listen to the guys here and move on , accept what has happened and make your life better............never ever let a chick pop you in backup position while she plays games.....fvck that and fvck her.......I would rather be single than let that happen........trust me when you stop caring the results will come .........good luck

 

[Rave18]

Just my two cents

"Chasing" and "love of my life" are two words which are/should never be together

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Now after a long time, i have worked out my issues. And found my alpha self again and i am positive i can make it last for us if we had the chance.

1) I am not convinced by this statement as it is quite contradictory. An 'alpha' is under no obligation to 'make' anything 'last' except his success, frame and self-assurance.

2) You admit yourself that you have tried to 'make it work' between you before - writing love letters, begging, etc etc. What new ('alpha') tactics do you propose using going forward?

3) As has been said herein, you are not there to 'chase'. The 'love of your life' situation should be ultimate and consistent contented bliss for you both, with absolutely minimal effort. This situation sounds like hard-fought heartache, at least for you.

4) Make a life without her. And that means your own life, without her. If it was meant to be and she wants the same things, she will come back and make efforts to reconcile. If not, you will not have wasted your entire existence chasing 'love' that is (currently) borne purely in your own mind.

Sounds blunt. But it's the truth.

 

[LMFAO]

Love of my life?

Jesus C*nting Christ. Talk about oneitis.

 

[Zapp Brannigan]

I do know better, but the feels take over logic with this one. How do you let go of someone like that? I have tried a few times but it's killing.

It's hard to truly get over someone. Don't repress how you feel about her, it'll only make things worse. Just accept and know that it's never meant to be, and stay away from any of her social media. Live your life, and try to get with someone that truly appreciates you.

 

[GS750]

Love of my life = too much disney. There is no such thing. You could fall for someone else just as hard in 3 months and forget all about her.

 

[LuckyStrike88]

Now after a long time, i have worked out my issues. And found my alpha self again and i am positive i can make it last for us if we had the chance.

1) I am not convinced by this statement as it is quite contradictory. An 'alpha' is under no obligation to 'make' anything 'last' except his success, frame and self-assurance.

It is "contradictory", but not in the sense of going after what i want. Saying if we had the chance. Meaning if she lays contact, i'll be coming from another place. Making it last meaning having the right frame and keeping the upper hand this time where i failed before. And not tolerating disrespectful behavior, and being able to walk away if she does.

2) You admit yourself that you have tried to 'make it work' between you before - writing love letters, begging, etc etc. What new ('alpha') tactics do you propose using going forward?

Yes i was pointing out my mistakes, knowing that that wasn't the way to roll.

Sure, i'll tell you. We are in the same circle, are in no-contact right now. I won't be the one coming on to her again. The only way for now is to move on, maybe even date other girls for a while. Knowing her we will probably run into eachother again, and she'll come test the waters. If so i know how she works. She is a dominant girl that lifts herself up, and she wants a guy that puts her in her place. And that involves defying her, taking risks. Being able to walk way. Teasing the hell out of her. She's a talker so there will be more than enough content to pass tests on. That's what worked like magic in our initial relationship, and i made the mistake of not having the courage and not knowing how to continue that frame.

Why would i want a girl like that? It was a fun dynamic with alot of continious laughs and sexual tension. Best times.

3) As has been said herein, you are not there to 'chase'. The 'love of your life' situation should be ultimate and consistent contented bliss for you both, with absolutely minimal effort. This situation sounds like hard-fought heartache, at least for you.

It was consisted bliss, when i was in the right frame. The problem is i kept losing it due to mistakes, now knowing what those were. Chasing is indeed a poor choice of words, because that will only work against me in this case.

4) Make a life without her. And that means your own life, without her. If it was meant to be and she wants the same things, she will come back and make efforts to reconcile. If not, you will not have wasted your entire existence chasing 'love' that is (currently) borne purely in your own mind.

I know that that is the way to have a chance. I have to pull out for now, only if she comes back do i have a chance. But i need to drop those expectations of her coming back to have a chance and move on for now and improve myself. If she comes back great, if not i will have moved forward and may even find another girl in the process.

It is/was mutual, she has been laying contact multiple times before after breaks out of the blue. Knowing her well she was testing the waters, seeing if something was there. Last time she took me to see her parents that i hadn't seen before. That was 2 months ago, after having beta'd out on her many times. I know chances are slim, but if we do get in contact again i will seize the opportunity and see what happens from there. For now, i am letting go because that is what needs to be done.

 

[LuckyStrike88]

Love of my life = too much disney. There is no such thing. You could fall for someone else just as hard in 3 months and forget all about her.

It's not something i would not spit out easely "Love of my life". Emotions can hardly be described in words. As an example i remember some of our moments where we were just texting to be more memorable/enjoyable than sex i've had with other girls. I know how insane and beta that might sound, but it's how it feels.

I also know that such crazy affection for a girl can kill the attraction and turn you beta, and it did.

 

[christoff522]

After 2 years of on and off, her having other boyfriends and dates. Me having other girlfriends and dates. Countless loveletters i've sent her that got us together again for a short while, i never gave up. Alot of drama and probably the biggest ups and down emotionally for me in my life.

We have always found each other again somehow for it to then shortly fall apart again.

What i have come to realize is that at the start of it all i was alpha and she liked that version of me a lot. But because of overworking myself at work having a burnout in the process combined with dealing with our drama my frame towards her had slipped into beta, i was in a burnout and needed her. But she wants an alpha, and she deserves one. My frame never really got turned around because i didn't know how. I realize her coming back to me multiple times even after the biggest fights and no contacts was to see if the old me was there again, but i have kept disappointing her with my beta behavior.

Now after a long time, i have worked out my issues. And found my alpha self again and i am positive i can make it last for us if we had the chance.

