Can you MOVE ON without closure?

[huskybear]

Im curious. In my next future relationships with women is it possible or healthy to move on without getting closure?

Lets face it, getting closure with someone isnt easy-----especially when a significant amount of time has elapsed. Everyone has been hurt after a breakup. Its common. The problem is how do you deal with a breakup and move on? I hear the dreaded two words after a break up......MOVE ON. Well how do you move on when you cant stop thinking of that person?

DONT TELL ME TO GO OUT AND SPIN MORE PLATES TO RECOVER. I HEAR THAT ALL THE TIME. First you have to recover from the pain. Is it possible to move on without closure? Does meeting someone new take away the pain and provide closure?

My goal is to be FREE of all emotional baggage(and ex-girlfriends) so I can get back in the game again and be positive. Its really hard to do when you have some unresolved hurts, sadness, bitterness, and negative emotions holding you back. I want to start thinking positive about women again.

Please list the steps that help you recover the quickest after a break-up so I can start meeting women with a zest. Its not easy to spin splates when you have a past "ex" on your mind that you are still grieving over. Thanks.

 

[L B]

You're right, it's hard to let go of past relationships. It might not be possible for you to forget your past relationships entirely. Every relationship is different, each has its good and bad.

Closure is overrated, try not to waste your time seeking it. Try to learn different things from each relationship and improve on the next one. Take some time off for yourself and recover. Once you're ready, get back in the game. Also, keep in mind that different method will work for different people.

 

[DevanE]

Well here's a little "trick" I learned that COMPLETELY f*ks a girls head beyond logical reasoning. DON'T GIVE WOMEN ANY CLOSURE!!!!!!!!!!!. Especially that disrespect you in anyway OR say we need a "break", or "space" or any other stupid bullsh** they try to pull on you thinking they're being slick. All you have to do is say ".O.K." and disappear and I'm talking face of the EARTH type of disappear. When a break-up occurs and IF you DON'T RE-act but just take it like a REAL man and move on they freak out because they want to know that your still "cool" with them, they need the validation that everything is alright, where you stand or how much more they can play with your emotions, how much CONTROL or HOLD they have over you basically how much more sh** you will take.

It's pretty malicious when you think about it but it needs to be done. Now you ask how should you move on...? Well it's kind of simple yet most people don't realize it. All you have to do is DISTRACT your mind, DISTRACT your thinking, your focus, change the "topic" of your mind. Think about WHY you feel or are thinking this way...? Do you LIKE feeling as a victim...? You enjoy feeling like a loser...? How would you react if you saw me fukin the living sh** out of your GF and she is screaming my name in complete ecstasy as I'm balls deep inside YOUR chick because she has MOVED ON!!!...??! She got a newer, fresher, HARDER di** that she enjoys and you NOR your feelings, your thoughts DON'T matter. You've become a memory which in the near future might not even EXIST!!!!.

Find something better to do, go running, lift weights, start cooking, read about Quantum Mechanics, Science, History, watch porn, jack off, go shopping just MOVE and do something!!!!. Remember our past experiences/memories should only be used to correct our future mistakes, learn from it and correct yourself as you see where you SHOULD have been corrected. What I mean is that if you feel as if you COULD have done better or taken a different route or should have made a better decision for the future TRY not to make the same mistake again. It's a part of life and the wise see wisdom in everything if they choose to.

Good luck!!.

 

[BustedKnucks]

basically man, a breakup is tough ****. no matter how much game you have, when a girl you've invested a lot of time in turns around and decides she wants nothing to do with you, you're gonna be hurting.

time is the only guaranteed way to heal. finding a new girl may make the healing process easier, but you're gonna be hurting for a while, maybe even a couple of months. the important thing to realize is that women are irrational, and whatever happened to end your relationship probably wasn't your fault, but was more likely a random impulsive action on her part, and her stubborn nature won't correct the error. that's part of life, the bible says "a woman is a bottomless pit," and that's the truth, so don't dive in.

 

[Max Power]

Im curious. In my next future relationships with women is it possible or healthy to move on without getting closure?

