Cant get her out of my mind

[Warpal]

Hey guys, Im a 30 year old male and was dating this 23 year old girl a year ago. We only dated for 4 months. I really liked this girl and in the beginning she liked me more. This went bad after 3 months. I saw alot of red flags and knew how to handle on them, but i didnt. I thought to myself this time im gonna do it different and be the caring guy and neglect her bad habits and red flags. It anoyyed me and it showed off i supose. Normally i would confront a woman and tell her i dont accept this unrespectable behaviour. Her behaviour went worse ( Excuses for sex, not texting or calling, nagging). I went on to support her in everyway i could.

I blame myself to lose my frame for this girl. But she gave me a feeling i didnt felt for like 8 years. She still comes up often in my mind and cant get rid of the thought of her. I work much, i workout 6 times a week, i have alot of hobbies and friends. I date and bang alot of women. But still after a year she still comes up in my mind. I know it sounds beta but it makes me sad. Maybe i got onitis i dont know. But other women doesnt seem to top her off. I get flashes in my mind the time we were togheter and it gets me everytime.

I just needed to write this down. Sorry for my bad English. Some of you guys experience the same? And what did you do to make it better? I tried to forget but that doesnt work. I dont follow her on anything or see her in real life.

P.S. When i read this back i think to myself grow a pair, but still it feels something is missing in my life.

 

[zinc4]

Hey guys, Im a 30 year old male and was dating this 23 year old girl a year ago. We only dated for 4 months. I really liked this girl and in the beginning she liked me more. This went bad after 3 months. I saw alot of red flags and knew how to handle on them, but i didnt. I thought to myself this time im gonna do it different and be the caring guy and neglect her bad habits and red flags. It anoyyed me and it showed off i supose. Normally i would confront a woman and tell her i dont accept this unrespectable behaviour. Her behaviour went worse ( Excuses for sex, not texting or calling, nagging). I went on to support her in everyway i could.

I blame myself to lose my frame for this girl. But she gave me a feeling i didnt felt for like 8 years. She still comes up often in my mind and cant get rid of the thought of her. I work much, i workout 6 times a week, i have alot of hobbies and friends. I date and bang alot of women. But still after a year she still comes up in my mind. I know it sounds beta but it makes me sad. Maybe i got onitis i dont know. But other women doesnt seem to top her off. I get flashes in my mind the time we were togheter and it gets me everytime.

I just needed to write this down. Sorry for my bad English. Some of you guys experience the same? And what did you do to make it better? I tried to forget but that doesnt work. I dont follow her on anything or see her in real life.

P.S. When i read this back i think to myself grow a pair, but still it feels something is missing in my life.

We all have one girl who is like kryptonite. I totally understand. I have had 3 like that. I conquered my feelings in the 3rd one just recently and dumped her. She came back begging but i held my ground. The sex was amazinig and we just clicked naturally. However, the red flags were huge. She is a very unhappy person in general and always has some negativity going on and disrespected me number times.

I really liked this girl alot....she just ticked all the boxes for me in what my idea woman looks and feels like. However that otherside of her was a deal breaker for me. She says i ruined her life temporarily. Well whatever. Too bad. Always keep your boundaries and limits of what you will tolerate intact. You will get stronger and stronger.

 

[Grounded eagle]

Hey guys, Im a 30 year old male and was dating this 23 year old girl a year ago. We only dated for 4 months. I really liked this girl and in the beginning she liked me more. This went bad after 3 months. I saw alot of red flags and knew how to handle on them, but i didnt. I thought to myself this time im gonna do it different and be the caring guy and neglect her bad habits and red flags. It anoyyed me and it showed off i supose. Normally i would confront a woman and tell her i dont accept this unrespectable behaviour. Her behaviour went worse ( Excuses for sex, not texting or calling, nagging). I went on to support her in everyway i could.

I blame myself to lose my frame for this girl. But she gave me a feeling i didnt felt for like 8 years. She still comes up often in my mind and cant get rid of the thought of her. I work much, i workout 6 times a week, i have alot of hobbies and friends. I date and bang alot of women. But still after a year she still comes up in my mind. I know it sounds beta but it makes me sad. Maybe i got onitis i dont know. But other women doesnt seem to top her off. I get flashes in my mind the time we were togheter and it gets me everytime.

I just needed to write this down. Sorry for my bad English. Some of you guys experience the same? And what did you do to make it better? I tried to forget but that doesnt work. I dont follow her on anything or see her in real life.

