I've been dating this woman for a few months now, spending almost every day with her having sex, hanging out, going out, etc. It's been pretty good. We seem to really click and have even started saying "I love you" to each other. Unfortunately for me, she has decided to move to another state to continue her education--which is a decision that I cannot argue with. After all, who am I to stand in her way? I care enough to want the best for her.
That being said, we've decided to do a long distance thing with the hope that we will reconcile after several months by moving in together. At least that was the plan.
Recently, I've caught her texting and Facebook messaging an old friend (I'll call him Mike) of hers from the state she will be moving to. The backstory according to her is that Mike is a guy that she had once slept with (once and she says it was awkward), but that she had no feelings for him. I guess they used to hang out and one day he put the moves on her and they had bad sex. Nevertheless, she had originally stopped talking to Mike because he appeared desperate and she had no plans to do anything else with him. Regardless, apparently he caught wind of her moving back to his state so he began talking to her. Now, at first, I had no real problem with this because I trusted her. But after a while I started to get the impression that something was wrong. She seemed a little colder towards me, for one. Secondly, she would sometimes have her face buried in her phone when she was hanging out with me. On one such occasion I looked over her shoulder and saw that she was talking to Mike. I called her out on it and told her that it was inappropriate and that she should be focused on me. She reacted with an apology and the promise that she wouldn't do it again.
To make a long story short, I did catch her texting the guy again and again over the course of a week, which prompted me to investigate by going into her phone and Facebook account. What I found were discussions about going on trips together and hanging out once she moved to his state, with him saying things like "I can't wait!" and her agreeing. So I confronted her about this. I told her that it needed to immediately stop or the relationship is done. She agreed with me that what she did was inappropriate and told me she would stop. I asked her if the guy knew she was taken and she said yes. She even cried about the situation, telling me how she was a ****ty person and that she wouldn't do it anymore.
But guess what? The next day I caught her doing it again, in real time. On my way home from work I decided to log into her Facebook to see if she really did stop and I found her talking to the guy about trips again, with him asking if he should send more **** pics. She responded by saying "I dare you!" and he said he'll do it on Saturday, which is the day she was planning on leaving for his state. This lead to me confronting her again. This time I was yelling. I asked her what the **** her problem was and if she was serious about us or not. She said she was. Then I told her I was in her Facebook and saw everything. She seemed distressed but apologetic. I then asked her about the **** pictures. I asked her if he sent any. She said no. I asked her again. She said no. I told her to tell me to my face. She did. Then I told her that if she wants this relationship to continue then she needs to immediately get on messager right in front of me and tell Mike that nothing is going to happen and that she's in a relationship. She fought with me a little, but she finally did it (the reason she fought she says is because she felt bad for Mike and awkward about what was going on). She told him don't send any pictures, that she was in a relationship, and that what she has been doing is wrong. However, her lack of enthusiasm and reluctance were red flags and some of the things he wrote caught my notice as well. He said something along the lines of "you didn't have an issue with me sending **** pics before." After her conversation with mike, we made up and all seemed well. But I couldn't shake the feeling that she was lying to me still. So what did I do? I went on her Facebook again and messaged Mike. I asked him "when was the last **** pic you sent?" he responded with something along the lines of "why? Are you trying to find and delete them?
" Then I said "No, this is her boyfriend. Thanks for the info."
So I confronted her again. I told her what I did. At first she was extremely pissed that I went on her Facebook and messaged him, but then she calmed down and admitted what had happened and that she lied so I wouldn't break up with her. She told me he has been working out and asked her if it was OK if he sent her a pic of his body, despite it having part of his **** in it. She said OK and so he sent it. This actually happened in the beginning of the week, around the time when I first noticed she was more interested in talking to him than talking to me, despite me being a foot away from her.
Afterwards, I told her that's it and that if she doesn't do something drastic then I'm done. I told her she had to stop talking to the guy altogether or to tell him to stop acting inappropriately. She obliged and even screenshotted her conversation with him. Then the guy wouldn't stop texting and started to try to pit us against each other by telling her that I should be embarrassed for going on her Facebook, etc. She didn't like that and actually stopped talking to him altogether because of it. She viewed it as sneaky and desperate.
It has been two weeks since the aforementioned event and she tells me the reason it happened was because she felt unsure about our future together because of her move. She was using Mike for attention and as a way to distance herself from me. But because I stuck it out with her and "fought for her" (her words) she realized how much she loves and wants to be with me. Now she's talking about marriage, kids, and buying a house with me.