Lets face it, getting closure with someone isnt easy-----especially when a significant amount of time has elapsed. Everyone has been hurt after a breakup. Its common. The problem is how do you deal with a breakup and move on? I hear the dreaded two words after a break up......MOVE ON. Well how do you move on when you cant stop thinking of that person?

DONT TELL ME TO GO OUT AND SPIN MORE PLATES TO RECOVER. I HEAR THAT ALL THE TIME. First you have to recover from the pain. Is it possible to move on without closure? Does meeting someone new take away the pain and provide closure?

My goal is to be FREE of all emotional baggage(and ex-girlfriends) so I can get back in the game again and be positive. Its really hard to do when you have some unresolved hurts, sadness, bitterness, and negative emotions holding you back. I want to start thinking positive about women again.

Please list the steps that help you recover the quickest after a break-up so I can start meeting women with a zest. Its not easy to spin splates when you have a past "ex" on your mind that you are still grieving over. Thanks.

Save up about $500. Go to a strip bar and get real drunk. And don't talk to the strippers about your ex. It may not give you closure but it will take your mind off things for a night. Rinse and repeat as needed.

 

[Rebound Material]

Save up about $500. Go to a strip bar and get real drunk. And don't talk to the strippers about your ex. It may not give you closure but it will take your mind off things for a night. Rinse and repeat as needed.

Do you know how ridiculous that plan is? You know how much money you're gonna have to drop each time you need to NUMB out the pain? Soon you'll find yourself totally dependent on this idea...

 

[huskybear]

interesting posts

All great posts.

Its tough knowing your "once loving girlfriend" is getting drilled by someone else and calling out there name. Thats the hardest part in my mind.

Its that emotional connection, dreams, desires you once shared with your old girlfriend. I even saw an exgirl last month kissing her new boyfriend at a restaurant and it STILL hurt after 6 months later of being broken up and having another girlfriend in my life.

I ask myself "why do I care?" But those old passionate feelings still haunt me as if I still crazy about her.
The only thing that prevents me from thinking about what we once had....is the damage and hurt that a girl has done to me. Thats a key reminder that she is no good.

The only thing that ever worked for me in getting closure was honest anger. I had even told an exgirl off and that she was "ugly an i didnt need her anyway". Very immature and stupid I know. But believe it or not two of my exes ended up trying to reconnect with me after I verbally assaulted her.. Thats the irrational part I dont understand....some women respond to hostility.

AND another thing that has worked for me was: I acted happy, upbeat about it, then disappeared.

In conclusion, I dont think you ever get over a woman you once had strong feelings for her. Even when I see them years later...I still feel a sense of longing.

 

[KontrollerX]

You could write a letter to all of the ex's that harmed you and even write out conversations you would imagine taking place if you were to get your ideal form of closure with these women in your letters.

You write and lay your soul bare before these women all your hurt and all your pain and what you wanted and needed from them and then if you want have them give a reply that you ideally would like to see from them.

Then of course you never send the letters you simply set them on fire and burn them up or thoroughly shred them and throw them in the trash.

In a psych book I once read it was said that this technique though seeming simple and silly on its surface has helped a great many people move on in their lives passed some pain they never thought they would be able to move through.

 

[dannyegg4575]

You could write a letter to all of the ex's that harmed you and even write out conversations you would imagine taking place if you were to get your ideal form of closure with these women in your letters.

You write and lay your soul bare before these women all your hurt and all your pain and what you wanted and needed from them and then if you want have them give a reply that you ideally would like to see from them.

Then of course you never send the letters you simply set them on fire and burn them up or thoroughly shred them and throw them in the trash.

In a psych book I once read it was said that this technique though seeming simple and silly on its surface has helped a great many people move on in their lives passed some pain they never thought they would be able to move through.

This is a method I often use. It's true, it does help. You can write whatever you want on that note and then you'll feel a little better. Anytime you feel it, write again. When you have filled up enough pent up emotions, you suddenly feel a lot better.

