Can you be highly social in your 30+ ?

[JdelaSilviera]

Hi,

Being mid twenties, and watching the trend of social circles getting narrower and narrower and with many people already getting married, I´m really worried of a future of boredom, being always with the same people etc.

Can you meet lots of people and have lots of fun after 30?


Your experiences are welcome.

 

[Ozel599]

Of course!

The social circle does narrow, but things change and you realize there is so much more to life than getting drunk in bars or clubs every weekend.

 

[Clooney4life]

I think that all depends on you.... I'm a very friendly out going person, so I meet new people everywhere I go (I'm 39).... as such my circle ebbs and flows... I have married friends with children and friends that are in their twenties and have never been married but are like minded and fun. Age should give you wisdom and maturity not cause you to become the grumpy old man with limited friends yelling "get off my lawn"

 

[floydb25]

There's a reason for this: you find out that it's all pretty pointless, and leads you no where in life. As well as how many fake, immature people are involved. It just changes you, and you become more mature in general. And dislike most people from these experiences... realizing how fake and shallow they are, and how incompatible you are with them later on.

Most people end up going their own way, away from all the crowds, and get married, focus on their career or themselves, etc. It only seems bad when you're still in it, and I knew people who had the same mindset back then. They didn't want to become "old" and "boring", and said they were gonna party, be social, and act wild forever. Well, they ended up changing, getting married, moving away, and doing absolutely nothing. Everyone in our social / party / bar / status / drama crowd did this. One is all obsessed with home building now, but they're all about their family, jobs, and future.

I don't know many exceptions, to be honest. Only the 18-25 crowd wants to be social and popular and cool and party and get laid all the time. You COULD do it forever, but there's no real reason to do so. It becomes draining, and not very appealing after a while. Too much drama and craziness, and it's all pointless. You realize how retarded it all was / is.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

It becomes draining, and not very appealing after a while.

-Truth

@Clooney, that's a good outlook, if you can keep that up then more power to you. For me, like Floyd alluded to, you get somewhat jaded. When I go out by myself I'm pretty social, it's almost like a survival technique I've learned throughout the years. To be successful (with women) at bars or clubs or in general, being social(when you don't have friends there) is going to get you a foot in the door. But really, I've learned to be okay with being alone, another survival technique I guess. When I was younger, spending a weekend night by myself was inconceivable....and the thought a total nightmare


On a side note, one of my few last remaining single friends and I were talking about a bunch of people checking out and getting married. We compared it to a pyramid style timeline. We were wondering which one of us, at 50 years old, was going to be sitting alone at the top.

 

[Iceberg]

Hi,

Being mid twenties, and watching the trend of social circles getting narrower and narrower and with many people already getting married, I´m really worried of a future of boredom, being always with the same people etc.

Can you meet lots of people and have lots of fun after 30?

Your experiences are welcome.

I'll preface this by saying that I live in NYC now, and Philly before this. So, it's kind of easy to stay active in cities. New York especially...you can be 65 here, and still hanging out, pulling girls half your age.

As far as friends marrying off and dwindling your social circle...you know what? How big of a social circle do we REALLY need? In my 20's, yeah, I had like 5 entirely different networks of friends, with a dozen "close" friends in each group.

But now that I'm working 40-60 hours per week, and don't necessarily want to get drunk on random Tuesdays, I don't have the desire or time to maintain 50 different friends.

Point is, I still think there's time and energy to be social and date and all that other stuff in your 30's. You're just smarter and more targeted about who you dedicate that time to.

 

[floydb25]

Don't get me wrong - you can still be innately social, interesting, witty, mingle with women, and all that. You don't just STOP being social. But you don't necessarily get involved with big social crowds, go out all the time, etc. You also learn not to trust everyone, and keep it small and simple. More acquaintances than friends. Not AS social and open as you may have been before. Certainly don't invite everyone into your life, and befriend them all. You also become more selective with people. But you still socialize and shoot the ****, definitely.

And honestly, flying solo was always best for me, and women ALWAYS preferred 1 on 1 time. They would even set it up that way. People just got in the way, and served as distractions or competitors. But I didn't need big crowds to meet or attract women, either. I only thought that was the case. Hell, I was attracting more women than them even in these crowds - which just pissed them off, and turned them against me. So much for helping, eh?

