Carrying Torches

[Slickster]

A year ago today I split with my ex GF. After 3 years she dumped me. Although I've come very far in the past 12 months this past week I've been feeling a little nostalgic. Remembering good times etc.

I've been with several other women since. Most were better looking and probably even better people overall. However in some ways I sometimes feel like I'm still carrying baggage/pain about the break up. Although I'm not delusional I feel as though a tiny part of me still wants her back. Even after all the heartache she caused me. Even though I know better. And despite the fact that I could do better for myself.

I feel that I'm not alone. Am I???

Why do men do this to themselves? Why do we seem to dwell on the past? Why does it seem that women have an easier time "letting go" of past loves.

Do men and women "Love" differently???

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Slickster
Why do men do this to themselves? Why do we seem to dwell on the past? Why does it seem that women have an easier time "letting go" of past loves.

Do men and women "Love" differently???

oh my god, slick. you have no idea how many women say JUST that, reversed.

i have come to think that it is the individual. some of us love deeper than others. some do not know how to get beyond the shallow kind of "love" that is easily lost or replaced.

(michael jackson starts singing in the backround "you are not alone...")

 

[mrbreeze]

Funny thing… A year ago Halloween I was on one knee proposing… She said yes.

A month later things fell apart fairly quickly. I was betrayed and disrespected by someone I had been living with for 7 years and that I thought truly cared for me.

I guess she finally got what she wanted so badly and then didn’t want it anymore.

To answer your question… Yeah, I’m feeling a little nostalgic and a little sad this week.

I do know I’ll never go back.

She’s been e-mailing lately…Friendship Angel Tag….Delete

Sent me an invitation to install MSN IM… She knows I have it…She was just deleted months ago…Declined

Came to my house after hearing me win concert tickets on the radio…I already have a date thanks.

Hell… why would I trade 3 with high IL’s for 1 that treated me so badly.

It still hurts tho, I’m just not sure why.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

It took me 6 (six) years to completely get over my ex .

Good Luck!

CB

 

[Supaman]

yeah, but my difference is I had the big head when we dated and treated her bad and dragged her along for 3 years, it's funny how stuff will come back on you

 

[Slickster]

Re: Re: Carrying Torches

Originally posted by iqqi
i have come to think that it is the individual. some of us love deeper than others. some do not know how to get beyond the shallow kind of "love" that is easily lost or replaced.

With that said. It would be wise as a "deep lover" to stay clear of the "shallow" kind of lovers. You're going to get burned.

 

[iqqi]

Re: Re: Re: Carrying Torches

Originally posted by Slickster
With that said. It would be wise as a "deep lover" to stay clear of the "shallow" kind of lovers. You're going to get burned.

it easy to say, hard to know how to do.

 

[Frank Zappa]

Re: Re: Re: Carrying Torches

Originally posted by Slickster
With that said. It would be wise as a "deep lover" to stay clear of the "shallow" kind of lovers. You're going to get burned.

amen to that. But I'd say if you are under 25, steer clear of the LTRs all together. Apart from everything else and the maturity, there is always an X factor at our age. Such as her fat and ugly friends. Fat chicks are nothing but trouble, and under 25 it feels like you are dating their fat and ugly friends at the same time. Not worth it. But who knows, just play everything by ear, but I know I'm not looking to settle down for a while now that I've cut my ball and chain.~Zappa

 

[NewMan]

My torch is big....

My ex has been calling and we've been meeting a couple of times a week - for the last 3 weeks....

Actually, we meet Friday, Saturday, Saunday, Talked on Monday and lunch Today.

She truned up to a bar on Friday when I was with my new GF.

We played poker with some mutal friends on Saturday - she was totally mad that I didn't spend time with her Friday...

She called and invited me over to her Grandmothers on Sunday - I went

And she called me to meet me for lunch today...

I know spending all of this time together is not healthy.... and I've not called her to initate anything lately, so I've got to knock it on the head...

 

[Howie Farkes]

Originally posted by NewMan
Actually, we meet Friday, Saturday, Saunday, Talked on Monday and lunch Today.

Sh!t dude, you see your EX way more often than I see my GF. Let it go son, let it go... How are you finding time to see your current GF?

 

[NewMan]

I know....

Fvck - I see my current girl 2 times a week tops....

As I said, it's a big torch.

It's going to stop.

 

[Slickster]

Unintentionally raising the Ex's interest

My torch isn't as big Newman but its still burning quietly.

Last night my ex called me. Maybe she's been feeling nostalgic too. I have a sneaking suspicion though that her interest in me may be increasing.

She's been seeing someone else for about 6 months. Living together now. I've seen them together a few times and I can tell he's a total AFC. He's 4 years younger than her and he follows her around like a lost puppy. The other weekend I went to a bar to see some friend's band play. She was there with him and seeing how it was an older crowd I could tell he felt out of place and she did too with him hanging all over her.

The band called me up to sing a song for them. Seeing how I was on shrooms it might have been ugly. Luckily I was outside smoking a joint and I missed the call. Anyways I guess the band and a bunch of people who knew me were chanting my name trying to get me up there. So it was good social proof for me.

When I talked to her last night I was luckily in a good mood already and didn't let her know about my recent nostalgia. I think I really struck a chord at one point in our conversation.

Me: What did you dress up as for Halloween?
Her: I'm afraid to tell you.
Me: Why is that? I don't care.
Her: I dressed up like a French maid.
Me: (Laughing) Oh really. So you dressed up like a slvt.
Her: Yeah.
Me: You know what they say about girls who dress up like slvts on Halloween don't you?
Her: No. What?
Me: They are hiding feelings of sexual dissatisfaction. Their sexual needs aren't being met.
Her: Well I've never dressed up like that before.
Me: Hmmm....that's interesting. Anyway its just a theory .. blah,blah......

I'll bet her new young AFC is too chickensh!t to fcuk her the way she likes it. Isn't that the way? People always seem to idealize their past lovers.

Anyway from the conversation I have a suspicion she may be coming around.

Newman I think a lot of people could learn from situations like ours.

We're all taught here to forget our ex's. And that is the best advice ever because I truly believe that when you do forget her is precisely the moment she's going to come around. When she sees you going about your life being your own *excellent* self she's going to start thinking she's lost something.

More reading on this idea here.

The weird thing is....after all this pining and torch carrying when she does come back you start second guessing whether you really want her again.

 

[NewMan]

Yes, I agree...

As soon as you start getting on with your sh#t, the ex pops back into your life.

I like your French maid comment.

My ex keeps calling - it like she needs to talk to me or something - needs to see me.

Her current guy friend is a loser for sure.... and she unhappy, although for some reason just can't break that tie - even though she knows it's going nowhere.

If it's one thing I've learned is not to give a sh#t.

I'm pulling the plug on her - she needs to figure her sh#t out and stop bothering me all of the time... I think that the fact she saw me with a hottie on Friday is fvcking with her......

Especially when she said:

"I dare you to kiss me"

Today she told me that after she told me that I looked disgusted and said "No way"....

I think I'm on the right track.