Careful with Pillow talk

[Pandora]

It seems that every so often i get reminded of how dangerous pillow talk can be at killing interest. I'm starting to notice that after scr@wing certain chicks, the pillow talk phase can make or break you. Females take this as an opportunity to ask a bunch of questions. It seems like they are trying to probe you to find out if the guy they just slept with is a phony. Often times they ask you how many girls you have been with or if you like them.

Many times i see a drastic change in behavior when i let my guard down after the first sexual encounter. Its like once they see that you really are a human and they get a glimpse of you inner self (even for those few minutes), many get repulsed. Ive literally have had girls get me to open up and then look disappointed when i do. One even said "so your faking it?". She was referring to my caviler attitude, aura of promiscuity and my ability to hop from chick to chick in social situations.

Alot of my buddies have noticed this too. They report that some girls lose interest once they get a hint of any sort of vulnerability. This happens even after they sleep with you. Its like they almost force you to open up, but when you do they lose attraction. Its hard to resist opening up because some chicks will nag and nag until they get you to open up. Have you guys had this type of experience?
I am not even referring to behaving like an AFC. I am strictly talking about answering the "are you a player??", " do you like me??", "how many girls???" and the "why do you act all mysterious and too cool??" types of questions. Answer at your own risk.

 

[Pandora]

I am starting to notice that any type of vulnerability to a girl that you just met spells death. Even if you have had sex with her a couple times. Its like they are trying to find ANY chink in your armor. They say they don't like the current womanizing you that intially got them into bed. But once you tell them that its a facade that you put on through years of dealing with chicks, and that you really aren't as womanizing as they think; they lose interest.

 

[zekko]

One even said "so your faking it?". She was referring to my caviler attitude, aura of promiscuity and my ability to hop from chick to chick in social situations.

What the heck are you telling these girls? Sounds like you're confessing to being a fraud. Do you really need to be a fake in order to pick up women? Why wouldn't they be disappointed? Become a high value man and you won't have to represent yourself as something that you're not.

Also, a woman who is attracted to you because she thinks you are a huge womanizer is usually the slvtty type. In which case she's good for nothing but the pump and dump anyway.

 

[squirrels]

That's why you can't just "fake it with routines", unless you don't care what happens after "the act". You can get her to bed with a facade, but you can't keep her there.

I've witnessed what you were talking about first-hand. I remember one time in particular I was making out with this HOT girl on my living room floor, and sometime during the foreplay, we made eye-contact and the thought jumped into my head, "What the f**k is this dime-piece doing with a DORK like me??"

I can't even really think that I gave ANY outward indication of that moment of mental weakness, aside from the smallest hesitation...but somehow she must've picked SOMETHING up, because the night totally fell apart after that. And I never saw her again.

Women know. If you aren't genuinely confident in yourself, women will pick that up. They are nature's polygraph. They instinctively look inside your soul and read you like an open book. They can sense strength or weakness like a professional card-player. They know your tells better than you do. As flakey and retarded as women can be...this they are PROS at.

By the same token, if you think you're saving yourself from humiliation by NOT talking to some cute girl you see every day because you've never really "let on" that you like her...you're only fooling yourself. She doesn't think you're just not interested. She knows you want her and that you're avoiding talking to her because you're a-skeered. Mentally, she may not be aware of it. Instinctively...she knows.

 

[Mojogoat]

I can relate to this thread; I had a previous relationship with a girl I had known as a friend a few years previously. A couple of weeks into seeing her, after a few drinks, I told her that I had always liked her a lot.

A few days later i got a text saying "having second thoughts about continuing this".

I had enough sense to reply with a simple "No problem, and take care"

This reply apparently made her cry, she subsequently said she thought i was "strong", and her interest level shot up like a rocket again, til the next episode.

Sadly the relationship dragged on for another year with various head-games on the hot/cold theme, but yeah, if you find yourself with someone with whom you can't let your guard down at all, you have to ask yourself why you're with her at all.

 

[DangNammit]

I'm starting to get the feeling that men are expected to be these always-on macho, Fabio, gladiator-types... If that's the case, she better be an always-hot 10, who blows me every morning I read the paper...

 

[Colossus]

.... "are you a player??", " do you like me??", "how many girls???" and the "why do you act all mysterious and too cool??" types of questions. Answer at your own risk.

Questions like these are really immature, and if it were me I wouldn't be interested in her after that point anyway. Best thing to do is deflect them with sarcasm or turn it right back around on them.

