Can someone explain why I feel this way?

[EyeOnThePrize]

Isn't there a difference between bribing someone and offering to show them appreciation for their help.

What you said is more or less self-evident for me. It's like saying "Like attracts like." But it's not going to make my dream girl pop into my life. I suspect no one here has the Knowledge to help me establish the conditions whereby we'd get together. Unless they simply said, "It would take an act of GOD." But then it's up to Him, not the one making the proclamation.

You're putting the cart before the horse. You simply are, and you will attract who is compatible with you. If you don't like who you attract then step your own game up. Trying to pin down one particular girl is a fools errand because it will never turn out the way you think it will. That is the epitome of neediness and lack.

You can be the ripest juiciest peach in the world and there will still be someone that hates peaches.

Offering to show appreciation? Praise is the goal of weak minds, and the spur of noble ones.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You're putting the cart before the horse. You simply are, and you will attract who is compatible with you. If you don't like who you attract then step your own game up. Trying to pin down one particular girl is a fools errand because it will never turn out the way you think it will. That is the epitome of neediness and lack.

This is very good advise. It's not for us to try to pin them down. They should be interested enough to try to pin US down.

You can he the ripest juiciest peach in the world and there will still be someone that hates peaches.

True.

 

[Spaz]

Been texting this girl at work for a while now. Since Corona we're stuck at home, but we're in a mutual group chat as well with other colleagues.

During the day, whenever I haven't heard from her yet and she says someone in that group, but not to me in private, I feel worthless. I feel like she has no interest in me anymore whatsoever. Then, if she texts me private later, all is good. And if it was the other way around like she texted me in the morning and then in the group, I don't care.

And currently it's been two days since I've heard from her private, but not in the group chat. Sure I guess how I feel, is showing through my behaviour in texting etc, but I don't get it.

These couple of days I have been stuck at home, really are starting to make me crazy. I've had this behaviour and feelings before though, but it's getting worse.

I find that women will text me more often when I'm cunningly playful in my replies, sometimes I'm downright insulting, playfully of course.

As an example:

Her : Hey Spaz

Me : Good morning

Her and Me both have some good back and forth convo, I try to cut it short by interjecting that I gtg and then a "u r dismissed!".

That always gets their reaction...

And despite what's their initial reply to that, it almost always turns out to be good - you definitely will hv more attention.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@EyeOnThePrize

I have entertained you, now let me entertain you:

Nature, and the Great Creator back of it, demands a complimentary man and woman establish a Faithful and Harmonious Union or Love Relation, which results in ultimate Happiness to both parties involved in the Partnership.

The route by which this may be achieved is found in each seeking to conform their Characters to the Moral Law, and thus, they become Initiates in the Parent Great School of Wisdom.

To the man who has made himself an Initiate and has made progress in his efforts in said Pursuit, his counterpart or Soul Mate (the woman who is the correspondent and feminine version of himself) is revealed to him through what some might consider "magic." The point being, he becomes aware of her identity and knows who she is.

When both have adequately prepared themselves for one another, does the Union take place and come into effect.

But what of the obstacles to that Union?

What if lesser, cowardly and weak men try to thwart it in an attempt to defy Destiny?

Ask, and it is given.

But the wine-bibber is now plagued with hiccups and must go for a smoke and then hit the sack!

To worry about weaker men ruining your relationship is an insecurity about something you have little influence over.

You think you have a divine power to tell who is the only woman meant for you among the billions that exist? Why put yourself in such a small box? You've shackled your mental state to an uninterested woman on the other side of the planet and refuse to move on in life. I sense you fear cutting your losses out of pride. The world doesn't care about your pride, it's indifferent.

Maybe you fear not having a union and cling to a fantasy because you identify fulfillment with it. A woman can choose to leave you, to ignore you, to disrespect you, that is the reality. No amount of prayer or belief in a religious dogma will change that. Reserve the power to dismiss and walk, your peace of mind depends on it.

Let those interested come to you, THEN choose. If you're not fulfilled alone how can a woman expect you to fulfill her?

 

[SayWhat]

Another update

Last week she kept sending sporadic texts, some were selfies of herself, but I kept my responses just as a simple reply because as I told, we still have to work together.

Saturday evening she texts me "entertain me please". I know this is a some kind of sh*t test, but unfortunately I had a couple of beers and actually didn't realize it at that time...

I replied with an inuendo as in "I know what we could do when this lockdown is over...", but immediately also replied with "wait a bit, I'll show you what I'm doing". I was doing something fun actually which did get her interest when I showed her. But as you can imagine, she didn't reply on the inuendo and also, haven't heard anything from her since sunday.

But this "entertain me" in times like these, do they still mean the same thing with it, as in "I want to see if you jump through my hoops"? Or could it have been she wanted some sexually loaded texts (but I guess she would have replied on the inuendo)? Uch it svcks to fail a test when you realize it was a test, I have such a long way to go...

 

[Visionist]

This is just one reason why I avoid alcohol. Well that, and I can't handle a stiff drink anyway.

Everything on Earth is about sex. Except sex.

Sex is about power.

Power is control. By drinking, you're handing power away freely, to a bottle.

As for her text, that is some arrogant sh!t on her behalf. I would have ignored it. If I never had to see her again, I would have sent her a long, graphic sext, yes. But a work colleague?

 

[SayWhat]

Ain't it in anyway possible this was not a test? Look, I realize everything you guys are telling me, there are signs it was a test, there are also signs from previous texts which make me think the opposite.

