Can you guys analyze this for me?

[Kristoph]

Hey.. first post here. i have been lurking for a while reading the DJbible.. amazing resource, i have learned an incredible amount thanks!

sorry its so long..

I was hoping you guys could give me some insight to this dillema i may or may not have..

some background.. im 22 attending university taking culinary arts, i met this girl in the same course a couple months back with a group of freinds, we talked for a bit and we showed a few things in common.. had a decent conversation, then we went to the club and another guy moved in pretty quickly, i was tired so i just ditched

I talked to her once or twice since then, once had a pretty decent convo, unfortunately it was ruined by some ***** who had a crush on me being there and trying to chat me up while im trying to do the same with another chick..

Just last week we started a new section, and we are working side by side.. we talk and everything is cool, after 3 days of working next to each other she offers to get her brothers truck to help me move (she initiated, i just mentioned i need to move) i was like, cool.. we exchanged numbers and that was that.

Well, she helped me move, and then i ended up taking her for a ride on my streetbike later on that night (she had wanted to go for a while) something about a girl hanging onto you while tearing around corners that makes you bond

I fell hard for her, unfortunately.. but i managed to chill out and be patient, the next day we went to the river and chilled, when we got back to my place i broke the ice (had been doing minor kino) with a massage, she said i was hired I knelt down behind her and she leaned back into me.. all good

We ended up spending the rest of the day together, cuddled on the beach and talked for a few hours.. everything looking good.
we get back to my house.. pop in a movie.. get comfy on the couch.. she is tired and kinda dozes off, my roomate gets home she wakes up, he goes to bed (yes!) we start chatting (her in my arms) and i go in for a kiss, she kinda moves away.. i try again and she kinda backs off and says uh uh, with a little smile, and then says she needs to explain.. basically the guy she met up with at the bar ditched her and she didnt want the same thing happening, she said she wants to take it slow. i said i was fine with that.. then i said, so can i kiss you now, and she giggled and said yes

took her home soon after, got a nice goodnight kiss, then she was busy the next night, and when i saw her at school the day after everything was totally different, all business (i guess thats why we are at school) but she acts like nothing happened around eveyrone else, i assumed its so A:she dosent look liek a slut B:she has other interests (although i never see her talk to any other guys) C:she dosent want drama (her freinds talking ****)

So, i was kinda put off by this, and she had to work the next 2 nights, i was getting nervous that it was going downhill (i know, never care too much too fast) but then we went out again last night, and i took her for a nice ride, and a walk around the local park (holding hands).. we had a decent chat, but i was feeling a bit nervous just because of the way she was acting at school..
Well i got a nice warm goodbye kiss, but she still acts indiffernt at school, and always has things to do not involving me (im selfish and pathetic i know)

Of course today i started to feel alot better, and started to regain my confidence.. a good night at the gym does that for me, and realized how much i dont need a women to be happy, but that being said she is totally the woman i want LTR style.

Sorry its so bloody long, but i had to get that out, its been somewhat confusing for me, as i have never taken it slow before (lots of failures obviously, diving in = bad)

So my question would be.. is she just playing me along till someone better comes along, or does she seriously just wanna get to know me and make it work?
i dont wanna waste my time if she is just ****ing with me.

Also, we have a week off the first week of august and she wants me to come hitchhiking around some island with her.. just me and her in a tent for a week.. so i guess that is good, but i just feel insecure sometimes.. being new at this i guess.
i havent had a real relationship for like 4 years,, was with a chick for 2 years and she ****ed me up good.. had me on the end of her whip the entire time. i was her glorified backup.
Then i got fat, desperate and undesirable.. now im in way better shape and desirable.. was very confident.. getting lots of hits, i guess i just care too much sometimes ..

whew, time for bed, thanks in advance.. cheers!

 

[JT47319]

Fycking special flower.

First time reader, first time poster, huh? Get over it. She's gone. She's never coming back and odds are she was never interested in your AFC ass. Get in line with your fellow DJ, WBAFCers.

