Can you honestly say you wouldn't go back to your ex?

[Jaxon]

It's the number 1 rule of DJism: NEVER go back to your ex! "Move along dude", "forget about her man" are common words of advice on this forum. Most of us have said them, but how many of us actually follow them?

I'm not talking about some skank that you went out with for a couple months only to find out she had already cheated on you. I'm talking about "the one that got away", the one you know you f*cked up and were afc with, the chick that if knew you today would have a different opinion of you. She could be your first love, your high school sweetheart, maybe even the one you thought you were going to marry.

If she came back to you, said she had changed and she knew you had to, and wanted to start things over, would you? I had an honest moment this week where I was confronted with this scenario with the first chick I really ever got serious with. I won't go into details but let's just say I was surprised and disappointed in my weakness.

What would your response be? Think about it.

 

[PEPE LE PIU]

I'm talking about "the one that got away", the one you know you f*cked up and were afc with, the chick that if knew you today would have a different opinion of you. She could be your first love, your high school sweetheart, maybe even the one you thought you were going to marry.

If she came back to you, said she had changed and she knew you had to, and wanted to start things over, would you?

I would give it a try. If you were the AFC then is time to shine with your new knowledge. If it happened long time a go chances are that things have changed. If you don't like it you can NEXT her an have yet another number to count. As always proceed with caution.

 

[sav]

i think it would have to depend on the current circumstance of your situation...

 

[ready123]

no I wouldn't

 

[SmoothTalker]

I don't agree that its a hard and unbreakable rule.

It depends: If you dated for a short period, didn't get along, one/both of you cheated, messy breakup, etc, then probably not.

If you were doing okay but you specifically screwed it up, but are now better, then maybe worth a shot.

If you were doing great and dated for a long time and were really compatible, but had to break up for reasons beyond your control, for example moving far away for school, and then fate brings you both back together, both single, and the spark is still there, I think its definitely worth a shot.

Its bad to go begging a girl that doesn't respect you to take you back. Never do that (or do it once, to learn this vital lesson from experience so you'll never forget).

But if there are no real downsides, I don't think its something you should avoid just because the DJ bible says so. Especially if you both dated the first time when you were young and then had problems because you weren't mature enough for a serious relationship. People become pretty much different people from high school to their late twenties for example.

 

[comic_relief]

so far? No, and the reason that I would not is because after so long, I have changed so much that I am no longer the same person that that girl would have known. She does the same thing and the chances of me going back out with her would be very low.

comic_relief

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Nobody here can tell you want to do. We are here to give advice and suggestions from experience. It is your choice to decide what you want to do.

I've went back to a ex before. It was alright for awhile but, things never worked out like I thought. Or I regreted it by looking at other women I could date who are better.

Most people will go back to their ex out of weakness. It's a new change, you feel out of your comfort zone, your sad, you don't get that pvssy anymore. Plus, other reasons.

Others do really like their ex and want to still be together. So, they get back together. Sometimes it works other times it doesn't. When, you break up with your ex. Think about the negatives. Examples; did she lie to you alot, not do things with you, use you for money, or whatever.You might realize she wasn't a good gf at all and you can do better.

If YOU want to get back with your ex. Go ahead. You will find out if it is worth it or not.

 

[DonGorgon]

I dump women first so i can keep F'ing them

 

[j-flex]

no way!!, i rather fuk a cow then fuk my ex. jesus that hoe is fukin disgusting she looks like a newborn wolf. thank god my standards are high now, she is what you guys would call an -(minus)4. i dont knwo what the fock i was thinking then.

so no!, never!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I've never gone back even when approached again by the ex. It's easy not to go back if you know that you've done everything imaginable to fix the relationship before you break up. I'm guessing more people walk out just to go back because they were reacting emotionally to their situation instead of rationally. Even if you irrationally break up, never go back if the situation is exactly the same as it was when you left. At least one one of you will need to change in order to change the situation. If nothing changes, why waste your time going back? Do you expect something different to happen the second time around? How about the third? The tenth???

