Caught girlfriend out with another male, 2 yr relationship is over.

[cw92]

Sadly, I did not take the advice given to me many months ago, (see my previous post history). I was so caught up in myself that I refused to listen to sage wisdom. Anyway, I decided I'll post the story of what happened to maybe make some sense of it all, or at least get my feelings in order.


REWIND 1 WEEK AGO. Me and my gf had made plans to go out for a dinner since it was my birthday the week before. She canceled the day of because "one of her friends was sick". I had been skeptical before, but she has almost never flaked on me before. I had been noticing that she had been going "out with friends", ALOT MORE. (maybe 3x-4x more), and I was seeing her less and less. In fact, the sex went down to about once a week for the past couple months, but I thought nothing of it.


REWIND 2 DAYS AGO. Again, she canceled our plans because she had to "console her friend." Me and my boy went out anyway in the downtown area, just hanging and bull****ting around the clubs. His FB brought one of her friends, who seemed extremely turned on by the idea of me having a girlfriend...and referred to me as "forbidden fruit" many times that night.

As we are leaving the club, I hear a familiar voice...but of course it couldnt be my girlfriend right?? I looked around, and saw nothing but some random girls, but when they passed I saw my ex-girlfriend, someone who i loved, in the arms of another man. Just friends? I making to big of a deal? Yeah, I thought that untill I followed them and saw her kiss him. I stood there dumbfounded, and she finnally caught a glimpse of me. My boy told me to go in calm, and I thank him SO MUCH because I would have lost my cool. Shocked, she tried to pull him away but I approached anyway...but instead of being filled with anger I got close and simply laughed.. here is how the convo went

Me: Hey, Nikki, how are you?
Her: (shocked) um..I'm fine..but cw92..it's not..
Me: so who's your friend? (I smile) I'm cw92, nice to meet you..(I reach out and shake his hand) He seemed agreeable, (i doubt he knew she was taken, but meh)
I lean in for a hug, and whisper in her ear (your sh!t better be gone by the time I get back in the morning)

I then proceed to walk off, and no im not a heartless bastard, I'm emotinally shattered after that...and the FB's friend gave me a BJ that night to cheer me up

So if anything, let me post be an example to LISTEN to the advice given on the board.

I'm not sure if I want to salvage the relationship, but honestly my heart says yes..but my mind, and my buddy are keeping me away.

 

[Pierce]

u handled it like a G. Good job bruh

 

[Desdinova]

You handled it very well. I hope you stuck to her word about her 5hit. If she didn't collect it, donate it to a thrift store.

Next, take some time for yourself. Pick up those hobbies you neglected due to your relationship, reconnect with old friends, etc. Just keep yourself busy for the next while.

 

[horaholic]

I then proceed to walk off, and no im not a heartless bastard, I'm emotinally shattered after that...and the FB's friend gave me a BJ that night to cheer me up

That almost made me cry with joy! FVCK YEAH!! But, Im sorry you had to go through that. Its nice to know Im not alone with GF's going out being scandalous on your birthday. That fvcking sucks.

 

[cw92]

Oh I forgot to add the most important part...She DID NOT Remove her stuff, and since I am paying for the place, I put her sh!t in her suitcase..and left it by the door this morning along with a note saying that she needed to vacate the premises or I would leave it all outside....I'm over at my boy's (he pretty much told me how to handle the break-up), the FB's friend is here..but i'm just not in the mood for anything right now.


She has now called me 34 times, and left 20+ messages... and she has FB'ed me..

My boy has really looked out for me..he has kept my phone, I just really feel like sh!t, and hurt and betrayed...is it wrong to still want her after finding out she has been with other men?

I'm also going to get ****ing tested in the new few days...i don't know what she's picked up..

 

[horaholic]

s it wrong to still want her after finding out she has been with other men?

We all go through this.

This is because you are ADDICTED to this particular girl. Like a drug, you must resist the urge to let her under your skin. Hang with your friends, they will help you, but you must push forward, or they will get sick of it.

As quoted by Victory unlimited in a thread I just read in the MM section: "That which you cant say no to, is your master, and you are its slave."

Resist the urge. Consider yourself in "horaholics anonymous," and we are your support group. Whenever you have the urge to contact her, come back here, and read this thread.

Good luck, and hang in there.

 

[KontrollerX]

"My boy has really looked out for me..he has kept my phone, I just really feel like sh!t, and hurt and betrayed...is it wrong to still want her after finding out she has been with other men?"

You've got a really great friend in your buddy.

Anyway its certainly natural for one's emotions to be fvcked up for a while after a bad breakup like this.

Just understand that the desire to take her back is not "from your heart" its simply a withdrawal of the previous happy relationship emotions "drug ****tail".

The natural kind of hormone highs produced by the body and brain.

Its like a junkie that needs a fix really.

