The discussion of stealing gf’s/cheating has piqued my interest, as I have been in this situation myself and can see where both sides are coming from. The situation is as follows:
Profile of a (female) Cheater:
Individual: Woman in long-term relationship for five years (live-in boyfriend). Much of ltr was extreme long-distance for 1/3 of relationship (US-Russia). Gf never once cheated (physically or emotionally) on bf during this time. Bf and Gf both lived and worked in each other’s native countries during this period. Gf learned bf’s native language, moved to his country to be with him, attended courses there at institute, tried to find a way to pursue both ltr and personal goals.
Positive aspects of LTR: Shared interests, dreams, and aspirations. Both Bf and Gf very generous to each other both materially and non-materially, both sacrificed much to be with each other and were very dedicated to helping each other achieve their respective dreams. Both believed that LTR would eventually lead to marriage.
LTR Problems: Some abusive and controlling behavior on part of boyfriend (spitting on, slapping gf), infrequent sex, communication issues, difficult living situation (living with bf’s family, which is common in Russia) with several endangering and stressful situations involved (threatening individuals invited into home, connected with bf’s family members).
Summary of situation: Gf believed she was perfectly content in the ltr and never considered potential “alternatives”. Gf attended institute every day where she was in close contact with the same small group of fellow students on a daily basis. One fateful day, a new DJ appeared. Gf regarded him as any other student with no particular attn. paid to him (she wasn’t looking for bf replacement and didn’t feel she was merely “settling”). One day, while riding the subway home, Gf felt smb. tap on her back and ask, “What are you doing here?” (They were in a region located far from the place of study). Gf was surprised to see that it was new DJ from school and said, “I live here.” As it turned out, the new DJ happened to live right across the street from her. Gf and DJ parted ways on a friendly note. At this point, they didn’t even know each other’s names but recognized each other from school.
Soon, DJ began to appear everywhere that GF was. He seemed to casually place himself wherever she was and she began to sense that he was distinctly interested in her, but, as she had a ltr with a bf she loved, she didn’t make anything of it.
One day, the DJ finally managed to catch her and start a conversation with her. The DJ used all his DJ tactics with her and the gf was sinkingly aware that she was overwhelmingly attracted to him—They had very strong chemistry and it was as if a thunder bolt had jolted her. The gf left him smiling and feeling elated--- But she already had the first uncomfortable stirrings of uncertainty.
Later, the DJ caught her again while they were in class together and sat next to her. Finally, he managed to remind her about a movie that was being shown for class (it was a film institute) and asked her if she was going. She became flustered and wary and said yes. DJ went to watch film, but the now confused gf realized that she was in dangerous territory and stood him up, avoiding him out of fear and self-preservation.
Naturally, DJ became angry with her and decided to punish her. She found him after the film had finished and apologized, asked if he was going home (since, as you recall, they fatefully lived across the street from each other). He was rude, ****y, funny, and neg.-hitting her the entire way home and, being somewhat naïve and inexperienced, she didn’t know quite how to interpret his behavior. DJ said, “you’re afraid of me.” Gf didn’t answer, but knew that it was true. She was afraid of her emotions and curiosity.
To make a long story short: she made the fatal mistake of allowing her curiosity to be piqued by him. She began to be inspired by his sense of humor, his C&F, his charm, his kino, good looks and confidence. She also began to doubt herself and her ltr with current bf: If she was developing feelings for new DJ, didn’t it mean that she didn’t really love her current bf? She needed time to sort out her confused feelings. Could a person love two at once? IN the meantime, she began to despise herself for cheating on bf emotionally: she wrote a small note to DJ, explaining that she was sorry that she had stood him up at the institute, that she was already involved in a ltr and that she was afraid of her feelings for the DJ. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep… All symptoms of infatuation which she had never before experienced.
Then, one day, the gf discovered that the DJ had a GF that he had been dating for several months. They met by chance and the DJ, being embarrassed and unprepared for their meeting, introduced them by name and left them together to sort things out. The gf was startled and doubly confused but said nothing.
Later, gf discovered that DJ’s GF had cheated on him twice prior to their meeting and mentioned that she was not exactly marriage or mother material.
Gf and DJ never had a physical relationship, but an emotional affair. Once again: none of their feelings (mutual?) were acted upon. DJ used all the tactics outlined in the various DJ Forum posts about how to steal a gf from her bf: displayed obvious interest, used little opportunities for kino, etc. And it worked--- At least, with the gf’s emotions. The gf made a CD, wrote a couple notes, etc, which DJ threatened to show to the gf’s bf. The gf responded that she didn’t care… She was feeling fatalistic by this time and felt that she deserved whatever happened to her for cheating emotionally.
The gf suffered from her conscience a great deal during this period, all the while trying to sort out her emotions and feeling quite trapped. The DJ said he would respond to her notes, but that he couldn’t do it to gf’s ltr bf, out of respect to said bf. Gf was unsure of how to interpret this information at the time, and only now, having read the DJ discussion board, has begun to understand.
