can't get laid to save my life.

[badboyjmm]

Well I was seriously hoping to turn things around when I had my first pick up from a club (back in May 2012).:cheer: The girl asked for my number after we were done having fun and it was great. She then proceed to never reply my calls...

I can talk to girls but I'm having a hard time just getting a date. A few weeks ago, my sister and I were out at a club and she was meeting some girlfriends of hers. I started talking to a cute girl. All of the sudden, near the end of the night, she randomly said that she had to leave and all of her friends left as well.

I went out again tonight (Thursday night) and really, all I see is couples having fun and group of girls (more like gangs, 5-6 girls dancing together) I didn't make any approaches.

Like at this point I would like to have a girlfriend but it seems impossible, heck, I can't even have a friend with benefits. The few girls that I used to talk to were either ignoring me, stating right away that I'm there best friends (and sometimes, it would be the first time I would meet them) or this other girl went on to kiss me then afterwards downplay the whole thing, saying that she was embarrassed that she did, that she was drunk and all that. I tried after to have her at my place to make her a friend with benefits. She then said that I was a nice guy and that she could be my friend .... (Didn't even try to set me up with any girls and want it me to go out clubbing like we used to...)

Finally, a girl that I used to like 3 years ago came back into my life, I tried to make it happen (although the relationship would have been long-distance) and that didn't work out. She couldn't even call me although she said she would (apologize the first time that happen, then disappear for about 3 weeks, then send me a text for new years)

I don't wanna be cynical with women, I like them but I feel like every one of them likes to play with my emotions. Furthermore, I don't get the fact that I'm being sometimes instantly put in the friend zone (within minutes of meeting them) I just wanna figure out how to get laid on a regular basis with a cute woman. It would be fun to be able to spin plates but I tried and it failed. I would have a bunch of numbers that are nothing but flakes. It just starting to hurt when I see couple being in love, dancing together and I have nothing going on, not even a booty call. It's like everybody is attached to somebody and I'm not. I have a super low head count (3) but my mind issue is that it was all one-night stands. I'm slowly getting frustrated and sad as well. I didn't think it would be too much to ask to have the company of a cute lady once in a while.

thoughts ?

 

[BDJ]

You are not comfortable in your own skin and being alone. However, you aren't the only one, my friend. We have all been in these episodes, and most will choose the easy way out - settling for the first available female companion.

We have been taught our entire lives, that if we aren't capable of finding a significant other, we fail at life and will be miserable. Our friends and family praise marriages and look down upon single men past their prime. We have been conditioned to think that way, and that 'loneliness' you feel is the result said mindset.

As soon as you improve aspects of your life, hobbies, physique, style, career, etc...you define yourself. Otherwise, you will rely on someone else to define it for you.

 

[perseverance]

Your desperation oozes out of this thread, so I can imagine that it comes off strongly when around women who you desire.

Also if you want a relationship or an FWB you are seldom likely to get one from going to clubs. Clubs are only good really for random pick ups and ONS.

Having sex is no great challenge, all you have do is lose your desperation to have sex and not be so outcome dependent. You need to be fun, you need to display confidence and you need to be able to handle rejection without having a negative mental attitude which you have displayed throughout this thread.

Also lose the self-entitlement notion you've got going on inside your head. In this life you aren't entitled to anything, you need to work hard to get what you want. If you want the company of a cute woman, then you need to become the type of man that these women want to be around.

 

[Packers2010]

it's hard.

all guys want to get laid by girls. but they have to be chill with the fact they ain't getting any right now.

that in it's self is a problem.

 

[Mike32ct]

Well I was seriously hoping to turn things around when I had my first pick up from a club (back in May 2012).:cheer: The girl asked for my number after we were done having fun and it was great. She then proceed to never reply my calls...

These dry spells happen and are very normal. The point is, you did pull. You CAN do it again. But, there is no way to know WHEN your next score will be. You have to have fun when you go out and be ok not knowing when you are going to strike gold next.

I can talk to girls but I'm having a hard time just getting a date. A few weeks ago, my sister and I were out at a club and she was meeting some girlfriends of hers. I started talking to a cute girl. All of the sudden, near the end of the night, she randomly said that she had to leave and all of her friends left as well.

This will happen plenty of times. A lot of women just want attention, and then they leave with their friends. It sucks, but it's common.

I danced with this lady on NYE, and it went no farther. It is what it is.

I went out again tonight (Thursday night) and really, all I see is couples having fun and group of girls (more like gangs, 5-6 girls dancing together) I didn't make any approaches.

I hate this whole group culture that has taken over nightlife, but it's here to stay. That's what the club owners wanted with their "tables and bottle service" crap, but that's another topic.

Focus on groups of two. Lone wolves are great, but rare in your age group unless she gets separated from her friends.

Like at this point I would like to have a girlfriend but it seems impossible, heck, I can't even have a friend with benefits. The few girls that I used to talk to were either ignoring me, stating right away that I'm there best friends (and sometimes, it would be the first time I would meet them) or this other girl went on to kiss me then afterwards downplay the whole thing, saying that she was embarrassed that she did, that she was drunk and all that. I tried after to have her at my place to make her a friend with benefits. She then said that I was a nice guy and that she could be my friend ....

