Can we actually be ourselves and enjoy dating or is it always a game?

[zekko]

What is "yourself?" Could "yourself" be nothing more than what others trained you to feel comfortable being when you were a young child? Is there no way you can consciously redefine "yourself" as someone who feels at home playing the dating game?

When I was a young man, I used to freeze up around attractive women. When I was around the guys, or the ugs, I was very funny, witty, and talkative. But when there was an attractive girl around, I stiffened up (so to speak). I became self conscious and couldn't be my natural self. It took me awhile to conquer that.

That's what "being yourself" means to me. It means being confident and comfortable enough with yourself that you can relax enough to let your true personality and sense of humor shine through. Because at one time I wasn't comfortable enough in certain social situations to do that.

 

[Evan]

Yeah I think you're right. I think it's easy for a guy like me with only a handful of female experiences to constantly question why I don't have women wanting me instead of just not caring. This thought makes me focus less on my life and more on my insecurities. I still feel like being "myself" isn't going to attract a lot of women, though. The only difference I see in myself from before I started reading advice and now is that I question myself a lot more.

So basically, I should just focus on making good grades, finishing my degree, having a good friendships, my body, and my interests and not worry about women at all. The thing is, women don't approach guys so I have to have some kind of focus on them otherwise I'll be invisible.

Good question. You don't stop approaching them. You just stop caring what they think about you. Be who you want to be unapologetically. Go after what you want unapologetically. Stop caring about what the results are. Instead have fun with it. The only reason we care so much about rejection is because we think others will see it too and laugh at you. Or that it means something bad about you. So what if you're not her type or alpha enough for her. Love your self and move on. Look for women with mutual interest instead. Those are the women who will invest in you most if you relax and show interest in them too.

 

[A1234567]

When I was a young man, I used to freeze up around attractive women. When I was around the guys, or the ugs, I was very funny, witty, and talkative. But when there was an attractive girl around, I stiffened up (so to speak). I became self conscious and couldn't be my natural self. It took me awhile to conquer that.

That's what "being yourself" means to me. It means being confident and comfortable enough with yourself that you can relax enough to let your true personality and sense of humor shine through. Because at one time I wasn't comfortable enough in certain social situations to do that.

That's exactly it. Around my friends and coworkers I can shine and have fun. I've had a ton of people tell me work isn't fun without me. The second I see a girl I'm interested in, I get nervous. I'll fight through it and approach them but I'm more stiff and less fun and I'm sure they pick up on that. I'm glad to hear you're someone who went through that and somehow grew past it. I'm 25 years old and I feel too old to be getting shy and nervous around women.

 

[zekko]

Around my friends and coworkers I can shine and have fun. I've had a ton of people tell me work isn't fun without me. The second I see a girl I'm interested in, I get nervous. I'll fight through it and approach them but I'm more stiff and less fun and I'm sure they pick up on that. I'm glad to hear you're someone who went through that and somehow grew past it. I'm 25 years old and I feel too old to be getting shy and nervous around women.

Just keep practicing, brother.

 

[_sideways_]

I think that things are still the same as before.

As a caveman, you couldnt hide ur ugly physique or ur small dyck or flat ass or backnee.

With social media, if u partake in it with the rest of them, you cant hide.

Females are judging and seeing more of males altogether.

If aesthetically youre not making the grade then you cant blame fb for ur lack of wpmen orbiters because you havent hit the weights or dont have the right genes.

If you havent got ur finances at the best level you cant show it on instagram like the rest of the chodes.

And now, dudes get nudes, attention...etc.
I dont even have to shower to get some girl to bring me some food after she gets off work...all i need to do is message her and that takes no effort.

The o.p. wants his cake all to himself. Its selfish. You gotta share what you have with the world.

If hes such and such quality, then share it...but he wants to have strong attractive qualities but doesnt want to put in the work that girls nowadays want.

They want muscles and bling. Just like they wanted strong cavemen with all the furs they killed for.

Boohoo social media is making it hard. Get the heck out of town.

Most dudes have gotten lays, friendship. Job connections through social media.

