Can't get a date

[relentless]

Hi,

Lately I've been approaching a lot of girls and getting numbers and stuff, but whenever I talk to them on the phone and invite them out somewhere they have something to do or flake out on me.This happens with every girl I meet, so it's got to be something I'm doing. How can I prevent this from happening?

 

[maranathaman]

Assuming that you aren't fat(like me!) or anyhing else majorly bad, then I bet you are coming-off as too "nice"/wimpy etc.
Girls usually want a guy who is sexy in some way, not a wuss.
I think that when a guy comes-off as a "niceguy", it's because he is insecure in his manhood towards the girl. Women want a leader, a protector, a MAN who will make have butterflies in her heart. So if that seems to ring true in your situation, then remind yourself that this girl is NOT the only girl around. There are an endless supply of others. So take some chances, turn it up a few notches, show her that you are a sexual creature(but not crudely). The James Bond character is a good example of the ultimate "DJ". He is polite, but by no-means a wimpy/milktoast/wuss. He shows that he is interested in a woman sexually, without being crude about it. Women can sense his sexuality by the way be carries himself and how he behaves with confidence. Remind yourself, if I made love to her, she would be in such extasy! She would be very lucky to be with me!
Don't be afraid to be more sexy towards the ladies than you normally would be. If you strike-out, there will always be other women to practice on. It's no biggie! Have fun with them!

 

[relentless]

Thanks for the advice. I don't think I've acted like a wuss, though. I haven't been overly nice or any of that. I'm kind of frustrated though because this happens with every girl I meet. Maybe some of my desperation is subconciously coming out. I honestly don't think so, however.

 

[DJ_Dork]

"sexuality" or acting "wimpy" has nothing to do with it. if the girl doesn't dig your appearance/personality(or money/green card), then she doesn't.

girls that i'm friends/acquaintances with.. I dig their personality and their appearance is adequate , but maybe not enough for me to consider having sexual relations (unless I'm drunk!). Girls that are zoo-ugly or ugly attitudes, I will only have small-talk but that's about it.)

alright back to the question at hand... The girls that flake out on you are what I would call "wafflers" They found something better that day you asked them out. Consider yourself moving into the friendszone... I would call once again to "hang out" but that's about it.

Again if a girl digs you physically/personality/(or money/greencard) wise - she will make time for you. Confidence, Sexuality has nothing to do with her choice.

 

[NRM]

Well, you get the number. Initial interest. Now as for the phone call, are you like talking to them on the phone or just inviting them out? Talking on the phone to you can turn them off. They barely know you. They want that mystery. Call and say,

"Hey, saw you at Barnes and Nobles the other day, I'm free Wendesday night, let's get a bite to eat, pick you up at 7."

And let that be the end of it. If a girl is still interested in you, she'll say yes. If she isn't, she'll reject. Simple. How you attract is your own business, but you should just keep conversations short and simple.

 

[JT47319]

Originally posted by NRM
"Hey, saw you at Barnes and Nobles the other day, I'm free Wendesday night, let's get a bite to eat, pick you up at 7."

And let that be the end of it. If a girl is still interested in you, she'll say yes. If she isn't, she'll reject. Simple. How you attract is your own business, but you should just keep conversations short and simple.

It depends on how tight your phone game is. If you can get a good conversation going, you can build that necessary rapport and game time in order to go for the SEVEN HOUR LAY.

If you haven't built enough attraction or need to rebuild it, phone game is your answer. If you simply leave an ambiguous message, you're depending entirely on the initial attraction which could have

• A) Lessened since you last saw her
• B) Wasn't enough in the first place, but enough to get the digits.

Honestly, I'd try and practice phone game until you become good at it. A simple message leaves far too much to chance and random variables (she could simply be too busy to answer).

Even if it means calling up 30 girls for 30 minutes each, that's 15 hours worth of practice in which you're going to get better, realize how you sound over the phone, and detect her tonal inflections & meanings.

 

[Mister101]

Dude, this flaking has happened to me a lot lately.

What disturbs me the most is that the girls seemed really interested at the time we first met and getting their number was not hard at all. They were practically waiting for me to pop the #-question...

Example: Saturday two weeks ago, I met a girl at a club. Not exactly my type (which would be: my age (~23), tall, slim, dark hair), but 20, regular height, slim and blonde but still quite attractive for me. Followed the whole DJ-routine and it seemed to work quite well. C+F, Mystery, Kino, you name it.

Later we changed venues, and being on the guest lists of some clubs here in town that are quite hard to get onto, I guess she was quite impressed with both of us being admitted through the VIP-entrance.

When we split (I wanted to get back to my friends who were still at the club we met), I just wanted to give her the regular left-right-cheek-kiss thing, as it is common over here, but she went straight for my lips.

Called her about 4 days later, she was busy and couldn't make time. I asked her whether she would like me to call again and she said "definetly". Txt'ed her last week along the lines of "If you would like to join me for a drink this weekend, give me a call." Never heard from her. And btw, we were both quite sober that night we met.

Is there any way to deal with flakes (what are "wafflers"?) besides moving on? Something like a last-ditch-effort in a case that seems to be lost anyway?

Mister101

 

[suavedave]

Solution: insta-date. Don't ask for the #... try and seduce her right there and then. Bring her to a coffee shop/mcdonalds whatever, run your game. This will work much better if you go where you can hit on a lot of women. Take them on an insta-date and don't waste time. End if quick if she isn't willing then find another girl.

 

[JT47319]

Do FUTURE PROJECTION and ROLE PLAYING.

Act like you're already married, dating or going on traveling/shopping sprees. When she's hooked, ask what her schedule is like during the week. Make her commit or BRIDGE on the spot to an insta-date.

Now she's thinking in her mind that you and her are "together." Now she's WARMED up to the idea while as opposed to just being asked on the phone to go out on a date.

 

[tristan22]

This has been happening to me a lot lately. I guess it's just a numbers game and a timing thing. However, i will say that it's partially my fault for not approaching more females (i average 1 or 2 cold approaches every other month or so). This low number of approaches decreases my chances of finding a connection by a huge margin. Many don't understand that "IT'S A NUMBERS GAME."

I understand your frustrations, i really do. Since cold approaching takes both courage and time, you expect alot more("like a date"), then just getting the run around when you call her to set up a date.

My suggestion to you is to approach as many females as possible, call them all, and eventually your hardwork will pay off and you'll get what you deserve, a beautiful woman.

Keep after it!