I've had a talk with a female friend about it, perhaps not a good idea as you can never trust what they say I guess and she has emotional baggage. She told me she used it as well to get the guys attention because she wanted to talk but didn't really know what to say to start a conversation. This was with guys that were more quiet/reserved than others. I'm kind of like that, so I honestly don't know anymore.

This lockdown is doing me no good, my mental health was not good to start with, but it's going even more downhill these days. And yeah it's possible a huge factor is because of her.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

This lockdown is doing me no good, my mental health was not good to start with, but it's going even more downhill these days. And yeah it's possible a huge factor is because of her.

I understand this but don't give her this power over you my man. You're the prize and right now her behaviour is making her unworthy of being with a king like you. Because that's what you are, you might not have unlocked your full potential yet but if you keep working on yourself and improving you will. The ability to be a king is in each and one of us men, you just have to work towards it and never give up.

Stop overthinking, give her way less attention and eventually you will see her as just another woman unless she proves she's worth your time and you actually get together on your terms. Expect nothing from relationships, that's how you remain outcome independent and thus more attractive to the opposite gender. At the same time go for other women aswell until one deserves your exclusivity if that's what you want. When you start talking to a new woman, assume the sale but still go in without expectations. No matter how much people love the idea of 'the one', there's no such thing as a unicorn. Every woman has flaws and insecurities, even those 10's you see. The sooner you realise this, the better you will do with women. They have to be right for you, not the other way around. I laugh in the face of rejection because my mindset is she's losing out on me, not the other way around. Women need men, men don't need women.

Keep ya head up bro.

 

[Visionist]

Not to me it isn't. I've had cancer twice, lost an absolute fortune, my dad died on my birthday, my stepdad was minced by a train, etc, etc, etc.

No alcohol required.

 

[SayWhat]

Final update I guess

She still texted from time to time. I tried to reply like I used too, but I feel she's still playing games.
For example last week hadn't heard from her in two days and one evening she texted me "what's up", I replied, she replied and then asked her something (in a time span of about 15 minutes at around 8pm) and she only decided to reply the next day at around 1pm. She basically has her phone constantly in her hand so I don't get it.

Yeah this shouldn't bother me I know, but that combined with the fact she occassionally texts me selfies, but also throws these stupid tests around (or she's probably just not that interested in me anymore).

Today I read some threads on the front page of this forum, stating you should show your boundaries to woman. I had it with her behaviour but would feel if I tell her this the next time I hear from her, I would come across as needy?

I also read a thread about certain characters that post on this forum: people that act on what is said, people who just don't apply it and people who ask what has happened. Unfortunately I feel myself in the second category, where I know and realize what you're all saying, I do apply some of it, but I always think go too far, like everything she's saying is a test etc so I'm back to square one.

This went so far as a couple of weeks back where she called me cute (albeit in an indirect way), I twisted it in my mind to her just wanting attention, even though she was blowing up my phone nearly every day back then, double texting etc... So I never took advantage and drew more and more back.

Nonetheless I sincerely thank you all for your advice.

 

[Visionist]

She's a waste of time. Don't contact her again. When you finally see her in person act polite but keep things brief. If she asks you how you've been etc, enthusiastically say you're fantastic but leave it there.

Life's too short to spend it on her.

 

[SayWhat]

Think I need to get this of my chest

The last weeks we kept on texting, and last week a lot more due to something I said and I guess she liked it. I know I shouldn’t have replied, but like I mentioned, we still have to work together.

Not going a lot into details of what she texted, but my gut feeling tells me she’s not seeking validation.

But the reason why I post is because in my first post, about the group chat, I still have this and even worse. She could text me a nice selfie and later say something in the group chat and I feel useless again.

This lockdown needs to stop, there is no doubt I’m depressed, and my self esteem is even lower as before.

 

[zinc4]

Been texting this girl at work for a while now. Since Corona we're stuck at home, but we're in a mutual group chat as well with other colleagues.

During the day, whenever I haven't heard from her yet and she says someone in that group, but not to me in private, I feel worthless. I feel like she has no interest in me anymore whatsoever. Then, if she texts me private later, all is good. And if it was the other way around like she texted me in the morning and then in the group, I don't care.

And currently it's been two days since I've heard from her private, but not in the group chat. Sure I guess how I feel, is showing through my behaviour in texting etc, but I don't get it.

These couple of days I have been stuck at home, really are starting to make me crazy. I've had this behaviour and feelings before though, but it's getting worse.

Extremely weak mindset OP. Odds are you won't be banging this girl and/or she won't stay with you.

Never place one person on a pedestal like this. Snap out of it and toughen up. And texting doesn't mean crap.

 

[Lumix]

Think I need to get this of my chest

The last weeks we kept on texting, and last week a lot more due to something I said and I guess she liked it. I know I shouldn’t have replied, but like I mentioned, we still have to work together.

Not going a lot into details of what she texted, but my gut feeling tells me she’s not seeking validation.

But the reason why I post is because in my first post, about the group chat, I still have this and even worse. She could text me a nice selfie and later say something in the group chat and I feel useless again.

This lockdown needs to stop, there is no doubt I’m depressed, and my self esteem is even lower as before.

You're wasting your time and energy. Stop the fcking texts, quit the group, disable the notifications, put your phone away and start working on yourself. You need to grow some balls. You have no self-worth or self-esteem whatsoever. The only thing this girl is giving you is reassurance and you confuse that with interest.

Kick your butt, workout, learn, create something and force yourself to do so consistently or you're going to be stuck in that self-loathing situation for the next 20 years.

 

[mikey2012]

For a sec I thought the OP was a girl.