But we are in a place of no contact right now with her having another guy, that is living with her. He is an ******* that has cheated on her multiple times and she still took him back. Deciding to just let it be and for us to never be together again kills me i just feel lifeless, though believing in us meeting again and having another chance gives me strength and joy, i am even at peace with the fact that it might take a while for that to happen.

She has punished my beta behavior relentlessly multiple times. I know she is a *****, but she's my kinda *****. And i never really knew how to put her in her place when needed until now. I have this forum to thank for that.

I do have other options, but it's never that feeling where you can beyond a doubt say "This is the love of my life" even though i know it might sound to some people a wussy thing to say i say it without feeling like one, i don't care who knows. She is, and if i get another chance i will seize it and get my girl back and do it right.

Has anyone been there? Or has any advice?

Hank Moody it. Turn your love for her into an in with other girls. Let her be the one that got away, why not even friendzone her? Work on your alpha 'suave' personality, become enchanting, and find a way to be in her life somehow. Why not frequent the clubs that they visit, get to know people there and gain some social proof. If you were together for a while, keep yourself in the same unit of friends that you used to be.

If you want her, being far apart will do nothing but turn you into a fantasy of what was, why not become a new fantasy. If theres love there you may get her back. But you've just got to be very very careful about it and not turn into a stalker. Pursue her, but as someone with confident persistence, not as a desperate dweeb. The relationship sounds like it won't last. If she is 'the love of your life', then carpe diem. Make the moments happen, but be very very careful about how you go about it. God speed. Also try watching Californication to get a Hollywood style idea of how to deal with 'the one that always seems to get away'.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If you were the love of her life, she wouldn't be fvcking some other guy right now. Nor would she be making you into an insurance policy against her bad relationship decisions.

 

[LuckyStrike88]

If you were the love of her life, she wouldn't be fvcking some other guy right now. Nor would she be making you into an insurance policy against her bad relationship decisions.

Right on, i have done some thinking today after the responses iv'e got in this thread. Read about 'oneitis'. And i have decided to let her go. It is only going to hurt my frame and selfrespect, which is far more important in my future succes. Thank you all.

 

[stevo]

Your mindset shouldn't be how do you get her back, your mindset should be how do you get more girls and enjoy every passing moment.

Girls want to have fun. That's it.

If you start leading a life with girl options, you'll see her crawl back and fcuk if she doesn't, who cares?

Man, leave the worrying for her, that's a baggage for her to carry. You? You're too busy living life. Flip the script. Let her chase you. Let her worry how to get you back.

You want her? Start acting like you don't give a sheet about her. Change the topic whenever mutual friends indirectly give you insight about her life, you don't need that and honestly you do not care about it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Right on, i have done some thinking today after the responses iv'e got in this thread. Read about 'oneitis'. And i have decided to let her go. It is only going to hurt my frame and selfrespect, which is far more important in my future succes. Thank you all.

When I was just a little bit younger than you, I had a girl that I thought was the love of my life. Then I turned into Forrest Gump. I love you, Jenn-nay! Why are you running away Jen-nay? That was fifteen years ago. She is still really awkward about even talking to me, because she's afraid I'll act the same way. She sends me a drunken facebook message occasionally, then won't respond when I respond. She's taken care of herself really well and still looks good, but I really don't see her as that hot anymore. It would be too easy to get a girl half her age for me to think of her as that hot.

That's what happens as you go from your 20's to your 30's. Women your own age become less attractive compared to the younger crop.

 

[LuckyStrike88]

When I was just a little bit younger than you, I had a girl that I thought was the love of my life. Then I turned into Forrest Gump. I love you, Jenn-nay! Why are you running away Jen-nay? That was fifteen years ago. She is still really awkward about even talking to me, because she's afraid I'll act the same way. She sends me a drunken facebook message occasionally, then won't respond when I respond. She's taken care of herself really well and still looks good, but I really don't see her as that hot anymore. It would be too easy to get a girl half her age for me to think of her as that hot.

That's what happens as you go from your 20's to your 30's. Women your own age become less attractive compared to the younger crop.

Thanks for sharing, this rings some bells for me if you look at it time-wise. Considering attractiveness and life success. If i do the math i know where i will stand in 10 years and i also know where she will stand. She is jobless with little to no job prospects. And i actually have a lot going for myself career-wise and growing as a programmer.

I did something crazy today, i emailed the leading dating coach in my country about the posibilities of 1on1 coaching by him and education in coaching and working to get a job in this area. I actually sent him my whole life story in multiple pages concerning this area, my problems and how i had improved through a lot of struggles. Not really expecting a response or one this exciting. He read the whole thing and asked to call me later today to set up a meeting with him soon in Amsterdam. Excited to see where this brings me. I'm at a point where i decided to lay of my dating for a while and build a bit of a fortress for myself.

 

[mikey2012]

Been there . Done that. Believe me it's waste of time. Like ppl have said if she loved you enough she would be with you! Why bother with someone who doesn't love you enough . I stress enough because you may have had good times together and she made you think she loves you but obviously not enough. How do you get over her? You say to yourself she doesn't love me enough to warrant me being all into her . Being alone is better than being with her. At the moment you have nothing to lose. If you beg and pine and she gets with you and later leaves you when you have kids.. you will have wasted so much time and be in real crap.
Also it seems to be this woman will never be happy and will make the guy with her suffer. Do you want a life of suffering? You dodged a bullet. In a few years you will look back at her and even if she offered herself to you, you would say no.
Jobless people means that society doesn't value them or have no use for them. Never get with girl who doesn't have job .

 

[christoff522]

Funny, I was in a bad place last night. fVck her, get out and have fun!!