Tough love buddy. Go to The View forum if you want touchy feely "dating" advice from a bunch of females who'll coddle you with platitudes.

 

[michelangelo]

To be a little less abrasive than the last guy -

I would say that my take on what I have learned here says it is time for NEXT!!!


Forget her. No chats, no calls, no chasing after her. She knows you are interested. Any more from you is just supplication.

Time to be a challenge and walk away. If she REALLY is interested, she will let you know.

Like, I say, that is what I have learned from the wise men who came before me.

 

[Dirtheart]

i guess i just care too much sometimes ..

Here is your biggest problem!! It's the same issue I had that ruined all my previous relationships and repelled the women I was interested in.

The key to winning her interest is to care too little, or at least let her think that. Treat her like she doesn't matter and treat your kiss as no big deal. Alway show her less attention than she shows you.

If you continue to feed her ego with your attention, she's going to think she has the pick of all the guys, and push you aside.

I posted a tip in the tips section a few months ago, which might be worth trying...

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?threadid=51490

But when you tell her she looks different, act cold, distant and disinterested in her for the rest of the day. The idea is to make her think you have suddenly gone off her and make her feel paranoid.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Kristoph
basically the guy she met up with at the bar ditched her and she didnt want the same thing happening, she said she wants to take it slow. i said i was fine with that.. then i said, so can i kiss you now, and she giggled and said yes

You should've done somethign after that bike ride...she's got her arms locked tight around you, the vibrations from the motor are resonating up through the seat into her p**sy, the adrenaline's going...bonding? YOu should've been bonding at the genitals by the end of that night. Or at least the lips.

My guess is that one way or another, you missed your chance to just TAKE her, and once she caught her breath she was like, "Whoa, I almost ended up hooking up with this guy! Like I did with the last guy, and he left me....and the guy before that, and he left me....and the guy before that, and he left me..." (not saying she's been with that many, but she doesn't sound as pure as you make her out to be). So she decides to slow down and think about the relationship logically, and chicks suck at logic.

Do you still have a chance with her...she SEEMS interested, but I can't tell for sure. I'll tell you what, though...you've known each other for a little while...if you're in that tent alone with her and you're NOT making out by the end of the trip, it's most likely not going to happen.

One thing's for sure...if you're insecure, she sees it and she KNOWS it. You're not hiding anything. And it's not helping your situation. Be the man and create the opportunity for her to be the woman. If she doesn't WANT to be the woman, find someone who will.

 

[Pro]

As soon as a girl would have me posting stuff like this on this board I know it's time to next her.

If the interest isn't there in her enough to kiss, etc... Then it's time to find a girl that's on the same level.

 

[Kristoph]

werd up guys.. after reading the first response to this i never came back to the boards.. but now that its all over i thought i would do a follow up to see what the rest of you guys said..

THanks for the advice.. i wish i had come back and read it all.. probably would have saved myself in time if i had, but here is the follow up to what happened..

So we end up dating.. i decided i want to get tied down with this girl and cant think of any other women but her.. totally take it WAY to seriously because she is feeding me ego about how she is afraid ill leave her and ****.

dumbass me, so we spend lots of time making out and cuddling, and after a night at the bar i get a chance to tap it but she is trashed and i am sober.. it didnt feel right (call me a ***** whatever) and a couple more oppertunities come my way, but all in all i let myself become a *****.. i totally broke all the rules and started to trust her and ****,

So we go to go on this trip, which consists of a 6 hour drive, followd by a 15 hour ferry.. well the week leading up to the trip she starts to get all weird and stressed, i rationalized it away, but we get on the ferry and she tells me she just wants to go on this trip as freinds....... say what>?