So just remember your desire to take her back is like a crack fiend picking up that glass d!ck and inhaling right before the blood comes pouring down their nose and they die of an OD.

Don't be THAT guy.

Stay far away from this b!tch.

Also a person thats totally got their life together and has no issues of self loathing (even minor) or depression or any mental fvckup of any kind be it minor, to moderate to severe, anyone thats blessed to of been raised by two great parents that guided them down the correct path for relationships by their own example both spoken and unspoken or had a wise sage like older brother or friend clue them in before they really got started having relationships...this kind of person...though they too would hurt from a breakup of this type...this clued in properly adjusted person would NOT ever...NEVER...for one second consider taking back a cheating b!tch.

NEVER!!!

So understand once again its a fvcked up trait in broken to semi broken guys like us to have that desire to take back trash into our lives.

Its not the mindset we should have at all but something got fvcked up in our development along the way...namely we weren't guided properly or have underlying problems once again related to depression and self loathing.

A properly adjusted person to conclude will hurt over a breakup and a cheating motivated one but at no point will they really desire to let the person back into their life because they grew up internalizing their self worth as well having it positively re-inforced by their good parents, good peers and just overall general good environment which is something I'd guess neither you or I or many guys that find their way onto this website have gotten. The self worth the lucky guys get from good upbringing and guidance lets them know that they need to keep poison far away from themselves which is what a cheating b!tch is and the self worth lets them know deep down they deserve much better than that.

Anyway hope I didn't presume too much and I hope you understand that with this post I'm just trying to offer some help and insights.

If you feel I'm offbase just disregard this post.

Also to conclude the properly adjusted person could even forgive the cheater but they will never allow such a person to be their friend as that person demonstrated that they are not worthy of friendship and trust.

Now if a girl just breaks up with such a person without cheating first (rare in our day and age) then its perfectly alright for the well adjusted person to both forgive and allow a true friendship to grow if that is what both parties want.

 

[cw92]

Just understand that the desire to take her back is not "from your heart" its simply a withdrawal of the previous happy relationship emotions "drug ****tail".

The natural kind of hormone highs produced by the body and brain.

Its like a junkie that needs a fix really.

So just remember your desire to take her back is like a crack fiend picking up that glass d!ck and inhaling right before the blood comes pouring down their nose and they die of an OD.

Don't be THAT guy.

Stay far away from this b!tch.

Also a person thats totally got their life together and has no issues of self loathing (even minor) or depression or any mental fvckup of any kind be it minor, to moderate to severe, anyone thats blessed to of been raised by two great parents that guided them down the correct path for relationships by their own example both spoken and unspoken or had a wise sage like older brother or friend clue them in before they really got started having relationships...this kind of person...though they too would hurt from a breakup of this type...this clued in properly adjusted person would NOT ever...NEVER...for one second consider taking back a cheating b!tch.

NEVER!!!

That is some powerful stuff man...though on some level i still want her..I've learned my lesson about ignoring the advice given to me, especially by two extremely respected posters..as well as my best friend.

I've already made provisions..her fb has been deleted as well as her phone #.

UPDATE : She sent one of her friends to my buddy's house a few mins ago....and he told her to get the fuk away from his property...I'm somewhat drunk at the moment..so forgive me for any spelling errors.

Thank you so much for the support, Horaholic + Kontroller...I will make sure to update on the situation..but for now I think I'll head to sleep and deal with her tomorrow.

 

[Just a Shot Away]

Me: Hey, Nikki, how are you?
Her: (shocked) um..I'm fine..but cw92..it's not..
Me: so who's your friend? (I smile) I'm cw92, nice to meet you..(I reach out and shake his hand) He seemed agreeable, (i doubt he knew she was taken, but meh)
I lean in for a hug, and whisper in her ear (your sh!t better be gone by the time I get back in the morning)

That's just awesome, dude. I can't think of any better way to act in that situation. Just be glad that you found out what kind of person she is before the relationship got any more serious. Looking at it like that should help cheer you up.

 

[dj0014]

...and the FB's friend gave me a BJ that night to cheer me up

I like that part too nice one!

Hey man, it may hurt but it'd better be now than after a marriage.

Learn to pick yourself up and look for the next sweet girl.

When I am emotionally tired I go to the gym and run and run and swim.
That helps a lot.
The main idea is to distract yourself as much as possible until your body/mind recovers/adjusts to the new reality.

Good luck,
Dj0014

 

[Vice]

That is some powerful stuff man...though on some level i still want her..I've learned my lesson about ignoring the advice given to me, especially by two extremely respected posters..as well as my best friend.

I've already made provisions..her fb has been deleted as well as her phone #.

UPDATE : She sent one of her friends to my buddy's house a few mins ago....and he told her to get the fuk away from his property...I'm somewhat drunk at the moment..so forgive me for any spelling errors.

