Canceled second date...thoughts?

[Tesla]

Hello all...was wondering if I could get some opinions from men and women on this situation?

I got matched up with this woman on Eharmony. I sent her the normal 5 questions, she answered back and sent me questions. She then asked to skip right to direct communication, which I accepted. From there we exchanged a couple of emails, and I asked her if she would like to get together. She said she would love to but that she was sick but she should be better by Friday. She then gave me her phone number. We began texting here and there and I asked her if she would like to go out for dinner on Friday to which she replied "sounds perfect". I arrived early at the restaurant and waited outside. When she got there she gave me a big hug and thanked me for coming. We had a great time with conversation throughout and no awkward silences. I walked her to her car and she asked if I would like to do it again, and I said of course. She then gave me another big hug. The next day I sent her a text asking if she would like to do dinner Tuesday at this new restaurant. She replied with "yeah totally! I would love to try that place". Then on Monday she sent me a text saying "sorry I'm not going to make dinner. I have to meet up with my Mother and Tuesday is the only night she is free. Plus this cough is back...hope I didn't get you sick the other day." I was bummed but said "that sucks I was looking forward to it, but no worries. Hope you feel better Can we reschedule?" She hasn't replied back. So I'm thinking if she didn't like something about me from the first date why ask if I would like to do it again? Also why agree to a second date with enthusiasm only to cancel? What should my next move be? Thanks in advance!

 

[Nickface]

I'm not a mind reader but she does sound legitimately interested. It always sucks when a potential chick cancels on you. The first thing you do is blame her and think something's wrong. I would just wait for her to get back to you. I know that's now the answer you want to here but go ghost a bit. I could almost bet she will contact you. Your at a pivotal moment right now because if you say another word to her since she didn't contact you, you will come off as clingy and lose your man card. Take it easy and chat up another women. This chick teased you a bit by meeting but just try to take the whole situation with a grain of salt and quickly chat up more women.

 

[GS750]

Agreed. Play it cool but since she cancelled I think its up to her to reach out.

 

[skinnyguy]

Agreed. Play it cool but since she cancelled I think its up to her to reach out.

90% of the time, women will not reach out first if they cancelled. They think it is the guy's job to do that crap.

 

[GS750]

Then I'd wait a few days before following up...if he does at all. He already sent a text without a reply.

 

[Nickface]

Then I'd wait a few days before following up...if he does at all. He already sent a text without a reply.

This.

It's risky to reach out again but not an impossible move. But wait a few days before even consider doing so. If she doesn't reply back to your original question, do you really want to be with someone like that anyway?

 

[Johnny Alias]

Next that b1tch. There's another dude. Period.

I sympathize. I had a hostess push her number into my hand about a month ago when I was on a date. We texted a bit and set up two dates.

It can happen to anyone. Let her go and move on. Don't ruminate and keep spinning plates.

 

[VladPatton]

You do nothing. You sent her the last text and she disregarded it. That;s not too cool, but it happens. Most women talk a lot of shıt, so let her contact you if she is so interested. Otherwise, you'll be chasing her out of desperation and lack of options. She may have several guys from eHarmony (or other sites) lined up and she's picking and choosing. This makes women feel like rock stars and inflates their ego.

Sit back on this one, but don't hold your breath, and in the meantime keep mackin more chicks off of eHarmony.

 

[marmel75]

Hello all...was wondering if I could get some opinions from men and women on this situation?

I got matched up with this woman on Eharmony. I sent her the normal 5 questions, she answered back and sent me questions. She then asked to skip right to direct communication, which I accepted. From there we exchanged a couple of emails, and I asked her if she would like to get together. She said she would love to but that she was sick but she should be better by Friday. She then gave me her phone number. We began texting here and there and I asked her if she would like to go out for dinner on Friday to which she replied "sounds perfect". I arrived early at the restaurant and waited outside. When she got there she gave me a big hug and thanked me for coming. We had a great time with conversation throughout and no awkward silences. I walked her to her car and she asked if I would like to do it again, and I said of course. She then gave me another big hug. The next day I sent her a text asking if she would like to do dinner Tuesday at this new restaurant. She replied with "yeah totally! I would love to try that place". Then on Monday she sent me a text saying "sorry I'm not going to make dinner. I have to meet up with my Mother and Tuesday is the only night she is free. Plus this cough is back...hope I didn't get you sick the other day." I was bummed but said "that sucks I was looking forward to it, but no worries. Hope you feel better Can we reschedule?" She hasn't replied back. So I'm thinking if she didn't like something about me from the first date why ask if I would like to do it again? Also why agree to a second date with enthusiasm only to cancel? What should my next move be? Thanks in advance!

