Caught girlfriend out with another male, 2 yr relationship is over.

[thecurtainfalls]

Yes, it is a challenge not looking back in situations like this. Very often, people will devote years to unhealthy relationships, and even when we're better off without those people, cutting those people off creates an emotional vacuum.

It can be quite distressing looking for emotionally balanced, confident, sane people, however. You have to walk a fine line between setting a boundary at intolerant behavior and recognizing and accepting tolerable faults in yourself and others and giving them and yourself another chance.

There's a lot of wisdom in this post, it should not be overlooked. +1 rep.

 

[drak_ool]

You re my hero dude! Ever since I joined sosuave i ve been monitoring these "girlfriend did X... What should I do?" threads. 9/10 of the guys asking for advice end up not following the advice, either staying with the girl when they shouldn't, begging her, giving her a second chance, etc...

for 2 years I ve been waiting to find somebody like you, who would just dump the cheating biatch right then and there.

Everything else has already been said pretty much, i d just emphasize the importance of no contact. Time heals all wounds, and by that I mean time away from her. But contacting her, you keep resetting your clock, so don t do it.

Also, you should not feel bad AT ALL for what you did to her. She f.ucked up big time and she s now paying the consequences. This was NOT a mistake! This was a girl living with her boyfriend, consciously making plans to spend a few nights a week with another guy, getting pounded. This involves constant deception, constant lying to your face, constant inventing stories to cover up her cheating ways. Where do you see a mistake? It was all planned out, her only mistake was that she got caught by you. Now she won't be able to play this game, which she enjoyed, any longer. And that is the reason why she feels so bad. That is the mistake that really hurts her the most, not the fact that she crushed your heart.

Bottom line: if this girl cared about you as much as you cared about her, she would have not put herself in this situation.

Forget about her and move on

 

[Vice]

Update: (this post didn't show up)

I arrived home this morning around 10ish and her bags were gone, but she was still there. She cried and told me she loved me and that she was sorry, etc..etc..

I then told her to leave and to not contact me agian. She told me she understood and that she loved me dearly, and that it was just a mistake. She also said that she would wait untill I wanted to talk...

During all this I kind of just stood there, and asked her to leave. I'm pretty disguted with myself right now.

She said it was a MISTAKE?

Do NOT buy that. She did not make a "mistake". What she made, was a DECISION.

She knew better. And now she's paying the price. And that feeling of disgust is you being around someone with such little integrity.

 

[Warrior74]

Dude. Change your locks. Just saying. You don't want to come home and find ALL of your sh1t gone. Props on handling yourself like a real man. Good luck.

 

[DJ_Tekinkel]

absolutely awesome!
You deserve better than that!
Think of it as a new life!
Time to start ROCKING IT OUT , find new interests, better yourself and get a girl who actually deserves you.
It's a good time of opportunity!
Good job man.
:rock:

And also like others have said, you have a GREAT friend. ! good on him to

 

[tafakna]

Not a whole lot to add.

It's hard to overstate what truly a brother you have on your friend. Looking back, I've seen a few good friends lose their way, and did a lot less for them than I could've.

I'm generally more optimistic than a lot of people here, as far as moving from friendzone to real relationship, or eventually winning someone that at first were flaky or uninterested. But in this situation, I agree 100% with the path taken. Cheating and Betrayals should never be tolerated, period.

I've been on the other side of the coin here (the cheater), when I was very imature a few years back. The 18 months following this event were the worst in my life. Any pain that you're feeling right now, is compounded many times over by guilt on the cheater's side. By that I don't mean that she will change or come back, au contraire, by what I've experienced relationships after cheating simply don't work out. I just mean that she deserves and she will feel way more pain than one can imagine.

Congrats in taking the high road here...

 

[DonGorgon]

Living with your girl = FAIL!
Marrying her = BIG FAIL!

women will cheat even when they love you.. WHY? cause they are animals with carnal urges the over ride social construct of morality .. Many men cheat to but its harder fro men since most times we have less options. Allways expect to be cheated on..

Oh and women cheat when everything seems fine..

 

[Desdinova]

She told me she understood and that she loved me dearly,

Women do that when their emotions are spilling out of their buckets. They want to get things back under control, and they try to do anything within their power to make it all better. This includes LYING. If she loved you dearly, she wouldn't have fvcked around. She would have been afraid of the consequences if she DID fvck around.

and that it was just a mistake.

A mistake is when you do something absent-minded like when you put a DVD in the wrong case. She intentionally went out with this other guy and kissed him. That's not a mistake.

She also said that she would wait untill I wanted to talk...

Let her waste her life waiting while you bang some other hottie who respects you enough to avoid fvcking around on you.

During all this I kind of just stood there, and asked her to leave. I'm pretty disguted with myself right now.

You shouldn't be. You've kicked this cheating piece of 5hit to the curb. Don't let her guilty conscience nor her plea for your return make you feel bad. You made the right choice for yourself, and you're going to thank yourself for not wasting any more time on her.

Also, at time goes on, you'll face this many more times. After a while, a woman's plea and her tears won't bother you anymore. You'll know that she's trying to fix her emotional state and isn't being honest with you.

Welcome to the world of the Don Juan.

 

[Don Israel]

OP SAID : is it wrong to still want her after finding out she has been with other men?

NO

It's normal to feel that way for the first few weeks. But after that, it will die down.

Cool friend you got there....that "get off my property" part when she sent her freind is classic.

 

[HeyPachuco!]

OP, you didn't reply back to my questions.

What was happening after you committed that killing blow with the hand-shake and walking off smiling - WHAT WAS YOUR EX'S REACTIONS when this was happening - before and after you got BJ'd by the babe?

It seems a little farfetched that she was 'just shocked', with her actions - kissing and going to a club with another guy - sounds like she didn't respect you're morals or dignity and is a little nuts! which means she falls under one of the typical - get drunk, cry, start a catfight, wail, sob, leave or stay and plead, make a scene toilets and cry-type of slvt.

I'd like to know what was happening? I can think of a couple ex's that would've raised chaos if I did that.

(ACHIEVEMENT) - Purple Heart

 

[AAAgent]

good job. you did alot better than the majority of the male population in that situation.

 

[sodbuster]

Women cry like men yell-just another way to win an argument.

 

[jophil28]

ooops

 

[jophil28]

Women cry like men yell-just another way to win an argument.

True that. But I bet that their crying is more successful than our yelling.

 

[The Piano Master]

:rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon:

You rock, bro.

 

[teagan]

I gotta say man, I wish I handled my situation like this the way you did. Oh well, ya live, ya learn. You did good man. Just another stepping stone in a successful life.