"Are you a player?" --->Call of Duty?? Hell yeah.
"Do you like me?"---> No, I really make it a point to sleep with girls I dont like.
"How many girls??"----> Stopped counting at 999, went back to zero.
"Why do you act all mysterious?"----->In your best Batman voice: "It's not an act!!"

You get the idea.

I learned a long time ago that pillow talk can be a trap...but dont think of it as some game you have to win. Just keep your wits about you, and if you find yourself with a girl you feel like you cant be real with, let her go and move on.

 

[zekko]

if you find yourself with someone with whom you can't let your guard down at all, you have to ask yourself why you're with her at all

Yeah, I would much rather be with someone who I share a natural attraction with, instead of having to play games and be fake all the time.
Having said that, I don't like to show vulnerabilities. But I try to stay strong for myself, not just for my girl.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

So just keep your mouth shut.

I avoid pillow talk by getting the fukk out of Dodge. I've never been a "stay the night" guy, except for an ltr where I got soft.

And when the barrage of questions begin, I either deflect or reflect. I'll use classic c&f or I'll just destroy the frame she's trying to setup by asking her "why do you ask so many dumba$$ questions?" They get off on being put in their place.

 

[jophil28]

So just keep your mouth shut.

I avoid pillow talk by getting the fukk out of Dodge. I've never been a "stay the night" guy, except for an ltr where I got soft.

And when the barrage of questions begin, I either deflect or reflect. I'll use classic c&f or I'll just destroy the frame she's trying to setup by asking her "why do you ask so many dumba$$ questions?" They get off on being put in their place.

Yes just say nothing or deflect until you are well dug in and holding the high ground...

However, you can afford to let your guard down (a little at a time) ONLY if you have established DHV's and she knows that you are someone with high value.
IF she feels, and shows, that she is indeed fortunate to be with you then her questions offer you an op[ortunity to consolidate your value even further with brief and clever replies.
Give women snippets of information and allow their imagination to embellish and amplify.
BUt only do it AFTER she is showing consistently strong buying signs.

Timing, setting and context are everything here.

This skill came to me naturally. I was just lucky I guess.

However the general rule is to tell woman less rather than more.
She wants to get to know you one page at a time, and she wants time to process what you tell her between meetings.
Make no mistake, women LOVE reading between the lines so the more you blurt out the more you deprive her of one of her favorite activities.

In like Clint, gentlemen.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

You know is it just me or does it seem like there is an incredible amount of pressure put on us men through this mentality?

I'm starting to get the feeling that men are expected to be these always-on macho, Fabio, gladiator-types... If that's the case, she better be an always-hot 10, who blows me every morning I read the paper...

^this is funny.

What about the women? There is a polarized view here that is the Ladies Trying to Crack into Us, but perhaps this is a result from bad past experience with women?

Maybe she is the one who reveals too much in her pillow talk?

Maybe this whole world would be better if we took a bit of pressure and expectation off of people all of the time. For god's sake we are but human beings, not shining images of perfection everlasting, glimmering with each sunset and sunrise until the folds of eternity comes crashing in.

Someday (if we live long enough), we'll be lucky if we can wipe our own asses without assistance. We are failable and fallable and flesh.

 

[Captain]

1. You NEVER have to answer a question if you don't want to. You don't even have to give a reason why you won't answer.

2. Don't "open up" to a girl you've just met. Why would you? And don't get complacent and sappy.

 

[sodbuster]

maybe just kiss her everytime she opens her mouth. Or just come out and say it"less talking, more f@king"

 

[Slickster]

Pillow talk is totally unnecessary.

After the deed roll over onto your back and breathe heavily with your eyes closed. Don't say a word. Slowly lower your breathing rate until you fall asleep, even if you have to fake it.

She'll be proud of herself for fvcking you to sleep. It's the best gift you can give her at that moment.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

This post is hilarious. Man I'll tell you women have a way of inviting you into their little web to get your emotions and feelings out, and then once they have them, it seems they either turn them to poison to shoot back at you, or view you as weak that you actually feel...blargh!

My new philosophy may be to speak as little and only what is absolutely necessary...idleness of mouth is a dangerous thing !

 

[jophil28]

Man I'll tell you women have a way of inviting you into their little web to get your emotions and feelings out, and then once they have them, it seems they either turn them to poison to shoot back at you, or view you as weak that you actually feel...blargh!

That is well put and accurate .

It's another observation about how self defeating women are when it comes to creating relationships with men.
Curiously, they regard themselves as masters at the art of human relationships.
The evidence says quite the opposite.