I had this lady invite me to her apartment to watch a movie. She asked that I bring wine. Sounds like it was in the bag right? Nope. She told me, "I'm everything she could want in a guy," but I "don't look like the bad boy type she usually dates." Even getting a good night kiss was like pulling teeth.

(Didn't even try to set me up with any girls and want it me to go out clubbing like we used to...)

Don't expect other women to set you up. I mean it COULD happen, but don't ever depend on it.

Finally, a girl that I used to like 3 years ago came back into my life, I tried to make it happen (although the relationship would have been long-distance) and that didn't work out. She couldn't even call me although she said she would (apologize the first time that happen, then disappear for about 3 weeks, then send me a text for new years)

I don't wanna be cynical with women, I like them but I feel like every one of them likes to play with my emotions.

Of course they have too much fun with the power they have (and probably make fun of me behind my back lol), but I try not to dwell on that.

Furthermore, I don't get the fact that I'm being sometimes instantly put in the friend zone (within minutes of meeting them)

This will happen plenty of times if you don't have the particular "look" she's into. You have to find the right girl that is into your type. I'm not being cliche-ish. I mean it.

I just wanna figure out how to get laid on a regular basis with a cute woman. It would be fun to be able to spin plates but I tried and it failed. I would have a bunch of numbers that are nothing but flakes. It just starting to hurt when I see couple being in love, dancing together and I have nothing going on, not even a booty call. It's like everybody is attached to somebody and I'm not. I have a super low head count (3) but my mind issue is that it was all one-night stands. I'm slowly getting frustrated and sad as well. I didn't think it would be too much to ask to have the company of a cute lady once in a while.

thoughts ?

It's unfortunately not something you or I directly control. Sure self-improvement is good, but that is only our piece of the puzzle. There is never any guarantee that women will respond favorably.

That's the bad news. The good news is Valentine's Day is coming up. Plenty of women are looking to meet a guy. You really do have to meet the RIGHT one. Even if she's one in 200, that's ok.

I can absolutely ASSURE you that all women aren't the same. If that were true, I would have NEVER broken a two year dry spell.

On a good night, you will notice that one woman will LOVE talking to you and gladly give you her number (or much more lol) despite the fact that you ran into several brick walls earlier. It's the only thing that keeps me going in this game...

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well I was seriously hoping to turn things around when I had my first pick up from a club (back in May 2012).:cheer: The girl asked for my number after we were done having fun and it was great. She then proceed to never reply my calls...

Hey badboyjimm. First of all I can guess your over analysing every interaction you are having with a woman and then getting all depressed over it. The way you mentioned the specific month makes me believe this.


A lady asking for your number is something to be taken with caution. It's no reason to walk away, as you said you were both having fun <<< SOMETHING YOU NEED TO DO MORE OF. I found that when a woman asks for your number, they usually never reply (the reasons for this will need another thread) or you didn't come across as an alpha male and find later down the line she's a control freak on the rebound.

Usually a woman will hand her number to you first if she is genuinely interested - and she will make sure she does. They don't ask and will say something like "hand me your phone". If your feeling confident ask them "what for?" with a smile. Last time I did this, the chick just took her hand into my pocket, took a grip on something then pulled my phone out and put in her number.

I can talk to girls...

Good for you!

A few weeks ago, my sister and I were out at a club and she was meeting some girlfriends of hers. I started talking to a cute girl. All of the sudden, near the end of the night, she randomly said that she had to leave and all of her friends left as well.

You need to put less emphasis on getting laid. Getting laid in clubs can be hard unless you're in excellent shape, tall, good looking and can dance well. When I go out, I approach woman just because I enjoy it, not because I want to get laid.

Mike nailed it:

On a good night, you will notice that one woman will LOVE talking to you and gladly give you her number (or much more lol)

To help more generally with your mind set and to stop you placing women highly: It took me years to realize that most of the time I was always interacting with low quality women, I took it very personally.

I have learnt that some woman are completely different people on a night out. The ones that look amazingly hot turn out to be a geeky female version of Harry Potter by day.

Building up your standard is hugely important, but this works best with experience. Make a win/fail list of everything you want, and don't want in a lady - not just on the first meet up. Some points on my list I need to take the girl out on dates to find out, like if they put a lot of effort into sex, don't text/facebook all the time, have a good relationship with their family, have a good career, are not acting needy, do they go out clubbing and getting drunk every weekend?

After then, it's deciding what to do with them. Do they score low enough to hump and dump or do you see them as a "potential girlfriend"?

Good luck my friend.

 

[rhythmic]

You sir need this

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=141177

 

[peteywintz]

I don't wanna be cynical with women, I like them but I feel like every one of them likes to play with my emotions.

My cynicism towards women is one of my best qualities that keeps me from Oneitis. I lost sight of it a few weeks back because I found a pretty good girl; needless to say I got burned a little bit.

The only way to get a high quality girlfriend is to get quite a few girlfriends and pick your favorite. Then even though you're exclusive always make it seem like you're not. No offense dude but you seem like you need to de-betafy yourself further.