Two-three months after the emotional affair began, the gf admitted to bf that something was happening and that she was confused. She told bf about the affair and apologized. He forgave her. The gf told herself that she was not to contact or see DJ again, but she had difficulty resisting her temptation. She was drawn by DJ and held back by her conscience and confused feelings for bf. She was angry with DJ for not “caring enough” and was angry with herself for being the dishonest, lying, cheating b**** that most of the DJ’s on this discussion board despise.
To conclude: Gf went back to the US for three months to get away from both men and to make a decision. She came to terms with bf’s abuse and decided to end it with him. IN the meantime, she felt that she still had feelings for DJ. She contacted him by phone once during this time and wrote several emails, to which he responded only briefly and unemotionally, aside from saying that he missed her.
Having made her decision, Gf went back to Russia to break up with bf and pack her things. Having gotten mixed signals from DJ, she was not sure what he wanted from her and she interpreted this as a lack of care, concern, and interest, so she decided not to contact him at all, to forget about him entirely (as he apparently did not care about her in the least).
Again, fate stepped in--- One of her friends from school told DJ that gf was back in town. DJ became excited/scared and told the gf’s friend to tell gf to call him.
Again, gf became confused. When she met bf in the airport, he charmed her back into his life with open arms. He convinced her to stay with him, although she had been prepared to leave Russia and both men behind forever.
One day, chance again played a part when gf was walking home from friend’s house and she heard a car horn honking at her. She was shocked to see that it was the DJ, who she had not even intended to inform that she was back in town. He swerved over to the side of the road and stopped the car. He exited the car… They gave each other a hug. He offered to drive her to bf’s house across the street. He told her that he had broken up with his gf three months ago (her parents prohibited them from seeing each other again) and said that his ex GF had attempted suicide. Then, he asked how things in the ltr were and finally, “do you love him?” gf said, “I don’t know.” DJ then became flustered and told gf to get out of the car.
Since that time, gf has been convinced by ltr bf to stay with him. They moved to another apartment, adopted a kitten… The Gf convinced herself that it would be better. But she cannot forget about DJ, and has emailed and called him every 3 months or so for a nine-month period. They met on two or three brief occasions, as friends. But the DJ continued to give her signals.
Gf is more confused than ever and the most unhappy she has ever been in her life. She has not written or called the DJ for a long time, now, ever since he stopped responding to her txt messages. And, BTW--- The DJ rarely to never calls the gf, but almost ALWAYS responds to her phone calls, txt messages, and emails immediately.
Gf now feels utterly disillusioned about love and has lost her faith in ltr and in herself, just like many other jaded DJ’s and gfs out there. She never believed she could behave this way.
What do all the DJ’s and cheating gfs like this gf think about this situation? I am interested in your comments and open to your opinions and questions….
Profile of a (female) Cheater:
Individual: Woman in long-term relationship for five years (live-in boyfriend). Much of ltr was extreme long-distance for 1/3 of relationship (US-Russia). Gf never once cheated (physically or emotionally) on bf during this time. Bf and Gf both lived and worked in each other’s native countries during this period. Gf learned bf’s native language, moved to his country to be with him, attended courses there at institute, tried to find a way to pursue both ltr and personal goals.
Positive aspects of LTR: Shared interests, dreams, and aspirations. Both Bf and Gf very generous to each other both materially and non-materially, both sacrificed much to be with each other and were very dedicated to helping each other achieve their respective dreams. Both believed that LTR would eventually lead to marriage.
LTR Problems: Some abusive and controlling behavior on part of boyfriend (spitting on, slapping gf), infrequent sex, communication issues, difficult living situation (living with bf’s family, which is common in Russia) with several endangering and stressful situations involved (threatening individuals invited into home, connected with bf’s family members).
Summary of situation: Gf believed she was perfectly content in the ltr and never considered potential “alternatives”. Gf attended institute every day where she was in close contact with the same small group of fellow students on a daily basis. One fateful day, a new DJ appeared. Gf regarded him as any other student with no particular attn. paid to him (she wasn’t looking for bf replacement and didn’t feel she was merely “settling”). One day, while riding the subway home, Gf felt smb. tap on her back and ask, “What are you doing here?” (They were in a region located far from the place of study). Gf was surprised to see that it was new DJ from school and said, “I live here.” As it turned out, the new DJ happened to live right across the street from her. Gf and DJ parted ways on a friendly note. At this point, they didn’t even know each other’s names but recognized each other from school.
Soon, DJ began to appear everywhere that GF was. He seemed to casually place himself wherever she was and she began to sense that he was distinctly interested in her, but, as she had a ltr with a bf she loved, she didn’t make anything of it.
One day, the DJ finally managed to catch her and start a conversation with her. The DJ used all his DJ tactics with her and the gf was sinkingly aware that she was overwhelmingly attracted to him—They had very strong chemistry and it was as if a thunder bolt had jolted her. The gf left him smiling and feeling elated--- But she already had the first uncomfortable stirrings of uncertainty.
Later, the DJ caught her again while they were in class together and sat next to her. Finally, he managed to remind her about a movie that was being shown for class (it was a film institute) and asked her if she was going. She became flustered and wary and said yes. DJ went to watch film, but the now confused gf realized that she was in dangerous territory and stood him up, avoiding him out of fear and self-preservation.
