cell phone tango

[speed dawg]

About half of your post backbreaker is probably nonsense she spewed, but nonetheless, don't dump her or do anything stupid. Just up your DJing, you know what I mean? And monitor the situation.

No doubt she probably had a slight decrease in interest level, and that's why you all were arguing to begin with. You said yourself you'd gotten soft. And come on, even if she had broken her phone, she couldv'e found a way to get in touch with you if she wanted to.

Again, it's not a dumpable offense, just keep your eyes open and get your
sh1t together.

 

[backbreaker]

WTF?

first of all, I'm pretty sure when I get home I can check the phone and see if she is lying or not. I wasn't born yesterday. secondly, we never aruged. for an arguement to take place, there has to be one person talking to another. she never picked up the phone. the phone was broke i'm assuming wednesda morning, she called me thursday.

I'm sure she was still in her feelings a little, but I would like to think I know my woman. I can tell when she's lying and she wasn't. now, maybe she probably didn't want to talk to me wednesday, but considering she called me pretty calm on thursday, i'm glad she didn't call me becuase it probably took her that long to calm down. I'd rather talk to a calm GF on thursday than a emotion raged GF on wednesday.

I'm not going to sit here and "defend" myself or her for basically normal relationship happenings, then have a bunch of people call me soft, talk about my GF and give me advice that makes no sense.

 

[Mr. Me]

what it boiled down to, is that she didn't apprciate me telling her bossing her around.

So what does she call telling you there's "a one call rule" in force? A "suggestion"?

Fact is, it does look like her interest/love is diminished some over two years and it could be partly from her feeling that you're bossing her around. She's obviously fighting back a bit about that, you don't have to be verbally arguing to have a disagreement. One sure way a woman falls out of love is when she feels dominated and controlled.

So, while you may think you're not being bossy per se, it may very well come off as if you are by how you say things and the tone you say it in. My dad always sounded bossy because he spoke gruffly, for instance. Maybe change how you impart your instructions to her and see if that changes her feelings about you being "bossy".

Try, for example, phrasing instructions as a question. Instead of "Honey, make sure you pay the gardener on Monday!" try "Honey, you think you could pay the gardener on Monday?" Or have her come up with the answer by prompting her so that she feels it's her idea, rather then feel being told by you what to do: (YOU) "Honey, I didn't pay the gardener and he's coming on Monday" (SHE) "Oh? I'll take care of it then."

Are you also repeating your instructions to her several times in speaking to her? You need only say it once. Otherwise it comes off as if you're treating like she's a little kid who needs to be told several times to wash her hands and you end up sounding like a broken record.

And don't forget to thank her when she DOES respond favorably (reward the good behavior to reinforce it).

 

[cordoncordon]

WTF?


I'm not going to sit here and "defend" myself or her for basically normal relationship happenings, then have a bunch of people call me soft, talk about my GF and give me advice that makes no sense.

You always do this in almost all of your posts BB and this is why you and I have problems. You are a VERY sensitive guy. Almost to the point of being a woman. You came here for advice on the situation. We didnt come to you. Everyone is going to have their opinion on it and there is no right or wrong. It is for you to listen to and then do with it what you want. There was nothing in speed dawgs post that warranted your reaction to it. You chose to have a child out of wedlock and shack up with her after a short amount of time knowing each other. That goes against almost everything a DJ would try to accomplish in life. But because of your actions, there are going to be issues, just as there are in any relationship. But now there is a kid, and a living situation involved, so your issues are going to be that much more intense.

Good luck.

 

[backbreaker]

So what does she call telling you there's "a one call rule" in force? A "suggestion"?

Fact is, it does look like her interest/love is diminished some over two years and it could be partly from her feeling that you're bossing her around. She's obviously fighting back a bit about that, you don't have to be verbally arguing to have a disagreement. One sure way a woman falls out of love is when she feels dominated and controlled.

So, while you may think you're not being bossy per se, it may very well come off as if you are by how you say things and the tone you say it in. My dad always sounded bossy because he spoke gruffly, for instance. Maybe change how you impart your instructions to her and see if that changes her feelings about you being "bossy".

Try, for example, phrasing instructions as a question. Instead of "Honey, make sure you pay the gardener on Monday!" try "Honey, you think you could pay the gardener on Monday?" Or have her come up with the answer by prompting her so that she feels it's her idea, rather then feel being told by you what to do: (YOU) "Honey, I didn't pay the gardener and he's coming on Monday" (SHE) "Oh? I'll take care of it then."

Are you also repeating your instructions to her several times in speaking to her? You need only say it once. Otherwise it comes off as if you're treating like she's a little kid who needs to be told several times to wash her hands and you end up sounding like a broken record.

And don't forget to thank her when she DOES respond favorably (reward the good behavior to reinforce it).

oh she has a point. I'll give her that, I have that bad. I like **** done when I want it done.

My rationale is I wouldn't have asked her to do it if it were not important, that's why I need you to do this. I am not trying to be her boss, but I am trying to run the situtation if that makes any sense.

I'm not perfect but I am trying to pick up on when I do f up and try to fix it. It's part of growing up.

C, that's why I don't come here anymore. I appricate your advise, I really do, but you can't come here anymore without getting derailed for one reason or the other. And to call me for having a child out of wedlock as not being the DJ thing to do, first of all you would have to assocaite being married as being DJ, which is something neither of us believe in. we can go on all day doing , but you are making some pretty big assumptions. I'm not really sensitive as much as I am just not going to take being talked down to. Calling me out for a personal deicsion I made, guys here calling their GF's, mom's and even wife's *****s I don't get down with that. the guy called half of my post "gibberish" when I was trying to express myself. I don't apprcaite that. which again, why I don't come here anymore. I'm not going to aruge, I'll just go do something constructive.

everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but that doesn't mean that opnion has to be so negativly based all the time. If you came to me wiht a legit concern about your life, I'd tread with caution becuase I am dealing with real people and a real life. I wouldn't come out guns blazing calling you all types of names, accusing you or your significant other of all types of crap and I don't know you.


Even if I did think or you thought she was fvcking up, i'm not saying don't tell me. I'm saying there is a way to do it and a way not to. "Dump her immediately." is not how you do it. How Mr Me and even yourself took the time to break down your opnion, I might not agree with it, I might not like it, but i can't argue or get mad at it.


I get defensive because there is not a situtation here, that half of the post arne't rationale. there isn't anything anyone can say where the woman is losing interest, doesn't like you, is a *****, a slut, is taking it in the bum from your best friend. I would like to think I have some grasp of women, and trust me when I say my GF likes me. As much as she did when we first met? **** I don't know. enough to where I have no concerns 2,000 miles away from home. I see her everyday, usually most of the day everyday. I don't come here often, I don't tell you all the little things she still does for me, and all the things that go on in an everyday basis.

i'm ranting again. anyway, C I seriously apprcaite the info.

 

[The Logical Player]

here's a better question - why did you have a baby with someone that you dated for less than a year? Did you truly honestly WANT a baby, or did she get knocked up to make sure she doesn't lose you?

im serious here

 

[backbreaker]

good question. It wasn't planned.. we were on a trip to france for her birthday, both had a little too much to drink and got it on and I let it fly. Definatly unexpected. But once I let it sit in I kinda warmed to the idea. Well warmed isn't the right word. I wasn't pissed off. I thought she would make a good mom, and we were living together already and I liked her alot. It could have been much much worse.

I always wanted a kid but it wasn't in the immediate plans at the time no. she was even open to getting an abortion. we went on with that for about 2 weeks then we decided that as long as we can get along even if we aren't together, there was no need to get an abortion.

I had an abortion paid for when I was 21, actually 2 within like a 5 month span. One pooked a hole in my condom. The other I pulled out and she said it was mine, even though it was prejizz.. i to this day dont' believe her but i gave her the money anyway, 500 dollars to get rid of basically a one night stand.

the poke the hole woman I would ahve paid 10,000 dollars to have an abortion. I dont' even know why I fvcked her.

anyway, that was my thought process. I have no regrets about that. I'm glad he's my son. best thing to ever happen to me.