I know that a lot of guys here say not to keep in contact and disappeared. I have tried, trust me. It seems that this method never works once you acted chodey, like me. Had it happen to me 3 times in my life and each time my emotions cause me to do some stupid shiet. I couldn't let it go and say, "OK". Instead, I acted out stupid and they always get the last laugh.

My very first ex, I bumped into on friendster back then, told me that after my last breakup with my exwife, "women are *****es. You were strong in the relationship but you acted like you need me more than I need you later on." that was the biggest lesson in my life. Yet, the third time around, I still haven't learned my lesson.

You don't have to do anything, just get on with your life. No one is to blame. If she comes back, it was meant to be. If she doesn't, it never was.

 

[huskybear]

My parents said a similiar thing many years ago. "If it is meant to be it will happen. If it isnt then it wont happen." Thats just life.

I really do believe their is a cosmic energy to closure.

When you really dont need her...thats when she comes back in your life!

Or you know whan you are looking for a part for your car and cant find one for the life of you. Then when you discover you dont need the part anymore----then you see THAT PART everywhere!

I guess thats the answer to closure---give up the need! That bad addiction as hard it may sound. How do you give up that need after a heartwrenching break up? The answer: You refill your mind with other thoughts. Thoughts of anything from school, hobbies, work, play, friends, reconnections.

For example, lets say your girl dumped you and you won the 10 million lottery the following week. Im sure the excitement of winning all that money would overcome your grief for your exgirlfriend breaking up with you. You have occupied your mind with something else.

The problem is when we start to "loom." Such as having nothing to do. Work boring jobs, lay in bed, hang out by the pool, or just sit and think. Thats when our mind drifts back to your ex. Its destructive.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1304509&postcount=16

 

[dannyegg4575]

Francisco

Wish you'd ran into my post two months ago with this. lol

wow... true, you don't need closure. F<ck it. they're not coming back ok? get it to your head. if they come back you don't want them anyway. so why not just move on now! What you have to realize is that it will take a little time. You're in pain, you can't tell your wound to close up as soon as possible. it's going to take time. go out, start feeling good about your life. it's over and done with. Trying to get closure is like trying to get your balls squeezed...

I know this sounds very "self-help"-less... but it's true.

 

[huskybear]

heh thats funny

closure - klō-zhər - n. (male) : The act of asking to have your other nut slammed in the door.

Thats funny.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Francisco

Wish you'd ran into my post two months ago with this. lol

wow... true, you don't need closure. F<ck it. they're not coming back ok? get it to your head. if they come back you don't want them anyway. so why not just move on now! What you have to realize is that it will take a little time. You're in pain, you can't tell your wound to close up as soon as possible. it's going to take time. go out, start feeling good about your life. it's over and done with. Trying to get closure is like trying to get your balls squeezed...

I know this sounds very "self-help"-less... but it's true.

Well, better late than never.

Guys, unless you're looking back at previous experiences which you are proud of, why look back? How will doing that or letting yourself become bitter contribute to you being a man? Be in the moment, learn as you progress through situations and instead of becoming bitter about the past, become better in the present so that you are more prepared for the future.

 

[PRMoon]

You should think of "closure" as you know it as a luxury item. Usually unless you're in power during the relationship and you decide to end it, then closure isn't something that you can always attain during the close of a relationship. There are tons of times where I got blind sided by a girl I was seeing with a notice of foreclosure on the relationship we had and I was devistated. I'm only human like the rest of us so you take a strong blow to your ego, pride, and confidence. Some guys can't recover from the shock of change but the true player is a patient one. When I have a relationship end or some girl i've seen a few times and says it isn't working out, I acknowledge that how I'm going to feel is natrual, but I can control how I think and what I do. By accepting the fact that I'm feeling some sort of pain but also knowing that this pain shall too pass, I instantly start feeling better and regain my footing as a seasoned PUA. By not letting the past and present completely dominate me, I ensure a more lucrative future.

 

[huskybear]

Fransisco..i give you points for being funny about the closure thing...but thats slightly immature. Its funny as hell though.