Perhaps its not the internets fault but yourself not using it to ur advantage.

To those who think cheating slvts have it easier now thanks to fb...i say...cheating slvts always had it easy. If a girl is banging hot she can cheat 5 minutes after she steps out her door, with or without the internets help.


Or basically everyone is just saying that females are silly and the internet is proving this. Umm hello...everyone knows they were always silly and not to take them so seriously.

 

[Krueg]

This is why you must root out the un-interested chicks... High Interest chicks will be crazy about you. This isnt a "Game" or a list of Smooth Moves to get her to like you. She has to ACCEPT your dates. Most relationships end after the first 8 weeks. After 2-3 months of her saying YES to your dates you will know that she likes you for you! Get use to it Don Juan...

 

[A1234567]

I think that things are still the same as before.

As a caveman, you couldnt hide ur ugly physique or ur small dyck or flat ass or backnee.

With social media, if u partake in it with the rest of them, you cant hide.

Females are judging and seeing more of males altogether.

If aesthetically youre not making the grade then you cant blame fb for ur lack of wpmen orbiters because you havent hit the weights or dont have the right genes.

If you havent got ur finances at the best level you cant show it on instagram like the rest of the chodes.

And now, dudes get nudes, attention...etc.
I dont even have to shower to get some girl to bring me some food after she gets off work...all i need to do is message her and that takes no effort.

The o.p. wants his cake all to himself. Its selfish. You gotta share what you have with the world.

If hes such and such quality, then share it...but he wants to have strong attractive qualities but doesnt want to put in the work that girls nowadays want.

They want muscles and bling. Just like they wanted strong cavemen with all the furs they killed for.

Boohoo social media is making it hard. Get the heck out of town.

Most dudes have gotten lays, friendship. Job connections through social media.

Perhaps its not the internets fault but yourself not using it to ur advantage.

To those who think cheating slvts have it easier now thanks to fb...i say...cheating slvts always had it easy. If a girl is banging hot she can cheat 5 minutes after she steps out her door, with or without the internets help.


Or basically everyone is just saying that females are silly and the internet is proving this. Umm hello...everyone knows they were always silly and not to take them so seriously.

I'm almost finished with my degree. I'm getting a masters after that. I go to the gym to stay in shape. I'm not just *****ing without putting any work into my life. If looking like a male model and have millions of dollars in my bank account is really all women want then I'm fine with not having one. Life is short and it isn't about this ****. I don't need a basic *****.

 

[Trump]

I get this feeling that I can't just be myself to get a woman and keep her. I feel like I have to be in a constant competition with what women "really" want. If everything is just a big game then it turns me off to the idea of a relationship.

I think you are confusing the issues.

It's not recommended to not be yourself, it's recommended you always improve, learn and grow. Sure, you can be yourself, but if be yourself means video games and porn all day, then don't expect to understand what women really want or a relationship.

You just can't expect her to want a relationship because you want it. You have to do things that attract her but also things that you like as well. Guitar? Check. Athlete? Check. Rich through hard work? Check. Playing Warcraft all day? Nope.

So yes, be yourself, but be so good that you don't have to pretend to be anything else.

 

[The_411]

Rep to Trump.

We came here because somehow we were deficient in our interactions with women.

For most men, they are fine around people but once an attractive women gets close by it's like they turn into nice guys who think women are butterflies and they need to tip toe around them as to not scare them away.

The point isn't to lose yourself in some douchebag personna or alpha male a-hole personna, it's to figure out how to act with attractive women in the same manner that you do with anyone else.

That's the difference between flash game and inner game. Any guy can read some tips on attraction switches flip them and get a woman interested, but what happens when that personna isn't congruent with who you are? It's going to fall apart and you'll be even more lost.

Relationships fail because men have somewhat lost their way and don't stay true to male nature. They fail to lead, they allow themselves to be bullied by their spouses, they lose ambition, they stop challenging themselves. Clearly women are fault too but you can't control them you can control you.