 

[badboyjmm]

Thanks for the tough love and insight bros ! It definitely help get my mind straight

@BDJ: I agree and it's a aspect that I'm always trying to fight although it caught me by surprise. It's my life and I have to live it for me, not some potential cute girl. So obvious but I tend to let myself go into thinking there's something wrong with me when I'm actually doing pretty good for myself (I'm planning to go back to uni after working a little bit, I have a place I can bring girl, a car although it would be nice if she wasnt making muffler noises) But yeah, I definitely forgot that I actually have things going for me.

@perseverance: I appreciate the tough love, the first thing I though when I read your response was like: '' What is this guy that about, I'm not desperate,I'm not like those thirsty dudes trying to grind with every chicks at the club'' Then the more I was thinking about it, the more I realize that I fact I'm probably more desperate then the guys at the club, I just don't act on it. And you are right, if I can just have my fun and relax it should be good.

@Packers2010: That's the catch 22 in my opinion, you need to be chill with the fact that you are not getting some (while trying to get some of course) and you are chill once you do get some. It's hard for sure, but it's not a necessity, it's probably just my ego not letting go. Thinking that having a chick will be solution for my ego problem...

@Mike32ct: You had a huge dry-spell so I'm sure you know where I'm coming from. You are right, I pulled before and I will pull again. It's just that when you don't think about the positive in this so called ''game'' you start feeling that you have no control over anything and I think that why I was getting angry (which is pretty stupid) When I did my pull, it wasn't expected or anything, I was having fun and the girls came to me, it was basically a question of not messing up.

I think it's just that I set myself for failure because I'm too much in my head and not in the moment, once I force myself to talk to a girl and she rejects me, I feel really good because I know i will not die from her rejections. It stupid, but every once in a while, I kinda have to get rejected so my mind reminds of that fact

@Duracell_Bunny: You are right as well, I have to enjoy going out, I HAVE TO HAVE FUN!!! The thing that I found stupid about the situation with that girl is that we banged. So in my mind i was like: " I'll just drop her home and it's all good" Then she proceed to ask for my number, saying that we could hang out. In the car ride, she was talking about the places we could go to, saying that I'm cute, talking about her job and etc. So my mindset changes from booty call situation to a date situation (especially that I banged her, I could now take the time to get to know her)

It didn't happen and although I have no reason to complain (she was really sexy and it was fun) I feel mad because nothing was happening with the other girls I was trying to contact as well so adding everything up just but my moral down. But now that I read your replies, I understand that I have to focus on the positive. I also think that I was viewing those girls a bit too low so in my mind it was like (well those girls are dealing with jerks and wannabe but they don't wanna deal with me, what the heck is wrong with me ) When the real question is: Do you really wanna add low life girls in your life ? Why do you care about them ?

@rhythmic: I read the link this morning. Pretty deep, I'm just I will have some other realization when I take my time to read again


@peteywintz: I didn't get the last sentence, but you are right, it's better to choice a girlfriend for a pool of prospects than to have only one.


Again thanks guys for the replies, quality stuff. I'm smiling again realizing how stupid it was to get pissed off and that at the end, I just have to approach and enjoy myself. I'm not a bad dancer and I enjoy being life of the party.:cheer: I also don't need to drink to have fun so I gotta use that to my advantage and talk to a bunch of girls, especially when I'm out. It's all fun ! Besides the worst that can happen is that I will have a good laugh of the girls that will ignore me or say something to hurt me hehe:crackup: . I guess I was taking the getting laid part a bit to serious. The times I had makeouts and lays was when I was just having fun, enjoying the music:rock: . Once I focus on making the right move, I'm depressed because I just think so much that I end up not making any moves at all

 

[XMinister]

I don't wanna be cynical with women, I like them but I feel like every one of them likes to play with my emotions. Furthermore, I don't get the fact that I'm being sometimes instantly put in the friend zone (within minutes of meeting them) I just wanna figure out how to get laid on a regular basis with a cute woman. It would be fun to be able to spin plates but I tried and it failed. I would have a bunch of numbers that are nothing but flakes. It just starting to hurt when I see couple being in love, dancing together and I have nothing going on, not even a booty call.

Women don't do it intentionally. You have to remember how emotional they are. Most of the time, as much as I don't like to say this, they're victim's of their emotions. Your interpretation is them intentionally trying to hurt you. The passive-aggressive way of getting their point across combined with your emotional investment in the woman makes her seem menacing to your emotions.

Depending on the women you meet, a lot of them might just want to go and hang out. Not every woman who goes out dancing wants to hook up. A lot of them just want to go out with their girlfriends and hang out in an atmosphere with a lot of other people their age. The instant friend zone thing might be due to the woman.

I would say step up your a-hole level and figuratively lay down the law. Try to find a way to get them to picture you as anything other than Mr. Rogers. It could very well be the quality of women you're meeting, but there's nothing you can do about that except meet more women. In the process, work on all the great tips from everyone else and good luck!

 

[cordoncordon]

Please post a pic of yourself so I can offer suggestions for self improvement.