 

[Huffman]

You could always give it a try, as long as you're not too emotionally attached.
If you're not emotionally stable enough, and if you have "that bad feeling" from the beginning, you're hurling yourself into a fire you cannot control.

 

[AKA FLEX]

Nope, sure wouldn't. There are a few I still fantasize about banging, because the sex was so good, but under no circumstances would try to "make a go at it" again with any of them.

 

[Juan_Man]

I wouldn't do it. If you have become a new person, then give a new girl a chance.

 

[KontrollerX]

I read your whole post so I understand the type of ex you are getting at but still no I wouldn't.

A DJ is in general all about moving forward in life not looking back.

Taking an ex back who rejected you because you were an AFC or because you were too fat or too skinny or too something at the time rejected you for you. If she really loved you, you would never of broken up.

Fvck that b!tch.

The only time I'd consider taking an ex back is if say the chick and I were in our late teens and basically forced to break up because her parents were moving her and themselves all the way across the country and we both decided mutually it was for the good of us both to end the relationship and clearly for us both it appeared to end in a tears filled painful way indicating our equal love of eachother.

So a mutually agreed to break up scenario of any sort I might consider but a rejection of any kind be it for being too AFC or too something no.

She had her chance and if she didn't love me for me then I don't want her magically falling in love with the new me that owns a nice car, house and pimpin set of clothes and a brand new awesome personality.

So to sum up even clearer for those who hate reading and lack comprehension skills...

Mutual breakup agreement scenario between guy and girl= possible future reconcilliation if a DJ is single at the time and has the desire.

Rejection based breakup by girl= Never not ever go back with this b!tch. I don't care if she is as hot as Nikki Nova with a pvssy that tastes like pumpkin pie. Get some goddamned value for yourself and some options and you won't be going back to the garbage that previously judged you as garbage and threw you to the curb.

 

[connor32]

wow. i was contemplating this scenario yesterday about my oneitis. she turned real *****y when it ended,led me on about another chance etc.... fact is if she called me tommorow it would be on. however i would not have an ounce of afc in me. i wouldn't spend a dime on her, i wouldnt be the first to call her, i would be c/f all the time not showing any emotion at all.

 

[macfuque]

"Taking an ex back who rejected you because you were an AFC or because you were too fat or too skinny or too something at the time rejected you for you. If she really loved you, you would never of broken up."

i agree with the fat and skinny bit but i don't agree with implication that a woman should've loved you when you were behaving like a p*ssy, especially when you consider that this whole site is geared around the idea that being a p*ssy will get you nowhere with women and actually put them off- whether they are good girls or bad girls, you control their reaction by your actions- it is not geared around being yourself and finding someone who loves you for you. we all know where that advice gets you.

a few years ago i met a girl in a club, we f*cked a few times over a few weeks, i lost my cool, got needy and acted like a chump and she walked.

about a year, and a few women, later i saw her out and got chatting. i was calm and confident because i had other options, i'd done some work on myself (inner and outer) and i could see the spark. i took her hand and led her to my place. she put up a minimal fight, she had a new chump but i told her we had unfinished business.

basically i got to replay the relationship on my new confident terms. we had a great time together and got close for a few months until she moved for work and i moved on. i still get emails and phone calls from her, whether she's in a relationship or not.

it's not healthy to pine for someone who dumps you, that's your weak, needy little boy ego talking, but it definitely feels good to prove to yourself that you can now be a confident, in control man with any woman, even one who you'd previously proved to that you weren't.

perhaps that's a weakness too but it certainly eased the bitterness, the shame and the regret for me.

 

[KontrollerX]

If thats the way you want to do things don't let me stop you macfuque but I'm with Desdinova when one time he said this...

"When a woman disrespects me that is the last chance she will ever get to disrespect me".