P.S. When i read this back i think to myself grow a pair, but still it feels something is missing in my life.

Been there.Well the only thing you can do is keep banging other women.Eventually you will forget her.And if you don’t?Every guy has that girl that did a number on him lol. The show must go on regardless.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Nothing wrong with getting it out.
Anyone with experience has probably gone through this before (I sure did).

The situation is similar to mourning the death of a loved-one, but has additional complications.

When something (or someone) seems special (or rare) we place higher value upon it. This is fine if you have a rare car or guitar, etc.... However, with women, it's usually going to backfire. I'll explain.

This is a scenario that I've told many many friends that have gone through similar situations.
There are two kids that own their own bicycle. Both bikes are the same type. One kid had to work after school and during the summer to afford the bike. The other kid didn't have to do a thing. His parents buy him anything he wants.

Which kid is going to respect his bicycle better; the kid that has everything given to him... or the kid that worked after school and during the summer to afford the bike?

Here's another example; a pal of mine enjoyed hunting. Because he cared deeply for his girlfriend and also because things weren't going very well, he gave up hunting and started going to wine tasting events with her. He also changed other things because he wanted her to be happy. His logic was that if he became what she wanted, he could fix the relationship and things would be good. Instead, the relationship got worse.
Here's why: When he changed, he also removed the very qualities that attracted her to him in the first place.

Hitting 30 can be a tough spot. A lot of our friends become married. The women around this age are usually married and if they aren't, they are either bitter from a recent relationship that didn't end with marriage... or they are the 'left-overs' that never had that chance. In other words, a man in his 30's doesn't have the same easy golden opportunities as he did while in his early 20's. And then... when we see someone that looks like a golden opportunity, we treat her like the "bike" that is "special." And if we aren't careful, we can allow ourselves to be treated like the "bike" that was just given away for free and did not have to be earned.

After a break up that you described, we feel depleted. The reason is because (during the relationship) we threw away who we are and changed for the woman. When the woman is gone, we are "empty" within. Our "old self" has gone. And this new version of our-self isn't who we really are.

When you add up all of the above, this explains why a break up (especially at this age) can feel rough.

My advice is ... anytime you think of a bad quality of this woman, write it down. Do this every single time. Then every time you miss her, look back on this list. You won't heal over night, but each week, you'll feel better. One day, you'll feel like your old self again and will be out with new women, And she'll become an old memory that didn't mean so much anymore.

Good luck.

 

[rjc149]

My most emotionally and sexually intense relationship was also one of my shortest, 3-4 months. Fireworks explode loudly and brightly and then the show’s over. I still think about her more than I prefer. I just haven’t had a relationship that intense since.

You have to make peace with relationships running their courses and leaving them behind. As a confident, self-respecting man with dignity, you have to get comfortable with permanently deleting people from your life who either bring you down or have committed unforgivable acts of disrespect. That’s a part of becoming mature.

There are always new women, new romances and experiences but yes, sometimes you’ll remember past women. Try to remember them fondly, wish them well, and use their memory as a lesson to be better.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Hey guys, Im a 30 year old male and was dating this 23 year old girl a year ago. We only dated for 4 months. I really liked this girl and in the beginning she liked me more. This went bad after 3 months. I saw alot of red flags and knew how to handle on them, but i didnt. I thought to myself this time im gonna do it different and be the caring guy and neglect her bad habits and red flags. It anoyyed me and it showed off i supose. Normally i would confront a woman and tell her i dont accept this unrespectable behaviour. Her behaviour went worse ( Excuses for sex, not texting or calling, nagging). I went on to support her in everyway i could.

I blame myself to lose my frame for this girl. But she gave me a feeling i didnt felt for like 8 years. She still comes up often in my mind and cant get rid of the thought of her. I work much, i workout 6 times a week, i have alot of hobbies and friends. I date and bang alot of women. But still after a year she still comes up in my mind. I know it sounds beta but it makes me sad. Maybe i got onitis i dont know. But other women doesnt seem to top her off. I get flashes in my mind the time we were togheter and it gets me everytime.

I just needed to write this down. Sorry for my bad English. Some of you guys experience the same? And what did you do to make it better? I tried to forget but that doesnt work. I dont follow her on anything or see her in real life.

P.S. When i read this back i think to myself grow a pair, but still it feels something is missing in my life.