Did you kiss her on the first date?

If not she probably initially was going with the feeling of meeting someone she thought was cool, but then she might have started thinking about why nothing happened, and when nothing happens that doesn't play in your favor....at all...

Trust me on this one...you can bang 50% of online chicks on the first date, and 90% by the second date. I don't care what their profile says, how they are "tired of guys only looking for sex, etc" If they like you, they are going to put out, period. Its how they got into the situation where they are tired of guys looking only for one thing, because they say they aren't going to do it, but in the moment, it feels good and they convince themselves you are going to be different than the rest somehow, or maybe they are just horny...or maybe they just like aggressive guys that go for what they want.

Honestly when you have banged enough online chicks you would be amazed at how different they act than their online profiles say they will...its almost to the point I look for chicks that put all that stuff about not wanting to have sex right away, tired of guys using them for sex, etc...because its like they are hoping to scare away guys that are going to go for it by their profiles because they think they will get the guys who will not press the issue, because they know in the moment they can't control themselves and say no. Its they are trying to protect themselves from themselves if that makes any sense...

Its so easy its like taking candy from a baby....

In any case, if nothing happened other than a hug on the date when everything else was going good, I would bet someone else did more than you either before or after your date and she decided to go with that option instead of you because he acted more like what she consciously or unconsciously wanted him to act like...

If you did kiss her, then I dunno....but it likely involves another guy. Maybe one she had sex with before she met you who hadn't gotten back to her in a while, maybe someone she met since going out with you that might be better looking, have a nicer body, make more money, be more like what she thinks she wants, etc, etc, etc....

Understand that online women get 20+ messages a day from guys, that's why once you start talking to a woman online, you need to get her in the sack ASAP because until you do, you are still in the same group as a whole lot of other guys that didn't do anything more then spend time with her or talk to her. Each step you basically separate yourself from a group of guys.
You get her number, you separate yourself from maybe 50% of the guys she talks with. You get her on a date, you separate yourself from 50% of the guys who got her number. You kiss her, you separate yourself from 50% of the guys who got her on a date. You bang her brains out, you separate yourself from 70% of the guys that kissed her, etc...

Once you get her in the sack, you separated yourself from a whole lot of those guys by "moving up the ladder" with each step so to speak, so you have a lot less guys to compete with, especially if the sex was really good. So instead of competing for her time with 50 guys, you might only be competing with 5 guys. Or 3 guys, etc...If anyone of those 3 guys offers her a date or to spend time with her, those other 50 dudes are immediately out of the picture for that night...cause she knows he is going to be aggressive, provide great sex and she enjoys it...she has no idea what your intentions are because you didn't make them known...for all she knows you might want to be her new restaurant tryout buddy. Well, if she has the choice to try out a new restaurant or get pounded til her whole body shakes with orgasms, which do you think she is taking?

Not saying this is what happened but if I had to bet money on what happened that's what my money's on. Always have the mindset if you don't get a makeout session or at least a kiss by the end of the date there will be no date #2 whatever she says in the moment or the day after, especially with online chicks that are getting bombarded on a daily basis

 

[dasein]

Her excuses were super weak. People with real emergent conflicts will tell you exactly the deal, and that should be something like "my mother had a terrible accident and is in ICU," never a hodgepodge of two different bad excuses. Up to you and what you will put up with, but I get shed of people who show signs of BBDing me early after meeting no matter if its dating, business or general social. That kind of inconsiderate nature will only get worse. Next.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Hello all...was wondering if I could get some opinions from men and women on this situation?

I got matched up with this woman on Eharmony. I sent her the normal 5 questions, she answered back and sent me questions. She then asked to skip right to direct communication, which I accepted. From there we exchanged a couple of emails, and I asked her if she would like to get together. She said she would love to but that she was sick but she should be better by Friday. She then gave me her phone number. We began texting here and there and I asked her if she would like to go out for dinner on Friday to which she replied "sounds perfect". I arrived early at the restaurant and waited outside. When she got there she gave me a big hug and thanked me for coming. We had a great time with conversation throughout and no awkward silences. I walked her to her car and she asked if I would like to do it again, and I said of course. She then gave me another big hug. The next day I sent her a text asking if she would like to do dinner Tuesday at this new restaurant. She replied with "yeah totally! I would love to try that place". Then on Monday she sent me a text saying "sorry I'm not going to make dinner. I have to meet up with my Mother and Tuesday is the only night she is free. Plus this cough is back...hope I didn't get you sick the other day." I was bummed but said "that sucks I was looking forward to it, but no worries. Hope you feel better Can we reschedule?" She hasn't replied back. So I'm thinking if she didn't like something about me from the first date why ask if I would like to do it again? Also why agree to a second date with enthusiasm only to cancel? What should my next move be? Thanks in advance!

