Chasing Confidence.

[ssj245]

Maybe the more experienced players have found the answer to my questions or rantings. But Im realizng just HOW important is Self Confidence, and self Esteem and satsifaction in interacting with girls. Most of the time I talk to chicks is to get approval from them to raise my self esteem and make me feel better about being me, and being in my skin, it helps to accept myself more, if a interaction with a girl goes well.

But Im more and more realizing that before you even open your mouth with a girl you have to be satisifed and aware of your own self worth. If you walk over to the girl and your not sure about your worth, your going to be nervous and unconfident. But if you feel that warmth or energy inside you, its just your body telling you that your a good guy, go ahead talk and dont look for approval and just be yourself, if she says something that your dont like, dont laugh at it. Its just this feeling of self satisfaction, its like a calm lake with no wind.

My question is, How come its so difficult to find this inner self confidence and to believe the good in yourself and to feel good about yourself. What things can I do to make it easier?

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

You have been around for many years, the average age here being around 19 or so, im going to assume your of simular age. All through your life your levles of confidence and self worth that you place on yourself have been dictated by how others treat you. You can not change in 30 minutes something that has been sculpted over 2 decades. Whats more, you can not lie to your brain, whilst is is true that if you are mentaly healthy, your brain will try and take the most flattering perspective of whats going on, if you are obbese and have no freinds, your brain is not going to be able to place high self worth on you. Confidence is in your mind, but to be confident you must be at ease with your situation. You do not need to be mr popular, but you need to liek what you see in the mirror and people need to respect you and at least a few of those need to like you.

 

[theSpeculator]

My question is, How come its so difficult to find this inner self confidence and to believe the good in yourself and to feel good about yourself. What things can I do to make it easier?

You cannot develop self-esteem unless there are actually genuine good quality in you that you and other people can like. To develop self-esteem you need to first develop those good quality. It is important because they are like the foundation to self-esteem. And these qualities are things like:

1) The practice of living consiciously
2) The practice of self-acceptance
3) The practice of self-responsibility
4) The practice of self-assertiveness
5) The practice of living purposefully
6) The practice of personal integrity.

Here go read this book if you wanna learn more:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553374397/qid=1110970746/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/103-3397802-5102226?n=507846&s=books&v=glance

And read this for some excerpts.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=71136&highlight=pillars

Most are from the introduction and are not the best part in the book, but they are still pretty good. Also ignore the replies, because they don't know what they're talking about. I posted this because I have been there, with low self-esteem, and learned to develop high self-esteem to know that the book is very legit.

 

[white cloud 8]

I book I would *HIGHLY* recommend is 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People', look it up, you'll be amazed if you read it with intent .

 

[theSpeculator]

I book I would *HIGHLY* recommend is 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People', look it up, you'll be amazed if you read it with intent .

No, I wouldn't recommend that book. Steven Coven does not fully grasp the concepts he talks about in the book. To someone that do not have very much life experience, the book does sound like the "Holy Grail." But to me, I think it's a bunch of bull. It's all a big marketing gimmick. If you don't believe me then think about all of the subsequence books that are being sold by Steven Coven. If he really wanted to help you, then why is he trying to sell you so many self-help products if it's not for money.

 

[Cruise]

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie's a GREAT opener... if you're COMPETENT with people skills, naturally you'll become CONFIDENT...

this is how I learned and grew... I'm in financial services and sales. Being previously a heavy introvert and accused by my then high school ex of being 'overanalytical'... this book covered a LOT of territory for me.

Social savvy isn't as difficult as you might THINK it is... <---- read that carefully.

For self-image... the best I've ever read on this was "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz. Realize that you're thinking is really the key to your success.


an extra shameless plug: "How To Think Like A Winner" by Dr. Walter Doyle Staples.

 

[ssj245]

hm..

thank you guys. Those are some great responeses that you gave. Can you give me some recomendations for more books. I honestly dont want to buy any more self help books because I have a few, but I dont have them on self esteem. I feel like I should go to the public library and check out a few books on self esteem and read up on them and If I feel like it helps me then great, if not I could buy a few, good?

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

I have also read how to win freinds and influence people. It is a great book, but what you must relaise with these books is that whilst they can give you a good perspective if oyu are trying to improve yourself, the act of reading it alone will give you nothing. You must consiouscly practice what the books tells you.

 

[JesterX]

Only a few are willing to be different and fully embrace themselves, and even fewer are rewarded by society for "being themselves."

IMO, most modern self-help books are worthless.

Yeah i think these books teach you how to be confident and everything in a conformist way. If you can learn to be yourself in a confident way than thats much better, but this way would only be learnt through self discovery and none of these books.

 

[theSpeculator]

If you can learn to be yourself in a confident way than thats much better, but this way would only be learnt through self discovery and none of these books.

Yeah, I agree that you have to learn from experience. But books are still needed because it help point you in the right direction.

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Notice that both these books are from another era.

"Psycho-Cybernetics" was published in 1960 and "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie was published in 1936.

Some things just last!

 

[Aiken_Drum]

But Im more and more realizing that before you even open your mouth with a girl you have to be satisifed and aware of your own self worth. If you walk over to the girl and your not sure about your worth, your going to be nervous and unconfident.

Think of the last time you approached a girl nervous as hell.
And put yourself in her position. What do you see? Some guy who looks WEIRD. Why? Are you (or anyone for that matters) a weird guy? No way, the problem is that the nerves makes you look like you cant have a regular conversation with a woman.
How did I change that? I used to be like that a lot for some LOOONG years.
Well, practice, practice and more practice.
And ALWAYS keep in your mind YOU are the price not her.
Think all the times you can "women will love to go out with a guy like me, for this and that".

Get satisfied with your life. The way to get women love is to love yourlife outside women.

He dicho!