Guys don't help you with **** when it comes to women. Nor do they "respect" you for it. They HATE you for it, and attempt to tear you down. And you'll be suprised by how much help you DON'T need, and how inferior and insecure and anti-social and unappealing a lot of people are. Just need to eliminate the irrational fears and thoughts of how you THINK things operate. Most people CAN'T attract women, AREN'T interesting or funny, DON'T have great social skills, etc. Who needs 'em? All they do is bring you down to their level. You don't need anyone's approval, either.

All the successful guys I knew flew solo, but were still social and confident. And so was I. That's all you need. And good looks, of course. It's gravy from there.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

There's a reason for this: you find out that it's all pretty pointless, and leads you no where in life. As well as how many fake, immature people are involved. It just changes you, and you become more mature in general. And dislike most people from these experiences... realizing how fake and shallow they are, and how incompatible you are with them later on.

Most people end up going their own way, away from all the crowds, and get married, focus on their career or themselves, etc. It only seems bad when you're still in it, and I knew people who had the same mindset back then. They didn't want to become "old" and "boring", and said they were gonna party, be social, and act wild forever. Well, they ended up changing, getting married, moving away, and doing absolutely nothing. Everyone in our social / party / bar / status / drama crowd did this. One is all obsessed with home building now, but they're all about their family, jobs, and future.

I don't know many exceptions, to be honest. Only the 18-25 crowd wants to be social and popular and cool and party and get laid all the time. You COULD do it forever, but there's no real reason to do so. It becomes draining, and not very appealing after a while. Too much drama and craziness, and it's all pointless. You realize how retarded it all was / is.

Thanks for your feedback floyd, I always appreciate what you have to say. Still, you are very young for my inquiry, being only 32 you might need a break from all the partying in your 20´s. But the hunger might be back in a couple of years.

Quite honestly, I think it´s one of the biggest mistakes people make, to stop meeting people and going out , and to focus on career and family only . Specially in the present, where you have a super high divorce rate, marriages finish for a lot of reasons and boredom, routine will evently origin fights every day. Job is a source of stress most of the times, and since your divorce rate is higher, you will end up being divorced, and without or with very few friends and hating your job... And it´s quite certain that single people in their 20´s are most of the times happier than married ones in 30+.

Although you are a good looking guy, perhaps your social skills are not the best, right? Otherwise you wouldn´t be here. If they aren´t your social experiences can be very stressful (I used to have social anxiety ). Also, I can say this for myself, if you tend to find other people "bad people", or stupid, uninteresting etc... or you tend to dislike most, that can be from a negative mindset you have in yourself. If you look for positive qualities you develop a strong liking for people.

In highschool and your twenties if you are cool, it´s really awesome to socialize and you don´t get enough of it.. of course if one is a nerd it´s another story...

Now a future of work-home-work and spending the weekends watching the kids playing soccer with a another couple, it´s just not for me... And it´s really depressing.

Edit: you clarified better your position in the last post which is more soft than it seemed..

 

[Iceberg]

Guys don't help you with **** when it comes to women. Nor do they "respect" you for it. They HATE you for it, and attempt to tear you down. And you'll be suprised by how much help you DON'T need, and how inferior and insecure and anti-social and unappealing a lot of people are. Just need to eliminate the irrational fears and thoughts of how you THINK things operate. Most people CAN'T attract women, AREN'T interesting or funny, DON'T have great social skills, etc. Who needs 'em? All they do is bring you down to their level. You don't need anyone's approval, either.

All the successful guys I knew flew solo, but were still social and confident. And so was I. That's all you need. And good looks, of course. It's gravy from there.

100%

The majority of my friends have been godawful with women. Of course, those are the guys who got married off in their mid 20's.

Don't get me wrong. They're great for watching sports, or camping, or travel...whatever. But personality-wise, I'm not strong enough to overcome their lack of skill with women. So I just accept that while out with them, I'm not getting laid.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

100%

The majority of my friends have been godawful with women. Of course, those are the guys who got married off in their mid 20's.