Your next move is nothing. Simply wait for her to contact you, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

She's likely got other guys lined up and probably had a date with one that hit her buttons better than you.

Hugged? No kissing? Some other guy got her hot and maybe even banged her. You? You were not sexual and aggressive enough. Came off as a passive "good" guy, which ladies do not exactly mind but it doesn't really get them hot.

Her excuse was crap. Also, no counter offer from her. She's backtracking her way out of seeing you again. Move on.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Dear lord, people - why is it everytime someone on this site says that a girl cancelled a date or flaked, the answer given is always "she's banging another guy" or "some other guy snatched her up??" A girl can just lose interest in a guy without it being the result of some other guy in the picture - geez, people!!

Anyway - stop speculating for a second and look at the facts:

1. She cancelled the date
2. She provided no counter-offer

That's all you have to go on. Based on these two things, it can be assumed she MAY be losing interest... OR, the excuses given could be valid, and she may not be trained in the art of giving a counter-offer (though most girls do it automatically if they want to see a guy). So, wait a week (to see if she contacts you), then hit her up again and ask her out on a date. A week is enough time for her to have seen her mother and gotten over her "alleged" sickness. At that point, if she gives you another excuse, THEN you can conclude she's lost interest. But don't speculate so soon about all these other "why she cancelled" scenarios - the only important things you need to know are the actual FACTS, which I listed above.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Dear lord, people - why is it everytime someone on this site says that a girl cancelled a date or flaked, the answer given is always "she's banging another guy" or "some other guy snatched her up??" A girl can just lose interest in a guy without it being the result of some other guy in the picture - geez, people!!

Anyway - stop speculating for a second and look at the facts:

1. She cancelled the date
2. She provided no counter-offer

That's all you have to go on. Based on these two things, it can be assumed she MAY be losing interest... OR, the excuses given could be valid, and she may not be trained in the art of giving a counter-offer (though most girls do it automatically if they want to see a guy). So, wait a week (to see if she contacts you), then hit her up again and ask her out on a date. A week is enough time for her to have seen her mother and gotten over her "alleged" sickness. At that point, if she gives you another excuse, THEN you can conclude she's lost interest. But don't speculate so soon about all these other "why she cancelled" scenarios - the only important things you need to know are the actual FACTS, which I listed above.

Harry is spot on here and I agree 100%.

There's an overly paranoid delusion on this site that has conditioned everyone here to think if a girl cancels, flakes or provides any sort of obstacle in the courting/dating process that it means she's getting banged by the football team and taking extra sausage on the side. Not true in the majority of cases.

Even if she IS seeing other guys or banging another dude, the only thing you should think about is what are YOU getting out of the situation. If it isn't beneficial for you, put her on the back burner or drop her completely.


Realize that not every single girl will have overtly high interest in you right off the jump. Sure its always easy to only go after girls that show high interest, but there will be obstacles along the way with most attractive women. Your job is to weed out the flakes from the girl's that have potential.










PIMP

 

[dasein]

Dear lord, people - why is it everytime someone on this site says that a girl cancelled a date or flaked, the answer given is always "she's banging another guy" or "some other guy snatched her up??" A

Because 1. It's true more often than not, and 2. Men don't adequately account for the fact that in the whaleworld we live in, attractive women get lots more attention than we as non rockstar men realize or our egos want to accept.

When meeting a new woman, visualize at least 5 "invisible men" standing over her shoulder, an ex or more, 1-2 FWBs she hooks up with, some clingers or guys just like you. Could be 20 or even more men if she's hot with an active social life.

Sure, 100% of flakes can't be explained by competitive attention, but 80-90% sure can, and those are good betting odds in a fog of war scenario that I will take every time.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Dear lord, people - why is it everytime someone on this site says that a girl cancelled a date or flaked, the answer given is always "she's banging another guy" or "some other guy snatched her up??" A girl can just lose interest in a guy without it being the result of some other guy in the picture - geez, people!!

When I lose interest in a girl, it's usually because there are other girls I am more interested in. I think it's reasonable to assume that most girls operate the same way. People generally don't lose interest for no particular reason. If a girl loses interest, it means that she either had low interest to begin with, you did something to massively turn her off or there are other guys in the picture.

 

[pdx1138]

ya no counter offer is a VERY CLEAR sign of disinterest.

