jophil28
Master Don Juan
Last night I dropped into a local men's group weekly meeting. This is one of those groups for guys who are divorced, getting a divorce, or who really should gert one, but are avoiding the hoops and hurdles of the process..
Anyways, the 'facilitators' ( X three) all mentioned that "men need to embrace their masculinity" and "what it means to be a man". In fact, it was those phrases which I first saw in their flyer and that sparked my initial interest in this group..
So there were about 20 guys there aged from about 30 to over 60 years old.
Almost to a man, they were totally lost and confused about why their intimate relationships failed or were failing.
The #1 facilitator (lets call him M) is a local clinical psychologist and counselor. THis is the same guy who, at a previous meeting, suggested that I may have Asperger's because I was outspoken and apparently I " had a poor grasp of social requirements "... I might also mention that this guy is also obese and recently divorced for the second time.
The short of it was that most guys in the meeting believed that their marriages failed because they were not "enough"..not rich enough, sensitive enough, not understanding enough or not compliant enough. They mostly agreed that they did not "supply" enough to keep the little woman happy and, consequently her unhappiness was due to their ( his) "selfishness".
These guys really believed that they needed to "please her" more and that they were guilty of neglect to the extent that it crashed their marriage..
When the "talking stick " came around to me I said, " Gentlemen, I have two questions for all of you who are divorced or about to be so. Firstly, would you say that your wife made your marriage her priority. Were YOU the "main event" in her life. Did you KNOW that she would always be on your side, and by your side in difficult times." ( THis seemed to trigger a startled, but frozen response - bug eyed describes it best )
I continued, " Thinking about those times when you and she had different wants and different ideas about how a particular situation needed to be handled, would you say that most times, what she wanted, or your wants carried the most weight .
Who gave way, and who got their way most times ?
( More glassy eyed startled looks ...).
So then some of these men started telling the meeting the usual chump stuff. "Happy wife - happy life...blah blah... "
The head psych guy was nodding and I was just smirking at the stupidity of it all because all these guys were in trouble in their marriages BUT they were defending their actions and their philosphies fiercely.
I may go back next week , but I am not sure why.
Anyways, the 'facilitators' ( X three) all mentioned that "men need to embrace their masculinity" and "what it means to be a man". In fact, it was those phrases which I first saw in their flyer and that sparked my initial interest in this group..
So there were about 20 guys there aged from about 30 to over 60 years old.
Almost to a man, they were totally lost and confused about why their intimate relationships failed or were failing.
The #1 facilitator (lets call him M) is a local clinical psychologist and counselor. THis is the same guy who, at a previous meeting, suggested that I may have Asperger's because I was outspoken and apparently I " had a poor grasp of social requirements "... I might also mention that this guy is also obese and recently divorced for the second time.
The short of it was that most guys in the meeting believed that their marriages failed because they were not "enough"..not rich enough, sensitive enough, not understanding enough or not compliant enough. They mostly agreed that they did not "supply" enough to keep the little woman happy and, consequently her unhappiness was due to their ( his) "selfishness".
These guys really believed that they needed to "please her" more and that they were guilty of neglect to the extent that it crashed their marriage..
When the "talking stick " came around to me I said, " Gentlemen, I have two questions for all of you who are divorced or about to be so. Firstly, would you say that your wife made your marriage her priority. Were YOU the "main event" in her life. Did you KNOW that she would always be on your side, and by your side in difficult times." ( THis seemed to trigger a startled, but frozen response - bug eyed describes it best )
I continued, " Thinking about those times when you and she had different wants and different ideas about how a particular situation needed to be handled, would you say that most times, what she wanted, or your wants carried the most weight .
Who gave way, and who got their way most times ?
( More glassy eyed startled looks ...).
So then some of these men started telling the meeting the usual chump stuff. "Happy wife - happy life...blah blah... "
The head psych guy was nodding and I was just smirking at the stupidity of it all because all these guys were in trouble in their marriages BUT they were defending their actions and their philosphies fiercely.
I may go back next week , but I am not sure why.