Don't get me wrong. They're great for watching sports, or camping, or travel...whatever. But personality-wise, I'm not strong enough to overcome their lack of skill with women. So I just accept that while out with them, I'm not getting laid.

Bingo, precisely my perception. Guys who are bad women, simply can´t handle the "stress" of being single, the gaming, the texting, the sex, the doubt of her feelings and retire from the game early. The same happens with ugly or fat chicks.

Of course guys who can game until their forties and beyond, are seen as children, people that never grew up. But then you see who is more happy with life. And it´s always the children...

Although your friends that are miserable with women, can help you meeting more girls... The women I meet through friends are always superior in almost every aspect, than those from cold approach. That´s why I think it´s important to keep meeting new people.. your options are much wider

 

[floydb25]

Thanks for your feedback floyd, I always appreciate what you have to say. Still, you are very young for my inquiry, being only 32 you might need a break from all the partying in your 20´s. But the hunger might be back in a couple of years.

Quite honestly, I think it´s one of the biggest mistakes people make, to stop meeting people and going out , and to focus on career and family only . Specially in the present, where you have a super high divorce rate, marriages finish for a lot of reasons and boredom, routine will evently origin fights every day. Job is a source of stress most of the times, and since your divorce rate is higher, you will end up being divorced, and without or with very few friends and hating your job... And it´s quite certain that single people in their 20´s are most of the times happier than married ones in 30+.

Although you are a good looking guy, perhaps your social skills are not the best, right? Otherwise you wouldn´t be here. If they aren´t your social experiences can be very stressful (I used to have social anxiety ). Also, I can say this for myself, if you tend to find other people "bad people", or stupid, uninteresting etc... or you tend to dislike most, that can be from a negative mindset you have in yourself. If you look for positive qualities you develop a strong liking for people.

In highschool and your twenties if you are cool, it´s really awesome to socialize and you don´t get enough of it.. of course if one is a nerd it´s another story...

Now a future of work-home-work and spending the weekends watching the kids playing soccer with a another couple, it´s just not for me... And it´s really depressing.

Edit: you clarified better your position in the last post which is more soft than it seemed..

Word... we all have issues. Mine were with depression, low self-esteem, no self-respect, image issues, over-sensitivity, co-dependancy, approval-seeking... so I can relate to a lot of the issues here. Was also part of the bad / dysfunctional crowd, and attracted the worst kind of women imaginable (though they were hot). Never had an issue with being social or "cool" or attracting women. Keeping them was a different story, though none of them were keepers anyway. Plus my own fear of rejection, abandonment issues, crazy thinking patterns, sabotaging everything, feeling undeserving, constant drama and negativity, etc. A lot of it was in the mind, and who I attracted / how I behaved as a result. Was quite the trainwreck, with stress out the ass. Maybe I didn't fit in for being different (see: not fake) and weak, submissive. Plus I wasn't social, etc, until age 26, so a lot of those self-image issues were well intact. Definitely learned and changed a lot.

So, it's definitely beyond the usual circumstances of lacking in whatever. Though it is for most people, anyway. We just whine in different ways, and for different reasons. This guy can't attract any women; that guy can and thinks they're ****. That guy wants to be more social; this guy is and thinks people are retarded. I was always in the latter category. The grass is definitely NOT greener, and being or doing or having this or that does NOT make things better - as you might envision them to be. Just comes with more problems and struggles. No easy way out, or one-all cure. Even a lot of people who want to be rich and famous or "hot" would be blind-sided by all the BS it comes with it. In many instances, life becomes even WORSE for a lot of folk.

 

[devilkingx2]

ask me in a decade or so

 

[devilkingx2]

and don't necessarily want to get drunk on random Tuesdays

only a complete moron would party on a day that isn't friday or saturday

you're either going to need to have a 3 drink limit and be home by 11 or have a job where no one questions you showing up hungover at noon.

you can't even pick up chicks because if you go to her place you'll have to go to work from there(good luck getting to work from an unfamiliar location without actually being at your house) or she'll be at your place and you may have to rush out and leave her to let herself out... the girl you just met... and don't know... unsupervised for an unknown amount of time... in your house...

alternatively, you can hope she's the one person in the world who'll be up and ready to leave anywhere at 8 in the morning when you have to head off to work