Can you escape the "friend zone" by becoming a jerk after friendship?

[El Don]

Is it possible if a girl has you in the "friend zone" to change a little and act like a jerk and get out of it or will she just still see you as a friend only acting more like a d*ck? Its kind of happening with thie girl from my job but I didnt know if it was possible to escape by acting like a "jerk". I use to give her attention and all this but latley I got fed up with some of her games and we ended up arguing a few times and I stopped calling her. She continues now to call me every night and I have been tryin to give her this vibe that I dont care anymore about what happens between us, just to see what she does and now she tells me that all we do is argue now about stupid stuff. I didnt care really because I was tired of being nice to her and letting her play games with me. I am still gettin over liking her so I cant say that I dont have feelings for her and want to get with her but I know its a matter of time before I get over her and was just curious that if I kept this "jerk" attitude up then maybe she could possibly see me as a challenge now and not the nice guy I was anymore.

So is it possible?

 

[Damian]

First of all, the LJBF zone is practically inescapable. Second of all, it's not a JERK mode, it's a C&F mode. You have to be funny too.

Personally, I think it's not worth it. Sure, you could try to keep up the attitude around her, but I think it's best to move on. Get rid of your one-itis and go sarge on some girls.

-Damian

 

[flexion_]

Well no one here supports you being a jerk. You should however be strong in your conviction. That isn't being a jerk.

It doesn't sound like you are being rude to her so I think you are doing fine personally. Just keep it up - will you ever get out of the friendzone - probably not - but you definitely will feel much better about yourself for the next cutie to come along.

 

[MightyMate]

Start giving her less time and talk about other chicks that are interested in You. Date chicks that she may not like, just to make her mad You are dating them. But mainly its a hard thing.

 

[smoke city]

are you two actually friends or are you "just" friends? if it's the latter, then basically you have no chance. come on, man you KNOW this. everybody does. stop calling her, throw away her number, block her emails.

if she is your FRIEND, i.e. she actually likes you -- your best bet is to forget about the possibility of a relationship and just enjoy her company. but her high opinion of you could score you some points with her hot friends!

[if she has no hot friends, then there's no reason to hang out with her at all, of course ]

 

[MackJr]

She continues now to call me every night

Dude, you're missing it. You're actually getting what you want.

What she's doing is an IOI. She likes you, now you just need to learn to keep the conversation on a level that would make her consider you sexually, don't keep using the same conversation that makes her think of you as friend material.

 

[jhs]

if you f'd up and became head over heels over a girl who put you in the friend zone.. i've got some advice.

a) dont do it again!
b) let her know that a friendship wasn't your intention and leave her. give her 3 weeks to call back. if she does, meet up with her, read her signals, she is she came back because she likes you. if she is still considering you as a friend, split for 3 months and repeat. if she doesn't call you back, shes not interested.

theres a catch 22. maybe you got sh1t tested with the friend zone and failed miserably by splitting and not showing any persistence. in this case refer to tip A: "dont do it again!"

this is not a situation you want to be in & it is too easy to find other favorable situations to consider it .. unless you're desperate.

 

[Wyldfire]

If a woman blatantly tells you she only wants to be your friend and she's single it means that she isn't attracted to you or thinks you are not relationship material for one reason or another.

If you have never showed romantic interest in a woman and she is attracted to you then you were never stuck in any "friend zone".

If you are only being friends with a woman because you want to date her you're an idiot. Be a man and just make a move if you are interested.

"LJBF" is a polite way to say "I'm not attracted to you."

 

[\O/]

Originally posted by jhs

theres a catch 22. maybe you got sh1t tested with the friend zone and failed miserably by splitting and not showing any persistence. in this case refer to tip A: "dont do it again!"

If he got shyt-tested with her telling him she just wanted to be friends, how can you say that he failed miserably by not showing persistence? Don't you think that him being persistent AFTER her telling him this would be persived by her as being needy? If she were indeed testing him, which i doubt, I would say he passed that test by not calling her anymore and by demonstrating that he really doesn't care what happens...


