Can't tell if I'm being ****tested (Let's be friends)

[Ronny92]

Hey everyone,

So a couple days ago I met up with a girl (we're both college aged) for the 3rd time to study at the library. She ended up inviting me back to her place to watch a movie. She was resistant to my advances at first, but we eventually started making out heavily. I push for sex, but got rejected and eventually didn't get it. She kept saying she's not that kind of girl, "Do you do this to all the girls?" stuff like that. "I don't know you well enough, I don't know if we're looking for the same things" etc.

Anyhow, the next day, I send a teasing text. She responds, but then 40 minutes later decides to give me a long text saying that we have mutual friends, she didn't feel comfortable with my advances after she said "no", etc. She said she wants to be friends.

I let her know that I cannot be her friend, we have enough of those, etc. She responds saying she can't be my fwb. So I send back saying I find her attractive, and therefore don't want to be her friend. if she wants to meet up in the future, she's welcome to let me know. otherwise, it was nice meeting her.

Did I handle this incorrectly? Am i misreading it?

 

[WanderingMan]

I would say this one's very insecure, and worried about what people think about her.

**** tests as well as a major case of ASD.

This is the killer right here:

she didn't feel comfortable with my advances after she said "no"

It sounds like she's trying to put all the responsibility on you. If you two do end up doing something, and she later regrets it, then she's just the innocent victim who was manipulated - taken advantage of - it's not her fault. That's an option if she wants to go that route - "guys are always trying have sex with me because I'm so desirable. boo hoo, woe is me."

I send back saying I find her attractive, and therefore don't want to be her friend. if she wants to meet up in the future, she's welcome to let me know. otherwise, it was nice meeting her

It sounds like you put the ball in her court. That's one way to do it. Personally, I feel that shows outcome dependence on your part. If anything, you should have been taken aback by her wishy washy behavior. Why are you putting up with it? There's a time to be aggressive, but there's also a time to step back and re-asses your position.

If a woman ever wants to be friends, IMO, the best solution is to agree: "It's probably best that way". This shows that you don't give two fvcking ****s either way. She wants you to "fight" for her, and try to woo her, all while she plays the puppet master. Don't do it. Some chick wants to be "friends" - "sure, no problem" - outcome independence. Then eject and move on to the next one. If she was at all interested, she'll come back around. Now, you can reverse the rolls and let her fight for you.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Hey everyone,

So a couple days ago I met up with a girl (we're both college aged) for the 3rd time to study at the library. She ended up inviting me back to her place to watch a movie. She was resistant to my advances at first, but we eventually started making out heavily. I push for sex, but got rejected and eventually didn't get it. She kept saying she's not that kind of girl, "Do you do this to all the girls?" stuff like that. "I don't know you well enough, I don't know if we're looking for the same things" etc.

Anyhow, the next day, I send a teasing text. She responds, but then 40 minutes later decides to give me a long text saying that we have mutual friends, she didn't feel comfortable with my advances after she said "no", etc. She said she wants to be friends.

I let her know that I cannot be her friend, we have enough of those, etc. She responds saying she can't be my fwb. So I send back saying I find her attractive, and therefore don't want to be her friend. if she wants to meet up in the future, she's welcome to let me know. otherwise, it was nice meeting her.

Did I handle this incorrectly? Am i misreading it?

I think you handled it correctly. You thought she was hot and came on to her. She doesn't want to be the campus HO so she chickened out. I'd expect her to try and rekindle things in the future so make yourself available for her just in case.

 

[Ronny92]

I think you handled it correctly. You thought she was hot and came on to her. She doesn't want to be the campus HO so she chickened out. I'd expect her to try and rekindle things in the future so make yourself available for her just in case.

I honestly really do think this girl is into me. She is just seeming like she's worried I'm going to hit it and quit it... I never mentioned "fwb", so when she responded to my "I can't be your friend" with "I can't be your fwb, so it's all good" in combination with other context clues, makes me think she's just on the defensive, but I still feel like things aren't looking good.

the "there were moments I wasn't the most comfortable especially after I already said no and you persisted" made me feel uneasy, though.

 

[VladPatton]

the "there were moments I wasn't the most comfortable especially after I already said no and you persisted" made me feel uneasy, though.

I don't blame you, with the rape culture around colleges lately. Once you hear a "no", just calmly back off, sh!t's outta control lately, and you don't need problems.

Other than that, you handled it ok. I wouldn't message her at all anymore, just be polite when you see her, talk about fluff and the weather, and be on you merry way. Basically you act cool with zero discomfort about making moves on her. It's all you can do. Props for the make out and nay-saying the Friend Zone.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Then don't waste time on her and move on bud. Personally I do not put any time into a relationship that is not explosive. Any girl i'm with needs to be giving me sexual cues. I might try a couple times to get her to open up a bit but after that i'll just let her be boring with her lady friend and orbiters. I'm a sexual person and any woman i'm with needs to be sexual as well. Who wants some dried up pusk for a woman anyways?

 

[VladPatton]

Then don't waste time on her and move on bud. Personally I do not put any time into a relationship that is not explosive. Any girl i'm with needs to be giving me sexual cues. I might try a couple times to get her to open up a bit but after that i'll just let her be boring with her lady friend and orbiters. I'm a sexual person and any woman i'm with needs to be sexual as well. Who wants some dried up pusk for a woman anyways?

ie: The ones who think sex is icky and gross hahaha.

 

[G_Govan]

You handled it the way you should have. Now the ball is in her court. If she doesn't change her mind then you've cut your losses and moved on. I would also caution not to give her the impression that you're "waiting" for her either.

I wish more guys would behave this way. You hang out, escalate and if she stops you with a lame excuse, you move on. Not in an angry fashion, but you give her your best smile and tell her you're probably better off as a friend, knowing that you don't intend to actually stick around *evil grin*.

Some girls simply aren't worth the hassle.

 

[Ronny92]

Weird. Didn't think I'd ever get friendzoned for being too sexual.

 

[No.Danny]

You handled it okay. What specifically are you looking for?

 

[Ronny92]

You handled it okay. What specifically are you looking for?

The fact is that she definitely isn't just saying "let's be friends" and stepping away. A lot of times "Let's just be friends" means **** off, but it doesn't seem that way here. It's almost like she really does want to stay in contact, but she's acting like if I say "no" (which I did), that it has 0 effect on her. I had the "she's playing hard to get" vibe from the beginning, so I still feel like it's a **** test, but almost in a way that she's just not gonna give in anyway. The making out we did was fairly passionate, I'd say. This just doesn't seem congruent.

 

[old_skoolr]

Much props for dealing with the situation OP.

I suggest you listen to what your gut is telling you. Keep an eye out for her, but don't initiate, listen to what others are telling you. Be nice, talk fluff, but then ignore her when more suitable conquests come along.

I wouldnt be surprised if she becomes jealous and initiates convo in the future.

I trust from what I've read that you have the ability to turn it round.

 

[marmel75]

You handled it fine. No complaining, no whining, basically told her whatever and left it up to her.

I'd put the odds at 50/50 she comes back to you after a while because of how you handled it...maybe a little more if she is really into you...

 

[Ronny92]

I ended up talking to her a bit. Wanted to meet up and talk. But that didn't end up happening. Basically, she texted me last night around midnight asking "Are you out?" (like at the bars,a party, etc). I decided to respond,basically saying no, I'm in bed. She said "Nvm. It's all good. For what it's worth, you're pretty cool." so I said "I know"

this morning, I decided to text her to see if she wanted to meet up today. She hasn't responded.

I'm going to go with that it's over.

 

[Yewki]

She said "Nvm. It's all good. For what it's worth, you're pretty cool."

:crackup:

Arrogant much?

this morning, I decided to text her to see if she wanted to meet up today. She hasn't responded.

That was a mistake, especially since you already tried to meet up and talk with her before. Leaving her with the "I know" text would have been a great cliff hanger to spin her hampster.

 

[RangerMIke]

You went too fast and didn't build up enough rapport. You probibly also need to learn how to build sexual tension know how far to push, then back off and go back in. Seduction is a process, looks like you need some work.

You didn't get FZed because you were too aggressive, you got FZed because you didn't know how to seduce her. You made her feel uncomfortable... not where you want to be if you're trying to bed a woman.

But hey... your in college, this is where you learn this sh!t.

 

[G_Govan]

You didn't get FZed because you were too aggressive, you got FZed because you didn't know how to seduce her.

I have to disagree with this.

Either she was going to require way too much work or she wasn't genuinely interested. Women who are interested are anxious/eager to be sexual with you. They won't play silly push/pull games unless they want to control you, which means their sexual interest has taken a back seat (not what you want).

One of my biggest problems when I was younger was not being forward enough. Young girls these days are quite f-ckin freaky and have zero issues with sex... unless they aren't that into you and/or they're looking for other benefits.

Unless you came on super strong on a first date trying to get a SNL, I don't think pushing for sex after 2 to 3 dates is too aggressive.

 

[RangerMIke]

I have to disagree with this.

Either she was going to require way too much work or she wasn't genuinely interested. Women who are interested are anxious/eager to be sexual with you. They won't play silly push/pull games unless they want to control you, which means their sexual interest has taken a back seat (not what you want).

One of my biggest problems when I was younger was not being forward enough. Young girls these days are quite f-ckin freaky and have zero issues with sex... unless they aren't that into you and/or they're looking for other benefits.

Unless you came on super strong on a first date trying to get a SNL, I don't think pushing for sex after 2 to 3 dates is too aggressive.

Well, you might be right about college girls... haven't had experience with them in WAY too many years.

But I will say this... if a woman invites me back to her place, or agrees to come to my place... and we are alone... She wants sex as long as the man doesn't screw it up.

Sometimes the seduction process takes a lot of time, sometimes she ripping off you clothes before you walk through the door (love it when that happens, but it's rare). You just have to be good at reading women... this comes with experience. But if she agrees to be alone with you... and there is a bed near by, sex is DEFINATELY a possibility.

In my mind if you don't make that happen then something the guy did fvcked up the opportunity.

 

[devilkingx2]

she didn't want to go as far as you tried to go and as a result friendzoned you(the conclusion is illogical but that's women for ya).

you handled the lets just be friends very well, better than I ever did (I basically told a girl to f*** off last time that happened to me... it was a mistake but I'm close with that girl again so i guess it's not that big of a mistake)

even if you want to be friends, you want it to look like you're in control, you're your own man and you make your own decisions and do what you want. you don't want it to look like you're complying with her desires against your own wishes.

as for whether or not you should be friends with her, so long as she's an actual good friend(however you'd define that) then there's no reason you can't have another friend.

as for still getting this girl, you're not quite in the position for that yet, you definitely shouldn't be the one to hit her up unless you wait for a few weeks/months.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Just say no to the "friend zone".

No is a powerful word and is seldom used by men when dealing with women.