Candid Advice

sixer_fan_3

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Hey guys, this is my first post. I think this is a very entertaining and helpful board for men the world over. Okay i will try to keep the facts as straight as possible. sorry but long read.

1. i have been in a LTR with this girl for about 2-3yrs. outside of the last 4 months most of it has been long distance.

2. we have had our problems , especially because we lived in different cities till last October, but nothing ever related to cheating.

3. i went home overseas for a month right after we got into a huge fight. she was drunk in a bar and gave her number out to a guy who is in grad school with her best friend(strike 1) while i was in the bar. i sent her a nastygram saying its over between us. i later apologized on her voicemail for the nastygram, but made it clear i did not approve of her behavior.

4. i came back to find out she had become damn near best friends with my roomie (female) and had been over the house to help my roomie pay my bills, leave a gift and a letter apologizing etc.

5. we had dinner last weekend to talk over what happened and she apologized again. she also added that she had to tell me something.

6. she met a guy on the 31st night. met up with him again on the 1st in the afternoon and according to her she performed oral sex on him. her justification was that she was trying to get over me, was hurt by my nastygram and just threw caution to the wind. also it was an out of towner she was never going to meet again. (strike 2)

7. i was very calm about this, mainly because, i had slept with like 6 girls while outside the country....also in a bid to get over her. Of course, i told her i did not do anything outside the country.

8. i was also very surprised because i could almost count on her on not getting physical with a guy that quickly. i guess i have learnt u cant trust a woman.

8. i am not even going to sugar coat it...i really like her and i am willing to work it out mainly because i also did dirt when i was outside the country and even cheated on her while in the country also. In a sense I consider her actions as Karma for what i did back home and it would be unfair/hypocritical to not give her a second chance.

9. she has cried almost everytime we've met, apologizing for what happened. she seems sincerely apologetic. she has also said she doesnt feel she deserves me anymore after what she did and is afraid to lose me.

10. what baffles me is that she is refusing to have sex with me (except hand jobs) till she gets an HIV test. she still claims i am the only one she's ever had sex with. We had an HIV test before we got sexual and I broke her viriginity. To an extent i believe she didnt had sex with the guy because she said she told the guy about HPV (she got diagnosed with it and i probably have it too since i must have given it to her.....unless she has cheated on me sometime back and gotten it....lol). i figured the guy wont wanna have sex after she told him that....however i dont know why she doesnt wanna have sex till she has had a test. she is having a test today.

11. we spoke about it on wednesday and she said she felt she had to do it since the guy said he had had 15-20 partners. she said she was sorry and would understand if i did not believe that they did not do the deed, but was telling me the truth. i have always told her the only reason why i would leave her is if she ever had sex with someone, so maybe she is making sure i dont hit the breaking point. i plan on talking to her about it again and this time i will tell her i need to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth. her decision to have an HIV test after a blow job doesnt make sense to me.

12. i can do one of two things and i believe i can live with both....i can cut her lose and move on...or i can rationalize her actions (which stand pale in comparison to mine in the same time period) and work it out with her. i dont want to regret letting her go, but at the same time i dont want to live with this hanging over my/our head forever.

13. i think a lot of the special/perfect aura i had of her are gone. however, my two best friends think i should give her another chance since we all mess up.

14. hit me
 

NewMan

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Lot's of info.

About the only thing I would have done different - it that I would have told her that I fvcked other women while out of the country.

Why hide it? why not be open?

It's a red flag that she will not have sex with you.

If she misses you that much - cries about it everytime you see her - but will only give you hand jobs - that is extremely strange.

That tells me she was fvcking.

Now if you guys were broken up, then she can do whatever she likes.

Can you deal with it?

That is the bottom line question.

If your not going to be able to handle it - better not start this up again.
 

sixer_fan_3

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It's a red flag that she will not have sex with you.
i honestly doubt that. i know as soon as her tests come back (hopefully negative...lol) she'll be ready to have sex with me....i can bet that.

however you struck the nail on the head...it comes down to my ability to deal with it. and thats why i wanna talk it over. i think i'll be able to live with her actions as long as there was no sex....now i dont even know why it makes a difference since oral sex is even more demeaning that sex....

anyway...the sucky thing is it would have been so much easier to let her go if i hadnt done my own thing at home....

and i agree with being in a ufcked up relationship...and if i do separate from her the one thing i'll learn from this is that karma is a b--tch.
 

tmpgstx

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I think you both need to grow up. Wow, she probably swallowed and took it in the arse - who knows! She isn't telling the whole story obviously.

As for you, you're getting what you deserve. If you're in an LTR, be a real man and hold true, but don't have to be an AFC.
 

NewMan

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***
i honestly doubt that. i know as soon as her tests come back (hopefully negative...lol) she'll be ready to have sex with me....i can bet that.
****

Sure she will - AFTER SHE KNOWS SHE IS STILL CLEAN...

the red flag means - She doesn't have sex with you now, because she will not know if this guy has given her anything....

You've got to read between the lines - what are her actions telling you?

If she didn't fvck him she has nothing to worry about down there......

If she only gave him head, she should fvck you but not kiss you.

The only reason she shouldn't fvck you is if she fvck'd some random guy.

That's what happened.

Either that or she's about as paranoid as they come.
 

cave dweller

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suck...........

Hey,

You need to wake up here.

She has been fvcking and svcking him or THEM while you were gone.

cave dweller
 

WaterTiger

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Look...
She cheated, you cheated...just break up and move on. The relationship will NEVER survive the cheating, so why even try???
 

sixer_fan_3

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thanks for the replies guys....i think its unanimous here that you all think she had sex with the guy. now she must have had unprotected sex since she wants to go get tested for STDs....would any of you have unprotected sex with a girl when she tells u she has HPV or any other STD for that matter? i know i wouldnt.

you are right though, we may never survive the cheating....i really like her so a part of me wants to give it another shot and see if i'm gonna always think of this or it will go away with time. meeting new women has never been a problem for me....but i dont wanna sit back in a few years and think of the mistake i made by letting her go.
 

Royal Elite

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Once a woman cheats on you, you are wasting your time. Once you take her back you have set a precedance that you wont dump her if she does it again. She knows all she has to do is sell you another sob story. Think about it, if she thought you wouldnt get back with her the first time and you still did, what do you think she will do now that she knows its not 100% sure you will leave her. This woman is a *****, and you cant change a *****. *****s are *****s mentally, there is something wrong upstairs. Woman aren't creatures that just crave sex for sex sake. They fantacize about sex which is a mental thing, us men just love sex. Its not a mental thing for us, its all physical. This woman is a *****, and if giving the chance she will cheat on you again.
 

Squid

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Originally posted by sixer_fan_3
STDs....would any of you have unprotected sex with a girl when she tells u she has HPV or any other STD for that matter? i know i wouldnt.
Dude, your missing the point here, that's provided she actually told the guy, which of course she probably did not.
 

dietzcoi

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Wow, Water Tiger is back!!!

Reinforcements for the war!

Dietzcoi
 

WaterTiger

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Originally posted by dietzcoi
Wow, Water Tiger is back!!!

Reinforcements for the war!

Dietzcoi
I warned you I'd be back! :p Just ain't no getting rid of THIS girl!
 
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