I wouldn't message her again until she does first and if she does (likely within 2-3 weeks at most) then wait a few hours before replying.

If you don't hear from her in that time period, she's gone for good.

 

[GS750]

Should have called and asked for the 2nd date too. This one is dead in the water. Had it happen to me recently...I found someone younger and cuter. So chalk it up to experience and move on bro.

 

[rascal99v]

Are you on eharmony just to bang chicks or are you looking for a relationship?

If you're looking just to bang, then try the free sites. But most of the chicks on those site aren't worth your time. They are either ugly or nuttier than a fruitcake.

Women on the pay sites are generally looking for something more serious than just to hook up. They're looking for a boyfriend or their "soulmate" and are usually more serious. They're paying for the site, which means they are not going to waste their time if they don't see you as a guy to their liking. They will flake on you or just ignore your next date offers.

Also, don't forget that these women date outside of online dating. They actually go out and meet other men besides online. So, they have lots of options to choose from.

Women will tell you anything, so don't believe what they say until they actually show up on the second date. I should know that myself. I flaked on a chick last Thursday. She then set up another date and said she was excited to see me. Yesterday she flaked and said she was sick and sent me a rude text. So, you can't believe what they say.

She probably didn't see much attraction with you and was just being polite. Anytime you don't get a kiss your chances go down for another date. You just got hugs. Obviously, she has other guys that are her preference over you. She gave you bad excuses too, which means she doesn't want to go out again. Keep plugging away and meet some new chicks that will go out with you again.

Dear lord, people - why is it everytime someone on this site says that a girl cancelled a date or flaked, the answer given is always "she's banging another guy" or "some other guy snatched her up??" A girl can just lose interest in a guy without it being the result of some other guy in the picture - geez, people!!.

Looks like more awful advice from Harry Wilmington again. She is using online dating dude, there are other guys in the picture. DUH. :crackup:

 

[Trump]

Dear lord, people - why is it everytime someone on this site says that a girl cancelled a date or flaked, the answer given is always "she's banging another guy" or "some other guy snatched her up??" A girl can just lose interest in a guy without it being the result of some other guy in the picture - geez, people!!

Why is it you think when women flake, it because they are honest, moral creatures that care about the good of society?

When you have been destroyed, emotionally raped, have a family member killed and lost your life savings because of women, you'll realize their are all ho's that are good nothing except for what's in between their legs.

 

[May_Day]

The next day I sent her a text asking if she would like to do dinner Tuesday at this new restaurant. She replied with "yeah totally! I would love to try that place". Then on Monday she sent me a text saying "sorry I'm not going to make dinner. I have to meet up with my Mother and Tuesday is the only night she is free. Plus this cough is back...hope I didn't get you sick the other day."

Pretty coincidental that Tuesday is the only night the mother is free. Which also happens to be the same night of your date, not to mention that her cough is back too.

I was bummed but said "that sucks I was looking forward to it, but no worries. Hope you feel better Can we reschedule?" She hasn't replied back.

You got your answer when she ignored your counter offer. That confirms she lied and was flaking. She would have accepted right away if she was interested.

What should my next move be?

Your next move is to move on. This woman is lying to you. She will make up more lies to cancel more dates. Do you want to ask a liar out again?

You? You were not sexual and aggressive enough. Came off as a passive "good" guy, which ladies do not exactly mind but it doesn't really get them hot.

None of this really matters any. If the feeling isn't mutual, she would have rejected his escalation on the date if he tried. The fact that she didn't try to kiss him at the end of the date shows no sexual interest on her part. Chicks will still make a move on passive guys if they are sexually interested.

she may not be trained in the art of giving a counter-offer (though most girls do it automatically if they want to see a guy).

So, wait a week (to see if she contacts you), then hit her up again and ask her out on a date. A week is enough time for her to have seen her mother and gotten over her "alleged" sickness. At that point, if she gives you another excuse, THEN you can conclude she's lost interest. But don't speculate so soon about all these other "why she cancelled" scenarios - the only important things you need to know are the actual FACTS, which I listed above.

You're a relationship expert? This is pretty weak stuff here. Even the most ignorant woman in the world would want to see a guy she likes. Why should he wait another week to find out what he already knows? She lied to him to get out of the date. Quit getting his hopes up when she blatantly lied to him. Your facts below proves she isn't interested in going out again.

1. She cancelled the date
2. She provided no counter-offer.

She ignored his counter offer after she lied to him. You want him to ask an obvious liar out again a week later? So she can lie or ignore him again? Time for him to move on.