Chasing Eudaimonia: A Self-Improvement Journal/Philosophical Discourse by narcissist

[narcissist]

It is almost 2015. This means that 2014 is coming to a close and my "Relentless Journal for 2014" is almost finished.

Here is a link if you guys want to check out my 2014.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2124745#post2124745

Wow, what a year it has truly been. There were massive ups, with only minuscule downs. I have truly bettered myself in the process and have found that keeping a journal has been fundamental in my betterment process. So here goes, a NEW journal for 2015!!

I firstly would like to thank everyone that has been there for me in this past year, that has helped me become the person I currently am, and that will hopefully continue to motivate me and give me infinitely valuable advice! So thanks to this wonderful community! Ya'll are like family to me!

This past year has been fundamental in who I have become. I have very much matured since I first came to this site back in November 2013. I have grown intellectually, philosophically, physically, spiritually, emotionally, rationally etc.

But I still have an enormous journey ahead of me, and my archetypal self is still far far down that perpetual road of betterment. I will trek. I will push. I will take on the task. It will be hard, arduous, onerous. But ultimately enlightening.

This is what I am going to call my "eudaimonia," (look it up :] ) - my path to overflowing happiness.

I have defined my sole purpose in life as chasing this ephemeral archetypal self that my mind has constructed - this incredible person who I KNOW I can become. I know its a never ending journey, but life for me is meaningless without this metaphysical chase of current me to archetypal me.

So here goes. Another chapter. A documentation of my journey.

I hope you all enjoy, and I hope my journey inspires you guys and helps you all out in your own journey to your eudaimonia.

Peace!!


LASTLY: Please no negativity in this thread please I want to keep this a positive experience! thanks

 

[BraddH]

Why did you even chose that nickname.

 

[narcissist]

Okay seeing as 2015 is coming up close, the first course of action that I wanted to do was create a list of things that I will be working on to achieve in the new year. Call it a New Years resolution if you will! haha

1] FINANCE
-create a budget
-save 2500$
-develop good money habits

I have sat down and wholehearted introspected myself to find the major faults that I have in order to tackle the most daunting of issues inherent within me. I have decided that my NUMBER ONE ISSUE is money. I suck with money. Im absolutely horrible with managing my finances. So this is my first goal/aspiration.

I realize that 2500$ is not that much money but I have to take baby steps. I mean I am in debt right now about 300$ not to mention my student loans which will eventually be a pressing concern. So 2500$ is a good start.

I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how to start saving or how to get out of these horrible habits that I have developed over the years. I have accepted it as my #1 fault and know that I must move towards becoming more prudent/frugal/rational with my cash flow.

I am going to specifically make a money journal over in the finance section of SoSuave. This way it will be a goal on its own accord. And will take significance over the less pressing goals.

I must understand that money is a necessity on planet earth and that to live comfortably with a lack of stress requires having a good amount of money.

2] HEALTH / FITNESS
-gain muscle mass until I am 180 lbs and 6-8%bf - when injury heals up
-start stretch routine - twice a day
-abstain from alcohol and coffee for 1 year
-wake up before 10 every day

I injured my wrist about 3 months ago and have had to go to physiotherapy for the past 10 weeks but my wrist is becoming better and I will soon enough be back in the gym. Because I havent been in the gym for 3 months I lost the muscle mass that I put on and went from 172 - 155, which is disheartening but its the consequence of being an ectomorph. I am not depressed about it though because in no time I will be back in the gym and I will be killing it again. My ambition NEVER left me, which I was out of the gym so not an issue. My drive keeps me strong.

My goal: Weigh 180 with 6-8 percent body fat

Current: I weigh about 155 right now. about 12 percent bf

Also I am going to implement a stretch routine immediately. I must get limber before I go back and start lifting weights so I can be less prone to injuries.

Lastly, I am going to abstain from coffee and alcohol for a whole year! I never really drink alcohol anyways but I have decided that it is literally poison and I very much hate it, so I will not drink it. I get sick every time I drink and it is a complete waste of money. Furthermore, a lot of people in my family have alcoholism and therefore I have genetically predisposed to the disease and therefore I should make sure that I stay clear from it.

As for coffee, its just a waste of money for me currently, and the cream and sugar are not good for me.

Going to stick with WATER. Its free and its the healthiest drink you can possibly have. Will also have green tea.


3] WISDOM / KNOWLEDGE
-write in my journal every day
-read for 1 hour/day - my own personal choice of reading (not school readings)
-write a short story

Okay so as many of you may know I go to university and am studying phycology and philosophy with an aspiration to be a professor one day and add the the pool of information and knowledge that humanity has accumulated over the years. So in terms of knowledge I am getting a far amount from my education.

