Caring too much of what others think.

[C-quenced]

This may seem rather juvenile (I turn 28 in about a month) and it hurts me tremendously to admit this but it has to be done and effectively dealt with. The thing is I care far too much about the opinions of others and what they think of me. I'm far too old for this **** but this mental handicap has been deeply ingrained in me since around the time I began to find the opposite sex attractive, which would be around the middle of junior high school. It has gotten progressively worse all throughout high school and my first few years of college and to this day it's still persists. I thought this would be the best place to ask as I can certainly benefit from the wisdom of the more experienced gentlemen in this board. I just want to break out of this mental prison and finally start to live life and I clearly see that this isn't the way to do it.

 

[betheman]

Caring too much about what others think of you, what you do what you say etc, can be crippling.
The basic anti caring mantra is, if you dont decide how to live, run your life, others will do it for you, subtely, covertly. you have become socially conditioned and pre programmed to take into account what others think, devaluing your own inner desires. psychopaths are great with womne and can be successful in life, work business...because they are pretty much 100% selfish, if you can call that success?
To stop caring what others think or expect wont happen overnight and even if it did you would freak others out completely.
start by making subtle changes in your mindset, be a little more assertive with your opinions and stick to them, its ok to have a diferent opinion/point of view, just be prepared to back it up.
as far as women are concerned, set yourself some standards i.e no fatties, tell people, this reinforces it in your own head. dont be afraid to upset people, dont be an ar$e about it and do it deliberately, be a little outspoken though, add a little shock factor, it better if you can back it up with humour.

this is your life, you arent going to be here very long, no one rally gives a sh1t about what you think/say do, you might p!ss one or two people off but life will go on, be brave, live your life they way you want to, do what you want to do, no fcucker is going to thank you for living the way they think you should.

always worth watching this too, the biggest battle = your life, apply it and use it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4tIrjBDkk

one day you will be "too old", Im a bit like him, Im old, came into this late in life, wish Id started much earlier, nothing I can do about that now though except live the rest of my life the best I can

 

[imarockstar]

Been a while since I have been here but I continue to lurk maybe once a month and see whats up. I have been battling this for years man. I think I am changing, because I guess I realized that it doesn't do you any good to think others do not like you. Negative thoughts do not do any good, and one way of encouraging negative thoughts is by being alone or being lazy. I have a massive "diary" of sorts, just times in the last year or so that I had certain epiphanies about life, and documented them all. I may organize it all and post it soon. This is something I just wrote about, in way better detail. But that is the just of it.

I also realized that when I feel like I am in my head too much or reacting to other people rather than taking action, it is usually because I am not truly being myself, trying to hide something, feeling guilty. I think acceptance of yourself goes hand in hand with this. Truly confident people truly don't give 2 fvcks about what others think. Plus, being a practitioner of martial arts and being in good shape helps lol.

I am willing to bet that you do not have much direction in life, or that you are simply being lazy and letting it pass you by, or as I said earlier, not being yourself.

I realized that the only times I felt like you describe, I did nothing productive that day or I was alone all day. No meaningful experience. If you like video games, or anime, or warcraft or anything that people deem as nerdy, who cares. Some of the coolest people I know, deep down are nerds. If there is something you like that you are embarrassed about, don't hide it, embrace it, and laugh it off. Usually when you open up to people, they will open up to you, and I find that I have so much in common with people who started out as complete strangers (usually happens with coworkers).

So basically, being conscious of it is the first step. Then, just do this. Act like if you worry about what people think, then they won't like you. And if they see you are being yourself, then they will like you. I kind of engrained this into my mindset and it changed my perspective immensely. Its kind of like the law of attraction.....as well as karma for that matter. Positivity breeds positivity.

Its really simple once you change your thinking. Remember, thoughts can be habitual as well, and the majority of the time, what we think about manifests into reality.

Do what you love and most of all don't let life pass you by while you are busy "thinking".

 

[muscleman]

Hope you can follow this, but the reason I believe you care too much about what other people think is because you don't have a clear cut PLAN for life.

What do you want to accomplish? Be specific.

By what time? Be specific.

What kind of man do you want to become? If you had to describe the ideal you, what would you say? Be specific.

What are the steps you're going to take to achieve the above and when and how will you hold yourself accountable? Be specific.

If you can't answer these questions, you're going to have a hard time because you don't know what YOU want.

Conversely, if you know what you want and have a plan of attack and go after it, all of a sudden you won't care what most people think - only those who are important to you and who help you realize your goals.

All the feel good BS you tell yourself in the mirror means nothing if you don't have DIRECTION. So what's your direction? Once you figure that out, you'll see how little you care about what others think.

 

[user43770]

The big thing is getting to know yourself and embracing who you are. Take pride in yourself - the good qualities, as well as the bad.

The next step is to recognize that everyone is different. Everybody is searching for happiness in their own way. Sometimes you're going to clash with people. That's just the way it is. Focus on meeting and spending time with people you get along with.

It's an ongoing process. I learn new things about myself all the time. The hardest part for me is trying not to judge other people for being different than I am. We all have our faults.

 

[betheman]

Think the OP also needs to look at his own self esteem, do you find yourself trying to please others? putting their needs before you?