Thank you so much for the support, Horaholic + Kontroller...I will make sure to update on the situation..but for now I think I'll head to sleep and deal with her tomorrow.

This thread needs to be put into a new kind of forum. "Success Stories". And then printed on brass panels on a statue of yourself hugging your ex with the quotations "Your sh*t better be gone by the time I get back in the morning".

The way this situation was handled was PERFECT. You couldn't have done any better.

And she didn't see you sweat, either. In reality, you DID sweat, but you had your friend look over you. Props to him for being like a brother to you man, there's not that many guys out there that would do that for their friend. You should feel lucky you have someone like that in your life. I certainly wish I did.

Now that you've learned your painful lesson about taking advice, here's the next bit of advice:

Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, contact her. Ignore her. If you see her in person, treat her like a stranger, meaning, you don't pay too much attention to her. But you also need to demonstrate that you're having the time of your life, that you're happy, and what she did to you hasn't affected you much, except to prove her inferiority to you. If she talks to you, keep it short, and be upbeat. This'll drive her insane.

If her friends ask about you and her, simply say how you feel.

DO NOT TALK SH*T ABOUT HER. What this will do will maintain your integrity, because what normal people do is talk massive sh*t about their exes. Don't be that person. You have better things to do than waste your time.

As for what to do now?

Run. Swim. Life weights. Do it even if you don't want to. Go biking. Anything to get your mind off it. Tomorrow is Sunday; hit the local mall with your new toy, or go alone and meet some more girls.

There's too much opportunity, too much abundance to let her get to you.

And for God's sake, if you're going to be drinking tonight, take every precaution to disable any device that you can possibly use to contact her.

Just remember that you, as a man, will NOT tolerate this kind of crap from a woman. Not now, not ever. You're better than that.

 

[Alle_Gory]

You are awesome. Way to handle the situation dude. You got good friends from what you're saying.

 

[vitor]

Its funny how you handled the situation is going to make her want you more and more. I myself would have probally told the dude she Was my girlfriend for 2 years but by doing so you gave her someone to be with while your ignoring her, hopefully making her leave you alone so you can move on.

Just be strong, keep occupied and remember how you felt the moument you saw them together if you even think if writing/calling her. I would also recomend changing the locks so you dont get a late night visitor any other weird ****....

I often find working out to be a great tool to elivate stress, and its great self improvement..

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Great job handling this situation bro!!! As Kontroller has said, you don't miss her (she's a lying b-itch), you miss the closeness of the relationship. Help your emotions understand that she is NOT who you thought she was and it will be a lot easier to move on.

In any regard, heal yourself emotionally and focus on improving your game. Then when the time is right, jump back into the dating game full force and have fun.

You will look back at thread in several months and think "WTF was I doing!!!"


Keep moving forward and anytime you feel the urge to do something you shouldn't.... come here, we are here for you and go to your bro.... btw, you should get him a bomb Christmas present!!!




PIMP

 

[jophil28]

Hey cw92, Jophil here, 'down under'...

I know what you are feeling -we all get a turn on this ole carousel with Satan's daughter at least once. And we all understand how crazymaking it is to still yearn for a toxic woman who has betrayed your relationship and your trust to it's core.

Stay with KX's advice. He knows.

Oh, and do NOT ever initiate contact with her again. If you do, and ignore the wisdom of SS once again, and you post back here with another tragic story about her , Im gonna come on over there and beat you with a boomerang.

 

[macallik]

great way of handling it and great friends. Whoever he is, he is steering you EXACTLY where you need to go

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Congrats

To see you laughing while others would be crying or whining was the sh*t!!! :rockon:

An AFC would have:

Begged
Kicked the other guy
Kicked her
Made a scandal
Tear everthing apart

A DJ:
Doesn´t give a damn
Doesn´t sweat (or at least doesn´t show it)

"Respect the c0ck and tame the cumt" - Tom Cruise. :trouble:

 

[HeyPachuco!]

Kudos for your entry into the club like a god and laughing your way down death valley, I salute you! Inspires me, but as you said, with your previous rebellion to advice given here,

Did you think that she knew you where ''bothered'' even still that you came in the way you did, un-AFC. I mean, 2 years is a long time, to get to know eachothers traits and weaknesses. Like you said, you had saught after her rather than listen to advice here, so that being said, you must've made ''some'' sort of AFC moves prior to those times.

What happend that night (before/ after you got BJ'd) I mean like what happen with you're ex, what was she doing, looking in your direction, still with the guy, acting stupid/ fighting / drunk, ..what?

 

[CaptainJ]

It's stories like this that make me realise there's still some hope for MANkind.

Congrats on becoming a man! Listen to your friend, you're damn lucky to have someone who cares about you.

 

[horaholic]

"Respect the c0ck and tame the cumt" - Tom Cruise. :trouble:

Is this true? Where did he say this?