So this goal is more so SELF EDUCATION

I would very much like to enhance my writing skills because I aspire to write a novel or a philosophical manifesto one day and as they say practice makes perfect. So writing in my journal every single day will help me increase my writing ability. I will challenge myself to write well, with detail and precision.

I will also have a section in here with philosophical/sociological discourse on many different topics such as gender dynamics, betterment, life, society, purpose etc etc etc. Which will challenge my mind.

I will to also start reading relentlessly. I read a lot for school but I also need to make time for my own personal reading interests. Especially Sartre, and Nietzsche, I really want to read their perspective on existentialism soon.


4] SOCIAL / EMOTIONAL SOVERIGNITY
-continue to expand my social network but exponentially
-be more cognizant of myself during social scenarios
-stop swearing so much
-attain a level of emotional sovereignty - reach a point of emotional non affect towards social frivolities.
-continue to exert positivity and diminish whatever negativity I have left

I have over the past year really increased my social network. I have embodied a personality that is very attractive to people and it is shown in the way people interact with me now and chase me instead of the other way around. (not just women, but everyone).

I shall continue to increase this network to unstoppable realms.

One thing that I have to do is not be so ostentatious about my grades in school. I do achieve fairly high grades but I need to keep that to my self because Im sure people don't like hearing about someone beating them in school over and over again. So for this new semester I will keep my grades to myself. I noticed people started treating me like a know it all during this last year and Im not too fond of that image, so I will work at changing said image.

I noticed that I swear quite a bit. Now normally I don't really care about that because I figure they are just words and I am NOT using them in any derogatory way, but still I could bring it down a notch. It is not necessary to swear every other sentence. And I personally do not like myself doing it.

Last but not least I have being training myself to be an emotional stronghold. Sometimes I am unbreakable and unaffected by anything. Other time I can be rattled. I would say the former is more prominent though, so I am on a good track!

Once again, I have to diminish my emotional outbursts aimed at my parents. They can be extremely annoying and overbearing but I have trained myself over the past couple months to deal with it in a more reasonable manner without the fits of anger. So I just have to keep on the same track and in no time I will be the emotional stronghold that I desire to embody.



That is it for now brahs!!! This is obviously subject to change. And I will be adding more things as the days go on and as things settle in place!

Peace out!

 

[narcissist]

Why did you even chose that nickname.

Because it is who I used to be. I have been struggling with narcissism for a long time and it reminds me of who I was when I first came here.

It is a good reminder of where I started and will be a good indication of how far Ive come in my path to betterment.

I have since diminished my narcissism greatly.

lets keep this thread positive brahs!

 

[JohnChops]

Abstain from alcohol, most guys wouldn't do this because thats the only way they gain confidence. Good on you man. I only drink once every few months, if ever. Alcohol wasn';t that appealing to me.

 

[narcissist]

Abstain from alcohol, most guys wouldn't do this because thats the only way they gain confidence. Good on you man. I only drink once every few months, if ever. Alcohol wasn't that appealing to me.

I personally find alcohol disgusting so it is not that nobel of me to abstain, rather it is merely a by product of my disdain for poisonous liquid lmao. But thanks nonetheless for the kind words brah.

Unfortunately, my brother appears to have the alcoholism gene. He drinks quite heavily at the age of 25, and I thought to myself that maybe this is because of his age and because at that age it is perhaps "normal" for bachelor to be chugging back alcohol on the regular. But I have since discarded that belief and am now looking at ways to help out my brother because he gets drunk 4-5 times a week. To me that is an alcoholic, and there is no way I am going to let my brother go down that sh*tty route/path in life.

I am a little off put by the situation though. How do I confront him? How do I go about motivating him to cease alcoholic binges? How do I show him what he is doing to himself?

I have no idea. But I feel like it is my moral obligation, my moral duty to at least try and help him out.

Do you have any advice JohnChops?

 

[narcissist]

Today's Journal Entry


Today I went out to pick up some new clothes. I got literally the sickest jacket and jeans. I find that my style is on par with a typical euro model style. Girls always tell me I should check out modelling agencies, but I feel like my narcissism would go through the roof if I was to inherit the title "model," maybe when I gain more muscle mass I will check it out. haha!


Books:

I have decided that I am going to read the books

1] "the 7 habits of highly effective people."

This book has been read by millions of people and it is quite an easy read for me, but I find that I need a good book of motivation to get me back on the right track! So this will be the book I will indulge in for the remainder of my winter break.