Naturally, DJ became angry with her and decided to punish her. She found him after the film had finished and apologized, asked if he was going home (since, as you recall, they fatefully lived across the street from each other). He was rude, ****y, funny, and neg.-hitting her the entire way home and, being somewhat naïve and inexperienced, she didn’t know quite how to interpret his behavior. DJ said, “you’re afraid of me.” Gf didn’t answer, but knew that it was true. She was afraid of her emotions and curiosity.
To make a long story short: she made the fatal mistake of allowing her curiosity to be piqued by him. She began to be inspired by his sense of humor, his C&F, his charm, his kino, good looks and confidence. She also began to doubt herself and her ltr with current bf: If she was developing feelings for new DJ, didn’t it mean that she didn’t really love her current bf? She needed time to sort out her confused feelings. Could a person love two at once? IN the meantime, she began to despise herself for cheating on bf emotionally: she wrote a small note to DJ, explaining that she was sorry that she had stood him up at the institute, that she was already involved in a ltr and that she was afraid of her feelings for the DJ. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep… All symptoms of infatuation which she had never before experienced.
Then, one day, the gf discovered that the DJ had a GF that he had been dating for several months. They met by chance and the DJ, being embarrassed and unprepared for their meeting, introduced them by name and left them together to sort things out. The gf was startled and doubly confused but said nothing.
Later, gf discovered that DJ’s GF had cheated on him twice prior to their meeting and mentioned that she was not exactly marriage or mother material.
Gf and DJ never had a physical relationship, but an emotional affair. Once again: none of their feelings (mutual?) were acted upon. DJ used all the tactics outlined in the various DJ Forum posts about how to steal a gf from her bf: displayed obvious interest, used little opportunities for kino, etc. And it worked--- At least, with the gf’s emotions. The gf made a CD, wrote a couple notes, etc, which DJ threatened to show to the gf’s bf. The gf responded that she didn’t care… She was feeling fatalistic by this time and felt that she deserved whatever happened to her for cheating emotionally.
The gf suffered from her conscience a great deal during this period, all the while trying to sort out her emotions and feeling quite trapped. The DJ said he would respond to her notes, but that he couldn’t do it to gf’s ltr bf, out of respect to said bf. Gf was unsure of how to interpret this information at the time, and only now, having read the DJ discussion board, has begun to understand.
Two-three months after the emotional affair began, the gf admitted to bf that something was happening and that she was confused. She told bf about the affair and apologized. He forgave her. The gf told herself that she was not to contact or see DJ again, but she had difficulty resisting her temptation. She was drawn by DJ and held back by her conscience and confused feelings for bf. She was angry with DJ for not “caring enough” and was angry with herself for being the dishonest, lying, cheating b**** that most of the DJ’s on this discussion board despise.
To conclude: Gf went back to the US for three months to get away from both men and to make a decision. She came to terms with bf’s abuse and decided to end it with him. IN the meantime, she felt that she still had feelings for DJ. She contacted him by phone once during this time and wrote several emails, to which he responded only briefly and unemotionally, aside from saying that he missed her.
Having made her decision, Gf went back to Russia to break up with bf and pack her things. Having gotten mixed signals from DJ, she was not sure what he wanted from her and she interpreted this as a lack of care, concern, and interest, so she decided not to contact him at all, to forget about him entirely (as he apparently did not care about her in the least).
Again, fate stepped in--- One of her friends from school told DJ that gf was back in town. DJ became excited/scared and told the gf’s friend to tell gf to call him.
Again, gf became confused. When she met bf in the airport, he charmed her back into his life with open arms. He convinced her to stay with him, although she had been prepared to leave Russia and both men behind forever.
One day, chance again played a part when gf was walking home from friend’s house and she heard a car horn honking at her. She was shocked to see that it was the DJ, who she had not even intended to inform that she was back in town. He swerved over to the side of the road and stopped the car. He exited the car… They gave each other a hug. He offered to drive her to bf’s house across the street. He told her that he had broken up with his gf three months ago (her parents prohibited them from seeing each other again) and said that his ex GF had attempted suicide. Then, he asked how things in the ltr were and finally, “do you love him?” gf said, “I don’t know.” DJ then became flustered and told gf to get out of the car.
Since that time, gf has been convinced by ltr bf to stay with him. They moved to another apartment, adopted a kitten… The Gf convinced herself that it would be better. But she cannot forget about DJ, and has emailed and called him every 3 months or so for a nine-month period. They met on two or three brief occasions, as friends. But the DJ continued to give her signals.
Gf is more confused than ever and the most unhappy she has ever been in her life. She has not written or called the DJ for a long time, now, ever since he stopped responding to her txt messages. And, BTW--- The DJ rarely to never calls the gf, but almost ALWAYS responds to her phone calls, txt messages, and emails immediately.
Gf now feels utterly disillusioned about love and has lost her faith in ltr and in herself, just like many other jaded DJ’s and gfs out there. She never believed she could behave this way.
What do all the DJ’s and cheating gfs like this gf think about this situation? I am interested in your comments and open to your opinions and questions….
Last edited:
