Case study: met a girl at cafe on campus

[dosquito]

I saw a girl reading a book by an author with whom I am familiar. As she was leaving, I stopped her and asked her a questoin about the subject matter.
I talked a bit about the subject then said "You could sit down, if you'd like"
she said actually she was headed out, I said "Oh, that's too bad. I was hoping to have a nice nerdy conversation about _______"
She said "well do you come here a lot..." and I said "well you could give me your number" introduced myself and shook hands then she put her # in my phone.

Sent her a txt later that night saying it was nice to meet her and that I have an exam this week, but we should defnitely continue where we left off.
She says sounds good, and I should let her know what works for me.

Hmm...I'm deciding how I should play this

Maybe I'll just start it off by asking if she'd like to go get a drink after my exam? But she's probably not 21

I could invite her over to watch a movie about the topic we discussed, bu tthat seems a bit forward

I'm leaning towards inviting her out for lunch but keeping it short. If it goes well, I'll then later invite her over...

Any thoughts?

 

[ARrocket]

Just ask her if she's 21. If not, do the lunch, keep it short, and allude to the movie. If it seems logical to bring her back that day, do it. If not, just use that as your next meet-up.

 

[Sandow]

Invite her for a drink. If she's not 21 then ask her out to lunch then maybe go for a walk after or invite her back to your place. It's pretty simple as that.

By the way, you're sounding needy in your approach. It's clear she's the prize and you're doing the chasing. For example you wanted to extend the convo, but she said she had to go. Then you sent her a text THAT night saying how much you want to see her. You're coming off way too interested. You're no challenge to her at all. I would suggest changing your approach if you want her to come over your place.

 

[dosquito]

Lol all I gotta say is some of you guys are WAY TOO OBSESSED with not seeming needy. There's also something to be said for striking while the iron is hot. All you can really do your first time meeting a girl is show her that you meet her level of attractiveness and are not a spaz. I was actually thinking about waiting to text her, but my friend convinced me that it was more optimal to follow up that night to establish interest.

I didn't say I WANTED to extend the convo, then she excused herself. That would be pathetic. I asked her if she would like to take a seat and when she said she was going, I said that was too bad BECAUSE I would "like to continue the convo". That is something that has subtext to a girl. It makes her wonder "Wait, why did he want to talk to me again? Because I'm hot or because this guy is a nerd?" It at least creates the slightest doubt.

Anyway I'm definitely not worried about her interest level having faded from me being "needy" so far. If anything she was the one that seemed kinda nervous, shy, and overeager (I felt it in her hand when I went for a shake and in her tone). In fact when I gave that "needy" comment about wanting to have a nerdy discussion this subverted the train of thought that I might be hitting on her. Here's she thinking wait a minute, who's this (I hope) good-looking guy who is social enough to confidently start a conversation with a stranger and seems interested in something purely platonic (is he gay? does he have a girlfriend? is he already getting laid? these are all possible alternatives to "omg this guy is needy!")?? She responded with HIGH INTEREST: "We WILL have a nerdy discussion!" -- then I said "Well give me your number" and handed my phone. She dialed it in faster than anyone I've ever seen before, hahah!

So yeah, I don't mean to be too hard on you Sandow. I understand your concern, but I would also caution you against reading too far into details. But you do have a point. I think in this particular case I won't come across as needy for being available "soon" because I have a natural excuse -- I am taking a final exam and will naturally be taking a break afterwards -- she will be welcome to join me!

This could potentially open up the floor to a more general discussion: At what point is trying to appear not needy needy? I think many guys come across as lame by clearly making up lame excuses and trying to seem too busy. If a girl is into you, and you do it confidently, I really don't see how you are going to **** it up by striking while the iron is hot. AFTER YOU CONFIRM ATTRACTION ON HER PART and give her some of those good feelings girls get is when you let it be known WITH A CLEAR STATEMENT (such as ignoring a few texts or going ghost for a few days) that you are not needy and give continual reminders of this (which is basically passing a girl's **** tests).

That's my theory, at least.

 

[dosquito]

Had some nice texting banter going back and forth. Scheduled to have lunch on thursday. I'm gonna keep it short, she is demonstrating high interest currently so I'm gonna play it cold fo ra while then have her come over or go get a drink with me

 

[Sandow]

I think she is intrigued by you, however I don't think the "iron is hot." I'm not trying to sound like an azzhole, I just believe it takes a lot more to really get her interested and attracted to you.

I'm personally hard on myself and hate to jump the gun...but that's me. At the slightest sign of interest or intrigue, I never tell myself "oh my god she's so into me, I'm so in!" I know you're not saying that, I'm just quoting that as an example. Girls are so wishy-washy and so unpredictable, her signs of interest and intrigue have to be really high for me to consider she's actually into me.

Anyhow, you're doing fine. I hate to say it, but I kinda have a feeling she may flake. Let us know how it goes.

 

[dosquito]

HEheh I tend strongly to think that she will not flake tomorrow. If you saw our texts I'm sure you would agree. I'll update ya'll tomorrow!

 

[dosquito]

I had a very nice date with HB7 today. We have a lot in common and got along very well! I have a good feeling about this girl. I cut it short and she sent a follow up text a few hours later. I will definitely be considering HB7 as LTR material

Lesson of the day: You don't have to DO anything.
All you have to do is NOT do something that's gonna kill attraction.
There are two parts of game: 1) creating attraction 2) developing attraction

If the attraction is already there to develop, then literally all you have to do is be yourself. After all, she's going to find out soonr or later anyway what you're really like, which is why girls **** test in the first place. And maybe she won't like you either. That's okay too. Part of being a DJ is only wanting to be with a girl who wants to be with you! Anything else is just needy and desperate.

 

[Sandow]

So how did it end? No kiss, kiss on the cheek, make out sesh?

 

[MisterAFC]

Make out sesh...what does this mean? I am sorry to offend anyone, I do not mean to offend.

 

[Sandow]

when one kisses another with an open mouth for an extended period of time.

 

[MisterAFC]

Oh I understand. Funny!

 

[Masculinity]

he is demonstrating high interest currently so I'm gonna play it cold for a while then have her come over or go get a drink with me

What??? You do not play it cold when a woman shows high interest; you reward it so that behavior becomes more likely to happen again in the future. If you "play it cold" she will be dissuaded from trying instead of the opposite being true.

Would you give a child candy after he just spit on another child? Heck no. By the same rationale, good behavior shouldn't be punished; it should be rewarded. However, notice I am not saying you should be needy or go over-board with her; does that make sense?

-R

 

[dosquito]

Robyn, that's a good way of thinking of it. But once the girl takes a step back (**** test), take two steps back.

Sandow - No kissing. The date ended with me excusing myself as I had a class to attend. I'll keep ya'll updated

 

[dosquito]

Got in a fight with HB6.5 last night. Didn't hear from HB7. I didn't like the response she gave me when I asked what she is doing this weekend, so she will have to take some initiatve and show higher interest. I have a "date" tonight (I don't expect anything to come from it -- I personally think the girl is pretty cool) with a girl from one of my classes last year.