 

[yyc12]

Dude, you'll drive yourself crazy worrying about what other people are thinking and saying about you. It's a very painful way to get through life. No matter what you change in response to what other people are saying, they'll always find something else to pick on and b*tch about; you'll never please people...much better to please yourself and live "freely", meaning according to your own desires and whatever way of being comes naturally to you. Me, personally, I'd rather have NO ONE in my life, while living on my terms than to have 100 fair weather friends while constantly changing and tweaking things according to what others' expectations are.

 

[C-quenced]

Thanks for the replies guys.

The basic anti caring mantra is, if you dont decide how to live, run your life, others will do it for you, subtely, covertly. you have become socially conditioned and pre programmed to take into account what others think, devaluing your own inner desires.

This is something I'm very willing to change. I just always find myself going back into the same exhausting thought patterns and behaviors which I want to eliminate. How does one go about rewiring or reprogramming years of having this beaten into your head?

this is your life, you arent going to be here very long, no one rally gives a sh1t about what you think/say do, you might p!ss one or two people off but life will go on, be brave, live your life they way you want to, do what you want to do, no fcucker is going to thank you for living the way they think you should.

I been well aware of this for a very long time now and while I preach it and follow it some of the time I still allow something as pathetic as someone Else's opinion of me to be a high priority. I'm just sick of living in this mental prison that feels like someone else has built for me.

Think the OP also needs to look at his own self esteem, do you find yourself trying to please others? putting their needs before you?

I have very poor self esteem. I was brought up by a ****head stepfather that acted like my drill sergeant, infused AFC style behavior and military-like discipline (ironically it did quite the contrary in regards to discipline) from a very young age while always being psychologically humiliating and beating the hell out of me. To stay away from his b!tch ass I locked myself in my room and played video games all day, throughout my childhood up until my teens. Over the years this has wore down my self esteem tremendously and I'm still having trouble shaking it off today. When people do generous things for me I feel as If I don't deserve it. This even applies when someone of the opposite sex shows interest in me. My mother on the other hand was overly protective, tried to keep me sheltered from the world and brought me up with a mentality of dependency and made me feel as if I needed the protection of others.

Even when it comes to a job I find myself being walked on and feel out of place to do something as simple as standing up for myself. It's disgusting.

And yes I find myself trying to please others and putting their own needs ahead of my own. At the end of the day it's quite an empty and helpless feeling.

I have been battling this for years man.

Least I'm not the only one.

Negative thoughts do not do any good, and one way of encouraging negative thoughts is by being alone or being lazy.

Negative thoughts is something I want to fix. I know exactly what you mean about being lazy as it does tend to make me feel miserable at the end of the day when I see the sun going down and I think to myself that another day has passed by and nothing has been done to further my progress. it's depressing.

I have a massive "diary" of sorts, just times in the last year or so that I had certain epiphanies about life, and documented them all. I may organize it all and post it soon. This is something I just wrote about, in way better detail. But that is the just of it.

I should try doing the same.

I am willing to bet that you do not have much direction in life, or that you are simply being lazy and letting it pass you by, or as I said earlier, not being yourself.

I have direction. I know what I want but everything I want to achieve or obtain seems so far out of reach. This sometime perpetuates my negative thought patterns and tends to screw with me. As of late I don't have many good life experiences to remind me of what I'm trying to achieve.

I realized that the only times I felt like you describe, I did nothing productive that day or I was alone all day.

Productivity is the big thing for me. I need to feel productive otherwise I'll feel miserable by the end of the day. Unfortunately I have far too many distractions and information overload doesn't help very much either.

 

[C-quenced]

@muscleman

I think you provide a very valid point and those questions will provide some very valuable insight for me. Thanks.

Dude, you'll drive yourself crazy worrying about what other people are thinking and saying about you. It's a very painful way to get through life.

Too late, it's already been happening for years. It DOES drive one crazy and it's a pain that I'm all too familiar with.

No matter what you change in response to what other people are saying, they'll always find something else to pick on and b*tch about; you'll never please people...

Very true. I also found that people are very opinionated (and not in a good way) when their beliefs are challenged and also tend to want to bring you down if they ever see something good happening in your life.

much better to please yourself and live "freely", meaning according to your own desires and whatever way of being comes naturally to you. Me, personally, I'd rather have NO ONE in my life, while living on my terms than to have 100 fair weather friends while constantly changing and tweaking things according to what others' expectations are.

I firmly believe in living "freely" and this is something you'll see me preaching about on this board but it's sort of difficult when I been taught all my life to be embarrassed about who I am by my peers (and even by adults in my years as a child). This has really eroded my self esteem to the point of it being non existent. I find myself to have low confidence in my abilities and negative thoughts tend to influence my actions a lot more then I'd like to admit.

 

[glass half full]

caring what others think, for the most part, can be the ruination of a man (take it from me, I've been there). Women, and their friends, will chew you up and spit you out when they see this quality in you (and to them, it's obvious). "Do for YOU!". it's that simple.

 

[The_King]

I always try to live by the thought

"What other people think of me, is none of my business"

This is helped me to get rid of negative thoughts, admittedly I do believe it now. There once was a time when I would care too much.