As another member said, there is always that one girl that got away, and what could have been if. However, often it comes from a place of scarcity. I truly believe that if you spin as many plates as possible, she wouldn't be in your mind as often, or ever. I just don't buy that there is "one person" for you out there. There are many girls for you out there that can genuinely trigger something different. You just haven't met them yet, so go for it.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Warpal]

Thanks guy. Good words to live by

 

[Kotaix]

Love is a *****, and honestly it's a bad thing.

Don't put up with red flags, they are the thing that will destroy the relationship 100% of the time. You can't make a relationship work.

 

[EyeBRollin]

There are no good women. Honestly. Internalize this. Your oneitis will never return.

Women at their core are purely self interested emotional beings. They only want you for what you can do for them. Use that knowledge as leverage to get what you desire from her.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Some great advice given so far. We have all been in this situation. I would say though, that you should also spend time trying to figure out exactly why you had such strong feelings for this girl and why she has effected you so much. The reason is that the universe is trying to send you a message with these feelings, and if you can solve the riddle that is the message, you can learn some valuable lessons that will make you a better and happier person.

 

[Warpal]

Some great advice given so far. We have all been in this situation. I would say though, that you should also spend time trying to figure out exactly why you had such strong feelings for this girl and why she has effected you so much. The reason is that the universe is trying to send you a message with these feelings, and if you can solve the riddle that is the message, you can learn some valuable lessons that will make you a better and happier person.

She looked a lot like my first and only ltr. Her skin, hair, laugh. Her love felt real. Would kiss me awake or give me a so much kisses when she saw me. So sort of claimed me. And it worked. Does it mean this type of girl is my type? Are my feelings false because of my ex? I really don’t know. I do miss the good times with that girl though. Not my ex

 

[EyeBRollin]

She looked a lot like my first and only ltr. Her skin, hair, laugh. Her love felt real. Would kiss me awake or give me a so much kisses when she saw me. So sort of claimed me. And it worked. Does it mean this type of girl is my type? Are my feelings false because of my ex? I really don’t know. I do miss the good times with that girl though. Not my ex

Love is a feeling. Your feelings are due to lack of experience. Those feelings will dampen with each encounter.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Good observations. Do you think that you may be relying on female validation (through all those many forms of affirmations/affections you just outlined) to feel that you are a high value man?

Over time, you realize a couple things:
1. The things women do that "make their love feel real" to you.... you learn how little it truly means. After experiencing enough women love-bombing you one minute and then dumping you cold as ice the next, you will come to accept this. It doesn't mean you need to be jaded about it, but it does mean that you must change the lens through which you view and interpret their behavior. The lens is one of healthy skepticism and understanding that what she is doing probably has little to do with you and how solid your relationship is, and much more to do with her and her own mind and emotions, which you will learn can change very quickly.
2. You can't rely on women to make you feel confident, whole, and loved. I'm not saying you are - just throwing it out there in case you decide it is something to focus on. If so, you must learn to love yourself completely. Usually the only way a man can achieve that is by being truly alone for a long enough period of time.

 

[bat soup]

Hey guys, Im a 30 year old male and was dating this 23 year old girl a year ago. We only dated for 4 months. I really liked this girl and in the beginning she liked me more. This went bad after 3 months. I saw alot of red flags and knew how to handle on them, but i didnt. I thought to myself this time im gonna do it different and be the caring guy and neglect her bad habits and red flags. It anoyyed me and it showed off i supose. Normally i would confront a woman and tell her i dont accept this unrespectable behaviour. Her behaviour went worse ( Excuses for sex, not texting or calling, nagging). I went on to support her in everyway i could.

I blame myself to lose my frame for this girl. But she gave me a feeling i didnt felt for like 8 years. She still comes up often in my mind and cant get rid of the thought of her. I work much, i workout 6 times a week, i have alot of hobbies and friends. I date and bang alot of women. But still after a year she still comes up in my mind. I know it sounds beta but it makes me sad. Maybe i got onitis i dont know. But other women doesnt seem to top her off. I get flashes in my mind the time we were togheter and it gets me everytime.

I just needed to write this down. Sorry for my bad English. Some of you guys experience the same? And what did you do to make it better? I tried to forget but that doesnt work. I dont follow her on anything or see her in real life.

P.S. When i read this back i think to myself grow a pair, but still it feels something is missing in my life.