So i was pretty hurt.. and i had let myself become so needy that i had lost all my self confidence.
So the first part of the vacation sucked, and i never got any action, but by the end (i stayed with her and did the trip) i had almost totally gotten over her and had regained my self confidence/self image that i am a pimp and women flock to me.. i need no woman to be complete etc etc

Now its been about a month since she dumped me, i have like 3 dates lined up with 3 different woman who are way hotter and more mature than she is... and i am confident on the borderline of ****iness.. Just not caring if theycome or go because all women come and go and i just decided to not take it too seriously

But i will never again trust a woman unless she seriously earns it first.

So there is an abbreviated version of what happened.. life is killer now, i got a date tonight with this cute japanese girl.. taking her for a ride and probably getting some tail later, she has been calling me like mad, and i have been basically ignoring her, i broke a date with her on the weekend to goto a bike rally haha, and she called me all weekend.

anyways, we are gods... women are our peons.. it took a almost heartbreak to make me realize that though..

cheers thanks for the advice

 

[Mr Spitfire]

Sounds like a pretty good turnaround. You corrected all of your mistakes from your first post. Can't believe it was the same poster.

 

[wjh]

Originally posted by Mr Spitfire
Sounds like a pretty good turnaround. You corrected all of your mistakes from your first post. Can't believe it was the same poster.

Seriously, you can tell by the tone of his type (lol) that he's turned around completely.

Good to hear

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Kristoph
then we went to the club and another guy moved in pretty quickly, i was tired so i just ditched)

This was where it ended – before it began!!!!!

If she was interested in you she would have not allowed this to happen and would have excused herself to be with you!!

She avoided you at school because her girls knew that she was seeing another dude (maybe club dude) and she did not want them to know about you … then her game would be exposed!! Her excuses of taking it slow and prior b/f were nonsensical and obvious poppycock!!!

Quit having “decent convo’s” and “chilling/napping” and “cuddling” with women and start pursuing them romantically right away!!! Saves a lot of wasted time and expense!!

 

[bp1974]

Hearing the words "I want to take it slow because blah blah blah.." is your cue to move on. Girls who say that are never a good prospect because:

1) They have issues around starting relationships that they need to deal with

OR

2) Their interest in you is low enough that they don't care if they put you off by telling you that

Either way, they're letting you know that at that moment they're not a good prospect for you.

 

[JSH]

Ok, i did not realise your first post, i jsut read the replies, lucky me otherwise i would have answered the wrong question. Im glad to hear you turned around and it makes sense and that you have learned stuff.

But I hope you learned the lesson (why ur title attracted me to help you), never analyse stuff. Analysis can be useful but everyone spends more time worrying about this and that rather than doing what they want to. Especially, those who helped him, do not analyse stuff for other people as often you will get it wrong as you do not have the same information available to the original poster and you are just reinforcing their dependence on others.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by JT47319
Fycking special flower.

First time reader, first time poster, huh? Get over it. She's gone. She's never coming back and odds are she was never interested in your AFC ass. Get in line with your fellow DJ, WBAFCers.

Tough love buddy. Go to The View forum if you want touchy feely "dating" advice from a bunch of females who'll coddle you with platitudes.

You're being a prick with that response.

 

[Walden]

Jeez you guys are harsh.His early play was excellent (the bike makes a great action date too).

Kristoph you need to chill the F*** out dude you are taking this relationship way too seriously and sweating it way too much. Wanting to go out with her every 2 days will (A) scare the f*** out of her (it'd scare me) and (B) exhaust you.

Accept the fact that your path may or may not be to get with this girl , and take it a little easier.
We DJS have a term called "oneitis" it's like "mission creep". What it means is , if you hve only one girl in your life then she becomes the focus of yoru romantic attentiopn and thoughts. This leads you to very rapidly over-emphasise (to yourself and her) your feelings for her and you start believing that she's the one for you and you get all obsessive.

A guy should be seeing 2 or 3 women at a time . If this girl really is "the one" fpor you then once you've closed the deal and she's seriously fallen for you, you can ditch the other 2 girls and start nesting with this one.

What you don't want to do is scare a nice baby away because you're all needy and ****.