 

[Mr. Me]

there isn't anything anyone can say where the woman is losing interest, doesn't like you, is a *****, a slut, is taking it in the bum from your best friend. I would like to think I have some grasp of women

BB, I'm not certain if your post qouting me is aimed at me or not (it seems not), as I agree with you that there's a wide range of opinion on this forum, but I AM trying to help you in your developing an understanding of women, I see you mentioning your desire for that, and with your futrther posts, you've given more light to yuor situation.

So to add to your understanding:

Insofar as the topic of "losing interest" or "love", women are not static. They're either losing or gaining interest/love at any point in time. Many guys make the mistake of thinking that because their woman had high interest last year that she still has high interest this year. It's more like she's a wave, she ebbs and flows, depending on circumstances to which the man contributes to that environment. Some psychologists have likened it to a tank or a piggy bank of love, that can be filled or depleted, depending on what you say and do. When men neglect (take her for granted), abuse (emotionally or physically), dominate/control their women, or become supplicate, whether it's REAL or just her IMAGINATION/PERCEPTION, these are KNOWN to deplete women's feelings of love/interest/respect and can empty that tank or bankrupt the bank.

Studies indicate that just one "bad" deed eradicates a lot of good ones, and the healthier, happier relationships seem to have about 5 times as many "good" moments as they do "bad" ones on average, and since women are the ones who by majority end relationships and file for divorces, the trick is in keeping her feeling loved. That is to say, much more filling of her tank then doing things that deplete it. A woman's love is not unconditional, unless she's your mom.

Back to the point of interest/love not being static: Generally speaking, if you're not increasing or at least maintaining that love of hers, then it's most likely decreasing. Just something I've learned about women along the way and passing along to you.

 

[backbreaker]

i usually think of a woman's interest like a stock.

Say you are trading at 150 dollars a share. you can have a few bad days.. but you are still trading at 135 a share which is pretty damn good generally speaking. that's how I always thought about it.

I meant that as a compliment mr me. and thanks, I do come here sometimes and just read when I have a bad day, and try to pick up things. Part of knowing is knowing what you do not know.

 

[speed dawg]

You come here asking us about a problem, then you get mad and say there isn't a problem. You say I called you soft, when in fact you said yourself that you had been slipping. What do you want dude? For us to tell you nothing is wrong? I basically did that in my post, at the same time telling you to proceed with caution. Then you get all anal about it. Then you start rationalizing the VERY BEHAVIOR that irked you to the point of coming to sosuave to make a post about it. A website that you specifically said, a couple of posts back, that you don't frequent any more.

Maybe you should go buy her some flowers and massage her feet or something, if it makes you feel better. You need to take your wet panties off.

 

[backbreaker]

About half of your post backbreaker is probably nonsense she spewed,

whatever

 

[Bible_Belt]

this stupid 10 post rule ... that is a very very stupid rule that needs to be changed.

see my signature

 

[The_411]

bb,

It's not anyone's place to critique anyone else's behaviors but you did come here for advice so it's pretty natural that will happen.

As far as being married v. single it matters only if you are still interested in dj'ing for tail. If you're married then it's a matter of maintainign your inner game so your chick doesn't bone some other dude cause you're too AFC but of a greater concern it's about enjoying life and brushing off drama and bs because a man doesn't need that crap.

When a woman makes a rule you should say to yourself hey wait a minute am I being too much of a *****, and is there validity to what she is saying?

Frankly there maybe validity to what your GF is saying but the fact she made a rule is not good whatsoever.

It's a powerplay and a **** test.

You need to defeat both by seizing power by getting around the rule and the **** test.

Best way to do it is humor and flipping her rule onto her in a ****y funny manner to make her realize that she's being ridiculous.

Disarm with charm.

 

[jophil28]

Later that night Joe (my son who she was busy with) threw a temper tantrom and threw her phone in the sink, she had to get another one, picked it up yesterday, hence why she hasn't called back. She says it was a temper tandtrom, but he is at that age....

YEah...When there is no grown man around to blame for things going wrong, blame the kid.
Sheesh !

Secondly , telling her to pay the yard guy IS indeed being "bossy ". If you own two nads, then being "bossy" is what you are supposed to be, get it ?

Read my sig line a few times.