When you dont get closure you are in denial and choose to ignore whats really going on. I have met those kind of guys who choosed not to get closure and go out and meet girls again----they acted funny cause they are in so much pain about losing their exgirl that they would act goofy. One guy after a break-up got so upset he lost weight, started drinking heavily, went out and started spinning plates, he got slapped by a woman by coming on to strong, and trying to get laid, he just did stupid things cause he didnt care he was in so much pain-----but he was far from happy. He was a mess and he was in denial. He would have been better home staying home for a few weeks renting a movie and pizza and crying his eyes out for a while.

Lack of closure=denial. Thats the reality.

I really think you have to embrace the pain of a break-up like a man and lick your wounds and keep a journal like that one poster said and tear it up later. Get focused on yourself again, try new hobbies, realize that you are going through pain, accept it, and cry your eyes out ALONE if you have to. Just work through---like its the flu. Then when you start to feel better again. You can face the world with confidence, dignity, and high self esteem again.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Fransisco..i give you points for being funny about the closure thing...but thats slightly immature. Its funny as hell though. ..

Perhaps, but feeling that you need to know all of the answers of the world (or even just past relationships) in order to progress through life detrimental and self limiting and seemingly from a place of fear of not having the fortitude to handle the cards you've been dealt. What's to be afraid of? Just fold and play another hand.

 

[Interceptor]

It is important to not base ALL our dreams and happiness on our partner.
It is important to maintain our own separate identity and our own life style separate from our partner as well.
Working on achieving your mission will give you the activity and the focus you need to stay on your path despite hardships.

When we lace so much responsibility on others , like basing your identity, self worth, and happiness, we stand to lose a greate deal more shoudl the relationship end.

I belive it makes sense to want to know answers.

But we cannot base our happiness and peace of mind on it so much, to toutr detriment.

Its not enough to simply move on, we must Move Forward.

its not enough to simply 'survive' , we must be Victorious.


Learn your lesson well.

Glean valueable information from it.

Understadn that you are not responsible for her behavior, or decisions and actions.
Thats all her responsibility.

At the end of the day, you werent compatible, and she was mostly playing a 'role'.
Which means your emotional investment was misspent.
Thats ok.
You will get through it.
You wont die.

Its better to be alone, than be in a relationship with a fraud.

You now have an experience to draw resources from .

You now know how to discern a quality woman and relationship.
And you have gotten a much clearer picture of what you do want and what you dont want in a GF and relationship.

This is much better than a lot of guys.

She cannot damage your Self Esteem.

She can damage your ego.
If your ego was tied to her validating it for you, then you are at her mercy.
This is Bad...

Leave your ego out of this.

And recognize your true worth. Not some fabrication that is trying to leech reosurces from others.
Dont follow your ego anymore.
Its your Ego that wants closure from her.
Becasue your ego derived a 'self image' from her.
Your ego has an image to protect, and it is trying to get it back from her.
Which is irrational thinking.
But the ego is trying to survive and keep its self image intact, now that shes gone and is no longer feeding it.

Do you understand?

Let this go, and recognize your good qualities, and the date you can go over to avoid getting involved with this type of female.

When you do that..
then you gain CONTROL.

When you gain CONTROL...then you can have CHOICE

No one can just take away your resources anymore.

Stay strong

 

[DonJuan11]

Im curious. In my next future relationships with women is it possible or healthy to move on without getting closure?

Unless a woman is harassing you, why on earth would you want for "closure" from any woman?

 

[huskybear]

That was a good post about staying in control. Getting control is fundamental. As for the other guys in here. Words are just words. I dont care how tough talking you may sound----a break up can bring the strongest man to his needs.

Actions speak louder than words.

I can understand how people do lose control.

For example, a love triangle ensued many years ago when my best friend was murdered over a jealous ex boyfriend.

The jealous ex boyfriend(was a pilot making 100k ayear) went over to my bestfriends apartment and shot him 6 times in the back then killed himself. The reality is that he got dumped and he couldnt handle it. The cops found photograph albums in his car and 9mm guns and ammunition. He lost his mind over this girl. She was hot. But he couldnt handle the breakup.

My best friend had planned on dumping her as he told me he was being stalked by her exboyfriend. I told him to cut it off now! A week later he was dead.