I have also picked up the book of anthologies called

2] "The art of worldly wisdom" by baltasar gracian morales

This book is an interesting amalgamation of different life lessons posited by the 17th century spanish jesuit.

I figure to get the most out of this book I am going to write down a daily passage from this book onto my journal entries and do a retell/reflect/relate exercise.



So here is the first passage:


"THE ART OF WORDLY WISDOM" PASSAGE #1

i - Everything is at its Acme; [acme means the point at which something is at its height, or best - peak, zenith, apex]
especially the art of making ones way in the world. There is more required nowadays to make a single wise man than formerly to make seven sages, and more is needed nowadays to deal with a single person that was required with a whole people in former times

-Baltasar Gracian


Retell
Our social and cultural milieu is at its zenith. Social and psychological dynamics are becoming increasingly more difficult and complex as the times progress. This is because the human species is extremely adaptable and malleable, and our cultures become progressively more intricate as humanity advances. Right now, at this very second, culture is at its most complex it has ever been. There can be endless discussions on the mechanisms and mannerisms of our sociological underpinnings. This means one thing: right now, it is of the utmost importance to be cognizant and aware of social dynamics. It is extremely pressing in 21st century to be self-aware and wise, because it has never been more complex than right now, and this complexity will increasingly perpetuate. That is why it is so important to study psychology and sociology and accumulate social wisdom. It is only by this, that one will reach the peak levels of social status, and actually have an impact on the world.

Reflect
I agree with this wholeheartedly. It would be frivolous for someone to go throughout life with out studying the ways people behave and without becoming proficient in dealing with people. Unless you are a recluse in a forest tundra somewhere you will be surrounded by people always. The prudent act is to figure out a way to be efficient and exceptional at utilizing social knowledge to be the best at maneuvering social encounters. Especially considering that our culture is the most complex culture to have ever existed (arguable i think).

Relate
I can relate this to my personal life in literally an infinite array of ways. I will choose one for temporal sake. Before I read the 48 laws of power, I was extremely clumsy in a social sense and socially unaware. I had no idea that I was actually transgressing a lot in my social settings via my behaviours and actions and people were beginning to take advantage of me and I was looked at as sort of a goof. After I read the 48 laws and started enlightening myself and becoming self aware of the world I lived in I changed my behaviours and my entire social setting changed. I was respected more, I was revered more, people would text me and call me and want to hang out rather than me putting in all the effort. All because I gained a MINUTE amount of social wisdom. I made a pack to myself that hence forth I would make it my goal to acquire as much wisdom as I possibly could. I realized that social and cultural dynamics were complex and it was up to me to decipher it for my own benefit, and ultimately the worlds benefit, if I can take my knowledge and help the world eventually.

 

[narcissist]

JOURNAL ENRTY 3

Today was not the most productive day ever, but I did clean up the whole house and I did not spend any money, which is still good.

Today while cleaning up the house I realized that I never want to have a dirty house again. The unfortunate thing is that I live with someone who does not clean up and who makes quite the mess. I have told her so many times to tidy up and to keep a clean environment but she just does not follow through. I have realized that I will just clean up, because a clean environment means a lot to me and I would rather not argue with the person who I live with. It doesn't take that long to clean anyways, It takes about an hour. Plus, cleaning up every day will give me a good habit of always cleaning up after myself and having a clean environment, so when I do eventually move out I will take the habit with me.

After I write my journal I am going to stretch and I am going to read a chapter in my book.

Also I have decided today that I am going to go to the gym 3 times a week to do cardio and stretching. I will also workout my legs by doing leg press, body weight squats, and lunges. Unfortunately I still cannot workout my upper body because I have a serious wrist injury that developed from lifting weights too frequently and too heavy, so I still have to wait another month or two, with a couple more weeks of physiotherapy. But still, I can go and do a bit of exercise anyways and work around my injury. Anything is better than nothing.

So tomorrow I am going to hit up the gym. The first time in about 2 months.

Here are a couple other new years resolutions that I have decided I want to pursue.

- learn to cook like a chef
I am going to create a recipe book and learn to cook a bunch of different plates. I figure that learning how to cook good food will allow me to eat food at home and save money by not eating out at restaurants and fast food joints. It will also be healthier. Plus, to be able to cook is something that women find sexy as hell.

- wake up early and go to sleep early
I have always found something appealing in waking up REALLY early. Unfortunately, my genetics hates it haha. My body loves to sleep very very late, and wake up very very late.

I believe that this is merely because I have not deliberately changed my inner sleep/wake clock. Well this year I am going to push myself to wake up around 7 every morning and go to sleep around 10-11 every night.