This happens, but you have to remember her negatives. I think it's normal to get attached to a girl that you find very physically attractive but you have to avoid allowing yourself to get too attached until the relationship is stable, otherwise you can end up in this situation.

 

[derby1]

The stigma around the sphere is draw boundary lines through speech. Not so.

I agree, I would have blew up over a woman and alcoholism.

Recent plate was drinking too much to regularly so i said "You appear to drink quite nightly, I thought it was just a weekend thing?"

I then proceeded to pull back. She went insane trying to qualify herself

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey guys, Im a 30 year old male and was dating this 23 year old girl a year ago. We only dated for 4 months. I really liked this girl and in the beginning she liked me more. This went bad after 3 months. I saw alot of red flags and knew how to handle on them, but i didnt. I thought to myself this time im gonna do it different and be the caring guy and neglect her bad habits and red flags. It anoyyed me and it showed off i supose. Normally i would confront a woman and tell her i dont accept this unrespectable behaviour. Her behaviour went worse ( Excuses for sex, not texting or calling, nagging). I went on to support her in everyway i could.

I blame myself to lose my frame for this girl. But she gave me a feeling i didnt felt for like 8 years. She still comes up often in my mind and cant get rid of the thought of her. I work much, i workout 6 times a week, i have alot of hobbies and friends. I date and bang alot of women. But still after a year she still comes up in my mind. I know it sounds beta but it makes me sad. Maybe i got onitis i dont know. But other women doesnt seem to top her off. I get flashes in my mind the time we were togheter and it gets me everytime.

I just needed to write this down. Sorry for my bad English. Some of you guys experience the same? And what did you do to make it better? I tried to forget but that doesnt work. I dont follow her on anything or see her in real life.

P.S. When i read this back i think to myself grow a pair, but still it feels something is missing in my life.

This is the type of situation that messes up a man's life until he takes the lessons out of it. I think the answer is accept she was a mirage a fantasy and for you to enjoy your life. Part of our rating system has to be how much she was into us and how she treated us, or else we end up a fool for a lady who is good at presenting her physical image.

 

[Bingo-Player]

most men will have met at least one girl that melts them by 30 its not uncommon

i think most importantly and although a cliche you must realise the past is the past you cannot return to it , memories can be both good and bad sometimes both at the same time ...... a while ago i had a sexual encounter with a girl that looked and acted like a pornstar for whatever reason i didn't exactly produce a show stopping performance while i was smashing her and i couldn't nut in her

even though i wasn't that bothered about this girl in a romantic sense the whole situation really bothered me to the stage where i was questioning my sexual ability despite sleeping with tons of women in the past

I really really wanted another shot at fvcking her !!

After a while i came to the realisation there wasn't a lot i could do about it , the pornstar went ghost and life continued i was just living inside my own head

The moral of the story is your past experiences , relationships , actions whatever can only effect your future if you allow them too

Stop dwelling , and always be extremely careful when you feel yourself starting to become hung up on a female it will never end well

 

[bat soup]

I think the first experiences you have can be very intense, because you're feeling things that you never felt before. It's not that this particular girl is so special, it's just that those feelings are new to you. Once you realise that other girls can also make you feel exactly the same way, you won't get obsessed so much.

 

[Barrister]

1. You view her as being better than you - out of your league. She isn’t. You are getting ready to enter into your SMV-prime. She is there now but will experience a downward trend pretty quick. You will be able to pull women just like her.

2. Some of our most intense couplings happen as a result of some other type of trauma. My most chaotic and intense relationship came right after I got out of my divorce. It was powerful emotionally and the sex was amazing. It was also complete chaos nonstop. I got addicted to the roller coaster. I venture a guess you had just had a tough time in your life when you got attached to this woman. Hence your strong feelings even now.

3. You need to move on. I disagree with some other posters talking about “the one that got away” even though I fully sympathize with it at the same time. There is no “one” in any sense of the word. Some women click better with you than others and some women click better with you at certain times of your life than at other times. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Get back out there and you’ll see that this chick is not worth pining over.

Good luck, brother.

 

[2Rocky]

Every man who is good with women becomes so only after having his heart WRECKED by a woman.

Write yourself a list of Dealbreaker Red flags and check off all the ones she had.
Then write a list of Must have's and see all the empty spots of what she lacked.

Then create yourself standards for future women and slate them according to whether their behavior is ONS/ Pump & Dump -or- Plate - or- Relationship Material. FWIW a woman who sleeps with you on the first date can still be relationship material....