I dated this girl a few times a couple of months ago. I would really consider myself an AFC at that point as it was before i found this great forum. I thought we had something going and that she really liked me. But then on one date I noticed that something changed. She no longer seemed as interested as before, which ofcourse , made me reveal that I had started to develop feelings for her. Yeah I know...stupid. Her reply was that she thought she was interested in me, but found that she was only interested in me as a friend afterall. I told her too bad and we stopped meeting for a while. Then one night, not too long ago I met her at this club. We were both very happy to see eachother and I kissed her. She kissed me back (more intensively than she had before). I told her it was great that we were just going to be friends, 'cause I really liked her....as a friend. My agenda was to give her mixed signals and to show her that i didn't need her and was more than happy to just have her as a friend. Later that same night she texted me saying that she had a great time tonight but didn't know what she felt, but that she hoped I hadn't lost completely interest in her. And that she really cared about me. I replied by saying "We'll see what happens.."

Not sure how to play this one out yet, but I haven't contacted her again after that. I think I can actually turn this around by applying the things I have now learnt from this site. I know she feels attraction towards me, but I think my desperation must have been obvious. I recently became single and my skills suck at this point. I didn't intend to write all this, but I think that there is a possibility to turn things around, but it may not always be worth the hazzle. If you think you can, try it. If not, next her!

 

[jhs]

the point was even if you got LJBF'd as a **** test, this situation is no where near ideal & will only lead to questions that have no answers... so dont do it!

Originally posted by \O/
If he got shyt-tested with her telling him she just wanted to be friends, how can you say that he failed miserably by not showing persistence? Don't you think that him being persistent AFTER her telling him this would be persived by her as being needy? If she were indeed testing him, which i doubt, I would say he passed that test by not calling her anymore and by demonstrating that he really doesn't care what happens...


I dated this girl a few times a couple of months ago. I would really consider myself an AFC at that point as it was before i found this great forum. I thought we had something going and that she really liked me. But then on one date I noticed that something changed. She no longer seemed as interested as before, which ofcourse , made me reveal that I had started to develop feelings for her. Yeah I know...stupid. Her reply was that she thought she was interested in me, but found that she was only interested in me as a friend afterall. I told her too bad and we stopped meeting for a while. Then one night, not too long ago I met her at this club. We were both very happy to see eachother and I kissed her. She kissed me back (more intensively than she had before). I told her it was great that we were just going to be friends, 'cause I really liked her....as a friend. My agenda was to give her mixed signals and to show her that i didn't need her and was more than happy to just have her as a friend. Later that same night she texted me saying that she had a great time tonight but didn't know what she felt, but that she hoped I hadn't lost completely interest in her. And that she really cared about me. I replied by saying "We'll see what happens.."

Not sure how to play this one out yet, but I haven't contacted her again after that. I think I can actually turn this around by applying the things I have now learnt from this site. I know she feels attraction towards me, but I think my desperation must have been obvious. I recently became single and my skills suck at this point. I didn't intend to write all this, but I think that there is a possibility to turn things around, but it may not always be worth the hazzle. If you think you can, try it. If not, next her!

i dont think it will ever be worth the hassle as a real man would have better things to do. but theres always excpetions try not to take social kissing seriously. i've learned some girls like to kiss a guy to brag to their friends in the same fashion a guy would tell his friends about the numbers he got. if she is really interested in you, there will be other cues to pick up on. your best bet is to go meet more girls so you dont spend too much time worrying about your 'downtime' between contact with this girl.

 

[\O/]

Originally posted by jhs

i dont think it will ever be worth the hassle as a real man would have better things to do. but theres always excpetions try not to take social kissing seriously. i've learned some girls like to kiss a guy to brag to their friends in the same fashion a guy would tell his friends about the numbers he got. if she is really interested in you, there will be other cues to pick up on. your best bet is to go meet more girls so you dont spend too much time worrying about your 'downtime' between contact with this girl.

I totally agree with you. Kissing means nothing. I had kissed her before but it was the way she kissed me back that time that was different. And the fact that this kiss made her unsure if she really only DID want to be friends.