- drink only water and green tea
For the longest time I have wanted to purify the liquids that i ingest. I want to clean my body, and the only way to do that is to have a prolonged period of time where you only drink water (obviously in conjunction with a healthy diet/exercise). For all of 2015 I am only going to drink water and green tea.

- meditation
This is an extremely important resolution that I will be pursuing. I can be a very stressed person at times, I can very much let my emotions get the best of me. I have found that meditation is a f*cking incredible way to reduce stress and anger. I want to meditate for about 15 minutes a day, everyday, for a full year.

- be grateful
Starting out the day being thankful for the opportunities that I have and the position in life I have been endowed with, will without a doubt start my day off with a positive mindset. This may not seem like an important resolution, but to me it is one of the most important. I must be thankful for my perspective on life, my intelligence, where I live, my education, everything. This way I will be able to UTILIZE my position and pursue my goals with more frenzy, more stride.

- eradicate procrastination
It is unreal how easy it is to procrastinate. The funny thing is, it is also unbelievable how easy it is to actually just do what is important and urgent instead. For example, I tend to procrastinate on writing in my journal, which is easy to do, BUT when I actually sit down and write in my journal it is also extremely easy. The trick is to just sit down and start. Starting is the hardest part. I must re-image my brain to get up and do what needs to be done by just starting.

- live in the f*cking moment
many people live life thinking about tomorrow, or next year, or last year, or yesterday, few actually live in the now. They think about what could have been, or what will be, they forget to think about what is. I fall privy to this human condition. Of course it is healthy to have one face looking towards the future and one face looking towards the past, (to set goals and learn from mistakes) but it is the act of living in the now that will allow these goals to be accomplished. Living in the now is also fulfilling. One day there will be no future to look at, and the past will be filled with thoughts of future achievements, that all one will be able to do is die thinking about how they never lived for the moment.

- reduce my usage of social media
Facebook is a modern day vortexian time-waster. I gotsta stop using it.

"THE ART OF WORDLY WISDOM" PASSAGE #2

ii Character and Intellect;
The two poles of our capacity; one without the other is but halfway to happiness. Intellect sufficeth not, character is also needed. On the other hand, it is the fool's misfortune to fail in obtaining the position, the employment, the neighbourhood, and the circle of friends that suit him.

Retell

Human beings have the capability to strengthen character and intellect. We need to pursue both to acquire happiness, they are synergistically important to our overall well-being. It is not enough to just have intellect, because lacking character will bring misery, seeing as we are social creatures. But character without intellect with surely not suffice for a fulfilling life, for the pursuit of wisdom is one of the greatest virtues. It is human nature to question and be curious.

Reflect

I believe this to be an extremely true tenant of life. This is very resemblant of aristotle's virtue ethics. Be rationally, virtuous with excellence and you will achieve the heights of happiness. For one, there is nothing, in my personal opinion more fulfilling than intellectual pursuits. Philosophy, psychology, theoretical physics, quantum physics, astrophysics, cosmology, evolution, political science, sociology, etc etc etc etc. reading upon all of this stuff really gives one a feeling of complete and utter wonderment of the universe we live in and its infinite complexity. Its a f*cking enthralling feeling to marvel at our existence. I would claim that this feeling can reach heights more satisfying than sex can ever bring, or love could ever bring, or drugs could ever bring or money, or power, or food etc - although those things are still enjoyable. But the interesting thing is that baltasar doesnt stop there, he also states that character is another pole of our capacities. We need to work on our character to be happy as well. We cant merely be intellectual, because you could be an intellectual with negative internal issues that haunt your everyday life. you could be an intellectual with a horrible pattern on hurting those around you. A psychopath, a sociopath, even a f*cking narcissist. He says it is important to work on your character synergistically, reciprocally with intellect. Work towards being positive, work towards being content, emotionally indifferent to social frivolities, unshakable yet consoling. Work towards being a person that everyone gravitates towards. These are the poles of our nature, these are the poles of humanity. It is up to use to work towards building up these poles and refining them to our tastes.

Relate

My intellectual capabilities have been exponentially increasing with the advent of university. My educational apprenticeship has done wonders in sparking my interest in the complexities of life. I will never lose that pursuit. I chase knowledge more than anything.

However my character is still a work in progress. I have found it much more difficult to become the archetypal person I want to be in terms of character. Maybe I am more naturally inclined to intellectual pursuits, for it is easier for me to understand abstractions and concepts more than it is for me to act a certain way that will garner social praise and increase my social status. Nonetheless I will of course continue down this pursuit and unrelentingly become the person I picture myself becoming. It is inevitable.