You don't need to be an a-hole to be great with women. Sure a-holes tend do well with women but think about what it says about a woman if a guy is able to treat her like crap and she keeps asking for more. Doesn't sound like someone I'd want in my life on a permanent basis.

Doesn't mean you can't disagree with a woman, or be stubborn with her, be an ass on occasion, and stand-up for your principles, because that's part of being human. We're not perfect we make mistakes. The nice guy personna tries to suggest otherwise.

Ideally, most guys should be looking to jettison the nice guy traits and replace them with charisma, leadership, decisiveness, fortitude, boundaries, and standards amongst many other attributes.

 

[A1234567]

Rep to Trump.

We came here because somehow we were deficient in our interactions with women.

For most men, they are fine around people but once an attractive women gets close by it's like they turn into nice guys who think women are butterflies and they need to tip toe around them as to not scare them away.

The point isn't to lose yourself in some douchebag personna or alpha male a-hole personna, it's to figure out how to act with attractive women in the same manner that you do with anyone else.

That's the difference between flash game and inner game. Any guy can read some tips on attraction switches flip them and get a woman interested, but what happens when that personna isn't congruent with who you are? It's going to fall apart and you'll be even more lost.

Relationships fail because men have somewhat lost their way and don't stay true to male nature. They fail to lead, they allow themselves to be bullied by their spouses, they lose ambition, they stop challenging themselves. Clearly women are fault too but you can't control them you can control you.

You don't need to be an a-hole to be great with women. Sure a-holes tend do well with women but think about what it says about a woman if a guy is able to treat her like crap and she keeps asking for more. Doesn't sound like someone I'd want in my life on a permanent basis.

Doesn't mean you can't disagree with a woman, or be stubborn with her, be an ass on occasion, and stand-up for your principles, because that's part of being human. We're not perfect we make mistakes. The nice guy personna tries to suggest otherwise.

Ideally, most guys should be looking to jettison the nice guy traits and replace them with charisma, leadership, decisiveness, fortitude, boundaries, and standards amongst many other attributes.

Yeah I'm not afraid to say my opinion. I just feel pressure to be more masculine. It's stupid. It's not me. I'm not a super masculine guy and I really don't want to be. As I said before, I like being polite. I don't want to be rude to a nice girl I just met just because I'm attracted to her. I do feel a lot of pressure when it comes to having to build sexual attraction immediately. I think overthinking that completely annihilates sexual attraction.

 

[The_411]

Yeah I'm not afraid to say my opinion. I just feel pressure to be more masculine. It's stupid. It's not me. I'm not a super masculine guy and I really don't want to be. As I said before, I like being polite. I don't want to be rude to a nice girl I just met just because I'm attracted to her. I do feel a lot of pressure when it comes to having to build sexual attraction immediately. I think overthinking that completely annihilates sexual attraction.

You don't have to be rude or super masculine. Girls just want to be treated like anyone else. The problem happens when you start treating them as if they are made out of porcelain and treat them with kid gloves. They know that's not real behavior and that's why it turns them off.

Women respond to guys who aren't afraid about being sexual. It's about attuning yourself to be fun and flirtatious. You could act as queer as a 3 dollar bill and get women because you're not afraid to be physical, have a good time, and touch her.

My father is the most sweet, polite, gentle man in world but women (even women 30+ years his junior) go crazy for him partially because he's quite good looking for his age, but mostly because he oozes charisma and leadership. Granted he's married and not looking, but I always have to laugh how many people gravitate to him in anywhere he goes.

He loves G rated movies, likes watching the bachelor with my mom, so on and so forth.

That being said he got a prenup with my mom 42 years ago, my mom's wedding ring is a gold band with a pearl that cost $150.00 and she's never asked to get show ridiculous upgrade that costs 10k or more.

Furthermore, he's been retired for 15 years and my mother is now the bread winner as a full time attorney so she's even pulling weight for contributing to their financial pool.

The point is you should do what makes you feel comfortable. You don't have to be super masculine or a jerk to be attractive. You just need to stick to your guns, hold your standards, and avoid changing your behavior around women, and most of all learn to enjoy flirting with women.