I know that kissing means nothing. I have kissed hundreds of girls, and my kiss/f*ck ratio is a joke! And NOT a funny one!

I don't want a LTR at this point. I'm single for the first time for several years and the way I see it I'm still in "training". I need to improve my game in order to be able to get the girls that i want.

So contrary to to how my previous post came across, I don't have one-itis over this chick. I just wanna see if I can still get something out of that situation. She's young and hot and i wanna tap that ass basically. :crackup: I have several other girl-prospects that I'm working on..using routines, C&F and other skills learnt on this forum. I'm testing out what's working for me and trying to make it so that it's congruent with my persona.

Even though I meet and date a few girls, I have yet to get them as interested in me as I would like. I can't help being desperate. lol. And it's really hard being desperate while still trying to play hard to get
I think I just need one or two girls to take of the pressure so that I can focus on my game without coming off as needy. If you understand what i mean...

 

[jhs]

definently. i mostly feel confident AFTER i know that i have more options that might even be more interested. although i can tell this is fading everytime i link something i do with some success i've achieved.. i dont think it will ever feel 'right' until i am turning down what i want because i dont have enough time to myself in other words, the total opposite of who i was when i was a AFC!

 

[SeldomSeen]

RE:

Originally posted by Damian
First of all, the LJBF zone is practically inescapable.

-Damian

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG...

I've converted 4 or more LJBF situations into "I want to fu** you!!!!" So many times that I would laugh at LJBF now.

 

[GuitarPlayer]

Re: RE:

Originally posted by SeldomSeen
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG...

I've converted 4 or more LJBF situations into "I want to fu** you!!!!" So many times that I would laugh at LJBF now.

Hmmm.... my interest level just shot through the roof.

Care to elaborate? Enquiring minds want to know....

 

[Magnanimus]

Surely if you run away with your tail between your legs at the first sign of rejection you are the ultimate AFC and a coward. - Youve also vindicated her assertion that you are unworthy.

Generally, LJBF is a death-knell to anyone without game, but a MAN should surely break all the 'rules' - which are only there to protect AFCs from themselves.

I see LJBF as a challenge - the first rejection and a necessary hurdle in getting what I want - or not as may be the case.
The ONLY time NO or LJBF is a problem, is if you’ve naively allowed yourself to develop feelings for the person you’ve pedistalised. Why else would you give a fig?

What happened to this unshakeable confidence trait that people breech around here?
What happened to pushing yourself out of your cosy comfort zone and showing some balls?

I had this situation just the other day and I turned it around...

'a bit presumptuous of you to think I want a 'relationship' with you isn’t it when I hardly know you.. You don’t get romance or sex from me just because you agree to meet me for a drink.. I’m not a man-slu*! get over yourself!

LJBF - AFTER I’ve qualified you - not before..

Don’t waste your time if its a lost-cause or adopt stalker like behaviour.. but be a man about it.
Forget the DJ bible and 'rules' for recovering AFCs..

 

[Controlfreak]

I had the LJBF recently!

We went on two dates but when I made a move she told me she is seeing somebody (Long distance).

I figured her IL was low so nexted her - but later (3 months) she calls, invites me to do stuff and we start hanging out (she doesnt mention this guy - I assume it is over) - So after we hang out a few times.........I make a move at which time she brings up the boyfriend (again?)

She later mentions that she is taking a trip to see him and they are going to discuss their realtionship (I.e after they have sex they will decide the LD thing is not working).

However after being rejected twice (and some AFC mistakes as well) I am pretty sure I am firmly in the LJBF zone. Only one thing I am curious about is that she still wants to "hang out"?? Normally when I get LJBF there is no intention of hanging out and being friends - its normally just a throw away line?

 

[Bill]

Short answer: no.

Long answer: creating attraction is not about being a jerk. If you start acting like a jerk out of the blue, she will sense the difference -- but that in no way guarantees that you'll be out of the LJBF zone. As a matter of fact, it really shouldn't be an issue, because she already determined you fell under the Friends category, so messing around with her is basically a waste of time.

Bill says: Move on, forget about her; Plenty of other fish in the sea.
Peace.

-Bill