What do you guys think about this? I'm an idiot, right?
That being said, we've decided to do a long distance thing with the hope that we will reconcile after several months by moving in together. At least that was the plan.
Recently, I've caught her texting and Facebook messaging an old friend (I'll call him Mike) of hers from the state she will be moving to. The backstory according to her is that Mike is a guy that she had once slept with (once and she says it was awkward), but that she had no feelings for him. I guess they used to hang out and one day he put the moves on her and they had bad sex. Nevertheless, she had originally stopped talking to Mike because he appeared desperate and she had no plans to do anything else with him. Regardless, apparently he caught wind of her moving back to his state so he began talking to her. Now, at first, I had no real problem with this because I trusted her. But after a while I started to get the impression that something was wrong. She seemed a little colder towards me, for one. Secondly, she would sometimes have her face buried in her phone when she was hanging out with me. On one such occasion I looked over her shoulder and saw that she was talking to Mike. I called her out on it and told her that it was inappropriate and that she should be focused on me. She reacted with an apology and the promise that she wouldn't do it again.
To make a long story short, I did catch her texting the guy again and again over the course of a week, which prompted me to investigate by going into her phone and Facebook account. What I found were discussions about going on trips together and hanging out once she moved to his state, with him saying things like "I can't wait!" and her agreeing. So I confronted her about this. I told her that it needed to immediately stop or the relationship is done. She agreed with me that what she did was inappropriate and told me she would stop. I asked her if the guy knew she was taken and she said yes. She even cried about the situation, telling me how she was a ****ty person and that she wouldn't do it anymore.
But guess what? The next day I caught her doing it again, in real time. On my way home from work I decided to log into her Facebook to see if she really did stop and I found her talking to the guy about trips again, with him asking if he should send more **** pics. She responded by saying "I dare you!" and he said he'll do it on Saturday, which is the day she was planning on leaving for his state. This lead to me confronting her again. This time I was yelling. I asked her what the **** her problem was and if she was serious about us or not. She said she was. Then I told her I was in her Facebook and saw everything. She seemed distressed but apologetic. I then asked her about the **** pictures. I asked her if he sent any. She said no. I asked her again. She said no. I told her to tell me to my face. She did. Then I told her that if she wants this relationship to continue then she needs to immediately get on messager right in front of me and tell Mike that nothing is going to happen and that she's in a relationship. She fought with me a little, but she finally did it (the reason she fought she says is because she felt bad for Mike and awkward about what was going on). She told him don't send any pictures, that she was in a relationship, and that what she has been doing is wrong. However, her lack of enthusiasm and reluctance were red flags and some of the things he wrote caught my notice as well. He said something along the lines of "you didn't have an issue with me sending **** pics before." After her conversation with mike, we made up and all seemed well. But I couldn't shake the feeling that she was lying to me still. So what did I do? I went on her Facebook again and messaged Mike. I asked him "when was the last **** pic you sent?" he responded with something along the lines of "why? Are you trying to find and delete them?
" Then I said "No, this is her boyfriend. Thanks for the info."So I confronted her again. I told her what I did. At first she was extremely pissed that I went on her Facebook and messaged him, but then she calmed down and admitted what had happened and that she lied so I wouldn't break up with her. She told me he has been working out and asked her if it was OK if he sent her a pic of his body, despite it having part of his **** in it. She said OK and so he sent it. This actually happened in the beginning of the week, around the time when I first noticed she was more interested in talking to him than talking to me, despite me being a foot away from her.
Afterwards, I told her that's it and that if she doesn't do something drastic then I'm done. I told her she had to stop talking to the guy altogether or to tell him to stop acting inappropriately. She obliged and even screenshotted her conversation with him. Then the guy wouldn't stop texting and started to try to pit us against each other by telling her that I should be embarrassed for going on her Facebook, etc. She didn't like that and actually stopped talking to him altogether because of it. She viewed it as sneaky and desperate.
It has been two weeks since the aforementioned event and she tells me the reason it happened was because she felt unsure about our future together because of her move. She was using Mike for attention and as a way to distance herself from me. But because I stuck it out with her and "fought for her" (her words) she realized how much she loves and wants to be with me. Now she's talking about marriage, kids, and buying a house with me.
What do you guys think about this? I'm an idiot, right?