He then gave us all a story about how in a similar situation that you brought up he saw one of his ex's out and about and she saw the new man he became and was practically drooling all over him. She came over to talk and so he chatted her up a bit while watching her fully taking in her newfound lust for him and then he casually blew her off to go chat up another HB and she looked crushed. :crackup:

The best revenge is living well and Des did that awesomely and didn't live in the past by having to prove to himself he could close the deal with her again.

He had that inner confidence and belief that he could have her and it was enough for him.

Kind of a bit different than your way.

Most of the discussion kids would praise your post about nailing your ex again because "OMG you gots teh pvssy lol" but a real DJ will look at it and know that your need to hit it again was all about getting your ego validated moreso than getting your rocks off and what could be more AFC than being so affected by an ex that you need to win her over again and knock it out with her just to prove that you are worth something, that you are a man?

Please.

 

[macfuque]

i hear you kontrollerx and you make a very good point that i'm inclined to agree with generally though not in all circumstances.

you're right. it did, i'm sure, partly come from a weaker place of ego validation; sort of like the guy who beefs up to go back and fight the guy who bullied him at school. but i didn't consciously seek her out, i just embraced the opportunity to come at the relationship with a different mind set.

another element was that i could understand the disrespect i'd been shown because i had behaved in a way that didn't deserve any. so it helped me to measure my growth and get over my embarrasment at my past behaviour when i could be in the same situation this time armed with some self respect (perhaps not as much as your friend).

this was a casual relationship in the beginning so i guess that helped too, i hadn't had my heart broken, just my pride hurt. the girl hadn't got to know me because my insecurities had prevented it. i had no malice towards her because i was as unimpressed with my former presentation of myself as she was. and i left that situation the second time feeling satisfied that i'd entered and enjoyed it as an adult.

i agree that it's best to move forward but occasionally it can be nice to go back to a place where you felt fear, shame and weakness and not feel that anymore. however self indulgent that may seem, i felt it helped.

 

[Jaxon]

I can't find it now but I checked up on this thread earlier and someone had said something along the lines of "never do anything for a woman that doesn't hold you in high regard". Great quote, I may use it for my sig.

There's been lots of other good stuff on here too. Here's my situation, and I'm sort of at a loss as to what to do (long story semi-short):

My ex-girlfriend who I haven't spoken with in probably a year, and have been broken up with for about 4 years, recently contacted me and wanted to get together for lunch to "catch up".

We were together for about a year and a half, and had seriously talked about getting married. I was horribly embarassingly afc at the time, clueless about women and relationships, and wanted to get married more than her and lock her down. I messed up in so many ways and broke so many rules it's not even funny. I dedicated myself 110% to her and made the relationship all about her--essentially I gave up any shred of pride, dignity, and anything that resembled being a man.

Of course little by little the relationship went downhill. Eventually I technically ended it, but only after it was painfully obvious that she had lost interest and was going to end things if I didn't. She was 19 when we broke up, I was 22 (I know).

Now about me: I'm a completely different person than I was then and have made so many improvements in myself it's not even funny. I'm in the best shape of my life (which is saying a lot), I just got my degree, I'm pursuing an exciting and high paying career, and my mentality with women is totally different than it was then, thanks in large part to this site.

About her: I always have and still do find her really attractive. We had great chemistry and could literally spend hours laughing, and on top of this I still have a bit of a soft spot for her. When we broke up she was 19, and is 22 now. Still young, but 22 is a helluva lot better than 19. When we talked she told me that she had changed completely and didn't really know what she was doing when we were together. I know I've changed completely too, but is that enough to even consider getting back together with her?

I'm not sure what to say to her lunch request, and I'm assuming that she's going to make some sort of relationship sales pitch to me. She may not, but I have a feeling that she'll at least allude to it. What do you guys think I should do?

 

[cherry.jop07]

Dating

I totally disagree with you, but whatever…it’s the way you think and everyone has their own way of going on in life.